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  • Re: update

    Salaam sis :) I'm so glad you're well and back on!

    Seems like nothing much has changed and Iv been reading recent replies and the one that stood out the most to be correctly adviced and one of which if followed can/may help you and although we don't agree much but this time I totally agree with pippin1376. Please attempt to maintain respect between you and your husband.. No matter what sister, he's your man and covering/ hiding his mistakes and flaws is your duty, revealing it on here is making me sad at times.
    You want help or advice.. We have all tried to aid you but sadly nothing is making it better so I suggest you listen to what pippin said and also visit the mosque with your husband, some one there can help with your marriage issues.

    An advice I give to my mates.. Which may put sense in to many inshAllah!
    The best of men are those who are good to their wives and the best of women are those who maintain the happiness of their husband before their own.

    Im still here if you need to chat xx
    I love you, cherish you and worship you,
    Guide me on your path to your janna,
    Unite me beside you My King and all mighty,


    :love:Allah:love:

    Comment


    • Re: update

      Originally posted by Key View Post
      :start:

      :salams

      Sister, you have 19 pages of advice. Something has to give. Something's gotta change. If it's not him, it's you.

      People here are advising you because they want the best for you.

      Selflessness is hard for many, even for you.

      Please do not focus on how things should be. There are many things that seemingly shouldn't ideally be. There shouldn't ideally be hunger. There shouldn't ideally be poverty. There shouldn't ideally be wars. There shouldn't ideally be people dying in miserable conditions. There shouldn't ideally be this apathy or hatred concerning those whom we perceive as "others." However, these things are. Obsessing over them is not going to change the reality.

      You are holding yourself hostage to your husband's actions and attitude; you have given up your power. You have made him responsible for your happiness. You know what, sister? Even if you get x,y, z from him, you'll find you're not satisfied. Because no one can satisfy you but you. Instead, you are not an owner but servile to someone being a certain way to achieve a certain state of okay-ness when happiness is a fountain inside of you waiting to be discovered by not someone else but by you. Yes, you. The you you you are trying to suffocate with obsessing over what you perceive his shortfall in terms of the yardstick you've created for him to be your ideal husband.

      He's a human being, sister. He'll have had enough with you if you keep up this obsession over what he's doing or not doing.

      Focus on what is and learn to deal with the present as it is, not how you want it to be. Know you can strive for what you want it to be but that will come with first focus on being in the present. Learn to deal with the present in healthy and positive ways - whatever works.

      I sympathize you, sister, and others do too; that said, you don't need our sympathy. Sister, instead, what you need is a wake-up call.

      :wswrwb:
      I completely agree with you, but at the same time I think some people here need to be a bit careful with their words. This sister is pregnant so she is likely to be more emotional than usual. Nobody here really knows what their relationship is really like, so I would be a bit cautious about implying that the Husband is not to blame for anything. That she is the problem. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't, its clear though both of them are lacking serious communication, understanding and most importantly respect for each other.

      Comment


      • Re: update

        Originally posted by Fragile View Post
        Salaam sis :) I'm so glad you're well and back on!

        Seems like nothing much has changed and Iv been reading recent replies and the one that stood out the most to be correctly adviced and one of which if followed can/may help you and although we don't agree much but this time I totally agree with pippin1376. Please attempt to maintain respect between you and your husband.. No matter what sister, he's your man and covering/ hiding his mistakes and flaws is your duty, revealing it on here is making me sad at times.
        You want help or advice.. We have all tried to aid you but sadly nothing is making it better so I suggest you listen to what pippin said and also visit the mosque with your husband, some one there can help with your marriage issues.

        An advice I give to my mates.. Which may put sense in to many inshAllah!
        The best of men are those who are good to their wives and the best of women are those who maintain the happiness of their husband before their own.

        Im still here if you need to chat xx
        Im not exposing him for anyone. And nobody really knows who he is. Evwryone here knows him as my husband. I mean so technically how am i exposing him u know

        I feel you. I know i should be kind and nice but sometimes it hurts when i really really reallly badly want to be ok with him but hes perfectly fine with just avoiding me.

        Whwn i tell him i want to be ok, he doesnt take me seriously and rejects me. It makes me angry and upset because i TRULY want eveeything to stop ans be ok and he doesnt work with me so we can be ok.

