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Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

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  • Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

    Salams everyone. I hope you are well.

    I wanted to get some advice regarding a dilemma I am facing. I know most of you probably have heard this before and it may come as a no-brainer to some of you, but nonetheless, I would really appreciate it if you can give me some sincere advice. I would prefer it coming from someone who has experience of this as they may be able to relate to it well and give me a realistic opinion on it. Ok..so here goes.

    I wish to get married to this brother, however his family is not happy with him marrying me. He is Pakistani and I am Bangladeshi. Yes, before you say anything, it is a 'race thing'. I have met his family. He has met mine. My family are happy to go ahead with this marriage provided his family knows about it.

    This is where it gets complicated. We have tried to get his family's blessings for 8 years now and still to no avail. He values his family very much and he does not want to lose them. If he marries me, his family will cut ties and disown him so he has suggested that we marry but we do not tell his family. Is this permissible? I suggested we tell his family at a later date because, regardless of the issues, they have a right to know. Please advise. Not sure what to do.

  • #2
    Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

    Originally posted by 2BlackThings View Post
    Salams everyone. I hope you are well.

    I wanted to get some advice regarding a dilemma I am facing. I know most of you probably have heard this before and it may come as a no-brainer to some of you, but nonetheless, I would really appreciate it if you can give me some sincere advice. I would prefer it coming from someone who has experience of this as they may be able to relate to it well and give me a realistic opinion on it. Ok..so here goes.

    I wish to get married to this brother, however his family is not happy with him marrying me. He is Pakistani and I am Bangladeshi. Yes, before you say anything, it is a 'race thing'. I have met his family. He has met mine. My family are happy to go ahead with this marriage provided his family knows about it.

    This is where it gets complicated. We have tried to get his family's blessings for 8 years now and still to no avail. He values his family very much and he does not want to lose them. If he marries me, his family will cut ties and disown him so he has suggested that we marry but we do not tell his family. Is this permissible? I suggested we tell his family at a later date because, regardless of the issues, they have a right to know. Please advise. Not sure what to do.
    yes , its fine,
    that shouldnt be ur direct problem honestly.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

      Pakistanis have issues.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

        Originally posted by 2BlackThings View Post
        Salams everyone. I hope you are well.

        I wanted to get some advice regarding a dilemma I am facing. I know most of you probably have heard this before and it may come as a no-brainer to some of you, but nonetheless, I would really appreciate it if you can give me some sincere advice. I would prefer it coming from someone who has experience of this as they may be able to relate to it well and give me a realistic opinion on it. Ok..so here goes.

        I wish to get married to this brother, however his family is not happy with him marrying me. He is Pakistani and I am Bangladeshi. Yes, before you say anything, it is a 'race thing'. I have met his family. He has met mine. My family are happy to go ahead with this marriage provided his family knows about it.

        This is where it gets complicated. We have tried to get his family's blessings for 8 years now and still to no avail. He values his family very much and he does not want to lose them. If he marries me, his family will cut ties and disown him so he has suggested that we marry but we do not tell his family. Is this permissible? I suggested we tell his family at a later date because, regardless of the issues, they have a right to know. Please advise. Not sure what to do.
        So you're okay with marrying a weak man who can easily be controlled by his family. If that's what you want, then you should get married to him, as he doesn't need his families permission as long as their are witnesses to see you get married and as long as you have your parents blessings.

        My only question is, why would your parents give you blessings to marry such a weak man? Ignore that, I'm just over thinking.
        Last edited by nami; 03-05-16, 02:58 PM.
        ...

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

          [/I]
          Originally posted by nami View Post
          So you're okay with marrying a brother who can easily be controlled by his family? You sure you want a weak man? If that's what you want, then go ahead, get married to him, as he doesn't need his families permission as long as their are witnesses so see you get married and as long as you have your parents blessings.
          So respecting your parents make you weak???

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

            Originally posted by Spicen View Post
            [/I]
            So respecting your parents make you weak???
            Respecting your parents is one thing, obeying them is something else. In Islam, no human has a right to tell a man who he can and can't get married to, as long as the other side is happy. Parents of a man do not have such a right in islam, so it's not respect, that is obeying.

            In actual fact, if he made this fact clear to his parents, that would be respecting his parents, as he would be leading them along the correct path, instead of helping them to feel that it is okay for them to be obeyed.
            Last edited by nami; 03-05-16, 03:02 PM.
            ...

