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I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

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  • I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

    Salaam,

    I am married to a woman and lets just say I am not assertive or authoratative with her. In fact I try my best to do things she likes and to make things easy for her. I never shout at her, never harsh to her and I pretty much live just to make her happy. I have sacrafised much for her

    However she does not always respect me. In fact many times she actually abuses me emotionally. We have not been fortunate with many things such as with work and quite often negative things (we could say kind of bad luck, altho its not Islamic to say that) have occured. And she always blames me, she even says since she married me shes had nothing but struggles... even though they are not due to my doing, its because shes married to me that shes had to face such things (which include visa issues, since we are both from different countries and live in a 3rd country, and my job has been unstable and often worries about our future). Also had financial problems.. all these things are no fault of my own.

    She insults me badly and swears at me sometimes in her language. She probably has OCD or something and is very harsh on me if I forget something or leave something our of its place. She explodes over minor issues and threatens divorce many times. I don't think I deserve all this because I have always been good and kind to her and have struggled and sacrafised a lot just to try my best for her. I could understand this kind of reaction if I'd been cruel to her, or cheated on her or hurt her somehow.. but I never did and never would. I just wonder if its because I have always been soft with her....

  • #2
    Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

    Assalamu alaikum brother

    sorry i don't have much to advice and I'm saddened to hear your troubles, may Allah rectify your situation, ameeen!

    Brother it's good that you are soft with your wife and her behavior reflects more on her than you. However be mindful that us women respect a firm man who stands his ground. Don't stand for her abuse, but deal with it in an honorable way (look up how the Prophet SAW taught men to deal with these situations) Don't result to violence.

    sallam

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

      Well I would give you the hadith...

      A believing man should not hate a believing woman if he is displeased with one quality in her he will be pleased with another...sahih muslim

      Be patient with her


      women are irritated beings...
      And are quick to get angry...

      (Sorry sisters but someones gotta admit it..)

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

        I see a pattern with a lot of men who come on this forum askin g for advice...they are the ones that are too soft with their wives....brother when she raises her voice to you, you have to deal with it head on and make sure she knows you are the the husband and will not be spoken like that...sometimes women just need a loud stern voice to show them who is boss...why would you allow yourself to be emotionally abused by anyone?
        I have many friends who lived comfortabally but after marriage their husband suffered big financial losses causing much stress but they have not disrespected their husbands, the understanmd it is from Allah and they are beinf tested...this has brought them close to Allah and they make sure they do all their prayers//you and your wife should pray..especially the extra prayers in the 2nd 3rd of the night..
        Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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        • #5
          Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

          Originally posted by Ms.Mints View Post
          Well I would give you the hadith...

          A believing man should not hate a believing woman if he is displeased with one quality in her he will be pleased with another...sahih muslim

          Be patient with her


          women are irritated beings...
          And are quick to get angry...

          (Sorry sisters but someones gotta admit it..)
          That is awful advice, would you also advise the same to a woman who said she was being emotionally abused by her husband? He was insulting and swearing at her? No, no one should sit and take it and let the abuse continue...if you do not know how to advise people and have no experience in such matters then ukthi it is best if you be quiet...
          Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

            Originally posted by shay5 View Post
            That is awful advice, would you also advise the same to a woman who said she was being emotionally abused by her husband? He was insulting and swearing at her? No, no one should sit and take it and let the abuse continue...if you do not know how to advise people and have no experience in such matters then ukthi it is best if you be quiet...
            My thoughts exactly.

            Nip that in the bud. Have a long conversation with her about it.
            :ahb:

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

              Im sorry but im married for almost eight years now..
              To me you have to be patient
              If you want your marriage to last and your in love or you cant live without that person you have to be patient...

              Even nabi Muhammad praised the women who ask forgiveness from there husband before going to sleep...

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

                How long have you been married and when did these issues start?
                Forgiving others is not a weakness.
                It takes a strong person to forgive.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

                  Try to bring up all the good things you do for her. People sometimes forget....Try to be open about it and tell her that her words hurt you. And then see what happens...

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

                    Originally posted by Ms.Mints View Post
                    Im sorry but im married for almost eight years now..
                    To me you have to be patient
                    If you want your marriage to last and your in love or you cant live without that person you have to be patient...

                    Even nabi Muhammad praised the women who ask forgiveness from there husband before going to sleep...
                    and?

                    are u saying ur husband abuses u like his wife is doing to him and u let it go?

                    then u'd have a valid point , other than that u could make ur marriage last even if ur husband/wife was beating u with a baseball bat for fun.



                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

                      Well you gotta remember the small things your wife/husband does for you

                      You have to learn to forgive..

                      Especially when you ask your husband/wife to do something for you like maybe the husband might bring wifes favorite sandwich any time she ask for it...and other things

                      It could be very hard being patient but its best...

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

                        Originally posted by Ms.Mints View Post
                        Im sorry but im married for almost eight years now..
                        To me you have to be patient
                        If you want your marriage to last and your in love or you cant live without that person you have to be patient...

                        Even nabi Muhammad praised the women who ask forgiveness from there husband before going to sleep...
                        thats messed up if she annoys her husband and violates his rights over her and then asks for forgiveness?
                        Eventhough she is disrespecting her husband and allah(for negeclecting her duties as a wife)

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

                          Well dont misunderstand the hadith I cant post it here since Im not using such pc...

                          Its allowed for a man to lightly beat the wife and seperate beds from her to give her dicisipline

                          But I heard from scholars that even beating is not allowed if it will just make things worse...

                          I know husbands right are great
                          And women are warned as to regards
                          To there husbands rights...

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

                            Originally posted by Ms.Mints View Post
                            Well dont misunderstand the hadith I cant post it here since Im not using such pc...

                            Its allowed for a man to lightly beat the wife and seperate beds from her to give her dicisipline

                            But I heard from scholars that even beating is not allowed if it will just make things worse...

                            I know husbands right are great
                            And women are warned as to regards
                            To there husbands rights...
                            NO allah has give permission for the husband to beat lighty if it gets to that point, we have to read what the messenger of allah sws on the rules from that point. But the beating th wifes is last resort so Allah has allowed it no1 can dissallow it.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: I it bad to be very relaxed and egalitarian with wife?

                              Wa Alaykumussalam

                              Not sure if its related to that, but you need to have a proper conversation with her about it, and discuss the issues, insha ' allah.
                              And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
                              [al-An’aam 6:59]

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