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My fiance says she has attraction to women but won't act on it?

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  • Re: My fiance says she has attraction to women but won't act on it?

    Originally posted by Sister_2009 View Post
    You truly believe that a person can't have thoughts that are unexplained? Okie dokie. Ever heard of waswas? You're insistent on categorizing, when some things don't fit into your categories.
    except wawaas comes from shaytaan and is not a choice like you're making it out to be, that is an outside factor out of your control like i have said from the start.

    Comment


    • Re: My fiance says she has attraction to women but won't act on it?

      Originally posted by bintmydad View Post
      except wawaas comes from shaytaan and is not a choice like you're making it out to be, that is an outside factor out of your control like i have said from the start.
      What is a choice?

      Let me clarify this: I never said waswas was a choice.

      Do you believe that engaging in a sex act with someone of the same sex (homosexual/gay/lesbian/whatever) is a choice? I believe it is a choice. The action is punishable.

      Do you believe that the desires are a choice (not the action, but the thoughts or desires)? Where does this come from? Some say environmental. Some say genetic. Some say a combination of both. Some don't think it's any of those answers.

      You said to me that people don't just get thoughts or desires from thin air, they must come from themselves. I mentioned waswas. You said it comes from shaytan. So is waswas a thought/desire from shaytan, and shaytan is part of yourself, or what?

      Do you have proof that the desires are from the environment or genetics? If proof can't be provided, then you don't know where it comes from, just like I don't. I'm not convinced of the categories provided.
      Last edited by Sister_2009; 06-10-15, 11:30 PM.

      Comment


      • Re: My fiance says she has attraction to women but won't act on it?

        Originally posted by Sister_2009 View Post
        What is a choice?

        Let me clarify this: I never said waswas was a choice.

        Do you believe that engaging in a sex act with someone of the same sex (homosexual/gay/lesbian/whatever) is a choice? I believe it is a choice. The action is punishable.

        Do you believe that the desires are a choice (not the action, but the thoughts or desires)? Where does this come from? Some say environmental. Some say genetic. Some say a combination of both. Some don't think it's any of those answers.

        You said to me that people don't just get thoughts or desires from thin air, they must come from themselves. I mentioned waswas. You said it comes from shaytan. So is waswas a thought/desire from shaytan, and shaytan is part of yourself, or what?

        Do you have proof that the desires are from the environment or genetics? If proof can't be provided, then you don't know where it comes from, just like I don't. I'm not convinced of the categories provided.
        Of course waswaas is from shaytaan, it doesn't mean he is part of you.

        Sis you have completely misunderstood what I have said lol...

        I agree with you people choose to engage in it and they are accountable for it but I don't believe it's something that Allah swt instills in them but rather it comes from a combination of other factors. I mentioned waswaas and other environmental factors as one of those things.

        I can't be bothered to re-explain so let's just leave it at that.

        Comment


        • Re: My fiance says she has attraction to women but won't act on it?

          Originally posted by bintmydad View Post
          Of course waswaas is from shaytaan, it doesn't mean he is part of you.

          Sis you have completely misunderstood what I have said lol...

          I agree with you people choose to engage in it and they are accountable for it but I don't believe it's something that Allah swt instills in them but rather it comes from a combination of other factors. I mentioned waswaas and other environmental factors as one of those things.

          I can't be bothered to re-explain so let's just leave it at that.
          I understand what you mean. We disagree with the cause of the desire. Nobody has a solid answer. I agree. Let's leave it at that. It's hurting my head thinking about it.

          Comment


          • Re: My fiance says she has attraction to women but won't act on it?

            Originally posted by Sabros View Post
            No one knows. People just have very strong opinions on the matter.

            Mine is that it's a complex multifactoral phenomenon involving genetics and environment, and it varies person to person.
            the phenomena of absolute freedom seems to resonate alot with how u can do what u want without any repercussions ...



            Comment


            • Re: My fiance says she has attraction to women but won't act on it?

              Originally posted by Iqbaal View Post
              Salam,

              I am a new member I'm from India.


