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  • Originally posted by Samsandman
    Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

    There's a difference between a one night stand and a serious relationship like marriage. The days of Usama bin Zaid(ra) are finished. 14 year olds nowadays are basically children. You can't seriously expect a 14 year old kid to be a competent husband, at least not if he's raised in the west.

    I never said you need a PhD. There's more than just two extremes you know.

    What 14 year old do you know who can provide basic food, clothes, and shelter?

    The youngest I'd say is reasonable is 20 or 21 for men. Younger for women.
    Why are the days of people like Usama bin Zaid ra finished? because you say so? defeatist mentality achieves nothing but defeat and humiliation.

    the narrow minded thinking that zina is only one night stands is part of the problem.

    people can live together for decades,have children,own a house together and be monogamous and it's still zina.

    The belief that "the East" is some islamic utopia is another problem,some of the poorest,most backward, corrupt and immoral countries are muslim majority countries.
    What defeatism? It's simple observation. Look around you, at the 14 year old boys of today.

    They're too immature for marriage. Full stop.

    Comment


    • man, where i live none of the people i know between the ages of 16-21 are thinking of marriage. lol we broke and in school, none of us are trying to get married soon. one friend of mine just graduated with his bachelors in computer science just recently. asked if he was trying to get married soon and he said "heck no". he is 23. we see and hear about the crazy prices people spend on mehr, weddings, and we hear about divorces as well. Getting married anytime soon isn't something we are looking forward too. marriage right now just sounds really expensive and too much of a hassle to focus on right now. also staying a virgin till marriage doesn't sound appealing to some people. especially when you live in an area where non muslims date and enter relationships around you . a person could wait until they are 30 years old to get married or in fact 35+ years to get married. Staying a virgin that long doesn't seem fun. after i joined this forum, i asked my friends about a couple of the topics i seen on this forum, we got a group chat with like 8 of us, so everything i said above was the majority opinion i recieved from the convo we had about marriage, age range in the chat is 18-21, a majority are 20 years olds including me. we are all muslim

      Comment


      • Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
        What defeatism? It's simple observation. Look around you, at the 14 year old boys of today.
        They're too immature for marriage. Full stop.
        a generation that were molly coddled by culturally backward parents,Why would they be anything but immature?
        grown men who live at home,having their mother and sisters cook, clean and do their laundry till they are 35.
        Gee,why did they not grow up?

        Comment


        • Originally posted by Luffy1997 View Post
          man, where i live none of the people i know between the ages of 16-21 are thinking of marriage. lol we broke and in school, none of us are trying to get married soon. one friend of mine just graduated with his bachelors in computer science just recently. asked if he was trying to get married soon and he said "heck no". he is 23. we see and hear about the crazy prices people spend on mehr, weddings, and we hear about divorces as well. Getting married anytime soon isn't something we are looking forward too. marriage right now just sounds really expensive and too much of a hassle to focus on right now. also staying a virgin till marriage doesn't sound appealing to some people. especially when you live in an area where non muslims date and enter relationships around you . a person could wait until they are 30 years old to get married or in fact 35+ years to get married. Staying a virgin that long doesn't seem fun. after i joined this forum, i asked my friends about a couple of the topics i seen on this forum, we got a group chat with like 8 of us, so everything i said above was the majority opinion i recieved from the convo we had about marriage, age range in the chat is 18-21, a majority are 20 years olds including me. we are all muslim
          Be the change you want to see around you,
          stop following the herd like mindless cattle,
          speak up,speak out,take action and be a leader.

          give dawah to the older generation and be clear to them that they failed to uphold the covenants of islam and have failed a generation.


          Since I've been attending the masjid i've been constant about speaking my mind to the imams.
          If you let things slide,gravity takes over and the situation will just go down hill.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by Samsandman
            Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
            What defeatism? It's simple observation. Look around you, at the 14 year old boys of today.
            They're too immature for marriage. Full stop.
            a generation that were molly coddled by culturally backward parents,Why would they be anything but immature?
            grown men who live at home,having their mother and sisters cook, clean and do their laundry till they are 35.
            Gee,why did they not grow up?
            That's my point.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

              That's my point.
              Yeah, I'm wondering where these young people are. Cultural folks are coddled and the East utopia is corrupt, so what does that leave us with? Another important point is that in the West a 14-year-old may not even be able to legally work enough hours to support themselves, let alone a family. It isn't practical.