        If i show a nice gesture, id expect him to atleast not be rude or condecending or ignore me.
        Does this make sense? When he does ignore me even through my efforts to be nice, it not only hurts but makes me feel saddened and very angry that he doesnt care in essense.

        Dont know if its understandable or not.

        In the meanwhile i can just pray.

        Comment


        • Re: update

          Also, i feel afraid of him many times. Sometimes he gets angry to the point that i feel like what if he will hit me or something.

          He made me cry so much because i have a little small corner where i paint in the cellar and our child spilled the water down with paint down there and when my husband saw him down there he yelled at me asking me if he was alone. Yes it was my fault for lwaving him alone but i said not really and when they went up. I cleaned the carpet with all i could. The whole time i had fear in my heart and i was trembling and shaking.

          Why should i be so afraid of him. Like if anyone else does it he would probably forgive them. But if i make one mistake, he calls me stupid, dumb, idiot, careless.

          I had to go calm myself down because i had such fear and he didnt even see the mess..

          I dont know what to do anymore. I fear my own husband.

          Comment


          • Re: update

            I am so sick and tired of him watching movies and games all day.

            I mean seriously seriously doesnt someone get TIRED of doing that all day??

            Hes FILLING HIS HEAD with stories and scenarios of made up hollywood stuff and getting emotional about other women and men on screen and their relationships, problems etc and here i am ....reality...and he is more interedted in movies.

            Hes watching this series now that has this woman as a main character and all these men like her, even thoigh thats not what the plot is about. I feel like hes constantly getting so into others emotions, whether its a fake tv actress actor or regular people in his life. Only me does he avoid like i am a fake drawing. Unreal to him




            And wow, muslims these days. I know people read my thread and many just pass by withoit a word or help or care.

            I really hope everyone in this world realizes how scary qiyamat is. Maybe then people wouldnt be so obsessed with watching other people on tv. They are made up stories!! Not even rreal!! And they always have nudity.

            Is this what he prefers?!?!

            And is this how muslims are...im talkin about the people who visit this thread and dont speak up. Its your duty as a muslim.

            Comment


            • Re: update

              Salam sister [MENTION=134171]muslimaof[/MENTION]

              I am glad to see you're doing fine, as you were absent for some time. On the other hand, the situation with your husband stayed pretty much the same. I don't think people who watch a movie now and then are devils or something like that, but certainly one should stay in touch with reality.

              You sound angry that people go through the thread and not saying anything...I wouldn't hold a grudge against them, since there are so many pieces of advice and opinions brought up here and it is possible that they ran out of the ideas. As for me, I'm not sure what would be a smart move any more - you are nice to him, he ignores you. You nag- he gets crazy.


              Maybe it is time for you to look for a way to live without him; get a job, a career and a life you want. Not now, not in the next few months, but if the things don't change after you give birth to the baby, then you can make it your agenda. When the baby is at least 1 year old, you should raise the anchor. Now try and look up the strength within you, the patience because you will need it. In the meantime, make istikhara and dua (which you already do, I'm sure).



              And also, I start to think this is not so much about gaming than about the issues between the two of you that he chooses to ignore. You don't have to live like this. Marriage is supposed to make the life easier, not make you miserable.... You are in my duas sister , even though I have no idea who you or your husband are. May Allah ease your pain and reward you for you patience....and don't forget, there must be the light at the end of the tunnel.

              Comment


              • Re: update

                Salaam sis...

                There's really no reason at all to fear your husband, he does not show any type of Voilence or aggressive behaviour judging by your previous posts.. You confront him often and if he was "voilent" then he would of hit you already and Alhamdililah he hasn't.

                You need to be patient and stop expecting anything in return.. After your CONSTANT tender treatment he will start to feel guilty and refrain from such games and movies which I'm sure he's on all day because he's stressed and can't be heard.
                Why don't you tell him about ummah.com and maybe he can express or add his part here??
                I'm sure he has a lot to say.

                Relax sis and look forward to having a baby.. It's such a beautiful time :)
                I love you, cherish you and worship you,
                Guide me on your path to your janna,
                Unite me beside you My King and all mighty,


                :love:Allah:love:

                Comment

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