              I recently married a woman who was found for me through relatives. We have everything in common and she is very beautiful and educted and follows Islam well. However she told me something that makes me feel disturbed. She says she also feels attraction to women equally to men, but because she is a Muslim she will not act on her urges although they are quite strong. She also says that almost all women have some attraction to the same gender, just some more than others. Is it true?

              I became extremely confused and disturbed by this. I know that she does not conflict with Islam by having this desire since she does not act on it. But is it really a good idea to marry someone like this? Do I have grounds for divorce? I am not sure I can easily accept this fact and I never really considered it before. In my city its not really something that is open.
              Last edited by Oum Soumayyah; 07-10-15, 07:16 AM.
              *"None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself."* [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]
              "Mindless are those who only jump when told to jump, cry when told to cry, and laugh when told to laugh. Indeed, they are but sheep." TheStrivingUmmi

              Comment


              • Re: My fiance says she has attraction to women but won't act on it?

                Assalamulakum,

                First of ask to OP's question. Since you have made the claim that she is a good muslim, then you should know that she will not act on her desires. Why? Because her desire for Jannah is much greater than her lust. So, be happy that you have a pious wife, who you get along with. Many of your brothers would love to be in your shoes.

                Regarding the whole born this way argument, I would like to share this article.



                Homosexuality is not allowed in Islam. There are various verses in Quran where Allah clearly says about Homosexuality.

                We also (sent) Lut: he said to his people: "Do ye commit lewdness such as no people in creation (ever) committed before you? "For ye practice your lusts on men in preference to women: ye are indeed a people transgressing beyond bounds." - Holy Quran 7:80-81

                "Of all the creatures in the world will ye approach males". "And leave those whom Allah has created for you to be your mates? Nay ye are a people transgressing (all limits)!" - Holy Quran 26:165-166

                The end result for not giving up homosexuality was the destruction of entire cities

                When Our decree issued We turned (the cities) upside down and rained down on them brimstones hard as baked clay spread layer on layer Marked as from thy Lord: nor are they ever far from those who do wrong! - Holy Quran 11:82-83

                The Quran forbids any sexual relationship other than in a marriage between a man and a woman. Many homosexual men and women claim that they are born with their sexual preferences and that they have no choice. Although this point is very much in dispute in the medical world, it has no support in the Quran. Even then, irrespective of the nature of homosexuality, this matter would not affect the laws spelled out clearly in the Quran .

                We know that this life is a test. Everyone of us has his/her own test. For example someone may be born blind, but that person is expected to live his/her life according to God's law. Others are born poor, short, tall, weak, missing fingers, having big nose...etc but all of them are expected to follow God's law. Some men or women may never marry in their life, or spend part of their life without a spouse. As per the Quran they still have to live a chaste life and avoid any sexual contacts outside a marriage. They have to suppress their sexual feelings to follow God's law. It is a major test and not an easy one for many. Only those who submit to God will do everything they can to follow His law. They know that their salvation and eternal happiness rests in doing so.

                Since God condemns homosexuality, then we have to believe that a man or a woman with homosexual feelings is expected to behave like any other human being and follows God's laws if he/she truely believes in them. He/she shall resist his/her feelings , maintains abstinence , use all available resources of help including medical, social and behavioral therapies to overcome their behavior and feelings. They should pray to God to help them getting over it and submit to God's law that sees homosexuality as gross sin. Only those who steadfastly persevere in obeying God's law will they pass their test and confirm their submission to God.

                For a person who asks, "why me?" We know God is the Most Merciful and Just (16:90) and He will give each one of us a fair test and a fair chance. He assigns the tests to suite each one of us and we believe that He will never burden any soul beyond its means (23:2).

                And We have explained to man in this Qur'an every kind of similitude: yet the grater part of men refuse (to receive it) except with ingratitude!- Holy Quran 17:89

                We have explained in detail in this Qur'an for the benefit of mankind every kind of similitude: but man is in most things contentious. - Holy Quran 18:54

                We have put forth for men in this Qur'an every kind of Parable in order that they may receive admonition. - Holy Quran 39:27

                The spouses that God have made from among ourselves are those that aid in producing children. Since the spouses in homosexual relationship would not produce children they are not the spouses God made from among ourselves.

