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How do I stop obsessing over marriage?

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  • How do I stop obsessing over marriage?

    Like I told you guys in previous threads, I am interested in marrying a sister I was friends with as a child, who I live far away from....my mom is angering me because she refuses to contact the girl's family until after I graduate college (5 YEARS AWAY!!!! (I'm 17, and in 11th grade) ).......I told her I would contact the girl's father after high school, but my mom said she would never forgive me and I "could forget about marrying any Turkish girl" WHAT DO I DO????? how do I stop obsessing over this sister, when do I contact the girl's wali, how much influence should my mother have, how do I deal with her (my mom), and what do I DO?????

  • #2
    Re: How do I stop obsessing over marriage?

    Originally posted by Striving for Janna View Post
    Like I told you guys in previous threads, I am interested in marrying a sister I was friends with as a child, who I live far away from....my mom is angering me because she refuses to contact the girl's family until after I graduate college (5 YEARS AWAY!!!! (I'm 17, and in 11th grade) ).......I told her I would contact the girl's father after high school, but my mom said she would never forgive me and I "could forget about marrying any Turkish girl" WHAT DO I DO????? how do I stop obsessing over this sister, when do I contact the girl's wali, how much influence should my mother have, how do I deal with her (my mom), and what do I DO?????
    You should decide you want marriage or the girl?? The girl doesnt seem religious....and she ll ve her own priorities..college etc.And if narriage is on your mind then assess your income and propose her directly..see what she says.I hope you ll come into your senses soon.
    ".......He giveth and spendeth (of His bounty) as He pleaseth. But the revelation that cometh to thee from Allah increaseth in most of them (kuffar) their obstinate rebellion and blasphemy.Amongst them we have placed enmity and hatred till the Day of Judgment. Every time they kindle the fire of war, Allah doth extinguish it;but they (ever) strive to do mischief on earth. And Allah loveth not those who do mischief."(5:64)

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    • #3
      Re: How do I stop obsessing over marriage?

      To start off the log out button on the right corner of the site.

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      • #4
        Re: How do I stop obsessing over marriage?

        Originally posted by snow_flakes View Post
        You should decide you want marriage or the girl?? The girl doesnt seem religious....and she ll ve her own priorities..college etc.And if narriage is on your mind then assess your income and propose her directly..see what she says.I hope you ll come into your senses soon.
        Propose her directly? That's bad and unislamic idea.
        Winning an argument doesn't mean you're on truth, losing an argument doesn't mean you're on falsehood.

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        • #5
          Re: How do I stop obsessing over marriage?

          Originally posted by Striving for Janna View Post
          Like I told you guys in previous threads, I am interested in marrying a sister I was friends with as a child, who I live far away from....my mom is angering me because she refuses to contact the girl's family until after I graduate college (5 YEARS AWAY!!!! (I'm 17, and in 11th grade) ).......I told her I would contact the girl's father after high school, but my mom said she would never forgive me and I "could forget about marrying any Turkish girl" WHAT DO I DO????? how do I stop obsessing over this sister, when do I contact the girl's wali, how much influence should my mother have, how do I deal with her (my mom), and what do I DO?????
          Bro you're not going to be able to control your feelings. You're only able to control your actions. So just work hard in school for now. Direct all your energy toward that. Try and forget about this girl, but if you can't that's okay. You're 17 and it's normal to be obsessed with this stuff at that age. So, again, try and direct your efforts at school. If you just can't forget about all this, fine, but keep those thoughts all in your head; DON'T let them cause you to take any foolish actions.

          Work on your ibaadah as well. Pray your 5 salah and think about things you can do to please Allah.

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          • #6
            Re: How do I stop obsessing over marriage?

            well love and infatuation aside do you feel you're capable of raising honorable daughters and sons? ready to be head of a family and a household? do you feel you would be a good role model for them? are you financially able? do you feel that you're good enough for someone to entrust their dearest daughter in your hands?

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            • #7
              Re: How do I stop obsessing over marriage?

              Originally posted by Winter View Post
              To start off the log out button on the right corner of the site.
              Lol!!
              +1
              Allah gave us two ears and one mouth, so we can listen more and talk less.

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              • #8
                Re: How do I stop obsessing over marriage?

                Why should your mom contact anyone? Last I checked you're a male, right? Then if you can't even call the girl's father, what makes you think you can be responsible enough for marriage? Do you even have job or do you expect the girl to wait for you the next 8 years or so?

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                • #9
                  Re: How do I stop obsessing over marriage?

                  Do you have her on Facebook?
                  Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                  "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                  - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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                  • #10
                    Re: How do I stop obsessing over marriage?

