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How long normally is the islamic "courtship"?

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  • How long normally is the islamic "courtship"?

    Assalamu 'alaykum,

    I know that it really varies but normally how long does it take from expressing your desire to get to know someone for the purpose of marriage until the proposal?
    I'm on a strict time management regiment and have to limit my time online. Therefore I have to reply selectively. Please don't be offended if I ignore your questions. :jkk:

  • #2
    Re: How long normally is the islamic "courtship"?

    Originally posted by budi.sudaryo View Post
    Assalamu 'alaykum,

    I know that it really varies but normally how long does it take from expressing your desire to get to know someone for the purpose of marriage until the proposal?
    according to this weblog, 3-6 months should be enough. You emotional attachment shouldn't get intense

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: How long normally is the islamic "courtship"?

      Islamically, according to the Sunnah, I mean, not long at all.

      Express a desire, take a look at her, gain references, ask for her hand, set a mahr, the nikah, she is then given to you, then you hold a feast, a waleemah. Within the Sahabah ridwaanallahi alaihim ajma'een's time this took no more than a few days.

      Abdur Rahman bin Auf radiyallahu anhu got married, and can you believe it, the Prophet Sallallahu alaihi wasallam only found out due to the stain of the perfume that was on the clothes of The Sahabi which was exclusive to marriage! Ie. The process was so quick that he had got married with the Prophet of Allah Sallallahu alaihi wasallam even knowing!

      In today's time, Allahu Akbar.

      Funny thing is, even after so much pondering, getting to know periods and whatever else peeps involve themselves in, the divorce rate is not decreasing, but is increasing...!!
      وَإِذَا قِيلَ لَهُمۡ ءَامِنُواْ كَمَآ ءَامَنَ ٱلنَّاسُ قَالُوٓاْ أَنُؤۡمِنُ كَمَآ ءَامَنَ ٱلسُّفَهَآءُ*ۗ أَلَآ إِنَّهُمۡ هُمُ ٱلسُّفَهَآءُ وَلَـٰكِن لَّا يَعۡلَمُونَ


      And when it is said unto them: believe as the people believe, they say: Shall we believe as the foolish believe? Beware! They indeed are the foolish? But they know not.
      Al Baqarah : Verse 13

      Comment


      • #4
        How long normally is the islamic "courtship"?

        Wa Alaykumussalam
        Not that long I think, as described above
        The ironic thing is peeps these day spend months/yearz 'getting to know each other' before marrying n islamically that really isn't right. ppl forget it shouldnt be a drawn out process but at the same time no ones saying jump irrationally into a marriage,coz meeting em with wali for qs compatibility etc is acceptable. ppl also seem to get engaged n think its fine to hang out between that n marriage..but no basis in Islam..I think

        Allahu Alam
        And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
        [al-An’aam 6:59]

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: How long normally is the islamic "courtship"?

          Originally posted by i.badat View Post
          Islamically, according to the Sunnah, I mean, not long at all.

          Express a desire, take a look at her, gain references, ask for her hand, set a mahr, the nikah, she is then given to you, then you hold a feast, a waleemah. Within the Sahabah ridwaanallahi alaihim ajma'een's time this took no more than a few days.

          Abdur Rahman bin Auf radiyallahu anhu got married, and can you believe it, the Prophet Sallallahu alaihi wasallam only found out due to the stain of the perfume that was on the clothes of The Sahabi which was exclusive to marriage! Ie. The process was so quick that he had got married with the Prophet of Allah Sallallahu alaihi wasallam even knowing!

          In today's time, Allahu Akbar.

          Funny thing is, even after so much pondering, getting to know periods and whatever else peeps involve themselves in, the divorce rate is not decreasing, but is increasing...!!
          But you cannot say that the marriages where done blindfully. Settlement were small-often a village-and you or one of your family members (not that members of extended families would live together) would now the groom/bride. Today's divorce rate is very much related to finances, which at those times where not a problem either. And people were not this sophisticated and hard to know at those times.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: How long normally is the islamic "courtship"?

            Ok I know these days practicality dictates some situations but the whole months thing is a bit ridiculous

            These things should be done in days and even hours not months and years.

