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What qualities are you willing to compromise?

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  • Muslim1415
    replied
    Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

    Tbh I don't have a list of qualities in mind about a future spouse so I have no idea. I guess the two things you can't compromise on are Deen and looks.

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  • uccello verde
    replied
    Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

    -Looks
    -Education
    -Age

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  • kakashi
    replied
    Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

    This thread... Click image for larger version

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  • ninety1daisies
    replied
    Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

    Originally posted by Ajabah View Post
    Wasn't that what [MENTION=134214]ninety1daisies[/MENTION] was alluding to when she said, "the fitnah outside"? It's even worse 'cos you can't make your husband wear a niqāb.

    I don't think I would be insecure, I would trust that he wouldn't go after another woman (no second wife too - contracted, lol). So maybe it just comes down to trust?
    I guess even if he is extremely good looking, as long as he is pious then I shouldn't feel insecure that I'm not good enough for him right? Because if he is pious then he'll think I'm good enough and the piety in itself is what will help him in protection against the fithna outside not my looks. lol looking back at how I was thinking before, I feel really silly now. thanks ya'll (:

    Leave a comment:


  • Stoic Believer
    replied
    Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

    Originally posted by Ajabah View Post
    I wish that were true, but many women do pursue. And even if they didn't, they'll make things hard for him. So yeah, still a lot to worry about if I wanted to. But like you said, if he stayed away from them and lowered his gaze then it wouldn't be as testing as it could otherwise be.

    I would be flattered. But isn't this true for men also? If a very beautiful woman accepted your proposal, wouldn't you be flattered?

    However, if I knew he was a God-fearing, pious man, I wouldn't feel insecure. Because don't we feel insecure when we think s/he might leave us for someone else? I wouldn't think that because of his character, so there'd be no reason to doubt.
    Yea exactly that's why I asked. But some sisters seem averse to the idea.

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  • Ajabah
    replied
    Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

    Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    Make him grow a big beard. That's niqab for him haha.

    But yes that's why it's important that he is a man of noble character and taqwa.

    The reason I said I'd be wary of other men is that men are usually the pursuers when it comes to relationships, both halal and haram. But in shaa Allah niqab discourages that.

    But if your husband is good looking then you needn't worry that much about women pursuing him. Most will be too shy. Some women may be extra friendly toward him but if you chose the right man then he will stay far away from such women. And usually pious men who are good looking are already used to getting extra attention, so they have experience resisting temptation.

    I always thought that a woman would be flattered if her husband was very good looking? Like he could have had so many women to choose from but he chose you.
    I wish that were true, but many women do pursue. And even if they didn't, they'll make things hard for him. So yeah, still a lot to worry about if I wanted to. But like you said, if he stayed away from them and lowered his gaze then it wouldn't be as testing as it could otherwise be.

    I would be flattered. But isn't this true for men also? If a very beautiful woman accepted your proposal, wouldn't you be flattered?

    However, if I knew he was a God-fearing, pious man, I wouldn't feel insecure. Because don't we feel insecure when we think s/he might leave us for someone else? I wouldn't think that because of his character, so there'd be no reason to doubt.

    Leave a comment:


  • Stoic Believer
    replied
    Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

    Originally posted by Ajabah View Post
    Wasn't that what [MENTION=134214]ninety1daisies[/MENTION] was alluding to when she said, "the fitnah outside"? It's even worse 'cos you can't make your husband wear a niqāb.

    I don't think I would be insecure, I would trust that he wouldn't go after another woman (no second wife too - contracted, lol). So maybe it just comes down to trust?
    Make him grow a big beard. That's niqab for him haha.

    But yes that's why it's important that he is a man of noble character and taqwa.

    The reason I said I'd be wary of other men is that men are usually the pursuers when it comes to relationships, both halal and haram. But in shaa Allah niqab discourages that.

    But if your husband is good looking then you needn't worry that much about women pursuing him. Most will be too shy. Some women may be extra friendly toward him but if you chose the right man then he will stay far away from such women. And usually pious men who are good looking are already used to getting extra attention, so they have experience resisting temptation.

    I always thought that a woman would be flattered if her husband was very good looking? Like he could have had so many women to choose from but he chose you.

    Leave a comment:


  • Ajabah
    replied
    Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

    Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    You mean if my wife looked like a Bollywood actress?

    Only thing I'd be scared of is other men.

    But she'll be wearing niqab in sha Allah so that'll mitigate the problem.
    Wasn't that what [MENTION=134214]ninety1daisies[/MENTION] was alluding to when she said, "the fitnah outside"? It's even worse 'cos you can't make your husband wear a niqāb.

    I don't think I would be insecure, I would trust that he wouldn't go after another woman (no second wife too - contracted, lol). So maybe it just comes down to trust?

    Leave a comment:


  • .mirror.
    replied
    Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

    Did you guys come to a conclusion yet?

    Leave a comment:


  • Creamcake
    replied
    Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

    That makes sense, kinda.

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  • Stoic Believer
    replied
    Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

    Originally posted by Creamcake View Post
    i meant would the husband not feel insecure if she was a lot more attractive than him.
    I would think not because a man can make up for it with confidence and charisma.

    Can't speak for all men, though.

    Leave a comment:


  • Creamcake
    replied
    Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

    Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    You mean if my wife looked like a Bollywood actress?

    Only thing I'd be scared of is other men.

    But she'll be wearing niqab in sha Allah so that'll mitigate the problem.
    i meant would the husband not feel insecure if she was a lot more attractive than him.

    Leave a comment:


  • ninety1daisies
    replied
    Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

    Originally posted by Creamcake View Post
    yeah i get what you mean, because that person picked you (a general you there), and we're all beautiful anyway, so Alhamdulillah for how we look, and we will be with who we're meant to be with, insha ' allah.
    InshaaAllah. :)

    Leave a comment:


  • Creamcake
    replied
    Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

    Originally posted by ninety1daisies View Post
    ofcourse inshaaAllah. but then i get confused because like yeahh i wanna be better looking than my husband because i wanna make it easier for him in regards to the outside fithna thing...but it's insecure to think that i'm not pretty enough for him just because he's better looking?
    yeah i get what you mean, because that person picked you (a general you there), and we're all beautiful anyway, so Alhamdulillah for how we look, and we will be with who we're meant to be with, insha ' allah.

    Leave a comment:


  • Stoic Believer
    replied
    Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

    Originally posted by Creamcake View Post
    I know, i'm not evading the qs, I see your point..

    But wouldn't males feel insecure in that scenario, at all...
    You mean if my wife looked like a Bollywood actress?

    Only thing I'd be scared of is other men.

    But she'll be wearing niqab in sha Allah so that'll mitigate the problem.

    Leave a comment:

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