Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #31
    Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

    No its not bad but since shes ungrateful and does not respect you maybe you should be a bit firm
    "Why Do We Fill Our Hearts With Everything But Allah And Expect Not To Fall Apart"

    Comment


    • #32
      Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

      If you get married and end up with such a monster, divorce her before it's too late. There are surprise surprise good God fearing women out there too who do not need to be treated harshly to keep them in line.

      What this world needs is for all such evil women to remain spinsters or become divorced so that eventually they will realise they are in the wrong and stop using the crooked rib Hadith to justify themselves and instead finally change themselves for the better

      To the original poster: she will continue to give you hell. Do not change your good nature. Find a woman who will appreciate it rather than abuse it.

      Comment


      • #33
        Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

        Originally posted by muslimgirl93 View Post
        After being on this forum I have noticed that when a man is super kind and nice to his wife, she abuses him and walks all over him...if he is harsh with her, she clings to him and can't let go of him....???? Makes no sense.
        I know, sometimes I just don't know what to think.

        Comment


        • #34
          Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

          I think these kinds of issues plague both genders. On the one hand, men are being told to not be too kind to their wife, otherwise they will become her doormat. But on the other hand, women are being told not to be too obedient, to be more defiant, otherwise their husbands will control and emotionally abuse them.

          I think true tranquility in marriage can only come when both the man and woman let go of these fears, treat each other with kindness and respect, and each fulfill the obligations Islam has put on them, including gentleness on the man's part and obedience on the woman's part. Allahu alam.

          Comment


          • #35
            Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

            Originally posted by Iqbaal View Post
            Salaam,

            I am married to a woman and lets just say I am not assertive or authoratative with her. In fact I try my best to do things she likes and to make things easy for her. I never shout at her, never harsh to her and I pretty much live just to make her happy. I have sacrafised much for her

            However she does not always respect me. In fact many times she actually abuses me emotionally. We have not been fortunate with many things such as with work and quite often negative things (we could say kind of bad luck, altho its not Islamic to say that) have occured. And she always blames me, she even says since she married me shes had nothing but struggles... even though they are not due to my doing, its because shes married to me that shes had to face such things (which include visa issues, since we are both from different countries and live in a 3rd country, and my job has been unstable and often worries about our future). Also had financial problems.. all these things are no fault of my own.

            She insults me badly and swears at me sometimes in her language. She probably has OCD or something and is very harsh on me if I forget something or leave something our of its place. She explodes over minor issues and threatens divorce many times. I don't think I deserve all this because I have always been good and kind to her and have struggled and sacrafised a lot just to try my best for her. I could understand this kind of reaction if I'd been cruel to her, or cheated on her or hurt her somehow.. but I never did and never would. I just wonder if its because I have always been soft with her....
            Wa Aalaikum Assalam,

            I have only heard your side of the story, so it isn't the best advice, however I will try to help inshAllah.

            As the husband, you are the leader in the home. You have to learn how to balance softness and compassion with firmness and assertiveness.

            You should be kind to her and compassionate with her. But when she crosses the line you make it clear this is a line she cannot cross. Do you believe Allah will be pleased with her if she curses at you? It will not help her akhira, and you are the leader so it is your job to help her become better. I know some women were raised headstrong, and because of this they do not know how to be feminine. It is a consequence of our broken world today, and marriages experience a lot of problems because of how society is raising children today. Since you are married to her, you have to try to help her change.

            Perhaps you could explain what you think is her issue specifically.
            If you have any questions feel free to PM me!

            Humililty, Sincerity, and the quest for Truth. There is no purpose in life but to seek the pleasure of Allah.
            There is a possibility a female might use this account to read something!

            Comment


            • #36
              Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

              Originally posted by al-siddiq View Post
              Wa Aalaikum Assalam,

              I have only heard your side of the story, so it isn't the best advice, however I will try to help inshAllah.

              As the husband, you are the leader in the home. You have to learn how to balance softness and compassion with firmness and assertiveness.

              You should be kind to her and compassionate with her. But when she crosses the line you make it clear this is a line she cannot cross. Do you believe Allah will be pleased with her if she curses at you? It will not help her akhira, and you are the leader so it is your job to help her become better. I know some women were raised headstrong, and because of this they do not know how to be feminine. It is a consequence of our broken world today, and marriages experience a lot of problems because of how society is raising children today. Since you are married to her, you have to try to help her change.

