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  • For those who have married from abroad?

    I am from the U.K and I might get married from Pakistan.

    I wanted to ask those who married from abroad, what are your experiences?
    Any advice that you have for me? What are the pros and the cons?

    Even if you are not married from abroad, it will be still interesting to know your thoughts.

  • #2
    Re: For those who have married from abroad?

    Originally posted by serenity_1 View Post
    I am from the U.K and I might get married from Pakistan.

    I wanted to ask those who married from abroad, what are your experiences?
    Any advice that you have for me? What are the pros and the cons?

    Even if you are not married from abroad, it will be still interesting to know your thoughts.
    Make sure your vaccinations are up to date.

    Do you have any specific questions or concerns?

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: For those who have married from abroad?

      :start:

      :salams

      My personal advice is don't (at least for most persons, especially females). If you're, for example, a British-Pakistani Muslim but if you were born or raised in U.K., you are unlikely to be matched in temperament and expectations with someone who is also not raised in U.K. or has had the same experiences.

      Also, another consideration: From what I know, restrictions have been tightened for U.K. nationals marrying from abroad, which means that you might have to be earning an x amount of money for a number of years to ensure that you meet the requirements. Additionally, your husband might not be able to work when he does come to the U.K. due to job restrictions and other immigration-related issues, and would you be comfortable with that?

      Additionally, if you do marry someone from abroad, would you be prepared to make visits to Pakistan which he would probably be inclined to do and should do Islamically as a means of keeping family ties and taking care of his parents? How frequent would you be willing to visit?

      And while you have been raised in U.K., Pakistan still is a conservative country with conservative values; some people in Pakistan might be exceptions, but you also need to keep in mind that sometimes the expectations of an ideal woman there is radically different. Also, are you be able to speak Urdu? Would it bother you if your husband wasn't a very comfortable communicator in English or if he had an accented English? These things seem minor now, but in marriage, they can come out to be a big issue as little things start to add up.

      All that said, you also have to look at your situation: Do you have marital prospects in U.K.? If no and marriage is your goal, then you might want to consider looking abroad if you do find a suitable partner and don't mind making the compromises that would be required of you to make in pursuing that type of marriage.

      All the best and :insha: you are guided to what is best for you.

      :wswrwb:
      Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) was reportedly asked: “Which of our companions are best?” He ﷺ replied: “One whose appearance reminds you of God, and whose speech increases you in knowledge, and whose actions remind you of the hereafter.”
      Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) said: “Do not cause harm or return harm. Whoever harms others, then Allah will harm him.”

      Comment


      • #4
        Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: For those who have married from abroad?

          Originally posted by Keating View Post
          :start:

          Additionally, your husband might not be able to work when he does come to the U.K. due to job restrictions and other immigration-related issues, and would you be comfortable with that?

          :wswrwb:
          Thanks for the detailed response :)

          What do you mean by he might not be able to work when he does come to the U.K.? Please explain?

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: For those who have married from abroad?

            :start:

            :salams:

            Originally posted by serenity_1 View Post
            Thanks for the detailed response :)

            What do you mean by he might not be able to work when he does come to the U.K.? Please explain?
            I am not sure, but I believe there might be some legal restrictions on employment as well. Therefore, you would be best advised to seek an immigration lawyer should you decide to pursue marriage from abroad.

            :wswrwb:
            Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) was reportedly asked: “Which of our companions are best?” He ﷺ replied: “One whose appearance reminds you of God, and whose speech increases you in knowledge, and whose actions remind you of the hereafter.”
            Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) said: “Do not cause harm or return harm. Whoever harms others, then Allah will harm him.”

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: For those who have married from abroad?

              :start:

              :salams
              [MENTION=110425]serenity_1[/MENTION]:

              There's a recent thread that UF member candyapple made from which I'm quoting also for your consideration:
              I want to call for revoking of British citizenship of the people that come from overseas with the intention of obtaining citizenship but under the false pretence of manipulating their spouse into thinking they married them and not their passport.

              Many people have gone overseas to get married only to be abandoned as soon as the overseas spouse obtains their citizenship.

              By then the couple would have already started a small family so when the spouse suddenly gets his real trophy (citizenship) he/she then proceeds to run off without a single real excuse.

              So then families are shattered and government is left having to pay for the damages by providing a home and benefits for the victims.

              Alot of the times these overseas predators commit fraud and try to get away with as much of criminal offense they can. Again the tax payers are left paying for the price.

              This has already set a trend (good 2-3 decades of deception) and sent out the message to the world that they are getting away with this type of behaviour.

