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Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

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  • #16
    Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

    Aren't you guys the same race? Isn't just different nationality?



    Don't eat me if I am wrong!

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    • #17
      Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

      Originally posted by Atwork. View Post
      Aren't you guys the same race? Isn't just different nationality?



      Don't eat me if I am wrong!
      In the past, there have been some major conflicts between Pakistani and Bengladeshi people. It was so bad that some younger generation Pakistani kids hate Bengladeshi kids and vise verse and don't even know why, mainly because of the influence of their parents... So you might get some stick for asking that question.

      Anyway.

      Personally, I think there is just 1 race, the human race. To get genetically technical, there are about 3 or 4 distinct races on earth, i.e.

      Caucasian races (Aryans, Hamites, Semites)
      Mongolian races (northern Mongolian, Chinese and Indo-Chinese, Japanese and Korean, Tibetan, Malayan, Polynesian, Maori, Micronesian, Eskimo, American Indian),
      Negroid races (African, Hottentots, Melanesians/Papua, “Negrito”, Australian Aborigine, Dravidians, Sinhalese)

      Pakistani's are a mixture of those 3 races, apparently mostly Aryan. I have never looked into if this is true for any other race. Not that I am super interested in Pakistani's it's only because I am Pakistani/Kashmiri...

      Just checked, and Benglashi, Indian, and Pakistani people are sometimes referred to as indo-aryan's.
      Last edited by nami; 03-05-16, 04:56 PM.
      ...

      Comment


      • #18
        Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

        Originally posted by nami View Post
        In the past, there have been some major conflicts between Pakistani and Bengladeshi people. It was so bad that some younger generation Pakistani kids hate Bengladeshi kids and vise verse and don't even know why, mainly because of the influence of their parents... So you might get some stick for asking that question.

        Anyway.

        Personally, I think there is just 1 race, the human race. To get genetically technical, there are about 3 or 4 distinct races on earth, i.e.

        Caucasian races (Aryans, Hamites, Semites)
        Mongolian races (northern Mongolian, Chinese and Indo-Chinese, Japanese and Korean, Tibetan, Malayan, Polynesian, Maori, Micronesian, Eskimo, American Indian),
        Negroid races (African, Hottentots, Melanesians/Papua, “Negrito”, Australian Aborigine, Dravidians, Sinhalese)

        Pakistani's are a mixture of those 3 races, apparently mostly Aryan. I have never looked into if this is true for any other race. Not that I am super interested in Pakistani's it's only because I am Pakistani/Kashmiri...

        Just checked, and Benglashi, Indian, and Pakistani people are sometimes referred to as indo-aryan's.
        What you refer as mongolian race are actually called Orientals.

        Comment


        • #19
          Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

          This is just madness. If there has been no blessing from his family for 8 years, how long does he wish to wait before telling them after marriage, and will they seriously think any better of anything knowing he did it in secret? If you wish to marry, then he should tell his family now and deal with the upset, whatever that will bring. To consider living a married life in secret from family is ridiculous in my opinion.

          Comment


          • #20
            Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

            :salams

            Race again? come on. Allah SWT created us, race shouldn't matter. If it was me, I'd go like this:

            A. Go to his parents, be open about marriage, if they are hostile, then I guess you'll have to find a potential.

            I don't like secret marriages, tbh.
            La ilaha illallahu, wahdahu la sharika lahu, lahul-mulku wa lahul-hamdu, wa Huwa 'ala kulli sha'in Qadir
            (there is no true god except Allah. He is One and He has no partner with Him; His is the sovereignty and His is the praise, and He is Omnipotent),'
            Do not say about Allah but Truth.

            Comment


            • #21
              Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

              This is where it gets complicated. We have tried to get his family's blessings for 8 years now and still to no avail. He values his family very much and he does not want to lose them. If he marries me, his family will cut ties and disown him so he has suggested that we marry but we do not tell his family. Is this permissible? I suggested we tell his family at a later date because, regardless of the issues, they have a right to know. Please advise. Not sure what to do
              This is the worrying part, you say he values his family very much...so why would he sacrifice them for you? Islamically he can marry you without their blessing but he will feel homesick and want them if he is really close to them, how will this play on his mind being detached from his family? How will he feel seeing his mother hurt..? What will happen when you have a child, and his parents refuse to be in the child's life.......or when he sees all your family happy and together and no one from his side ........

              I would get the imam involved, have a word with his parents and tell them it is ignorant to refuse you just because you are from another country...to be honest you are from the same race, culture...etc
              Other than that I think you need to weigh it out....
              I have seen a lot of guys say they will give up their family for the girl because they seem obsessed with wanting to be with that wman and they are blinded, but once they are married they start turning on their wife and making her the reason for his parents not speaking to him...
              Do not be blinded by lust or fake love...think it through before you marry him...

              :wswrwb:
              Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

              Comment


              • #22
                Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

                Thank you all. I appreciate your comments and suggestions. I've spoken to an imam and he has said that it is permissible for a man to marry without his family knowing, however, many of you have raised valid points which I have already thought about. Yes respecting parents is important as is keeping family ties. That is why I have waited 8 years.