                And Allah has made for you mates (and companions) of your own nature. And made for you out of them sons and daughters and grandchildren and provided for you sustenance of the best: will they then believe in vain things and be ungrateful for Allah's favors? - Holy Quran 16:72

                With regard to dealing with homosexuals, the basic rule governing this would be 60:8 & 9.
                Allah forbids you not with regard to those who fight you not for (your) Faith nor drive you out of your homes from dealing kindly and justly with them: for Allah loveth those who are just. Allah only forbids you with regard to those who fight you for (your) Faith and drive you out of your homes and support (others) in driving you out from turning to them (for friendship and protection). It is such as turn to them (in these circumstances) that do wrong. - Holy Quran 60:8-9

                However, to be a winner we have to advocate righteousness and forbid evil.

                Let there arise out of you a band of people inviting to all that is good enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong; they are the ones to attain felicity. - Holy Quran 3:104

                Ye are the best of peoples evolved for mankind enjoining what is right forbidding what is wrong and believing in Allah. If only the People of the Book had faith it were best for them; among them are some who have faith but most of them are perverted transgressors. - Holy Quran 3:110

                The believers men and women are protectors one of another: they enjoin what is just and forbid what is evil: they observe regular prayers practice regular charity and obey Allah and His apostle. On them will Allah pour His mercy: for Allah is Exalted in power Wise. - Holy Quran 9:71

                Also, if God so wills, a reminder may benefit the person.

                On their account no responsibility falls on the righteous but (their duty) is to remind them that they may (learn to) fear Allah. - Holy Quran 6:69

                Therefore give admonition in case the admonition profits (the hearer). - Holy Quran 87:9


                Source: http://www.islamawareness.net/Homosexuality/homo.html

                My personal but probably incorrect opinion

                Now lets say for arguments sake that scientist prove that the gay gene exists. Does this give that person an excuse to act on his desires because he was born this way. No. Why? Because this case is no different from a person who is born blind or a person who has cystic fibrous. Even though these people have a great trial, it doesn't give them the right to curse Allah for them being different. As their trials might be greater than the common man but so is their reward much much greater. But alas in this over sexualized world, people cant seem to control their desires.

                Comment


                • Re: My fiance says she has attraction to women but won't act on it?

                  Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
                  I'm sure there is a branch of psychology that disagrees with you. It won't be the whole reason but it will play some part.
                  I'm not talking about years of brainwashing and being brought up in a terrible and broken home (even that situation doesn't always lead to the making of a peadophile). I'm talking about the likes of you and me. Do you think you are capable of rape? I mean, I can understand if someone had a gun to your head... but generally speaking, I don't believe a sensible person with a healthy brain function would wake up one day and suddenly think yeahh... I would like to rape some random young girl/guy. That would make them insane.

                  Comment


                  • Re: My fiance says she has attraction to women but won't act on it?

                    Originally posted by In my Opinion View Post
                    I'm not talking about years of brainwashing and being brought up in a terrible and broken home (even that situation doesn't always lead to the making of a peadophile). I'm talking about the likes of you and me. Do you think you are capable of rape? I mean, I can understand if someone had a gun to your head... but generally speaking, I don't believe a sensible person with a healthy brain function would wake up one day and suddenly think yeahh... I would like to rape some random young girl/guy. That would make them insane.
                    Some crimes are pre-planned some are opportunistic. Who knows what goes through peoples minds in a split second. The majority of people who commit hideous crimes are not insane, far from it. My knowledge of criminology is very limited so I'm all out.

                    Comment


                    • Re: My fiance says she has attraction to women but won't act on it?

