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  • Feeling hopeless

    I know I need to get my priorities straight abot what I want from a husband. I can't seem to get over this (my past thread) because I'm scared I won't find something close to it in terms of love. I'm scared that I won't be loved and i will be treated badly again and that I'll be a worker than a wife. I haven't seen many happy marriages throughout my life so that's why I'm scared. Does anyone have reassurance please. JazaikhAllahukhair

  • #2
    Re: Feeling hopeless

    Originally posted by zeagirl View Post
    I know I need to get my priorities straight abot what I want from a husband. I can't seem to get over this (my past thread) because I'm scared I won't find something close to it in terms of love. I'm scared that I won't be loved and i will be treated badly again and that I'll be a worker than a wife. I haven't seen many happy marriages throughout my life so that's why I'm scared. Does anyone have reassurance please. JazaikhAllahukhair
    What makes you think that Allah swt will give you a person that will hurt you and make you suffer?

    Don't you think he's aware of what you went through before?

    If you have hope in Allah swt and make du'a to him, he will give you someone who you never expected to and he will be the ease to the hardship you went before.

    Allah swt says: "and he provides(the one who has reliance on Him) from where he never expected it."

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    • #3
      Re: Feeling hopeless

      :salams

      Make Dua'a and leave it to Allah.

      Not much yo can do and no point stressing over it.
      Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

      "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
      - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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      • #4
        Re: Feeling hopeless

        Originally posted by zeagirl View Post
        I know I need to get my priorities straight abot what I want from a husband. I can't seem to get over this (my past thread) because I'm scared I won't find something close to it in terms of love. I'm scared that I won't be loved and i will be treated badly again and that I'll be a worker than a wife. I haven't seen many happy marriages throughout my life so that's why I'm scared. Does anyone have reassurance please. JazaikhAllahukhair
        Lol , there are many happy marriages sis.. My advice to u is to get a lot of info on whomever you are thinking about (within the limits of sharia) and don't let your emotions cloud your judgment
        The Prophet (saw) advised to: “Take benefit of five before five: Your youth before your old age, your health before your sickness, your wealth before your poverty, your free time before you are preoccupied, and your life before your death
        https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgE...kS-Qi3nf3tcvPw

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        • #5
          Re: Feeling hopeless

          Originally posted by Ibn Taleb View Post
          Lol , there are many happy marriages sis.. My advice to u is to get a lot of info on whomever you are thinking about (within the limits of sharia) and don't let your emotions cloud your judgment
          jazaikAllahukhair

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          • #6
            Re: Feeling hopeless

            As-salaamu alaikum, Sister,

            I understand how you feel where you are worried about if the person you have chosen to consider is certainly the best match that you can possibly get, and if you are compromising in the right places.

            My humble suggestion would be to take a step back and jot down a list of qualities and values that you are seeking, some of them will not be things you can compromise on, and others will be something you can live with. Only you can decide which is which.

            What I have certainly noticed is that too many Brothers and Sisters are so obsessed with finding the perfect partner that they end up with no partner, as only The Creator is Perfect. The point of marriage is not to find somebody perfect, it is to find somebody perfect enough for you.

            The thing that really endures after a marriage is not the person themselves, but it is usually the relationship and bond you have built, and it is built, just like... LEGO...

            There are no guarantees in life, Sister, but as long as we are focused on the Next Life, and we try our utmost best, and we do istikharah, then maybe our trials will become the very thing that admit us into the Garden.

            My du'as are with you, Sister!

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            • #7
              Re: Feeling hopeless

              We all have fears...but if we do our best and it still messes up then it is out of our control...just do your best and keep it halal and hopefully you will be blessed...this life is a test...remember that...
              Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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              • #8
                Re: Feeling hopeless

                Originally posted by shay5 View Post
                We all have fears...but if we do our best and it still messes up then it is out of our control...just do your best and keep it halal and hopefully you will be blessed...this life is a test...remember that...
                yes i agree, i suppose it is difficult to stop seeking perfection and actually be humble and see what qualities are necessary and what isnt so necessary. what would you say is compulsory other than deen

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                • #9
                  Re: Feeling hopeless

                  Originally posted by zeagirl View Post
                  I know I need to get my priorities straight abot what I want from a husband. I can't seem to get over this (my past thread) because I'm scared I won't find something close to it in terms of love. I'm scared that I won't be loved and i will be treated badly again and that I'll be a worker than a wife. I haven't seen many happy marriages throughout my life so that's why I'm scared. Does anyone have reassurance please. JazaikhAllahukhair
                  I have your same concern. I am scared I will never find a man who will make me fall in love and I will never have those feelings towards a man.
                  I don't feel interested in any potential.