                    Originally posted by Atwork. View Post
                    Why should your mom contact anyone? Last I checked you're a male, right? Then if you can't even call the girl's father, what makes you think you can be responsible enough for marriage? Do you even have job or do you expect the girl to wait for you the next 8 years or so?
                    Just because he's a man does not mean he can go around contacting girls. Marriage is a serious step in life and having your parents involved is important. Not to mention, he is just 17.
                    Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                    "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                    - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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                    • #11
                      Re: How do I stop obsessing over marriage?

                      Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                      Just because he's a man does not mean he can go around contacting girls. Marriage is a serious step in life and having your parents involved is important. Not to mention, he is just 17.
                      I didn't say contact the girl, I said her dad who he knows already. "not to mention, he is just 17" then he shouldn't get married.

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                      • #12
                        Re: How do I stop obsessing over marriage?

                        Originally posted by Atwork. View Post
                        I didn't say contact the girl, I said her dad who he knows already. "not to mention, he is just 17" then he shouldn't get married.
                        Point was that he should have parents informed/involved from the beginning.
                        Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                        "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                        - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: How do I stop obsessing over marriage?

                          Originally posted by Striving for Janna View Post
                          Like I told you guys in previous threads, I am interested in marrying a sister I was friends with as a child, who I live far away from....my mom is angering me because she refuses to contact the girl's family until after I graduate college (5 YEARS AWAY!!!! (I'm 17, and in 11th grade) ).......I told her I would contact the girl's father after high school, but my mom said she would never forgive me and I "could forget about marrying any Turkish girl" WHAT DO I DO????? how do I stop obsessing over this sister, when do I contact the girl's wali, how much influence should my mother have, how do I deal with her (my mom), and what do I DO?????
                          talk to ur father

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: How do I stop obsessing over marriage?

                            :salams:

                            I saw your other reply and that you spoke to your mum. I'm glad you did what I told you to do and I know it wasn't the outcome you wanted but this was a good step.

                            Most parents would flip because you're still in school and you haven't got a job. It's very natural for a parent to be concerned because they want the best for their child. Getting married is not just about fulfilling your desires. There's more to it and parents understand this more than their frustrated child does. Sorry to be so blunt, but we see so many youngsters on here that are not thinking straight and their desires take over their life.

                            Get off facebook, get rid of whatever pictures you have saved of her on your phone and computer. Get rid of this girl from your life for now. You are wasting your energy.

                            You have to learn to control yourself. Ideally it would have been easier for your parents to let you see this girl's family and talk to them about this so something could have been arranged for your future.

                            Your sister said the girl doesn't even like you right? Be careful about that because I know you mentioned you have ADHD was it? That is why your obsession is getting out of control.

                            Don't displease your mum for some pretty face who doesn't even know what's going on here, seriously, look at the state of you. Don't be that guy that will please his wife only. We don't know if this girl has any other guy lined up for herself either.

                            Stop the attachment now for your own sanity.

                            You have seen how your mum reacted and if you know the girl's father from childhood he will probably humiliate you because you are still in college. This effects your whole family and it will humiliate the whole family because even though you're not a little kid anymore, you're request won't be taken seriously.

                            How about your own dad? Would it be possible to just talk to him about it and get him to speak to the girl's dad? Just make it clear to them that you don't want to marry now but you would like to know if the other party is interested or not. If they are not interested then you can put an end to this infatuation soon.

                            Get your mum on your side again and look after her, show her affection, please her and make dua that she supports you in this. Be gentle in your approach, some parents feel guilty when they can see their child is being good to them but their son is not happy.

                            Be realistic, no father is going to give away his daughter to a boy without a job.

                            Make dua, keep your cool, be practical and remember stop thinking of this girl as your wife. It will make sense soon :insha:
                            Last edited by Ya'sin; 08-05-16, 01:29 PM.
                            'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                            So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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                            • #15
                              Re: How do I stop obsessing over marriage?

                              Originally posted by Striving for Janna View Post
                              Like I told you guys in previous threads, I am interested in marrying a sister I was friends with as a child, who I live far away from....my mom is angering me because she refuses to contact the girl's family until after I graduate college (5 YEARS AWAY!!!! (I'm 17, and in 11th grade) ).......I told her I would contact the girl's father after high school, but my mom said she would never forgive me and I "could forget about marrying any Turkish girl" WHAT DO I DO????? how do I stop obsessing over this sister, when do I contact the girl's wali, how much influence should my mother have, how do I deal with her (my mom), and what do I DO?????
                              She is your advisor. If shes giving you good advice then take it. If not then you dont have to take it. Islamically she has no legal affect on your decision. But if shes saying wait after graduation she probably means you're not thinking ahead about how you are going to support her. But hey maybe you have a plan, idk.

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