                I have another question to put forward to everyone, if you can kindly respond? - Is 8 years too long? What would you do in this circumstance? Jazak Allahu Khair in advance.

                Comment


                • #23
                  Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

                  Sounds sweet and romantic but fact is what will you do if you end up pregnant?? What will you do if he gets married to another to please his parents get again??? And you're left with no rights!! What will you do if he dies and leaves you nothing.
                  Wake up..
                  I love you, cherish you and worship you,
                  Guide me on your path to your janna,
                  Unite me beside you My King and all mighty,


                  :love:Allah:love:

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

                    Originally posted by 2BlackThings View Post
                    Thank you all. I appreciate your comments and suggestions. I've spoken to an imam and he has said that it is permissible for a man to marry without his family knowing, however, many of you have raised valid points which I have already thought about. Yes respecting parents is important as is keeping family ties. That is why I have waited 8 years.

                    I have another question to put forward to everyone, if you can kindly respond? - Is 8 years too long? What would you do in this circumstance? Jazak Allahu Khair in advance.
                    Sister I have known relationships like yours, you think 8 years and your bond is so strong...it is only strong because you are in a non marriage...so it seems exciting and you feel like romeo and Juliet, willing to sacrifice your families for each other...but MARRIAGE is real and tough, if you think the issues you have now will get brushed under the carpet after marriage, think again, they will only heighten !
                    I personally would never set my heart or sights on any man and never would I wait 8 years for someone....but for you I would advise is that you RESOLVE your issues before you marry...otherwise it will be hell for you...everyday new drama...gossip, bad feelings etc
                    Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

                      Originally posted by 2BlackThings View Post
                      I have another question to put forward to everyone, if you can kindly respond? - Is 8 years too long? What would you do in this circumstance? Jazak Allahu Khair in advance.
                      Only because you asked. These are my personal views, and is not based on any sort of islamic ruling.

                      8 years in my view is 7 years and 11 months too long to wait. :)

                      In my view, 1 month is plenty of time to get a yes or no from the other side.

                      At the absolute max, I wouldn't go over 1 year for a clear cut yes or no.

                      But saying that, everyone is different, so I'm sure many people will have different views about how long is too long.
                      Last edited by nami; 03-05-16, 07:56 PM.
                      ...

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

                        Originally posted by 2BlackThings View Post
                        Thank you all. I appreciate your comments and suggestions. I've spoken to an imam and he has said that it is permissible for a man to marry without his family knowing, however, many of you have raised valid points which I have already thought about. Yes respecting parents is important as is keeping family ties. That is why I have waited 8 years.

                        I have another question to put forward to everyone, if you can kindly respond? - Is 8 years too long? What would you do in this circumstance? Jazak Allahu Khair in advance.
                        The question you really should be asking is "Do I want to marry a man?".

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

                          Originally posted by shay5 View Post
                          Sister I have known relationships like yours, you think 8 years and your bond is so strong...it is only strong because you are in a non marriage...so it seems exciting and you feel like romeo and Juliet, willing to sacrifice your families for each other...but MARRIAGE is real and tough, if you think the issues you have now will get brushed under the carpet after marriage, think again, they will only heighten !
                          I personally would never set my heart or sights on any man and never would I wait 8 years for someone....but for you I would advise is that you RESOLVE your issues before you marry...otherwise it will be hell for you...everyday new drama...gossip, bad feelings etc
                          It is far from exciting sister. I know it is tough, quite unbearable actually. Now I'm at crossroads on what to do and I need to make a decision soon because this cannot carry on indefinitely. You're right, there is a lot of drama and tbh, some of it is unnecessary but it still happens.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

                            Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
                            The question you really should be asking is "Do I want to marry a man?".
                            That's a good question.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

                              Originally posted by Fragile View Post
                              Sounds sweet and romantic but fact is what will you do if you end up pregnant?? What will you do if he gets married to another to please his parents get again??? And you're left with no rights!! What will you do if he dies and leaves you nothing.
                              Wake up..
                              It is far from romantic lol. Wish it were. It's just very hard work. Don't really know if I want to continue like this indefinitely. Pregnancy? I did think about that. And yes, I did think about second marriages, rights, and inheritance as well. It does scare me...

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

                                Originally posted by nami View Post
                                Only because you asked. These are my personal views, and is not based on any sort of islamic ruling.

                                8 years in my view is 7 years and 11 months too long to wait. :)

                                In my view, 1 month is plenty of time to get a yes or no from the other side.

                                At the absolute max, I wouldn't go over 1 year for a clear cut yes or no.

                                But saying that, everyone is different, so I'm sure many people will have different views about how long is too long.
                                It's interesting that you say that. Initially we wanted to get married after 3 months, and I met his family soon after and that's where all the problems started. I know marriage is hard work and I didn't want to give up so soon because what is the point of getting married only to give up after the first hurdle? But tbh, I should have left then...

                                Comment

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