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  • Help?!

    I've been talking to a guy who I met on a social networking site 3 years ago.
    He is a Muslim, well mannered and a hard working man. He lives a 3 hour drive away from me he lives in the city and I live in a small town. We have never met up, but we talk through text/ calls & video calls we have attempted to meet but it would not go to plan. I am still in my academic studies and he has just finished his degree and is currently working I also work part time. I know it is islamically wrong to talk to the opposite gender but we have been talking for just over three years and it has come to the point where we both want to get married to each other. Before I started speaking to him I never prayed and nor did I ever spend time with my family I was always pre occupied on social networking sites...he taught me from right to wrong he helped me with my deen as I now my 5 prayers and I also have come away from social networking sites, spend time with my family and so on. We have come to the point to where we both want to go in to marriage however his parents have already decided to get him married to his cousin later this year he has tried to speak to them many times but they have disagreed and said it is a matter of respect of the family. We have tried to stop speaking many times but that did not work. I've also tried isthikhara however my pathway is still very cloudy and I feel very upset on the situation. We are still talking and praying for a solution. This is the person that has helped me become a stronger and better person and in to my deen and I thank Allah swt so much for sending him in my life. I have not said anything to my side of the family as I am scared to how they may react on the current situation. Please could anyone give me some advice on what I should do or plan to do?.
    Last edited by SimraKh; 30-01-16, 12:46 AM.

  • #2
    Re: Help?!


    Stop talking to him. Clearly his parents don't want this and he doesn't seem man enough to speak up or approach your father.

    It's good to see you've started praying, keep that up, but stop spending time speaking to him before you get yourself in to bigger trouble and the more you speak yhe harder it is to let go. Don't tell your family about him either because clearly his family don't want this.


    • #3
      Re: Help?!

      I'm glad to hear that you're praying and spending time with your family, that's great.:up:

      If you've made Salat al-Istikhaara and things aren't going well, and you're getting a bad vibe. Then trying to marry him is a bad decision. But you should make Salat al-Istikhaara again just to be sure.

      And you have to stop talking to him. It's not permissable, and it's not necessary.

      Narrated Anas:
      The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "None of you will have faith till he wishes for his (Muslim) brother what he likes for himself." [Bukhari]


      • #4
        Re: Help?!

        I always had a general rule that if I were to speak to a potential on the phone than its limited for 2 month and I will stop if it does not move forward cause I would know by then if it's a lost cause and if the brother is suitable. It never lasted longer than that but I wouldn't advice sisters to do the same as I'm mature and know exactly how to deal with it.
        Taking 3 years is far from a lost cause and you're wasting your time.. If he was serious then he would act quick. Not every man who says I want to marry you is serious.. Sometimes some think their smart and can play. You need to out smart them, put your foot down and teach yourself how to set boundaries and there should always be a line, if crossed then you should respect yourself enough to let go.

        He's not for you sister.. You deserve better than that.
        I love you, cherish you and worship you,
        Guide me on your path to your janna,
        Unite me beside you My King and all mighty,