              Perhaps you could explain what you think is her issue specifically.
              You can try this but in most cases such women don't change. Mainly because they will never accept they were wrong. Like I said there are plenty of women who would be appalled at her behaviour and don't need to be told like a naughty schoolchild that they have broken the rules. Carrot and stick nonsense, please. We are talking about grown adults here.

              Comment


              • #37
                Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

                Originally posted by muslimgirl93 View Post
                After being on this forum I have noticed that when a man is super kind and nice to his wife, she abuses him and walks all over him...if he is harsh with her, she clings to him and can't let go of him....???? Makes no sense.
                You have discovered a sad truth. It is part of the poison that has infected this Ummah. Read my earlier post in this thread for an explanation of this horrid sickness. Know though, that good pious women do not subscribe to this, it is not all women.

                Comment


                • #38
                  Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

                  Originally posted by SartorialMuslim View Post
                  Know though, that good pious women do not subscribe to this, it is not all women.
                  Lets call a spade a spade. This means that you deserve better, let her have her bad boy macho man who will knock her about. Walk away and be happy with someone worthy of you.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

                    Originally posted by slaveuk View Post
                    You can try this but in most cases such women don't change. Mainly because they will never accept they were wrong. Like I said there are plenty of women who would be appalled at her behaviour and don't need to be told like a naughty schoolchild that they have broken the rules. Carrot and stick nonsense, please. We are talking about grown adults here.
                    Some people do not change, but it is not our job to predict who will and who will not acceptance the guidance of Allah. One of the sahabiyaat her husband said the donkey of umar will become muslim before umar, yet we know umar bin al khattab was amongst the best.

                    For this reason he must continue to try the best he can to help her change first.
                    If you have any questions feel free to PM me!

                    Humililty, Sincerity, and the quest for Truth. There is no purpose in life but to seek the pleasure of Allah.
                    There is a possibility a female might use this account to read something!

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

                      Originally posted by al-siddiq View Post
                      Some people do not change, but it is not our job to predict who will and who will not acceptance the guidance of Allah. One of the sahabiyaat her husband said the donkey of umar will become muslim before umar, yet we know umar bin al khattab was amongst the best.

                      For this reason he must continue to try the best he can to help her change first.
                      Sorry, I fail to see how you can use the example of Umar RAs conversion to Islam as an analogy for a MUSLIMA who has apparently got bad character and is causing problems in a marriage?

                      by all accounts Umar RA before Islam never had a character or integrity problem. Of course he was a pagan however he was never a vile and evil adversary like Abu Jahl or Mutim ibn Adiy or Umayyah bin Khalaf. Hence the prophet SAWs dua that Allah guide the better of the two Umars (Umar and Abu Jahl) was clearly a foretelling of Umar ibn Khattab's conversion.

                      Here we have a different situation entirely. A practicing Muslim sister who KNOWS her duties but has a CHARACTER problem.

                      In any case, why not use Khadijah RA as an example? Not as a Muslim but as a WIFE. She is nothing but an example. And nothing she did is beyond emulation. She was a constant support and source of love and comfort for our prophet SAW. WHY did he love her so much? Because she loved HIM and was always there for him. She was soft and loving and kind to him. Is that too
                      Much to ask??? He love her Not because she memorised so much Quran and attended so many circles and talks and reinstated for dawah conferences all the while having a sharp tongue and stroppy attitude (naudhubillah).

                      Forgive my harshness, but your analogy is all wrong. By your logic, brothers should ignore character when choosing a wife as hey, after all, they can all change with a bit of love and patience right? Wrong.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

                        wa alaykumussalam

                        regarding the title, but not the situation with op, it's much better to be soft, kind and caring with your spouse, as opposed to dominating and being hard and cold. Ppl seem to say... someone walks all over you with the former, but that's dependant on the person. A good person would only respect and love their spouse more if they were treated the first way, and wives want to be treated gently and kindly.
                        And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
                        [al-An’aam 6:59]

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

                          She threatens with divorce? I'd be super pissed and probably grant her wish. Don't be a push over OP. Make your stand. even though being patient is good, she'll never learn if you keep silent.

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

                            OP I pray sincerely to Allah that he replaces her with someone better. May Allah ease your torment and torture at the hands of this woman. Ameen

                            Comment

                            Working...
                            X