            Also courtship isn't the right word. Marriage is more a contract than what we made it into today and hence the struggles imo

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: How long normally is the islamic "courtship"?

              Originally posted by nonameakhi View Post
              Ok I know these days practicality dictates some situations but the whole months thing is a bit ridiculous

              These things should be done in days and even hours not months and years.

              Also courtship isn't the right word. Marriage is more a contract than what we made it into today and hence the struggles imo
              So what is the right word? I've been looking for it
              I'm on a strict time management regiment and have to limit my time online. Therefore I have to reply selectively. Please don't be offended if I ignore your questions. :jkk:

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: How long normally is the islamic "courtship"?

                Originally posted by budi.sudaryo View Post
                So what is the right word? I've been looking for it
                Not sure tbh. Marriage is not touchy feely in Islam its basically a contract. I think current understanding of marriage makes everyone all dewy eyed

                So we get the whole khadija ra loved the prophet so sent a proposal. Yet it may simply have been a widow who saw a trustworthy man and proposed due to need, if that makes sense? Love developed after

                What word for that? Don't know

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: How long normally is the islamic "courtship"?

                  Originally posted by nonameakhi View Post
                  Ok I know these days practicality dictates some situations but the whole months thing is a bit ridiculous

                  These things should be done in days and even hours not months and years.

                  Also courtship isn't the right word. Marriage is more a contract than what we made it into today and hence the struggles imo
                  Days????Hours????

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: How long normally is the islamic "courtship"?

                    Unfortunately what has happened in western countries to Muslims is that we havr adopted the non-Muslim mindset. Where we think we should get to know them for at least a year then decide if they are really the person for us.
                    "The duty of the man who investigates the writings of scientists, if learning the truth is his goal, is to make himself an enemy of all that he reads, and,.. attack it from every side. He should also suspect himself as he performs his critical examination of it, so that he may avoid falling into either prejudice or leniency."
                    -Alhazen Ibn Al-Haythem

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by nonameakhi View Post
                      Ok I know these days practicality dictates some situations but the whole months thing is a bit ridiculous

                      These things should be done in days and even hours not months and years.

                      Also courtship isn't the right word. Marriage is more a contract than what we made it into today and hence the struggles imo
                      Someone I know got married in a week- from meeting, til the walimah.

                      :insha: I wouldn't want to drag things out more than a few weeks either. It has it's own bonus I think, since it may weed out (and scare away!) the timewasters from the serious brothers.
                      ⚔ Even in death may you be triumphant ⚔
                      U.F Sadaqah Jariyah Project

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: How long normally is the islamic "courtship"?

                        Originally posted by nonameakhi View Post
                        Not sure tbh. Marriage is not touchy feely in Islam its basically a contract. I think current understanding of marriage makes everyone all dewy eyed

                        So we get the whole khadija ra loved the prophet so sent a proposal. Yet it may simply have been a widow who saw a trustworthy man and proposed due to need, if that makes sense? Love developed after

                        What word for that? Don't know
                        I agree with you brother many of us only spoke with our wives for 2 weeks and decided on a walima date.

                        there is no need to talk someone for months . I exchanged 8 emails within a week with my wife and then saw her and following day we had the nikah a few days later the walima.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: How long normally is the islamic "courtship"?

                          If after a year, you haven't reached a decision, then forget about it. You're not right for each other.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: How long normally is the islamic "courtship"?

                            Originally posted by hooshi View Post
                            Days????Hours????
                            Yeah really
                            I recall reading of a proposal, acceptance, slaughtering of animal and walima in the same day. Not sure if I have facts straight but wasn't it the wedding of Fatima ra to Ali ra?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: How long normally is the islamic "courtship"?

                              Originally posted by umm salabil View Post
                              If after a year, you haven't reached a decision, then forget about it. You're not right for each other.
                              That's way too long tbh. And no proposal in itself should take more than days as the longer it goes on the more stuck a person is. As realistically non other proposals can be considered unless decisions are made, especially for sisters. This is why the matrimonial sites are an issue because multiple conversations shouldn't be happening

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