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Is "marrying the wrong person" absurd?

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  • Kya
    replied
    Re: Is "marrying the wrong person" absurd?

    sometimes we are destine for bad marriage. Its in our qadr, takdir to learn a lesson from this bad marriage. My friend and I were talking about this recently.

    A girl in our town got proposal to my friends distant relative. They turned him down because he seem bit controlling. She lucked out because he is current wife (another friend of ours) is not happy and has been contemplating divorce for while. The first girl eventually married another guy who seem ok but he ended up being exactly the same type of guy she skipped before & eventually she left her husband. We were saying sometimes its in your destiny to be with the wrong/controlling guy & even if you comb thru dozen guys to find the right one, you still end up with wrong because destiny is hard to fight.

    Same with my brothers friend whose marriage was all set back home only to find out the girl had some serious illness a month before marriage. They cancelled the wedding and looked for a new girl for him. He got married & his current wife had health issues that she wasn't aware of before. Its his destiny to be with someone who is not healthy & regardless of how much you fight, its destiny.

    Leave a comment:


  • candyapple
    replied
    Re: Is "marrying the wrong person" absurd?

    Originally posted by budi.sudaryo View Post
    yeah, that's my point. I think there's no such thing as a wrong person regarding a spouse, assuming they're the one who has been written in the lauh mahfudh. now I don't know if it could change or not, for example if you make a reckless decision without istikhara and without proper thinking and consultation.
    The person that was destined for you either temporarily or permanently could be a blessing in disguise rather than an obvious blessing

    And nothing is a coincidence.

    But I personally believe as in the case of zaid and zainab, they weren't right for each other.

    Leave a comment:


  • candyapple
    replied
    Re: Is "marrying the wrong person" absurd?

    Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
    It is simple: We should do our best to find a suitable spouse by taking all the necessary means that Allah has given us (our intellect, advice of others, istikharah, etc.) and then go for the one that we feel is the best match.
    If, after doing that, down the line problems occur in the marriage, then one should try yo resolve them and see those problems as a test from Allah. Even the Companions (RA) has problems in marriage, so it's not something that doesn't happen to people. It's the reality of life. It does not mean the person was "wrong" or "we made a bad choice" or anything like that.

    Conversely, there are people who intentionally and consciously make stupid decisions like marrying someone who they know is not compatible with them, then they wonder if they made a wrong choice. Well, maybe, you did.
    When u getting married bruh?

    Leave a comment:


  • candyapple
    replied
    Re: Is "marrying the wrong person" absurd?

    Originally posted by budi.sudaryo View Post
    Assalamu 'alaykum,

    If our spouse has been destined then is there such thing as marrying the wrong person? I mean, your marriage could be bad but that doesn't the person is "wrong", right?
    Walaikum salam budi, yes there's a wrong person for you and a right one I personally believe but in saying that the wrong spouse I believe was there for good reason, wisdom best known to Allah azawajal. Sometimes the wrong ones are there for the right reasos; bring u close to the creator almighty and open up your eyes and teach you valuable lessons.

    Because if Allah never bought hardships or struggles our way we would lose our need to cry out to Him.

    Leave a comment:


  • .mirror.
    replied
    Re: Is "marrying the wrong person" absurd?

    It is simple: We should do our best to find a suitable spouse by taking all the necessary means that Allah has given us (our intellect, advice of others, istikharah, etc.) and then go for the one that we feel is the best match.
    If, after doing that, down the line problems occur in the marriage, then one should try yo resolve them and see those problems as a test from Allah. Even the Companions (RA) has problems in marriage, so it's not something that doesn't happen to people. It's the reality of life. It does not mean the person was "wrong" or "we made a bad choice" or anything like that.

    Conversely, there are people who intentionally and consciously make stupid decisions like marrying someone who they know is not compatible with them, then they wonder if they made a wrong choice. Well, maybe, you did.

    Leave a comment:


  • budi.sudaryo
    replied
    Re: Is "marrying the wrong person" absurd?

    Originally posted by Al-Mualim View Post
    :salams
    If they're destined are they the wrong one? It may seem like it initially but if Ishtikara says otherwise, does it really make them wrong ??
    yeah, that's my point. I think there's no such thing as a wrong person regarding a spouse, assuming they're the one who has been written in the lauh mahfudh. now I don't know if it could change or not, for example if you make a reckless decision without istikhara and without proper thinking and consultation.
    Last edited by budi.sudaryo; 11-10-15, 11:38 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • Fragile
    replied
    Re: Is "marrying the wrong person" absurd?

    Sometimes you don't really have an option.. Better get on with what you believe is right and leave the rest to Allah swt.

    Leave a comment:


  • .Hajar.
    replied
    Re: Is "marrying the wrong person" absurd?

    Originally posted by budi.sudaryo View Post
    Assalamu 'alaykum,

    If our spouse has been destined then is there such thing as marrying the wrong person? I mean, your marriage could be bad but that doesn't the person is "wrong", right?
    :wswrwb:

    Agreed

    There's no wrong person only wrong choices..

    Leave a comment:


  • Al-Mualim
    replied
    Re: Is "marrying the wrong person" absurd?

    :salams
    If they're destined are they the wrong one? It may seem like it initially but if Ishtikara says otherwise, does it really make them wrong ??

    Leave a comment:


  • budi.sudaryo
    replied
    Re: Is "marrying the wrong person" absurd?

    And what about the saying, "whatever that's been written for you won't escape you no matter how hard you avoid it, and whatever that's not been written for you won't get to you however hard you try"?

    Leave a comment:


  • Kiro
    replied
    Re: Is "marrying the wrong person" absurd?

    Destiny can be shaped, it can be shaped by dua.

    It is your free will that decides the outcome.

    Leave a comment:


  • Creamcake
    replied
    Re: Is "marrying the wrong person" absurd?

    Tbh we just gotta try our best to marry someone who is good, but ofcourse we are limited in knowledge, and only Allah S.W.T knows the unseen
    We are created in pairs, if we combine actively searching via halal methods, research through the wali, Istikhaara, Du'aa, and marrying a pious Muslim, there's not really a lot more we can do. Everything is Allah S.W.T will, and aslong as we have not leapt into a silly decision knowingly, the rest is out of our control.
    Allahu Alam.

    Leave a comment:


  • Constant Hope
    replied
    Re: Is "marrying the wrong person" absurd?

    Everything is destined, but we also have choice. Make your decisions and live with them. If you chose a bad or wrong person, that was your choice. It was also destined. It's called a paradox. Don't dwell on it. Try making the right choice.

    Leave a comment:


  • ssh
    replied
    Re: Is "marrying the wrong person" absurd?

    :salams

    I have been thinking about this question a lot lately.

    I don't think you can marry the wrong person. I think like everything in life, there is a lesson in it for you to learn if you made a poor choice. Something you didn't see, something you did see but chose to ignore, something you chose because you accepted less than...whatever reason, there is a lesson in it for us.

    Does that mean it was the right person because you learned something valuable even though it hurt?

    Now there's a question!




    #philosophy
    #marriage
    #life

    Leave a comment:


  • happylover2
    replied
    Re: Is "marrying the wrong person" absurd?

    Originally posted by Linkdeutscher View Post
    yes this destiny word seems to give some mythical/fantasy vibe sort of, which is not true in Islam.
    Exactly! I mean that way, we can use destiny to defend everything we do, right or wrong, without saying we made the bad decision, choice, as it was written for us.

    Leave a comment:

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