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How do you deal with loneliness?

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  • #61
    Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

    Originally posted by brightesthour View Post
    Reminds me of Don't Stop Believing by Journey lol

    Very good *claps* :applouse:
    LOL!! I should get paid for this!!
    “Have you seen he who has taken as his god his [own] desire, and Allah has sent him astray due to knowledge and has set a seal upon his hearing and his heart and put over his vision a veil? So who will guide him after Allah ? Then will you not be reminded? And they say, “There is not but our worldly life; we die and live, and nothing destroys us except time.” And they have of that no knowledge; they are only assuming.” Quran 45:23-24

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    • #62
      Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

      Originally posted by Venus15 View Post
      How does someone that's single, and actively looking for a spouse, deal with the pain of loneliness? How do you deal with knowing that you may have to deal with this pain for years?

      How can one cope with the pain when it effects your mental wellbeing?

      Other than attaining the pleasure of Allah swt do any of the married brothers and sisters feel they gained/learnt anything from experiencing the years of loneliness?

      I know a lot of you on here know how it feels and I pray that Allah eases all of our pain.
      AssalamuAlaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatahu,

      I think that I'm the loneliest person on the Ummah forums. I went from a large family, community setting to living alone, working in a small room with one person and a small nonmuslim community with very few muslims.

      It gets difficult and you will find your spouse inshaAllah. I am using my time of being lonely right now to become a better muslim, which also means becoming a better future husband inshaAllah. I know that the deeds that I do alone, are the deeds that are going to accompany me when I'm alone in the grave. So this is an awesome time to change your thoughts and welcome the opportunity. Really think about how you're going to become a muslim sister/brother that is going to improve your own way of live once you are married, and start by doing that before your marriage.

      And whenever you are lonely, I talk to my parents. Remember - most of our parents left there home countries to the lands we now call home. They get lonely too. Spend the time that you have being alone on your parents, wallahi they have a right on us.

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      • #63
        Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

        Originally posted by Venus15 View Post
        How does someone that's single, and actively looking for a spouse, deal with the pain of loneliness? How do you deal with knowing that you may have to deal with this pain for years?

        How can one cope with the pain when it effects your mental wellbeing?

        Other than attaining the pleasure of Allah swt do any of the married brothers and sisters feel they gained/learnt anything from experiencing the years of loneliness?

        I know a lot of you on here know how it feels and I pray that Allah eases all of our pain.
        Hi sis,

        Loneliness can be crippling... I understood the concept of loneliness at the age of 9. I had a sudden realisation... That we are truly on our own in this world. I come from a big family... But what I realised was, that no one in this world will know how I feel or how I view the world. I was unique and so was everyone else. I actually had to sit down for a while.

        Like you, I have had a lot of interesting experiences in life.

        But I don't feel lonely anymore. I think I was 14 the last time I felt lonely. What you will find is, even if you have the nicest friends in the world, only YOU can be your true best friend. Only YOU can look after yourself and love yourself better than anyone else.

        Now, keeping the above in mind, I would advise you to get yourself out there... Join classes in things that interest you. Make friends. Forget looking for a spouse right now... The reason why I say this is because... When we feel very alone... We will give anyone a chance. When we feel more "together" we make better choices when looking for partners.

        I wish you all the best and will pray for you.

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        • #64
          Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

          Originally posted by Venus15 View Post
          How does someone that's single, and actively looking for a spouse, deal with the pain of loneliness? How do you deal with knowing that you may have to deal with this pain for years?

          How can one cope with the pain when it effects your mental wellbeing?

          Other than attaining the pleasure of Allah swt do any of the married brothers and sisters feel they gained/learnt anything from experiencing the years of loneliness?

          I know a lot of you on here know how it feels and I pray that Allah eases all of our pain.
          I have been single for many years, but I never felt the pain.
          Do you have hobbies, a job, things you enjoy...? There is a lot more to life than marriage...and many marriages are worse than being single.

          Embrace the singleness and make a good use of the freedom you have, because most likely you will not be able to enjoy it when you get married (now , you will be satisfied, but in some cases it will not be practical or convenient to have the complete freedom - and your partner will feel the same).

