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Ideal age for marriage

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  • Creamcake
    replied
    65

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  • zi-zizou
    replied
    Originally posted by Kya View Post

    Zi-zizou, check out this article by TIME http://content.time.com/time/magazin...007422,00.html
    Women interest in intimacy increase as they age. As women get more comfortable with their body and who they are & become slightly more "haya"less around husband, things get better. The article says 27+ is when women become most interested in intimacy. It is the opposite of men who are most interested in intimacy as teenager. So things get better at 30+.

    When men thinks about marriage, he is thinking about all the good times/fun he will have. Women on the other hand are thinking about all the responsibilities that comes with marriage: cooking/cleaning/being responsible adults/children/inlaw war/demanding husband. It is not fun, that is not what a girl is thinking about. Even haram relationships are too much work for women, keep it secret/ don't get caught/keep him happy. Definitely more work then being daddies little princess and sleeping in all day with no care in the world. Just like men don't get excited about having to pay bills and long commute to work and mean boss. It is part of growing up that we have to do but we rather push it back as much as possible



    Not read the article...if it's not about desi's I ain't interested. Women as they get older get insecure about their bodies and I think generally it goes downhill. Perhaps the reason why they are interested is because they can only dream about it given no one is really interested in them.

    I agree with the second paragraph.

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  • Indefinable
    replied


    I don't know about that article - I didn't read it, but I would say both men and women have desire for companionship from a young age. 27 is far too 'late' and unrealistic.

    Are you sure it's not the opposite? Women get their very own ATM machine (ie, husband) and men find marriage exhausting (meeting demands of wife)?



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  • Indefinable
    replied
    Marry young. It's good for both men and women.

    Young = 18, 19, 20 etc.

    This is how it was done in my culture, it keeps the young away from haraam, and gives the responsibility of marriage so they mature quickly.

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  • Kya
    replied
    Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

    Perhaps the pull of <insert expensive shoe brand> or <insert expensive handbag brand> is far greater.

    If they are not keen when they are young, what's going to happen when they are married and old (i.e 30+). Poor husband will only going to get a couple of years of entertainment before he has no choice but to move on to someone else.

    Mind you that bit about girls wanting to stay single for as long as they can is something I've said a number of times but very few bother to agree with it...it's nice to get a sister admit it. It should be made into a sticky!
    Zi-zizou, check out this article by TIME http://content.time.com/time/magazin...007422,00.html
    Women interest in intimacy increase as they age. As women get more comfortable with their body and who they are & become slightly more "haya"less around husband, things get better. The article says 27+ is when women become most interested in intimacy. It is the opposite of men who are most interested in intimacy as teenager. So things get better at 30+.

    When men thinks about marriage, he is thinking about all the good times/fun he will have. Women on the other hand are thinking about all the responsibilities that comes with marriage: cooking/cleaning/being responsible adults/children/inlaw war/demanding husband. It is not fun, that is not what a girl is thinking about. Even haram relationships are too much work for women, keep it secret/ don't get caught/keep him happy. Definitely more work then being daddies little princess and sleeping in all day with no care in the world. Just like men don't get excited about having to pay bills and long commute to work and mean boss. It is part of growing up that we have to do but we rather push it back as much as possible




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  • zi-zizou
    replied
    Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

    I can almost guarantee they were thinking about it way earlier.

    Women are not that different from men.
    Perhaps the pull of <insert expensive shoe brand> or <insert expensive handbag brand> is far greater.

    If they are not keen when they are young, what's going to happen when they are married and old (i.e 30+). Poor husband will only going to get a couple of years of entertainment before he has no choice but to move on to someone else.

    Mind you that bit about girls wanting to stay single for as long as they can is something I've said a number of times but very few bother to agree with it...it's nice to get a sister admit it. It should be made into a sticky!

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  • Stoic Believer
    replied
    Originally posted by Kya
    Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    aelmo I'm sorry but that's ridiculous. It's unreasonable to expect someone to be single through all their twenties. Unless they're asexual or something.

