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How should I find a wife? -> Impossible for me!

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  • How should I find a wife? -> Impossible for me!

    Assalamualaikum,

    we're obligated to lower our gazes. I try do that as best as I can. People who want to get married should try the way over their parents, friends or the local mosque. My parents don't know any suitable sister that would fit to me. The most don't behave islamically. I don't have any friends that could help me finding a wife and furthermore I cannot go to the Imam of our local mosque and ask him to find a sister for me, since he doesn't know my character. I deduce from that it's Impossible for me to find a wife.It's getting harder and harder for me. I don't see any light in the end of the tunnel. I am too dependent on the ruling as I could show initiative and try to find a wife. That's not possible, so we've to lower our gazes. Even I am getting not younger and nonetheless I feel like a child.

    Any thoughts on this?

  • #2
    Re: How should I find a wife? -> Impossible for me!

    Brother, iam also in your situstion.
    Better make accounts on muslim sites.


    Marriage and children are important. Its preferable to have that before turning 35.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: How should I find a wife? -> Impossible for me!

      I look at it this way my friend, this might not be the best answer you are seeking, but wisdom is always best shared!

      First off I would like to know of your age? If you do not wish to discuss that, It is fine, but just know if you are young, do not press for it, as you get older you will find more oppurtunities, and if you are older go to a mosque and become more involved and do what you think you need to do and surely someone will come!

      but first before you find a wife, ask why would you like one? I am sure you can give a simple answer, but specifically what makes you want a wife?

      Know your desires, and let them speak for you, that is the first step, is reckoning the "why" and the "want".

      Then find places, like a mosque and like I said prior, become involved! Deep down in your heart, I figure you know ways, but you do not think you have the comfort of doing such, but I advise what you feel deep down that needs to be done, I would recommend.

      With time, my friend, just know within time!


      For me I will state my outlook personally, so you can get a sense of another's perspective on this topic.

      For me I am quite young I would say, but still maturing since I am 17,

      Just read my perspective and maybe it can relax your heart.

      I am for myself not looking too deeply for a wife, why? I want love and like to marry, but for me, I know I most likely will not personally be able to find someone who could match me, I feel as if I am solo in the world, and for my whole life I have had to make many decisions that I only had to reflect on by myself and never received help.

      So for me, I have been fine by myself my entire life as of now, what will change if I were too marry? Besides obtaining pleasure, in which I do not really seek for.

      Other then that, Marrying would be nearly pointless for me, all I seek for my life is too help fellow humanity and spread a message hopefully resulting in peace, not only for all, but for the planet in whole.

      So with me saying all that, I digress,

      Maybe you should lead a similar path, of seeking to spread hope and love, instead of focusing on being married,

      most likely through that path, you would find a partner to marry, and that is most likely the best way to find a wife.

      Most women in this world expect the man to make the moves for it, hence I say "most" not all. So you will have to be the one too seek for it, but if you take the path, I say I am seeking to take, you will eventually run into someone.

      From your post I figure you are similar too me, not a shark, like me, I do not seek, I am a reserved person, only speaking when I feel it is needed, and I figure you are the same.



      Hope this could help in some way, or at least help relax your heart a little.

      Have a nice day!!

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: How should I find a wife? -> Impossible for me!

        buying wife pl0x

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: How should I find a wife? -> Impossible for me!

          Akhi, I am not a fan of online dating platforms. SubhanAllah, but sometimes I really think I am going crazy. I talk myself into thinking that I don't need that, want to concenrate on deen, but that doesn't work!! Even everyone know that hadith where Rasulallah (sas) tells that he marries, fasts and break his fast also pray and stop praying. it's a combination of all of that. There is always that desire to meet an interesting person, with whom you can share stuff.

          [MENTION=134649]lilOlympi[/MENTION]: I am not too old but even not a 20 years old guy. I want to marry to complete my religion. Being not married causes some bad habits, that I want to get rid of. I want to take responsibilty. I feel like a child. I see even this kuffar do have more experince in relationships and stuff. Don't get me wrong, but it feels as I do life complicated unnecessarily. I feel really lonely. Don't have social life: And no I don't wanna go to a masjid and involve into activities with the niyah of finding a wife. That seems insincere to me.
          Last edited by islam1433; 16-11-15, 10:20 PM.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: How should I find a wife? -> Impossible for me!

            Brother u have to choose one:
            1) arranged wedding
            2) muslim marriage sites
            3) Through Mosque (also arranged lol)

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: How should I find a wife? -> Impossible for me!

              2 pleas in one week...

              is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking
              ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
              "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
              :love: [Al-Imran 3:159] :love:

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: How should I find a wife? -> Impossible for me!

                What do you mean? Did I asked this question before? btw: See my last edit.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: How should I find a wife? -> Impossible for me!

                  Originally posted by RaNdOm View Post
                  2 pleas in one week...

                  is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking


                  No what are u thinking?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: How should I find a wife? -> Impossible for me!