                      Originally posted by Fragile View Post
                      Having dirty thoughts like that. No she's not wifey material.. IM entitled to my opinion and stick by it.
                      this is a sick thing to say itself. it is 'my opinion' that anyone with this arrogant thought process is not 'wifey material'. nobody this judgmental is mature enough for marriage or parenthood.

                      as long as a muslim obeys Allah, they are good spouses. its when they dont obey Allah they are bad spouses and parents.

                      and thoughts and desires are not a sin in islam, only actions are. and its hypocritical to say she isnt wife material for having naughty thoughts when every single one of you here has had inappropriate or evil thoughts. its called being human.

                      and those sisters saying that women arent attracted to women are wrong - there is a reason that women cant uncover their awra in front of other women. we must keep our thighs up to to necks covered even in front of muslim women. shaytan can tempt anyone.
                      Last edited by Taboo; 08-10-15, 09:52 AM.
                      I want your reflections on THIS Thread, please post!

                      The great Imam ash-Shafi’, he went to his teacher Waki` Complaining about the weakness of his memory.He told him, "Abandon rebellion, for knowledge is a light - And the light of Allah is not bestowed upon a rebel." [video]

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                      • Re: My fiance says she has attraction to women but won't act on it?

                        Originally posted by Muslim_Akhi93 View Post
                        This is all because we are exposed to this filth in the west through movies porn.. This is so sad it affects many the urges are there but taking action isn't
                        Originally posted by Creamcake View Post
                        Everyone has given advice. And yeah I feel like the media is partially to blame in a way with the way that females are depicted, .
                        There was a punishment for women guilty of lewdness with other women in the Prophet's AS time. It isn't a new problem, we've been dealing with it since the time of Lut AS.
                        I want your reflections on THIS Thread, please post!

                        The great Imam ash-Shafi’, he went to his teacher Waki` Complaining about the weakness of his memory.He told him, "Abandon rebellion, for knowledge is a light - And the light of Allah is not bestowed upon a rebel." [video]

                        Comment


                        • Re: My fiance says she has attraction to women but won't act on it?

                          "My husband has an attraction to women too, and he says he won't act on it. And I'm fine with that."

                          Sadly, the one important difference is that brother Iqbal's wife will spend a lot of time around women... And if it's a typical traditional style Indian setting with extended family, even worse...

                          Husband in question above is lot less likely to be around women.

                          --------------

                          Allahummahdinaa... Please, be careful.

                          Respectfully,

                          [I"]In my opinion, nobody shares in Allah's Glory and Authority, so nobody is allowed to judge someone for having gay sex."[/I]

                          Except Allah Ta'alaa Himself. And he has done just that - judged it.
                          Last edited by Fakhri; 09-10-15, 10:45 PM.
                          LAA ILAAHA ILLALLAH
                          -------------------------------
                          "And if you would count the graces of God, never could you be able to count them. Truly, God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (Qur'aan 16:18)
                          NOTE: Please kindly do NOT rep my posts. (Jazaa'akumullah).

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                          • Re: My fiance says she has attraction to women but won't act on it?

                            Originally posted by fish_launcher
                            Homophooooooooobe.

                            It's ok. I'm also attracted to women, and am happily married...TO A MAN *gasp*
                            Though there is still debate whether homosexual marriage in Islam is permitted.
                            If she won't act on it, there is no problem. If it makes you feel disturbed, suck it up. My husband has an attraction to women too, and he says he won't act on it. And I'm fine with that. :)
                            there is no debate, it is haraam end of story
                            maybe you'd best stick to launching fish than trying your hand at fiqh
                            you going to call me a homophobe too? its what they usually label people who arent morally corrupt
                            "My servants, you who have transgressed against yourselves, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Truly Allah forgives all wrong actions. He is the Ever-Forgiving, the Most Merciful." (Surat az-Zumar: 53)

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                            • Re: My fiance says she has attraction to women but won't act on it?

                              Cannot believe people are seriously advocating he divorce her

                              They are married now and this is his first challenge they must face as a married couple. The wife is going through a test and it is the husband duty to help her through it.

                              Yeah she has feelings, they are just feelings. Would it make a difference if she said she was attracted to other men instead. He'd probably be less shocked and less threatened funnily enough

                              And what would people be advising the wife if the roles were reversed and new hubby had gay feelings? Something tells me they won't be so quick to suggest divorce that's for sure

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