    Samsandman probably because the average 14 year old nowadays lacks the mental maturity to keep a marriage afloat.
    I can't speak for men but it is not unreasonable for female to stay single all thruout 20's. Most women I know did not think about opposite sex or intimacy until mid 20's. I know few women in their early 30's who are single not because they are asexual but because they are afraid of the change/challenge marriage will bring. Most women from my knowledge are not hyper sexual or care about relationship until late 20;s and that's mainly because all her friends have gotten married. Yes there are exception, teenage girls going crazy about bf but the community I grow up in, those were few and far between. Most young girls are scared of relationship and would happily stay single for as long as she can. The hormone logic doesn't apply to most girls I know, definitely not at teenage years or early 20's
    I can almost guarantee they were thinking about it way earlier.

    Women are not that different from men.

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  • Kya
    replied
    Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    aelmo I'm sorry but that's ridiculous. It's unreasonable to expect someone to be single through all their twenties. Unless they're asexual or something.

    Samsandman probably because the average 14 year old nowadays lacks the mental maturity to keep a marriage afloat.
    I can't speak for men but it is not unreasonable for female to stay single all thruout 20's. Most women I know did not think about opposite sex or intimacy until mid 20's. I know few women in their early 30's who are single not because they are asexual but because they are afraid of the change/challenge marriage will bring. Most women from my knowledge are not hyper sexual or care about relationship until late 20;s and that's mainly because all her friends have gotten married. Yes there are exception, teenage girls going crazy about bf but the community I grow up in, those were few and far between. Most young girls are scared of relationship and would happily stay single for as long as she can. The hormone logic doesn't apply to most girls I know, definitely not at teenage years or early 20's

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  • Sister_2009
    replied
    Originally posted by Luffy1997 View Post
    so do you guys know many people who are getting married while they are in college. You guys are mentioning 18-21 and 21-25. People here in the US usually start university at age 18 and graduate with a bachelors around 22-24. People who go to graduate school vary age wise but it's -2-4 year school length depending on the type of program.
    What about the Muslims who are studying law or medicine do? Are they getting married after they finish all of their education? Or during? Because I assumed most stay single until they are done with their education

    also how are people meeting potentials at school in a halal way. are y'all just going to MSA meetings and casually talking about pizza than out of the blue ask "so you trying to get married".because I don't see any other way of meeting a potential at school without even establishing a friendship with that person which is haram.
    Yes, I know many in the age range you mentioned who are married. Majority of them aren't Muslim. In this area, when someone gets around 25, male or female, and isn't married, the undertone is that they're defective in some way, either they can't find someone or they're doing things they shouldn't be doing.

    As far as professionals, I know a number of them in law or medical or dentistry school who are married with a baby. These people aren't Muslim, and so they have loans and the wife works to support the family until the guy graduates. As far as Muslim professionals, well, I've known a number of male ones. They were of two types, either went to undergrad back home for free and did medical school here under scholarships from home country or took loans, and they either stay away from women (unmarried) or have girlfriends. I'm sure there are married ones in school, too, somewhere.

    All of the comparisons don't really matter. We aren't supposed to take loans. We can't date. So, if a person can't finish school without a loan or dating, then we know the answer....you get whatever job you can and get married.

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  • Dawud21
    replied
    Originally posted by ~TwinklingStar~ View Post
    It's not wise to delay marriage. Kids today hit puberty in their early teens and don't marry till 15 years later. When their sexual peak is at the highest and there is fitna all around, they're asked to repress their urges. Hence, the majority of youth fall into filthy habits like watching porn, masturbation & fornication. A vast, vast percentage of men suffer from ED, PE etc in their early and mid 30's today. When these men finally get married, they're unable to satisfy their spouses and it leads to divorces.

    The irony is that people wait so long to be financially stable before entering a marriage today , that by the time they can comfortably support a spouse, they've already begun deteriorating physically & sexually , so, it kind of defeats one of the major purposes of marriage.
    Perfect post, chase the dunya but end up with nothing, these are the same parents who don't wake up their kids for fajr because "they have to go to school" or it would "interfere with their education".