                    Originally posted by islam1433 View Post
                    [MENTION=134649]lilOlympi[/MENTION]: I am not too old but even not a 20 years old guy. I want to marry to complete my religion. Being not married causes some bad habits, that I want to get rid of. I want to take responsibilty. I feel like a child. I see even this kuffar do have more experince in relationships and stuff. Don't get me wrong, but it feels as I do life complicated unnecessarily. I feel really lonely. Don't have social life: And no I don't wanna go to a masjid and involve into activities with the niyah of finding a wife. That seems insincere to me.
                    If you want to marry, it should be for you my friend, not just too complete the religion, because with you saying that, lets say you do get married, but then you find yourself more unhappy because you rushed it, and the person you see as your wife, is someone you do not like at all?

                    Seeking a wife should complete your desires. I understand you feel lonely,

                    I am very isolated myself from all social things, the only thing I have that gives me social time is being able to play Football ( soccer ). That is limited though,

                    I feel like your want, is only coming in through your current situation, and do not take this offensive my friend, but I think you are resulting to more emotion and current values, and not thinking of future values and logical.

                    Settle your mind, find something that you can do too connect more with people, go to a local park and play Football, or do something you really love as a hobby,

                    You should not just look for a wife too fill the void of being "lonely",

                    Surely you can find many ways to find friends, it is not as difficult as it may seem, become sociable in certain activities and discover more from there.

                    Working at a job, try and get friends, ANYTHING!

                    then move on from there, and once you fill that void of feeling lonely, then see if you want too marry.

                    That would be the rational time of your thought to know, is this what I want?


                    I hope you do find your way my friend!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: How should I find a wife? -> Impossible for me!

                      No, sir. It's because of the religion! Marriage will keep you from bad habits. That will effect you concentrate more on your religion. Since you have halal opporunities to fullfil your desire, you won't have any distraction. That will result in being more connected to Allah. That is what I want; marriage will keep me from bad habits and help me to improve my relationship to Allah. I even started necleting my prayers, because of some habits. That need to stop. Marriage is a challenge, nothing is easy. You have to deal with a human being, pay regard to her thinking and feelings. It will cause other issues certainly, however if you have a good wife whom goal is to please Allah either, it can be a good experience and a challenge. I don't wanna rush it. I just want to have an halal opportunity to get in touch with sisters to at least collect some experinece in finding a wife. I feel like I am on a never ending circle in my little world.

                      For some a reason, I am very good when I am alone. I don't need any friends and I don't want find any friends just that they can get me a wife. Why is that, that you are not very social. It's weird, you give advise to go outside although yourself don't do it. I've plenty of hobbies and interests but life would be easier with a wife. It's not that people don't like me, but I don't wanna socialate because there are many bad people out there. There are difficulties in marriage, but as long as you respect eachother and don't try to change, it can be a really good time.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: How should I find a wife? -> Impossible for me!

                        Originally posted by ForeverMonotheist1 View Post
                        No what are u thinking?
                        [MENTION=76006]muslimah_deen[/MENTION] [MENTION=77209]islam1433[/MENTION]
                        ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
                        "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
                        :love: [Al-Imran 3:159] :love:

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: How should I find a wife? -> Impossible for me!

                          Originally posted by islam1433 View Post
                          No, sir. It's because of the religion! Marriage will keep you from bad habits. That will effect you concentrate more on your religion. Since you have halal opporunities to fullfil your desire, you won't have any distraction. That will result in being more connected to Allah. That is what I want; marriage will keep me from bad habits and help me to improve my relationship to Allah. I even started necleting my prayers, because of some habits. That need to stop. Marriage is a challenge, nothing is easy. You have to deal with a human being, pay regard to her thinking and feelings. It will cause other issues certainly, however if you have a good wife whom goal is to please Allah either, it can be a good experience and a challenge. I don't wanna rush it. I just want to have an halal opportunity to get in touch with sisters to at least collect some experinece in finding a wife. I feel like I am on a never ending circle in my little world.

                          For some a reason, I am very good when I am alone. I don't need any friends and I don't want find any friends just that they can get me a wife. Why is that, that you are not very social. It's weird, you give advise to go outside although yourself don't do it. I've plenty of hobbies and interests but life would be easier with a wife. It's not that people don't like me, but I don't wanna socialate because there are many bad people out there. There are difficulties in marriage, but as long as you respect eachother and don't try to change, it can be a really good time.
                          Get friends and then ask them to introduce you to someone. It's legit. Or, if you've got money, buy a mail order bride.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: How should I find a wife? -> Impossible for me!

                            Originally posted by quark View Post
                            Get friends and then ask them to introduce you to someone. It's legit. Or, if you've got money, buy a mail order bride.
                            But it is difficult for me. If you're with people they ask stuff and it's more difficult to do your deeds sincerely. It's really difficult having friends and being sincere. I mean, I feel continuously like a munafiq when I am with others. Being alone it more safe.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: How should I find a wife? -> Impossible for me!

                              :wswrwb:

                              Ask your imam anyway. He may not know you but maybe you can give him some references of your character. What matters more importantly is what the girls family think of you and they can investigate as much as they like.

                              Ask your muslim friends to help you out, they may be married and their wives may know sisters who are available.

                              I don't think matrimonial sites is such a bad idea, I know a few people who have gotten married to someone they met online so I wouldn't dismiss it completely, just be cautious when you're using it.

                              May Allah grant you good ameen/

                              Comment

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