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What qualities are you willing to compromise?

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  • What qualities are you willing to compromise?

    :salams

    This is something I never really thought about properly until now. We always hear we should compromise with our spouse, not hold high expectations and realise s/he is human and therefore flawed.

    This is true, but I want to ask; what are you willing to compromise?
    Last edited by Ajabah; 28-11-15, 07:03 PM.
    Let not the free disposal (and affluence) of the disbelievers throughout the land deceive you.

    [Surah Aali-'Imraan: V. 196]

  • #2
    Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

    Can't compromise:

    Passion for deen, good character, haya in dress. Also her values about money and children need to align with mine.

    Everything else is negotiable.

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    • #3
      Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

      Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
      Can't compromise:

      Passion for deen, good character, haya in dress. Also her values about money and children need to align with mine.

      Everything else is negotiable.
      Even looks?
      Let not the free disposal (and affluence) of the disbelievers throughout the land deceive you.

      [Surah Aali-'Imraan: V. 196]

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

        Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
        Can't compromise:

        Passion for deen, good character, haya in dress. Also her values about money and children need to align with mine.

        Everything else is negotiable.

        SUBHANALLAH! (Glorious is ALLAH!)

        I agree!!!!!!!! :)

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Ajabah View Post

          Even looks?
          Yes. She doesn't need to be beautiful, there just needs to be that baseline attraction.

          Many guys wouldn't agree with this, but they don't know what it is to be deceived by a pretty face lol.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

            Doesn't have to be religious but of good character, and respectful towards people. Not sure. lol
            'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

            So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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            • #7
              Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

              Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
              Yes. She doesn't need to be beautiful, there just needs to be that baseline attraction.

              Many guys wouldn't agree with this, but they don't know what it is to be deceived by a pretty face lol.
              Don't you worry that if you saw someone more attractive than your spouse it would be a great fitnah for you and/or you'll be less content with her?
              Let not the free disposal (and affluence) of the disbelievers throughout the land deceive you.

              [Surah Aali-'Imraan: V. 196]

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

                Originally posted by Ajabah View Post
                :salams

                This is something I never really thought about properly until now. We always hear we should compromise with our spouses, to not hold high expectations and realise s/he is human and therefore flawed.

                This is true, but I want to ask; what are you willing to compromise and what will you NEVER compromise?
                I wouldn't compromise on someone having deen, good character and manners. Frankly I think no one should

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

                  Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                  Doesn't have to be religious but of good character, and respectful towards people. Not sure. lol
                  As in at least let him do the minimum (i.e. pray, fast etc.)?
                  Let not the free disposal (and affluence) of the disbelievers throughout the land deceive you.

                  [Surah Aali-'Imraan: V. 196]

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

                    Originally posted by tigress777 View Post
                    I wouldn't compromise on someone having deen, good character and manners. Frankly I think no one should
                    I agree. But no one is perfect in religion and character.
                    Let not the free disposal (and affluence) of the disbelievers throughout the land deceive you.

                    [Surah Aali-'Imraan: V. 196]

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Ajabah View Post

                      Don't you worry that if you saw someone more attractive than your spouse it would be a great fitnah for you and/or you'll be less content with her?
                      There will always be someone more beautiful, even if my wife is gorgeous herself. Certainly fitnah might be there, but that's a biological impulse men have no control over. If a man loves his wife, that impulse means nothing to him.

                      Besides, there is nothing in this world more precious than a truly pious woman. If my wife is OK looking but with a heart devoted to Allah, she is already more attractive than any random woman I see on the street, even if she's a model.

                      Not saying looks aren't important. Like I said, there needs to be that baseline attraction. But after that, it's her deen, character, haya, etc which makes her way more attractive than the conventionally beautiful woman.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

                        Wa Alaykumussalam
                        I wouldn't compromise on:
                        - Religion, wouldn't ever compromise on this, needs to be a Muslim who holds strictly to all elements of the Deen, and doesn't pick n choose.
                        - Character and Compatibility - kind, good person, get along with them, accepts me for me, etc. This is kinda hard to fully gauge before marriage though.. (as we can't talk to potentials before marriage)
                        - Attraction, here I don't mean super model, I mean some form of attraction, I'm spending my life with the person, attraction in some form is important.

                        Everything else can be compromised on. I'm not fussed at all about about factors like wealth, height, status, academics, etc.

                        wbu Ajabah?
                        Last edited by Creamcake; 26-11-15, 11:55 PM.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

                          Originally posted by Creamcake View Post
                          Wa Alaykumussalam
                          I wouldn't compromise on:
                          - Religion, wouldn't ever compromise on this, needs to be a Muslim who holds strictly to all elements of the Deen, and doesn't pick n choose.
                          - Character and Compatibility - kind, good person, get along with them, accepts me for me, etc. This is kinda hard to fully gauge before marriage though..
                          - Attraction, here I don't mean super model, I mean some form of attraction, I'm spending my life with the person, attraction in some form is important.

                          Everything else can be compromised on. I'm not fussed about about factors like wealth, height, status, academics, etc.

                          wbu op?
                          Lol, I should've answered my own Q. When it comes to religion I won't compromise the essentials (praying, fasting etc.), being conscious of Allah, staying away from major sins, seeking knowledge + passion for the deen like Stoic mentioned.
                          Also, good character - someone who gives everyone their rights (parents, wife, children, neighbours ect.); who's slow to anger; always smiling; helpful; easy going and generally pleasant to be around.
                          Finally, someone I am attracted to (not drop dead gorgeous or anything).

                          I can compromise wealth, status, minor character flaws and so on.
                          Let not the free disposal (and affluence) of the disbelievers throughout the land deceive you.

                          [Surah Aali-'Imraan: V. 196]

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

                            Originally posted by Creamcake View Post
                            - Character and Compatibility - kind, good person, get along with them, accepts me for me, etc. This is kinda hard to fully gauge before marriage though.. (as we can't talk to potentials before marriage)
                            You can have meetings with him with your mahram present. But even so, you can ask his sisters/mother about his character and how he is at home and with them (they may be biased though :/)
                            Let not the free disposal (and affluence) of the disbelievers throughout the land deceive you.

                            [Surah Aali-'Imraan: V. 196]

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: What qualities are you willing to compromise?

                              Will compromise on looks to a degree, level of hifz of Qur'an and wealth. But the rest better be on point, girl

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