          I had a hard time getting used to the fact that I 'lost' some of my freedom after I got married (and don't get me wrong, I am free to do what I want. It's just some small things that I used to do by myself: I could travel whenever I like (and now I need to take my husband into consideration, adjust to his days off, etc..), I could eat whenever I like (and now my husband doesn't like to eat alone so I need to adjust and have dinner at the same time), I could wake up whenever I liked (and now he often wakes me up), etc, etc. Maybe I should mention that I have been living on my own for 10 years, studying and living abroad, and didn't need to ask/consult anyone about anything really (I was always pretty independent, but I hope this will not be misunderstood)..


          These are all small things that you basically don't appreciate or even notice when you are single. Focus on positive things in your life, and embrace the loneliness until you don't need its advantages any more. And, don't forget to smile :)

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          • #65
            Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

            Originally posted by Jade Vine View Post
            I have been single for many years, but I never felt the pain.
            Do you have hobbies, a job, things you enjoy...? There is a lot more to life than marriage...and many marriages are worse than being single.

            Embrace the singleness and make a good use of the freedom you have, because most likely you will not be able to enjoy it when you get married (now , you will be satisfied, but in some cases it will not be practical or convenient to have the complete freedom - and your partner will feel the same).

            I had a hard time getting used to the fact that I 'lost' some of my freedom after I got married (and don't get me wrong, I am free to do what I want. It's just some small things that I used to do by myself: I could travel whenever I like (and now I need to take my husband into consideration, adjust to his days off, etc..), I could eat whenever I like (and now my husband doesn't like to eat alone so I need to adjust and have dinner at the same time), I could wake up whenever I liked (and now he often wakes me up), etc, etc. Maybe I should mention that I have been living on my own for 10 years, studying and living abroad, and didn't need to ask/consult anyone about anything really (I was always pretty independent, but I hope this will not be misunderstood)..


            These are all small things that you basically don't appreciate or even notice when you are single. Focus on positive things in your life, and embrace the loneliness until you don't need its advantages any more. And, don't forget to smile :)
            I agree. I enjoy my freedom so much that the thought of marrying actually freaks me out now and seems like a chore (unless he's awesome like me). I think I would need my own room! Jokes asides... It's true, marriage isn't everything in life and I would even go as far to say that very few people are happily married. Going by what friends and colleagues say, of course.

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            • #66
              Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

              Originally posted by In my Opinion View Post
              I agree. I enjoy my freedom so much that the thought of marrying actually freaks me out now and seems like a chore (unless he's awesome like me). I think I would need my own room! Jokes asides... It's true, marriage isn't everything in life and I would even go as far to say that very few people are happily married.
              That's so true
              'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

              So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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              • #67
                Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

                idk how women feel about this, but id rather not spend my youth, as in, starting from mid 20s, single.

                im sure its different being in a relationship when youre still young vs when you get into middle age, with the pressure of having kids and becoming more responsible.
                "The duty of the man who investigates the writings of scientists, if learning the truth is his goal, is to make himself an enemy of all that he reads, and,.. attack it from every side. He should also suspect himself as he performs his critical examination of it, so that he may avoid falling into either prejudice or leniency."
                -Alhazen Ibn Al-Haythem

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                • #68
                  Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

                  Originally posted by ss91 View Post
                  idk how women feel about this, but id rather not spend my youth, as in, starting from mid 20s, single.

                  im sure its different being in a relationship when youre still young vs when you get into middle age, with the pressure of having kids and becoming more responsible.
                  Yes, it does make a difference but it's out of your control even when you are trying your best.
                  'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                  So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                  Comment


                  • #69
                    Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

                    Originally posted by ss91 View Post
                    idk how women feel about this, but id rather not spend my youth, as in, starting from mid 20s, single.

                    im sure its different being in a relationship when youre still young vs when you get into middle age, with the pressure of having kids and becoming more responsible.
                    Marriage = responsibilities... Whether at the age 20 or 40... Once the honeymoon period is over, it's all about the farts, hairy upper lips, weird habits, who does how much work, who pays for what... and whether you can live with it.