                  And I am scared as well. I imagine myself married to a person who suddenly after marriage starts to change. I imagine myself sad because he doesn’t want me to see my friends and my family, he wants me to buy only one dress per year. I imagine that he will starts beating me if can’t cook the food as his mum does. Etc. etc. And I have to lie to everyone saying that I am good because otherwise he will threaten me. I imagine my marriage in this way :(

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                  • #10
                    Re: Feeling hopeless

                    Originally posted by Alina15 View Post
                    I have your same concern. I am scared I will never find a man who will make me fall in love and I will never have those feelings towards a man.
                    I don't feel interested in any potential.

                    And I am scared as well. I imagine myself married to a person who suddenly after marriage starts to change. I imagine myself sad because he doesn’t want me to see my friends and my family, he wants me to buy only one dress per year. I imagine that he will starts beating me if can’t cook the food as his mum does. Etc. etc. And I have to lie to everyone saying that I am good because otherwise he will threaten me. I imagine my marriage in this way :(
                    thats the same for me. i dont really know what to expect to be honest. maybe im not ready yet

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Feeling hopeless

                      Originally posted by zeagirl View Post
                      I know I need to get my priorities straight abot what I want from a husband. I can't seem to get over this (my past thread) because I'm scared I won't find something close to it in terms of love. I'm scared that I won't be loved and i will be treated badly again and that I'll be a worker than a wife. I haven't seen many happy marriages throughout my life so that's why I'm scared. Does anyone have reassurance please. JazaikhAllahukhair
                      How old are you?

                      (I seem to ask this question pretty often lately...)


                      Imagine you are married. Bad marriage, you want out. You get the divorce and move on with your life. You are happy. (however you define happiness)

                      Imagine you are married. Good marriage, few problems but it's just life. You are happy. (however you define happiness)


                      Whatever happens to you, you can deal with it. Whatever does not happen to you, you cannot deal with it.



                      Have a nice day.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Feeling hopeless

                        Originally posted by Jade Vine View Post
                        How old are you?

                        (I seem to ask this question pretty often lately...)


                        Imagine you are married. Bad marriage, you want out. You get the divorce and move on with your life. You are happy. (however you define happiness)

                        Imagine you are married. Good marriage, few problems but it's just life. You are happy. (however you define happiness)


                        Whatever happens to you, you can deal with it. Whatever does not happen to you, you cannot deal with it.



                        Have a nice day.
                        Does not really matter how old she is...you have some sisters here in the mid to late 20's who have strange thought patterns and think like children.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Feeling hopeless

                          Originally posted by zeagirl View Post
                          I know I need to get my priorities straight abot what I want from a husband. I can't seem to get over this (my past thread) because I'm scared I won't find something close to it in terms of love. I'm scared that I won't be loved and i will be treated badly again and that I'll be a worker than a wife. I haven't seen many happy marriages throughout my life so that's why I'm scared. Does anyone have reassurance please. JazaikhAllahukhair
                          Salams sis. I understand your concern. Best thing to do is write down a list of what you don't want in a husband. You should have some idea by now perhaps? Be realistic. The next thing to do, and this is going off on a tangent, but keep yourself occupied and try (as difficult as this might be) try not to worry. Insha'Allah you'll be okay :)

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                          • #14
                            Re: Feeling hopeless

                            Sister, I've been in your position before. Trust me, you'll get over it in shaa Allah. It just takes time. And the good thing about what happened to me is that it helped bring me closer to Islam. Maybe this is Allah's way of doing the same for you.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Feeling hopeless

                              Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
                              Sister, I've been in your position before. Trust me, you'll get over it in shaa Allah. It just takes time. And the good thing about what happened to me is that it helped bring me closer to Islam. Maybe this is Allah's way of doing the same for you.
                              JazaikAllahukhair. What was it that helped you get over it? It is good to hear that it is possible to move on

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