              Comment


              • Originally posted by Samsandman View Post

                Be the change you want to see around you,
                stop following the herd like mindless cattle,
                speak up,speak out,take action and be a leader.

                give dawah to the older generation and be clear to them that they failed to uphold the covenants of islam and have failed a generation.


                Since I've been attending the masjid i've been constant about speaking my mind to the imams.
                If you let things slide,gravity takes over and the situation will just go down hill.
                Im not planning on getting married anytime soon since I want to focus on my education for now. also honestly I don't think many parents will allow their daughter to marry Someone who is a student.unless that person is graduating soon.most adults actually tell the youth to focus on education first before women.in fact like all of my older Muslim co workers told me to just focus on my school work,focus on women afterwards. It seems like getting a degree is a requirement now to actually get married.cause no one wants their daughter living with someone who isn't settled.
                im planning on getting married probably 25+. Unless I can meet someone in school,in a halal way. I don't know how i would do that though.
                Last edited by Luffy1997; 12-02-18, 03:20 AM.

                Comment


                • It's not wise to delay marriage. Kids today hit puberty in their early teens and don't marry till 15 years later. When their sexual peak is at the highest and there is fitna all around, they're asked to repress their urges. Hence, the majority of youth fall into filthy habits like watching porn, masturbation & fornication. A vast, vast percentage of men suffer from ED, PE etc in their early and mid 30's today. When these men finally get married, they're unable to satisfy their spouses and it leads to divorces.

                  The irony is that people wait so long to be financially stable before entering a marriage today , that by the time they can comfortably support a spouse, they've already begun deteriorating physically & sexually , so, it kind of defeats one of the major purposes of marriage.

                  Comment


                  • I always thought 19 was ideal for a girl.
                    Last edited by islamuslim; 14-02-18, 03:04 AM.
                    The Qur'ān will keep you from sin,
                    or sin will keep you from The Qur'ān.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by islamuslim View Post
                      I always thought 19 was ideal for a girl. My mom got married at 19, my sister was initially married at 19 and my 10 year old sister said she wants to marry at 19 too (idk why she's already thinking about marriage). Now that I'm 19 I'm not sure anymore. I guess you can never be 100% ready.

                      My mom started talking to me about rishtas literally the day after I turned 18.
                      -
                      Last edited by aelmo; 13-02-18, 02:28 PM.

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by ~Umar~ View Post
                        :salams

                        Just answer it.
                        wa alaykumus salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

                        There is not so much an ideal age, it depends upon the individuals involved. Younger is generally better, but not necessarily true for all.
                        FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

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                        Comment


                        • so do you guys know many people who are getting married while they are in college. You guys are mentioning 18-21 and 21-25. People here in the US usually start university at age 18 and graduate with a bachelors around 22-24. People who go to graduate school vary age wise but it's -2-4 year school length depending on the type of program.
                          What about the Muslims who are studying law or medicine do? Are they getting married after they finish all of their education? Or during? Because I assumed most stay single until they are done with their education

                          also how are people meeting potentials at school in a halal way. are y'all just going to MSA meetings and casually talking about pizza than out of the blue ask "so you trying to get married".because I don't see any other way of meeting a potential at school without even establishing a friendship with that person which is haram.

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by Luffy1997 View Post
                            so do you guys know many people who are getting married while they are in college. You guys are mentioning 18-21 and 21-25. People here in the US usually start university at age 18 and graduate with a bachelors around 22-24. People who go to graduate school vary age wise but it's -2-4 year school length depending on the type of program.
                            What about the Muslims who are studying law or medicine do? Are they getting married after they finish all of their education? Or during? Because I assumed most stay single until they are done with their education

                            also how are people meeting potentials at school in a halal way. are y'all just going to MSA meetings and casually talking about pizza than out of the blue ask "so you trying to get married".because I don't see any other way of meeting a potential at school without even establishing a friendship with that person which is haram.
                            I know a lot of girls who got married between 18-25. Its not uncommon in the Palestinian/Lebanese community in Canada. I know plenty of people who got married immediately after high school or people who got engaged in university and got married during or immediately afterwards. Most of the girls I know want to get married as soon as they are done high school, if they don't its because they couldn't find anyone.

