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Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

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  • #31
    Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

    Originally posted by 2BlackThings View Post
    It's interesting that you say that. Initially we wanted to get married after 3 months, and I met his family soon after and that's where all the problems started. I know marriage is hard work and I didn't want to give up so soon because what is the point of getting married only to give up after the first hurdle? But tbh, I should have left then...
    Don't stay with him because you think you put in 8 years...that is no reason to stay with someone...I have known haram relationships to last 7/8 years only for the person to go on and happily marry someone else or some actually marry the person after 8 years and are miserable...as someone else said, do you want to marry him? is it worth it?
    Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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    • #32
      Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

      Originally posted by shay5 View Post
      Don't stay with him because you think you put in 8 years...that is no reason to stay with someone...I have known haram relationships to last 7/8 years only for the person to go on and happily marry someone else or some actually marry the person after 8 years and are miserable...as someone else said, do you want to marry him? is it worth it?
      I never intended for this to last this long tbh. It was never my intention to stay for 8 years but it ended up being this long because I kept telling myself if I can't handle this hardship now, how am I going to handle marriage? Every time I wanted to leave, I felt guilty because I felt like I was giving up and I didn't want to let him down tbh. You're right, I do need to ask myself those questions now.

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      • #33
        Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

        Originally posted by 2BlackThings View Post
        I never intended for this to last this long tbh. It was never my intention to stay for 8 years but it ended up being this long because I kept telling myself if I can't handle this hardship now, how am I going to handle marriage? Every time I wanted to leave, I felt guilty because I felt like I was giving up and I didn't want to let him down tbh. You're right, I do need to ask myself those questions now.
        I will keep you in my prayers, remember what is meant for you will never pass you by...if Allah intends for this man to be your husband he will...I think we have given you a lot to think about...good luck :)
        Do Istikhara if uou have not done that already...
        Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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        • #34
          Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

          Originally posted by shay5 View Post
          I will keep you in my prayers, remember what is meant for you will never pass you by...if Allah intends for this man to be your husband he will...I think we have given you a lot to think about...good luck :)
          Do Istikhara if uou have not done that already...
          Jazak Allahu Khair sister.

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          • #35
            Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

            Originally posted by 2BlackThings View Post
            It is far from romantic lol. Wish it were. It's just very hard work. Don't really know if I want to continue like this indefinitely. Pregnancy? I did think about that. And yes, I did think about second marriages, rights, and inheritance as well. It does scare me...
            Scaring you is enough for you to walk away.. Just walk away sis... Not everyone marrys the one they love, sometimes we need to let them go.. As much as it's hard and it will hurt but we need to face facts..
            Believe me just walk away, it's for the best.
            I love you, cherish you and worship you,
            Guide me on your path to your janna,
            Unite me beside you My King and all mighty,


            :love:Allah:love:

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            • #36
              Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

              Originally posted by 2BlackThings View Post
              Thank you all. I appreciate your comments and suggestions. I've spoken to an imam and he has said that it is permissible for a man to marry without his family knowing, however, many of you have raised valid points which I have already thought about. Yes respecting parents is important as is keeping family ties. That is why I have waited 8 years.

              I have another question to put forward to everyone, if you can kindly respond? - Is 8 years too long? What would you do in this circumstance? Jazak Allahu Khair in advance.
              I would pray salatul istikhara and seek advice from people. If there are two halal options, choose the easiest. It is sinful for the parents to cut ties with their son and they are responsible for their own actions. If you do the marriage in a halal manner, then do it.

              If I were the man marrying a woman, I would make it public to my parents instead of keeping it secret from them, because keeping it secret from them to me is similar to breaking ties with my parents. I don't know if it is or not, but to me it comes close. And anyways, you don't know the future, perhaps his parents might respect the sons decision. The son has to man up and do what's halal.

              If their reason for refusing you is halal, then he should listen to them.


              You are NOT responsible for how they react. You are responsible for trying your best and doing things with Ihsan. In my humble opinion it may be better for the son to tell them his decision, lest they 5 years down the road (so and so did the nikkah secretly). Imagine your kid doing nikkah in secret and not telling you.

              The potential groom has to do the right thing by you and his parents. If he's lingering you on for no reason that's not cool.
              Last edited by MuslimBro17; 03-05-16, 11:14 PM.

