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Worrying about what Ristha and his family think...

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  • Worrying about what Ristha and his family think...


    At 29 years old and after years of trying to find a suitable match and no one asking for my ristha, Alhumdullilah, i have finally found someone I want to marry.

    They are coming over next Sunday to ask for my Ristha.

    However i am so worried, because of my extended family.

    Me, my brothers and my parents are practising people or have morals.

    However, my dads brothers (my uncles) are not. One is married to a white woman, without nikkah and has had his kids before marriage. Another drinks alcohol and has had a kid before marriage etc etc. My dad stands by his brothers and even puts them before us, so I have to see them regularly when they visit us.

    My first cousin sister, is married to a white man, She has done the nikkah but they do not practise.

    I am so worried my ristha family, who are quite pious might turn me down because of this. I don't think the guy will care, but his parents might.

    What do I do?

    Please keep me in your duas. Jazak'Allah

  • #2
    Re: Worrying about what Ristha and his family think...

    Asalamu Alaykum,
    Make Du'aa, and try not to worry. You can't be held accountable for how your extended family is, you can and should give them Da'wah and make du'aa for them, but I mean its not fair for you to be judged on the actions of others. Firstly, do they have to meet your entire family, why not just your immediate family..... And insha ' allah it wont put them off, its not as if you or your immediate family are doing any of these things, and I think in most ppl's extended families this is generally the case. well in mine it is anyway. Also how will the potentials family find out about all of these things anyway that u mentioned above... They probably wont unless people start actively declaring their sins in that meeting, but I don't get why they would... If the family do ask and find out some of the above, you and your family have the right to explain the situation fully. So make Du'aa and just try to follow the above. Also your family who are less practicing, try to help them change insha ' allah.
    May Allah S.W.T keep us all on the straight and righteous path.
    And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
    [al-An’aam 6:59]


    • #3
      Re: Worrying about what Ristha and his family think...


      No point worrying about something that's not in your control.
      Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

      "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
      - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎


      • #4
        Re: Worrying about what Ristha and his family think...

        Your worry is right , they might not like this at all.

        People who are living together without Nikah and living in adultery.

        Its wrong to judge people like this , but I think parents do consider these things.


        • #5
          Re: Worrying about what Ristha and his family think...

          I find it funny how you say white man like all white men are non-muslim. What's wrong with having some relatives that are non-muslim, if they have an issue with that then they're not worth it.
          unconditional love for all of mankind.


          • #6
            Don't worry about things like this.
            I am a revert and I married a born muslim. Plus I was homeless for a year. My whole family are non-muslims, but my inlaws have no problem with it. I had hard time proving my father in law ny worthiness. But he is happy with me, as I have taken responsibility over his daughter and she is happy.

            He has said that it is my responsibility to remind my family about Islam and my job is done. If they remain in kufr I can't guide them. He still said I have to be patient and still keep family ties and love them.

            So alhamdulillah I have very good in laws, who understand me and my family and our situation. So if someone rejects you for a family or something that is out of your control say alhamdulillah and stay patient.

            If his family is pious then they should know that their son marries you and not your family. We all have black sheep in family. Some more visible than others.

            And advice: Do not get married unless you have positive istikhara.


            • #7
              Re: Worrying about what Ristha and his family think...

              Family background is important for people, but that usually means direct close family.
              Not many people look at extended family as much unless they are really degenerate and criminally messed up - especially in many muslim communities, where 'cousins' take up half the town.


              • #8
                Re: Worrying about what Ristha and his family think...

                I can't help but worry though :(


                • #9
                  Seek help from Allah and remember Allah انشاالله it will be for ur benefit
                  Best Dhikr is :lailah:

                  We have one JUST ONE book yet we don't give attention to it :crying_old:


                  • #10
                    Re: Worrying about what Ristha and his family think...

                    Can understand the sister's worries. Social stigma is big in our indopak culture when it comes to such things. Hopefully the family are religious and have rahmah enough to see past it and maybe even meet it with a mindframe of opportunity and optimism.

                    In any case, guess the only thing to do is... do the best you can do... and turn your worries into duas.
                    LAA ILAAHA ILLALLAH
                    "And if you would count the graces of God, never could you be able to count them. Truly, God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (Qur'aan 16:18)
                    NOTE: Please kindly do NOT rep my posts. (Jazaa'akumullah).