Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Would you support friend marrying without parents permission?

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • nami
    replied
    Re: Would you support friend marrying without parents permission?

    Originally posted by Kya View Post
    I have a friend who has decided she is getting married with or without her parents support. She is a close friend of mine. I always envision I will help out a lot at her wedding as she doesn't have any sisters & is the oldest among her siblings. But due to her parents situation, I am not sure how involved I want to be. One hand she is a good friend of mine and I want to help her start her new life. I am really happy for her. On the other hand, I don't want her parents pointing finger at me saying "this girl helped my daughter make a big mistake". We are all adults so pointing finger at this stage is silly but I understand where the parents are coming from.

    She is 30, a medical doctor in usa, hijabi, wears abaya most of the time, very pious/practicing. Basically a perfect girl. She has been ready to get married for while. But her parents were dragging their feet. Not sure the full reason, maybe because she is the only daughter or maybe they were greedy which is surprising because her dad is heavy involved with masjid. I know she broke thru her shyness at 25 & had a talk with her mom about finding someone for her to get married to. Her mom's response always been "I am praying and waiting for the right guy".

    For 5 years they have been waiting for the perfect guy even when she told them she is wiling to look into less than perfect (i.e non-doc/PhD) guy but her parents still claim there is no one available. She is lot more aggressive than her mom, so she networked & recently an aunty at masjid introduced her to another lady who is looking for her son. She informed her parents about this. Her parents, as usual, choose to ignore & take idle route. She went ahead and talked to him & really liked him. So she informed them again and gave them a timeline to find alternative prospect or she will move forward. His parents talked to her parents who flat out rejected because he is not from same race as her (she is Bangali, he is Indian), he is not as educated as her (She is M.D and he only has BS degree). I don't think he is as pious/practicing as her either but she feels he is right for her & if she leaves it to her parents she might never get married. So she told them she is moving forward with or without. She will force her brothers to be her wali. The parents have option to join or ignore.

    which comes back to my question, how involved would you be? I will be at her wedding/nikkah regardless but lot of the family tradition that parents carry out in Banagali culture (like take breakfast the morning after, mehindi event, send decorative food on nikkah day/paan taals/misti taals..etc) wouldn't happen. So its upto us to either carry those on or let her feel the lack of parents in the event. I am sure she will feel it either way but we will just make it little bit nicer
    Get the local imaam involved and get him to chat to the parents that islam sees no colour.

    I don't think her marriage will be a valid marriage if she doesn't have permission from he parents, so best to get the local imaam to knock some sense into the parents.

    Ofcourse, no one can stop her from marrying this person, but as far as I understand, the marriage will be invalid if the parents say no.

    So, if I were you, I'd get involved by chatting to the local imaam.

    Don't give up after one imaam, if one imaam fails, get another. If that imaam fails, get another, if that one fails too, then get another and only stop getting imaams until one is successful

    if you live in saudi, she could take her parents to islamic court, and if the judge does not see a valid reason for her parents to decline the marriage, the judge has power to over rule the parents right to say no to a marriage.
    Last edited by nami; 19-05-16, 04:15 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • Alina15
    replied
    Re: Would you support friend marrying without parents permission?

    Originally posted by Kya View Post
    His parents talked to her parents who flat out rejected because he is not from same race as her (she is Bangali, he is Indian), he is not as educated as her (She is M.D and he only has BS degree).
    Well, the reasons why her parents are rejecting him are futile and, in part, even unislamic. I would definitely support her!

    Leave a comment:


  • Would you support friend marrying without parents permission?

    I have a friend who has decided she is getting married with or without her parents support. She is a close friend of mine. I always envision I will help out a lot at her wedding as she doesn't have any sisters & is the oldest among her siblings. But due to her parents situation, I am not sure how involved I want to be. One hand she is a good friend of mine and I want to help her start her new life. I am really happy for her. On the other hand, I don't want her parents pointing finger at me saying "this girl helped my daughter make a big mistake". We are all adults so pointing finger at this stage is silly but I understand where the parents are coming from.

    She is 30, a medical doctor in usa, hijabi, wears abaya most of the time, very pious/practicing. Basically a perfect girl. She has been ready to get married for while. But her parents were dragging their feet. Not sure the full reason, maybe because she is the only daughter or maybe they were greedy which is surprising because her dad is heavy involved with masjid. I know she broke thru her shyness at 25 & had a talk with her mom about finding someone for her to get married to. Her mom's response always been "I am praying and waiting for the right guy".

    For 5 years they have been waiting for the perfect guy even when she told them she is wiling to look into less than perfect (i.e non-doc/PhD) guy but her parents still claim there is no one available. She is lot more aggressive than her mom, so she networked & recently an aunty at masjid introduced her to another lady who is looking for her son. She informed her parents about this. Her parents, as usual, choose to ignore & take idle route. She went ahead and talked to him & really liked him. So she informed them again and gave them a timeline to find alternative prospect or she will move forward. His parents talked to her parents who flat out rejected because he is not from same race as her (she is Bangali, he is Indian), he is not as educated as her (She is M.D and he only has BS degree). I don't think he is as pious/practicing as her either but she feels he is right for her & if she leaves it to her parents she might never get married. So she told them she is moving forward with or without. She will force her brothers to be her wali. The parents have option to join or ignore.

    which comes back to my question, how involved would you be? I will be at her wedding/nikkah regardless but lot of the family tradition that parents carry out in Banagali culture (like take breakfast the morning after, mehindi event, send decorative food on nikkah day/paan taals/misti taals..etc) wouldn't happen. So its upto us to either carry those on or let her feel the lack of parents in the event. I am sure she will feel it either way but we will just make it little bit nicer
Working...
X