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

              He has to obey his parents there is no way around that for him, i understand your pain sis but he cant just choose to cut his family off, and havent you heared all those stories of the man telling his soon to be wife about his crazy family and he wants to get away with the new wife, until they get married, and then the mom in law turns all evil, those arent myths
              يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

              O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

              Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

                Originally posted by aynina View Post
                He has to obey his parents there is no way around that for him,...
                Could you please confirm this from sahih hadith or quran, as far as I have read, this is not true for a man in islam when it comes to choosing a marriage partner. if what I have read is incorrect, then the sahih hadith or quran verse you have read to prove that what i have read is wrong and you will help me to correct my understanding.
                ...

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

                  Originally posted by Spicen View Post
                  Pakistanis have issues.
                  Controversial.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

                    Originally posted by nami View Post
                    Could you please confirm this from sahih hadith or quran, as far as I have read, this is not true for a man in islam when it comes to choosing a marriage partner. if what I have read is incorrect, then the sahih hadith or quran verse you have read to prove that what i have read is wrong and you will help me to correct my understanding.
                    http://islamqa.org/hanafi/muftionline/98381

                    http://islamqa.org/hanafi/muftionline/93887

                    http://islamqa.org/hanafi/muftionline/90939

                    I can go on but i will stop before i demotivate you
                    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

                    O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

                    Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

                      that was more links than i was hoping for, but nevermind. 1 link at a time would be ideal insha'allah.

                      I've read the first 2, and didn't see where it says that the man has to obey his parents when it comes to marriage.

                      edit, okay, read the final one too, and didn't see that the man has to obey his parents when it comes to marriage either.

                      infact, read this as it contradictions what you're trying to say:

                      https://islamqa.info/en/82724

                      Praise be to Allaah.

                      Firstly:

                      It is permissible for a man to get married without his parents’ agreement, unlike a woman, for whose marriage to be valid it is essential that her wali (guardian) agrees. But it is part of honouring one’s parents and treating them kindly to ask for their permission and seek their approval, because that is more likely to keep relationships with them harmonious.

                      Secondly:


                      You should explain to your mother how great your need for marriage is, and try to convince her and earn her approval. If she responds, then praise be to Allaah, but if she persists in her attitude, then there is no sin on you if you get married to the girl you want, if she is righteous and religiously-committed.
                      Last edited by nami; 03-05-16, 03:49 PM.
                      ...

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

                        :salams

                        I agree with [MENTION=14362]nami[/MENTION]

                        You've been trying for 8 years and they haven't budged and you think secretly marrying is going to change them? If the man loves his family so much and doesn't want to lose them let me ask you a question what makes you think after you reveal to them you secretly married, his family give him a choice divorce you or be disowned by them? What would he pick?

                        If you get into argument/disputes his family will constantly tell him, "we told you", etc.

                        You need to rethink this.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

                          Originally posted by nami View Post
                          that was more links than i was hoping for, but nevermind. 1 link at a time would be ideal insha'allah.

                          I've read the first 2, and didn't see where it says that the man has to obey his parents when it comes to marriage.

                          edit, okay, read the final one too, and didn't see that the man has to obey his parents when it comes to marriage either.

                          infact, read this as it contradictions what you're trying to say:

                          https://islamqa.info/en/82724
                          Yea i was trying to clarify the fact that he cant just cut of family ties, sis if she wants to marry this man in secret it is okay for me, but i know she will end up in a nightmare i am inly trying to warn her, as id she is about to get on a bus that i know will crash, or at least have a very strong feeling it will
                          يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

                          O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

                          Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

                            Originally posted by aynina View Post
                            Yea i was trying to clarify the fact that he cant just cut of family ties, sis if she wants to marry this man in secret it is okay for me, but i know she will end up in a nightmare i am inly trying to warn her, as id she is about to get on a bus that i know will crash, or at least have a very strong feeling it will
                            fair point, I also made a similar point, but using a totally different approach here. :)
                            http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...=1#post6994264

                            so i fully understand that such a marriage would most probably be disastrous, but it would still stand as a valid marriage for however long it lasted.
                            Last edited by nami; 03-05-16, 04:02 PM.
                            ...

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Is it permissible for the groom to marry in secret?

                              Originally posted by nami View Post
                              fair point, I also made a similar point, but using a totally different approach here. :)
                              http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...=1#post6994264

                              so i fully understand that such a marriage would most probably be disastrous, but it would still stand as a valid marriage for however long it lasted.
                              You are right tho that i used the wrong words, i mean he can marry her without permission but he has to realise that obeying his parents is an important thing

                              Your right it would be valid but i fear for the sister that it wouldnt turn out to great
                              http://islamqa.org/hanafi/muftionline/93999
                              يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

                              O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

                              Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

                              Comment

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