              So I want to call for a more stern rules on obtaining citizenship and a much longer period before they can apply (for example 10yrs raher than 5yrs)

              And those that had gotten away with such behaviours need to be called into account and have their citizenship revoked, fingerprints, eyescanning all taken for the record so they do not attempt to come back again under another I.D. (potentially with another unsuspecting victim)

              This may seem harsh and so it must be in order to send the correct message out and to prevent from further unsuspecting people being victimised in the process.

              There should also be some sort of lawsuit (if there isn't already) against these overseas predators who are merely seeking to maximise their own selfish gains at the expense of their victims.
              :wswrwb:
              Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) was reportedly asked: “Which of our companions are best?” He ﷺ replied: “One whose appearance reminds you of God, and whose speech increases you in knowledge, and whose actions remind you of the hereafter.”
              Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) said: “Do not cause harm or return harm. Whoever harms others, then Allah will harm him.”

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: For those who have married from abroad?

                I'd advise against it. Sadly, its much easier for Pakistani born women to adjust to British born men since the dynamics of marriage don't change. Men get what they want. Woman who takes care of the house and produces children. Whereas, Pakistani born men and British born women are more likely to clash, due to communication and difference in culture. Unless he and his family is a bit more forward minded. Women have more restrictions. Also, its important that you both speak the language such as English and Urdu fluently, otherwise its going to be difficult. What experience would he have living abroad, has he studied or worked here? How frequently would you be required to Pakistan? Would he bring his family? Maybe you might have to go live in Pakistan (which is totally different the UK) away from your family.

                If you have the options to find someone here in the UK, I'd suggest that first.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: For those who have married from abroad?

                  +1

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: For those who have married from abroad?

                    Originally posted by Keating View Post
                    :start:

                    :salams
                    [MENTION=110425]serenity_1[/MENTION]:

                    There's a recent thread that UF member candyapple made from which I'm quoting also for your consideration:


                    :wswrwb:
                    stop generaliing people

                    and that thread has nothing to do with ops question!!!
                    Please Please Please Make Dua for these [URL="http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?455964-Plz-Make-Dua-for-these-members&p=6715010&viewfull=1#post6715010"]Click Here[/URL] JazakAllahi

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: For those who have married from abroad?

                      Originally posted by Alina15 View Post
                      +1
                      ignore post number 7

                      just listen to sisters what they are saying
                      Please Please Please Make Dua for these [URL="http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?455964-Plz-Make-Dua-for-these-members&p=6715010&viewfull=1#post6715010"]Click Here[/URL] JazakAllahi

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: For those who have married from abroad?

                        But you hear of people coming over from Pak to the UK, how do you think they manage?

                        You also hear lots about sisters being very educated and working so you would expect the 18k threshold not to be an issue.

                        I would expect he would be living with his wife and feeding one extra mouth can't be that much of a financial burden.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: For those who have married from abroad?

                          :start:

                          :salams:

                          Originally posted by GoogleSlayer View Post
                          stop generaliing people

                          and that thread has nothing to do with ops question!!!
                          Actually, it does. One of the potential cons of marrying abroad is that the person might not be sincere with regards to intentions in marrying the national in question, which might lead to a divorce. So, this is another aspect of consideration for the OP should she decide to pursue marriage abroad. So, OP should be careful if she decides to pursue this course of action and ensure that her marital prospects are the type of persons she can consider trustworthy in this regards and one of the ways to make sure of that would be to marry someone who has less incentive to marry the OP for only purposes of obtaining passport or visa to U.K. Some of those things might include either marrying into wealth, marrying someone who already has visa (whether student or work visa for U.K.), marrying someone who her family abroad in Pakistan can vouch for as person who is reliable, etc. It is about considering the entire equation on its own merit within her specific situation and then drawing a conclusion on what she thinks is best for her and making sure she does her homework on any marital potentials abroad.

                          :wswrwb:
                          Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) was reportedly asked: “Which of our companions are best?” He ﷺ replied: “One whose appearance reminds you of God, and whose speech increases you in knowledge, and whose actions remind you of the hereafter.”
                          Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) said: “Do not cause harm or return harm. Whoever harms others, then Allah will harm him.”

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: For those who have married from abroad?

                            Salaam.

                            Of course one cannot generalise and cannot stereotype people but I will advise you like I would my own flesh and blood. As a disclaimer, I'm of Pakistani origin myself and have visited the country often.

                            Don't do it. The reason is that as has already been mentioned on this thread, the dynamic of a marriage between a man from Pakistan and a woman from the UK is entirely different. One only has to see the cultural practises in Pakistan that are harmful to women, and unfortunately since you live here and do not have any experience or very little contacts or networking in Pakistan you can never be sure that the man has the same viewpoints.