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                    • #70
                      Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

                      I don't usually feel lonely because of my singleness. When I do feel loneliness, I use aromatherapy to bring myself back to a state of calmness. I burn a lot of incense and it's usually enough to keep me going.
                      "Wert thou to follow the common run of those on earth, they will lead thee away from the way of Allah. They follow nothing but conjecture: they do nothing but lie." (surah 6:116)

                      Comment


                      • #71
                        Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

                        Originally posted by In my Opinion View Post
                        Marriage = responsibilities... Whether at the age 20 or 40... Once the honeymoon period is over, it's all about the farts, hairy upper lips, weird habits, who does how much work, who pays for what... and whether you can live with it.
                        Unless the partners continue to put effort into it.
                        Depends who you marry and how much effort you put into the marriage.
                        Idk about you but regardless if its with a spouse or otherwise farting by someone is rude and disgusting. Basic etiquette.
                        "The duty of the man who investigates the writings of scientists, if learning the truth is his goal, is to make himself an enemy of all that he reads, and,.. attack it from every side. He should also suspect himself as he performs his critical examination of it, so that he may avoid falling into either prejudice or leniency."
                        -Alhazen Ibn Al-Haythem

                        Comment


                        • #72
                          Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

                          I get the sinking feeling all the time that I won't ever get married, I feel lonley too. I work weekends, study during the week, I hit the gym 5 times a week, pray, listen to Islamic lectures, fast, exhaust myself with exercises like boxing, running and swimming, I really go at it 100%, I also do charity work and many other things to fill my time and keep my mind occupied, above all I do my best to get closer to Allah SWT......I feel lonely and I know where you're coming from.

                          Allah SWT knows whether I'm good enough for marriage, he knows if I can handle the pressure of marriage and children, he knows of my insecurities and everythingelse. I do thank him for not putting me in situations like war, physical and mental disabilities, poverty and oppression. It does hurt though, not having a companion and I've tried my best to find someone too but so far nitto.

                          In todays society you have to be a different type of charachter to fit in with peoples desired choices for a spouse. If you're not filthy rich, educated to degree level and not a duniyadar (lover of this world) you get shunned like you're some sort of alien or you've a contagious disease because you're a divorcee, then you more or less get cast aside. It's like your invisibile to the human eye at times.

                          At least Allah SWT won't ignore us or shun us.

                          You're right about a lot of things, people (some) that use this forum use it as a platform to antagonize others and take the mick out their personal issues, nowdays it's hard to find loyal, decent, good hearted people to talk too.

                          People make threads with real issues, seeking advice and comfort but in return they get laughed at, taunted and antagonized.

                          The truly riteous people are very few in number but the horrible, arrogant, idiotic and are large in number.
                          He who loses money, loses much.

                          He who loses a friend, loses more.

                          He who loses faith, loses ALL.

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                          • #73
                            Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

                            @ Venus15 Yeah I totally get it and I didn't read the whole thread but not everyone has family to help with their loneliness because not everyone is close with their family. I understand how you feel. I'm a convert though and my family isn't close or muslim and I live in a college town so everyone my age is either too busy to be friends with, too different or whatever so I have wished and wished that I was married inorder to fill this void of constant loneliness. Always alone, no one to chat with and unfortunately it eventually starts to make you even more socially awkward and you walk around looking miserable because.. well.. you are.. and people can see it which makes you more isolated. It's a vicious cycle. I have been Muslim for a year and before being Muslim a GF was always the ultimate companion. Love, friendship, company etc. Now that I'm a bliever in Islam I can't do the BF GF thing until officially married. I don't think there is anything wrong with getting married for the sake of fulfilling desires, loneliness etc because in the time of the prophet PBUH he said to get married for these reasons. Matter of fact he said hurry up and get married (basically). People will say "times have changed and now and days it's different etc" but that's like Muslims who say "You don't have to pray salah because times have changed". I currently can't get married but if you can and you want to to feel better then do it. It's half our deen. Don't pass away before fullfilling half your deen.

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                            • #74
                              Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

                              Originally posted by Venus15 View Post
                              How does someone that's single, and actively looking for a spouse, deal with the pain of loneliness? How do you deal with knowing that you may have to deal with this pain for years?

                              How can one cope with the pain when it effects your mental wellbeing?

                              Other than attaining the pleasure of Allah swt do any of the married brothers and sisters feel they gained/learnt anything from experiencing the years of loneliness?

                              I know a lot of you on here know how it feels and I pray that Allah eases all of our pain.
                              don't automatically assume that marriage means you won't be lonely, thousands if not millions of married people out there who are very, very lonely. More often than not people just don't understand each other. Being married you may have someone to share you life with on a physical level but you may still experience emotional loneliness.

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                              • #75
                                Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

                                embrace the lonliness, its not really as bad as you think. i always felt lonley as a kid even when surrounded by so many people. i've conquered that now, i love being alone. the prospect of growing old alone does not scare me at all yet scares so many of my friends

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