    I am talking about parents who themselves wake up for Fajr behaving in this way, never mind those who don't even pray to begin with which is the majority of them or those who miss fajr all the time.

    They know their sons and daughters have these addictions which you listed the worst of them being zinna, they are not stupid and a lot of this shamelessness existed in their era too, but for them this is a price they are willing to pay in order to gain the Dunya, may Allah protect us from this jaahiliya

    This idea that a person needs to be financially stable in order to be married is not from Islam, otherwise it would have been listed as a prerequisite, rather we find the opposite to be the case, a young couple who married fearing they would fall into shamelessness Allah has taken it upon himself to provide/enrich them as we see in the hadiths. I saw countless examples of this.

    This flimsy arguments about immaturity is also stupid, it's the fault of the parent to begin with, which they then shamelessly use to impose their worldly views, there is no better way to cure this immaturity then enforcing the responsibilities of marriage, regardless whether it goes good or bad.

    But alas people care about what other people think rather then what Allah thinks about the matter.

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  • aelmo
    replied
    Originally posted by Luffy1997 View Post
    so do you guys know many people who are getting married while they are in college. You guys are mentioning 18-21 and 21-25. People here in the US usually start university at age 18 and graduate with a bachelors around 22-24. People who go to graduate school vary age wise but it's -2-4 year school length depending on the type of program.
    What about the Muslims who are studying law or medicine do? Are they getting married after they finish all of their education? Or during? Because I assumed most stay single until they are done with their education

    also how are people meeting potentials at school in a halal way. are y'all just going to MSA meetings and casually talking about pizza than out of the blue ask "so you trying to get married".because I don't see any other way of meeting a potential at school without even establishing a friendship with that person which is haram.
    I know a lot of girls who got married between 18-25. Its not uncommon in the Palestinian/Lebanese community in Canada. I know plenty of people who got married immediately after high school or people who got engaged in university and got married during or immediately afterwards. Most of the girls I know want to get married as soon as they are done high school, if they don't its because they couldn't find anyone.

    I actually know a woman who is in her 20's and has 3 kids and is doing her masters. And one of my neighbors who was a guy was married during university. I don't that is very common but it happens.

    Well I would assume that you would see someone in MSA and then tell your parents to go to their parents and ask for their hand or something like that. That would be the halal way.

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  • Luffy1997
    replied
    so do you guys know many people who are getting married while they are in college. You guys are mentioning 18-21 and 21-25. People here in the US usually start university at age 18 and graduate with a bachelors around 22-24. People who go to graduate school vary age wise but it's -2-4 year school length depending on the type of program.
    What about the Muslims who are studying law or medicine do? Are they getting married after they finish all of their education? Or during? Because I assumed most stay single until they are done with their education

    also how are people meeting potentials at school in a halal way. are y'all just going to MSA meetings and casually talking about pizza than out of the blue ask "so you trying to get married".because I don't see any other way of meeting a potential at school without even establishing a friendship with that person which is haram.

    Leave a comment:


  • Gingerbeardman
    replied
    Originally posted by ~Umar~ View Post
    :salams

    Just answer it.
    wa alaykumus salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

    There is not so much an ideal age, it depends upon the individuals involved. Younger is generally better, but not necessarily true for all.

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  • aelmo
    replied
    Originally posted by islamuslim View Post
    I always thought 19 was ideal for a girl. My mom got married at 19, my sister was initially married at 19 and my 10 year old sister said she wants to marry at 19 too (idk why she's already thinking about marriage). Now that I'm 19 I'm not sure anymore. I guess you can never be 100% ready.

    My mom started talking to me about rishtas literally the day after I turned 18.
    -
    Last edited by aelmo; 13-02-18, 02:28 PM.

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  • islamuslim
    replied
    I always thought 19 was ideal for a girl.
    Last edited by islamuslim; 14-02-18, 03:04 AM.

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