                            At least here in the UK, you can make the relevant background checks and see whether what the man says matches up with his actions. In the case of marrying from Pakistan it might be too late before you find out his true nature. Also furthermore, there are legal difficulties - I have heard of stories of Pakistani men abusing Islam for their own desires and agendas, they refuse civil marriage contracts and there unfortunately have been too many stories of hiring dodgy maulans to officiate the wedding which will leave you with NO rights. Your Islamic rights might be in danger too.

                            Another issue is sadly we live in an increasingly materialistic age - many in Pakistan are looking to get out due to the circumstances of that country. You will always at the back of your mind have to think whether he is marrying you just for your passport and may divorce you later once he is anchored in the UK. Furthermore, his family may have undue expectations of you - in-laws in Pakistani culture can make your life a living hell and they do so because of cultural traditions rather than Islam. Also there is a perception in Pakistan that people in the UK are incredibly wealthy and well off - hence they may ask your father to pay undue expenses - I know of Pakistani families who demanded that the girl's family pay for their car (not to be used by the husband but by a family cousin!!), put a payment towards a house, give a share in a business etc.

                            Bottom line is that there are many pitfalls to look out for when marrying from Pakistan. I would say keep an open mind - a man may indeed surprise you with his character but you are much much better off staying here in the UK.

                            As men we underestimate the importance of a daughter in the family - I think it's an absolute tragedy to force a woman to leave the country she grew up in and move to an entirely different culture and place. I could not fathom doing that to someone I supposedly love. Aim to stay in the UK, just because you get married doesn't mean that you stop interacting with your parents, siblings and cousins. If the husband is of good upstanding character he will encourage you to keep close ties with your family and keep good relations. Unfortuantely in Pakistani culture, once the girl is married she is expected to basically ditch her family, which is an emotionally traumatic experience, some men often prevent their wives or make their wives feel guilty through subtle emotional manipulation to visit their in laws.

                            Look in the UK inshallah, you will have a greater chance at compatibility, you will share a similar understanding of Islam, will have similar experiences growing up and will be able to relate to each other much more which will ensure compatibility and harmony. You will be able to stay at least in the same country as your family, and will still be able to see your parents, siblings and cousins without being made to feel guilty. Whatever people say about mixing religion and culture, in the real world culture is a much more powerful force - it's sad to say but remember you are dealing with real life people in this world and not with abstract perfections that you've read about. In Pakistan culture inevitably always trumps religion and believe me Pakistani culture is tricky and difficult terrain to navigate even in the best of times.

                            Also one more piece of advice, if you wish to get married make it an absolute requirement to get married under civil law first in the UK. I've heard too many cases of women getting abused by sham 'Islamic' marriages and they are often left with no rights and recourse. As for Islamic marriage, I advise this contract which will safeguard your rights and protect you inshallah: http://muslimmarriagecontract.org/contract.html

                            Like I said I would give this advice to my own flesh and blood, and as such the greatest fear any brother has for their sister is to have their rights violated, is emotionally manipulated and abused stuck in a loveless marriage and left stranded by a man who does not love her but only uses her for her family's wealth, status etc. If I can leave you with some final advice - welcome the kindness of others but do not become dependent on it - be independent if you can, professionally, economically, legally etc. That is what I wish for my own sister and that is what I wish for you inshallah.

                            Salaam.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: For those who have married from abroad?

                              Originally posted by Keating View Post
                              :start:

                              :salams:



                              Actually, it does. One of the potential cons of marrying abroad is that the person might not be sincere with regards to intentions in marrying the national in question, which might lead to a divorce. So, this is another aspect of consideration for the OP should she decide to pursue marriage abroad. So, OP should be careful if she decides to pursue this course of action and ensure that her marital prospects are the type of persons she can consider trustworthy in this regards and one of the ways to make sure of that would be to marry someone who has less incentive to marry the OP for only purposes of obtaining passport or visa to U.K. Some of those things might include either marrying into wealth, marrying someone who already has visa (whether student or work visa for U.K.), marrying someone who her family abroad in Pakistan can vouch for as person who is reliable, etc. It is about considering the entire equation on its own merit within her specific situation and then drawing a conclusion on what she thinks is best for her and making sure she does her homework on any marital potentials abroad.

                              :wswrwb:
                              i know lots of people getting married to female in uk and are leading a normal life. And you generalized so accept it

                              You got owned on that other thread too regarding Muhammad S.A.W.W

                              you posted some not known non acknowledged female scholars opinion, with whom no one agreed
                              Stop spreading ignorance
                              Please Please Please Make Dua for these [URL="http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?455964-Plz-Make-Dua-for-these-members&p=6715010&viewfull=1#post6715010"]Click Here[/URL] JazakAllahi

                              Comment

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