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  • How do you deal with loneliness?

    How does someone that's single, and actively looking for a spouse, deal with the pain of loneliness? How do you deal with knowing that you may have to deal with this pain for years?

    How can one cope with the pain when it effects your mental wellbeing?

    Other than attaining the pleasure of Allah swt do any of the married brothers and sisters feel they gained/learnt anything from experiencing the years of loneliness?

    I know a lot of you on here know how it feels and I pray that Allah eases all of our pain.
    Last edited by Venus15; 14-01-16, 08:35 PM.

  • #2
    Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

    Sorry that you feel lonely

    I can't help you, but I just wanted to say there is so much you can do, and if you have family spend your precious time with them if you don't already.

    Nothing beats a good quality time with the family members. Don't rely on another person to come and alleviate the pain you feel now. Put your trust in Allah and don't put yourself down by constantly thinking about things that are out of your control, be positive.

    Just PAAAAARRRRRRTYYYYYY WOOOOOHOOOOOO

    I'm sorry I just had to show the passion.

    All the best
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

      oh and

      someone wise once told me, if you can't be happy while your single then you will want more after marriage, fill that void now
      'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

      So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

        Asalaamu aleykum,

        Take the time you have as a singleton as a gift from Allah to be a better daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, friend etc. Spend the time that inshaAllah in the future will be filled with fulfilling your duties as a wife, making the people close to you wonder what they would do without you. That's what I'm busying myself with and inshaAllah you will realise that you ain't got no time to be worrying about some future husband because you got people to take care of right now!:Keep your head up, girl! :up:

        EDIT: Wanted to give you a rep for that post [MENTION=100194]Ya'sin[/MENTION] but it won't let me :(
        Last edited by EenieMeanie; 14-01-16, 08:41 PM.
        And when it is said to them, "Do not cause corruption on the earth," they say, "We are but reformers." (11) Unquestionably, it is they who are the corrupters, but they perceive [it] not. (12) - Surat al-Baqarah
        http://www.ummzakiyyah.com/polygamy_not_my_problem/

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

          In my experience this feeling is caused by being distant from Allah.

          You think there is a void in your life that only a spouse will fill. This is wrong, because you are relying on creation for something, in this case happiness and a sense of being loved.

          If you place your faith in creation you will necessarily be disappointed.


          Imo lonely people are not in a condition to be good spouses. Marriage is a relationship of fulfilling another's rights and needs. It's a relationship of giving, not receiving. But a lonely person is more fixated on having their own emotional needs met e.g. "I want a man who loves me and appreciates me", etc. You become needy. And when the spouse fails to meet your needs and expectations, the marriage suffers.

          Don't be needy. Allah's love for you is far more precious than anything a spouse can give you.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

            Originally posted by Venus15 View Post
            How does someone that's single, and actively looking for a spouse, deal with the pain of loneliness? How do you deal with knowing that you may have to deal with this pain for years?

            How can one cope with the pain when it effects your mental wellbeing?

            Other than attaining the pleasure of Allah swt do any of the married brothers and sisters feel they gained/learnt anything from experiencing the years of loneliness?

            I know a lot of you on here know how it feels and I pray that Allah eases all of our pain.
            Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
            Sorry that you feel lonely

            I can't help you, but I just wanted to say there is so much you can do, and if you have family spend your precious time with them if you don't already.

            Nothing beats a good quality time with the family members. Don't rely on another person to come and alleviate the pain you feel now. Put your trust in Allah and don't put yourself down by constantly thinking about things that are out of your control, be positive.

            Just PAAAAARRRRRRTYYYYYY WOOOOOHOOOOOO

            I'm sorry I just had to show the passion.

            All the best
            I dont have any family apart from one person who has a lot of their own mental issues that just end up causing me more problems. I'm pretty much alone.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

              Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
              In my experience this feeling is caused by being distant from Allah.

              You think there is a void in your life that only a spouse will fill. This is wrong, because you are relying on creation for something, in this case happiness and a sense of being loved.

              If you place your faith in creation you will necessarily be disappointed.


              Imo lonely people are not in a condition to be good spouses. Marriage is a relationship of fulfilling another's rights and needs. It's a relationship of giving, not receiving. But a lonely person is more fixated on having their own emotional needs met e.g. "I want a man who loves me and appreciates me", etc. You become needy. And when the spouse fails to meet your needs and expectations, the marriage suffers.

              Don't be needy. Allah's love for you is far more precious than anything a spouse can give you.
              Lol so that normal human need Allah put in all of his creation to need intimacy and to feel loved somehow makes me unsuitable for marriage? Its usually hollow, empty people that have no appreciation for love n companionship that get labelled as freaks and psychopaths and therefore unsuitable for marriage People like that end up with multiple divorces n incapable of being in an intimate relationship. Being lonely isn't a sign of weak Iman its a sign of being human!

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

                Originally posted by Venus15 View Post
                Lol so that normal human need Allah put in all of his creation to need intimacy and to feel loved somehow makes me unsuitable for marriage? Its usually hollow, empty people that have no appreciation for love n companionship that get labelled as freaks and psychopaths and therefore unsuitable for marriage People like that end up with multiple divorces n incapable of being in an intimate relationship. Being lonely isn't a sign of weak Iman its a sign of being human!
                Everyone has a natural desire for companionship. Does that mean every single person is lonely?

                Lonely people are those who let that natural desire affect their happiness and cause them pain.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

                  How do I delete this thread?

                  I hoped I would get some compassionate people offering me advice but the cold hearted robots are just gonna end up doing me more harm than good.