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              • #37
                Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

                I think you should marry him. No parent has a right to force their son not to marry a girl. Girls, on the other hand, are different. THEY need their wali's consent, for their protection....but a man is different.

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                • #38
                  Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

                  yes, it is permissible....only the girl needs her father's (wali's) permission.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

                    Originally posted by 2BlackThings View Post
                    Salams everyone. I hope you are well.

                    I wanted to get some advice regarding a dilemma I am facing. I know most of you probably have heard this before and it may come as a no-brainer to some of you, but nonetheless, I would really appreciate it if you can give me some sincere advice. I would prefer it coming from someone who has experience of this as they may be able to relate to it well and give me a realistic opinion on it. Ok..so here goes.

                    I wish to get married to this brother, however his family is not happy with him marrying me. He is Pakistani and I am Bangladeshi. Yes, before you say anything, it is a 'race thing'. I have met his family. He has met mine. My family are happy to go ahead with this marriage provided his family knows about it.

                    This is where it gets complicated. We have tried to get his family's blessings for 8 years now and still to no avail. He values his family very much and he does not want to lose them. If he marries me, his family will cut ties and disown him so he has suggested that we marry but we do not tell his family. Is this permissible? I suggested we tell his family at a later date because, regardless of the issues, they have a right to know. Please advise. Not sure what to do.
                    :wswrwb:

                    I advise you not to ask any old person, ask an Aim,

                    you can ask Sheikh Abu Musab/Darul Ilm ...

                    as for keeping Marriage a Secret, a Marriage is supposed to be announced, so it isn't "Fine" to conceal it.

                    neither is running away from parents to get married,

                    :jkk:
                    http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                    "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                    – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

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                    • #40
                      Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

                      Walaykum salam,

                      DO NOT MARRY IN SECRET! Do you know why the walima is Sunnah? It is a sunnah for the groom to hold a walima feast preferably within 3 days of his nikah for the express purpose of ANNOUNCING HIS MARRIAGE TO THE COMMUNITY, so that there are no misunderstandings if anyone sees the two of you together. This is how marriages are conducted in the Sunnah. Have you ever come across a secret nikah in the Quran or Sunnah? I haven't. Also, according to Islam, the man does not need permission from his family to marry and if they threaten to break ties for haraam reasons, then that is not his fault as long as he leaves the door of communication open to them in case they decide to reconcile in future.

                      Besides, how long would he keep it a secret marriage for? What if you become pregnant? Will your children be a secret from his family too? Does the secret mean you'd be living apart and if not then where exactly will you both live and does it mean his family can never enter his house or will he send you to your parents house every time they visit? This kind of nonsense is untenable and it's the way someone would treat a shady mistress, not a wife.

                      If he wants to marry you then he should do it the proper way by admitting to his marriage or else not go through with it. Why hasn't he told them? Is he afraid of emotional blackmail or are they the kind of people who would burn your house down cos' that does happen?
                      The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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                      • #41
                        Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

                        Originally posted by Spicen View Post
                        Pakistanis have issues.


                        my pathan neighbour got married to a bangladeshi girl in bangladesh, his parents went to bangladesh to attend his marriage.

                        Its not a paki thing bro :smokin:
                        Please Please Please Make Dua for these [URL="http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?455964-Plz-Make-Dua-for-these-members&p=6715010&viewfull=1#post6715010"]Click Here[/URL] JazakAllahi

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                        • #42
                          Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

                          Originally posted by GoogleSlayer View Post


                          my pathan neighbour got married to a bangladeshi girl in bangladesh, his parents went to bangladesh to attend his marriage.

                          Its not a paki thing bro :smokin:
                          Sorry if it was offensive.

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                          • #43
                            Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

                            Originally posted by Spicen View Post
                            Sorry if it was offensive.
                            no it wasnt
                            Please Please Please Make Dua for these [URL="http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?455964-Plz-Make-Dua-for-these-members&p=6715010&viewfull=1#post6715010"]Click Here[/URL] JazakAllahi

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                            • #44
                              Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

                              Originally posted by Spicen View Post
                              [/I]
                              So respecting your parents make you weak???
                              Why should we respect such racism

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                              • #45
                                Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

                                Originally posted by peras1 View Post
                                Why should we respect such racism
                                Then you get through to them, I still would not hurt my parents over a nobody that I want to make a somebody...
                                Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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