                            I actually know a woman who is in her 20's and has 3 kids and is doing her masters. And one of my neighbors who was a guy was married during university. I don't that is very common but it happens.

                            Well I would assume that you would see someone in MSA and then tell your parents to go to their parents and ask for their hand or something like that. That would be the halal way.

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by ~TwinklingStar~ View Post
                              It's not wise to delay marriage. Kids today hit puberty in their early teens and don't marry till 15 years later. When their sexual peak is at the highest and there is fitna all around, they're asked to repress their urges. Hence, the majority of youth fall into filthy habits like watching porn, masturbation & fornication. A vast, vast percentage of men suffer from ED, PE etc in their early and mid 30's today. When these men finally get married, they're unable to satisfy their spouses and it leads to divorces.

                              The irony is that people wait so long to be financially stable before entering a marriage today , that by the time they can comfortably support a spouse, they've already begun deteriorating physically & sexually , so, it kind of defeats one of the major purposes of marriage.
                              Perfect post, chase the dunya but end up with nothing, these are the same parents who don't wake up their kids for fajr because "they have to go to school" or it would "interfere with their education".

                              I am talking about parents who themselves wake up for Fajr behaving in this way, never mind those who don't even pray to begin with which is the majority of them or those who miss fajr all the time.

                              They know their sons and daughters have these addictions which you listed the worst of them being zinna, they are not stupid and a lot of this shamelessness existed in their era too, but for them this is a price they are willing to pay in order to gain the Dunya, may Allah protect us from this jaahiliya

                              This idea that a person needs to be financially stable in order to be married is not from Islam, otherwise it would have been listed as a prerequisite, rather we find the opposite to be the case, a young couple who married fearing they would fall into shamelessness Allah has taken it upon himself to provide/enrich them as we see in the hadiths. I saw countless examples of this.

                              This flimsy arguments about immaturity is also stupid, it's the fault of the parent to begin with, which they then shamelessly use to impose their worldly views, there is no better way to cure this immaturity then enforcing the responsibilities of marriage, regardless whether it goes good or bad.

                              But alas people care about what other people think rather then what Allah thinks about the matter.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Luffy1997 View Post
                                so do you guys know many people who are getting married while they are in college. You guys are mentioning 18-21 and 21-25. People here in the US usually start university at age 18 and graduate with a bachelors around 22-24. People who go to graduate school vary age wise but it's -2-4 year school length depending on the type of program.
                                What about the Muslims who are studying law or medicine do? Are they getting married after they finish all of their education? Or during? Because I assumed most stay single until they are done with their education

                                also how are people meeting potentials at school in a halal way. are y'all just going to MSA meetings and casually talking about pizza than out of the blue ask "so you trying to get married".because I don't see any other way of meeting a potential at school without even establishing a friendship with that person which is haram.
                                Yes, I know many in the age range you mentioned who are married. Majority of them aren't Muslim. In this area, when someone gets around 25, male or female, and isn't married, the undertone is that they're defective in some way, either they can't find someone or they're doing things they shouldn't be doing.

                                As far as professionals, I know a number of them in law or medical or dentistry school who are married with a baby. These people aren't Muslim, and so they have loans and the wife works to support the family until the guy graduates. As far as Muslim professionals, well, I've known a number of male ones. They were of two types, either went to undergrad back home for free and did medical school here under scholarships from home country or took loans, and they either stay away from women (unmarried) or have girlfriends. I'm sure there are married ones in school, too, somewhere.

                                All of the comparisons don't really matter. We aren't supposed to take loans. We can't date. So, if a person can't finish school without a loan or dating, then we know the answer....you get whatever job you can and get married.

                                Comment

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