                  Its sad when Muslims forget the basics of Islam which order us to show mercy and compassion before we jump to labelling people as lacking in iman.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

                    Originally posted by Venus15 View Post
                    Lol so that normal human need Allah put in all of his creation to need intimacy and to feel loved somehow makes me unsuitable for marriage? Its usually hollow, empty people that have no appreciation for love n companionship that get labelled as freaks and psychopaths and therefore unsuitable for marriage People like that end up with multiple divorces n incapable of being in an intimate relationship. Being lonely isn't a sign of weak Iman its a sign of being human!
                    Dear sister Venus15

                    A bad marriage can also be lonely. In a bad marriage, a person may actually long for the opportunity to be single again as they feel "trapped" by the marriage. Perhaps they can't leave the marriage because of children or social stigma. Because the marriage is so bad, they may wish to pursue their career or academic research as a distraction, however their marital problems and circumstances simply hold them back.

                    And then they may feel lonelier than ever.

                    Years ago I was once in a terrible situation where I was quite literally alone and trapped. I was advised to be grateful to Allah for this time as I would never again be so steadfast and concious of my worship. I scoffed at this suggestion but it was right.

                    My sincere advice to you would be firstly never to give up hope. Allah will answer your dua but you must believe he will do so (I speak from experience). Secondly, your yearning for companionship and intimacy is normal and actually YES YOU ARE RIGHT there are people out there who are hollow and don't feel either the need to receive nor give love and intimacy. And yes I agree with your inference that perhaps such people would be better off not ruining the lives of innocent Muslims and not get married. Such people do love solitude and it is halal for them to adopt such a life.

                    But for the rest of us, yes to want to desire love and intimacy is NOT a sign of weak iman, it proves that Allah has blessed you with the the ability to give something very special. In your case he is simply waiting for the right time.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

                      Originally posted by Venus15 View Post
                      I dont have any family apart from one person who has a lot of their own mental issues that just end up causing me more problems. I'm pretty much alone.
                      Hi Venus15,

                      What about your friends ?
                      A spouse won't make you feeling happy or maybe he will but just at the beginning... You need to fulfill this void on your own.
                      I think you should heed the advice of Stoic Believer because I think he is right.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

                        Originally posted by Venus15 View Post
                        How do I delete this thread?

                        I hoped I would get some compassionate people offering me advice but the cold hearted robots are just gonna end up doing me more harm than good.

                        Its sad when Muslims forget the basics of Islam which order us to show mercy and compassion before we jump to labelling people as lacking in iman.
                        I apologize if it came off that way and I should have made it clearer, but I wasn't accusing you of low iman. I was relating my own experiences and observations with loneliness.

                        You speak of mercy, compassion, and how I jumped to a conclusion. Yet you automatically jumped to the conclusion that I'm a cold-hearted robot with no desire for companionship and that I've "forgotten the basics of Islam." Didn't show much mercy making that assumption, eh?

                        I desire companionship the same as anyone, but I don't let my single status cause me pain. Everything is the qadr of Allah. Perhaps marriage isn't even written.for me or you. If that's the case, then so be it.
                        Last edited by Stoic Believer; 14-01-16, 09:35 PM.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

                          Originally posted by Venus15 View Post
                          How do I delete this thread?

                          I hoped I would get some compassionate people offering me advice but the cold hearted robots are just gonna end up doing me more harm than good.

                          Its sad when Muslims forget the basics of Islam which order us to show mercy and compassion before we jump to labelling people as lacking in iman.
                          Don't get this as a personal attack, I don't think it is.
                          This is actually an advice, adore Allah swt stronger than you already adore Him is the best way to fulfill the void you feel.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

                            Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
                            In my experience this feeling is caused by being distant from Allah.

                            You think there is a void in your life that only a spouse will fill. This is wrong, because you are relying on creation for something, in this case happiness and a sense of being loved.

                            If you place your faith in creation you will necessarily be disappointed.


                            Imo lonely people are not in a condition to be good spouses. Marriage is a relationship of fulfilling another's rights and needs. It's a relationship of giving, not receiving. But a lonely person is more fixated on having their own emotional needs met e.g. "I want a man who loves me and appreciates me", etc. You become needy. And when the spouse fails to meet your needs and expectations, the marriage suffers.

                            Don't be needy. Allah's love for you is far more precious than anything a spouse can give you.
                            Wow. My that's harsh. Perhaps if you read the Seerah you would know that actually being married was the norm for the vast majority of companions - single / divorced / widowed etc. And no it was not purely for economic reasons. They were humans too and like all humans it's natural to want closeness and to share your life with someone. Remember Alah said he created spouses to develop love and mercy between a couple. It's natural. It does NOT make you a NEEDY person just because you want it. It's actually a normal human emotion and actually HELPS us give.

                            I really think your reply was frankly a bit heartless.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: How do you deal with loneliness?

                              Originally posted by slaveuk View Post
                              Wow. My that's harsh. Perhaps if you read the Seerah you would know that actually being married was the norm for the vast majority of companions - single / divorced / widowed etc. And no it was not purely for economic reasons. They were humans too and like all humans it's natural to want closeness and to share your life with someone. Remember Alah said he created spouses to develop love and mercy between a couple. It's natural. It does NOT make you a NEEDY person just because you want it. It's actually a normal human emotion and actually HELPS us give.

                              I really think your reply was frankly a bit heartless.
                              I have a natural desire for love and companionship. Does that automatically make me a lonely person?

                              Comment

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