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Whn do you consider the right time to marry?

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  • #16
    Re: Whn do you consider the right time to marry?

    your welcome, yeah so many families are bothered about marrying in the same caste, to an extent where they sacrifice their children's happiness, it's just unfair. my family as a whole isn't like that, including relatives, which is good. noticed it more for Bengalis than Pakistanis, where I live.

    i'll say what financially ready means to me, but it will probably mean different things to everyone. it's having a roof over one's head, so a place to live, and food to eat. that's basically it lol. and yeah I've heard about crazy weddings and crazy mahr too, its ott and silly generally. the simpler weddings has more blessings, and no point being extravagant, wasting money, getting into debt, etc. plus so much haram occurs in these lavish weddings normally. I went to a small and nice wedding recently n held islamically n it was beautiful Masha ' Allah

    yeah that's crazy what u just explained r.e wedding costs, I've been to a lot of ppl's weddings that are like that too, spending thousands, and its just not right n they have like 5 different events too. so the other costs, which you asked us to breakdown, me personally i'd want it small, like nikkah n walima, walima its good to be held in a masjid so poor people can eat too. and mahr super low too, and doesn't have to be materialistic, if that's islamically permissible

    everyone's opinions on this will differ. but the price on mahr, wedding, living costs, is making it harder for ppl to marry, like the op said. so the less the better. more important finding the right person in terms of piety, character and compatibility. plus these weddings take months to plan, which is extreme.
    And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
    [al-An’aam 6:59]

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    • #17
      Re: Whn do you consider the right time to marry?

      When I start getting bored of my happy bachelorhood.
      "Don't be too perfect; no one will want to talk to you. Maintain a flaw or two to keep yourself approachable." -My guide to being amazing

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      • #18
        Re: Whn do you consider the right time to marry?

        :wswrwb:

        leave external factors aside as they're beyond our control

        one should ideally start looking to get married when they feel ready for marriage emotionally, mentally, physically and also spiritually, sometimes people look for years before they get hitched and sometimes all it takes is a week
        sigpic

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        • #19
          Re: Whn do you consider the right time to marry?

          Originally posted by Creamcake View Post
          your welcome, yeah so many families are bothered about marrying in the same caste, to an extent where they sacrifice their children's happiness, it's just unfair. my family as a whole isn't like that, including relatives, which is good. noticed it more for Bengalis than Pakistanis, where I live.

          i'll say what financially ready means to me, but it will probably mean different things to everyone. it's having a roof over one's head, so a place to live, and food to eat. that's basically it lol. and yeah I've heard about crazy weddings and crazy mahr too, its ott and silly generally. the simpler weddings has more blessings, and no point being extravagant, wasting money, getting into debt, etc. plus so much haram occurs in these lavish weddings normally. I went to a small and nice wedding recently n held islamically n it was beautiful Masha ' Allah

          yeah that's crazy what u just explained r.e wedding costs, I've been to a lot of ppl's weddings that are like that too, spending thousands, and its just not right n they have like 5 different events too. so the other costs, which you asked us to breakdown, me personally i'd want it small, like nikkah n walima, walima its good to be held in a masjid so poor people can eat too. and mahr super low too, and doesn't have to be materialistic, if that's islamically permissible

          everyone's opinions on this will differ. but the price on mahr, wedding, living costs, is making it harder for ppl to marry, like the op said. so the less the better. more important finding the right person in terms of piety, character and compatibility. plus these weddings take months to plan, which is extreme.
          :jkk: For the reply. I always personally said mahr wise, a woman has the option to set whatever she wants, but personally, the maximum I would offer is mahr-e-Fatima which is the maximum Sunnah amount. The rest I could give as a gift etc. maybe if I was to give more in total. At the end of the day, marriages from the outset based just around money will probably fail. It's more than just money. Money just helps people cover the basics and then the luxuries. Doesn't solve the other problems that arise.

          Regarding marriage in a mosque. Tbh, not really something I would think is possible to do in most mosques for obvious reasons of how it's usually there for people to pray at and not set up (personally speaking) for the type of 'typical' wedding most attend. Instead, I'd probably fo a wedding within my means, keep it segregated as much as possible and try to ensure no music etc. is playing. Maybe have nasheeds.

          I don't wanna come across as a hypocrite though, and i'll be frank and honest that we do mostly end up listening to music in private etc. but I just feel having it so openly front and centre at weddings is arguably worse. You're likely causing others to react around it which they wouldn't have had their been no music. Like one example is where I saw them reading dua, then straight away they jump on drums and dance or play music loud from English or Bollywood.

          Nah, that's just too much too far.

          Finding a balance Islamically is hard enough, but Alhamdulillah I think I know how I'd like the wedding to be and when I find a like minded person and :insha: probably come to realise I have enough money already, I can maybe look to get married. For me, my ideal is to be financially quite well off before marrying so we don't struggle and can live comfortable. Maybe it stems from money having caused issue in my parents marriage and I don't want my wife and me to face the same and don't want my kids to be deprived of :insha: I'm destined to marry and have any.
          I write novels for posts. Beware. :mujahida:

          Ummah Forum seems pretty black and white. Was thinking of offering Skittles as Dawah to introduce a rainbow.

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          • #20
            Re: Whn do you consider the right time to marry?

            Originally posted by .Hajar. View Post
            :wswrwb:

            leave external factors aside as they're beyond our control

            one should ideally start looking to get married when they feel ready for marriage emotionally, mentally, physically and also spiritually, sometimes people look for years before they get hitched and sometimes all it takes is a week
            I think I cover most of those things but I doubt myself perhaps being ready 'spiritually' because much like financially being ready, I feel there's this idea of what's 'perfect' or right. Other than that, I'd probably have ticked all the above and Islamically i guess we'll never be perfect and the Muslim always struggles to become better and seeks repentance.
            I write novels for posts. Beware. :mujahida:

            Ummah Forum seems pretty black and white. Was thinking of offering Skittles as Dawah to introduce a rainbow.

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            • #21
              Re: Whn do you consider the right time to marry?

              Originally posted by Constant Hope View Post
              I think I cover most of those things but I doubt myself perhaps being ready 'spiritually' because much like financially being ready, I feel there's this idea of what's 'perfect' or right. Other than that, I'd probably have ticked all the above and Islamically i guess we'll never be perfect and the Muslim always struggles to become better and seeks repentance.
              see, i didn't put financially because that's relative..like where do you draw the line? some are content in little and for some, even a lot isn't enough

              as for spiritually, if you can [and do] cover the basics and if you are willing to support your spouse in their islamic endeavors then that's a start but of course the more islamic you think you are, the greater your demand[s] may be which is fine because you know how you live your life and you'd want someone to better you as a muslim and not just as a person

              as for perfection, there's this oft repeated phrase ---> your spouse may not be perfect, but they are perfect for you <--- it's a beautiful and a deep saying
              sigpic

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              • #22
                Re: Whn do you consider the right time to marry?

                Originally posted by Constant Hope View Post
                :jkk: For the reply. I always personally said mahr wise, a woman has the option to set whatever she wants, but personally, the maximum I would offer is mahr-e-Fatima which is the maximum Sunnah amount. The rest I could give as a gift etc. maybe if I was to give more in total. At the end of the day, marriages from the outset based just around money will probably fail. It's more than just money. Money just helps people cover the basics and then the luxuries. Doesn't solve the other problems that arise.

                Regarding marriage in a mosque. Tbh, not really something I would think is possible to do in most mosques for obvious reasons of how it's usually there for people to pray at and not set up (personally speaking) for the type of 'typical' wedding most attend. Instead, I'd probably fo a wedding within my means, keep it segregated as much as possible and try to ensure no music etc. is playing. Maybe have nasheeds.

                I don't wanna come across as a hypocrite though, and i'll be frank and honest that we do mostly end up listening to music in private etc. but I just feel having it so openly front and centre at weddings is arguably worse. You're likely causing others to react around it which they wouldn't have had their been no music. Like one example is where I saw them reading dua, then straight away they jump on drums and dance or play music loud from English or Bollywood.

                Nah, that's just too much too far.

                Finding a balance Islamically is hard enough, but Alhamdulillah I think I know how I'd like the wedding to be and when I find a like minded person and :insha: probably come to realise I have enough money already, I can maybe look to get married. For me, my ideal is to be financially quite well off before marrying so we don't struggle and can live comfortable. Maybe it stems from money having caused issue in my parents marriage and I don't want my wife and me to face the same and don't want my kids to be deprived of :insha: I'm destined to marry and have any.
                Waiyyakum. That's good, and if the sunnah amount, that's best then. Exactly, money isn't important, except for necessities. the poor are lucky because on the day of judgement they wont be asked about how they wasted their money, the rest of us will be held to account.

                I thought islamically it was recommended to have it in a mosque, it wouldn't be the traditional wedding there, but the point is to filter out the haram, that normally occurs, normally mosques have places in them that can be rented out for weddings, I think. or a hall. yeah nasheeds, the last wedding I went to had these, was v.nice.

                I agree, plus music is haram, like privately n openly, I agree though, our weddings so much haram, mixed genders, music, photography, extravagance, the last 1, the feeding cake n bride n groom dancing. its all wrong, where did culture get so messed up...and yeah insha ' allah that seems fine. yh my fam aint wealthy n i'm glad, n we're happy masha allah.
                And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
                [al-An’aam 6:59]

                Comment

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