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Is it dangerous to marry overseas? How to spot a VISA Digger? Spotting a VISA Digger

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  • #46
    Re: Is it dangerous to marry overseas? How to spot a VISA Digger? Spotting a VISA Dig

    One of the reasons marrying overseas is so tempting is because generally the girls and their families are much less demanding than families of Muslimah's here in the USA.

    For example I am a Muslim male aged 22 finishing school, and a lot (not all Alhamdulilah) but a lot of the families want you to be finished with school before you can marry their daughter.

    They also want you to be earning a decent salary etc.

    Even though I currently have an ok part time job salary, am able to support and provide for a wife, have my own car, and am able to rent my own apartment.

    However, back in my home country there are beautiful young aged pure girls who do not care, as long as you can support them, they only wish to marry to get out of the oppressive household of their parents and older brothers.

    Even if you tell them you flip burgers and drive a taxi in the USA, they will marry you knowing that life in the West is much better.

    You will find girls who are more attractive than the Muslimah's here in USA, fully covered and ready for marriage with a low dowry cost and low wedding costs because of the strength of the US dollar conversion over to their currency.

    The only issue with back home is you never know if she will ditch you once she gets that VISA.

    It's very tempting considering the less difficulty versus the West, and beauty of the women, but it brings some very severe risks and I believe marrying in the West is much safer overall.

    I have seen too many stories where poor men get married back home only for the wife to leave as soon as she gets the papers.
    Last edited by Alhamduillah; 24-09-15, 09:28 AM.

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    • #47
      Re: Is it dangerous to marry overseas? How to spot a VISA Digger? Spotting a VISA Dig

      Originally posted by illuminated 1 View Post
      Marry her and tell her to stay in the country she already resides in. Send her money every month and buy her a house. If you can afford it, visit her 3-4 times a year and keep your children in that country as well. There, you just solved your problem and good luck.
      What!! U can't be serious !
      Is that even a marriage ? To see the hubby 4 times a year and not helping in anything except money . U really don't know what marriage means
      The worst advice ever
      How merciful Allah on me by giving me respite,and I persist in my sins and Allah shields me :crying2:

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      • #48
        Is it dangerous to marry overseas? How to spot a VISA Digger? Spotting a VISA Digger

        Lol innit^^

        You can never know what is inside ones heart
        [SIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman][B][U][CENTER]Oh Allah, in your name, I die and live.[/CENTER][/U][/B][/FONT][/SIZE]
        [CENTER]:):lailah::lailah::lailah::lailah::)[/CENTER]

        [B][CENTER]Ya Allah, Grant Me A Heart That Sees[/CENTER][/B]

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        • #49
          Re: Is it dangerous to marry overseas? How to spot a VISA Digger? Spotting a VISA Dig

          Originally posted by myeverything View Post
          What!! U can't be serious !
          Is that even a marriage ? To see the hubby 4 times a year and not helping in anything except money . U really don't know what marriage means
          The worst advice ever
          Sure and you know everything ya? Plenty of men do what I suggested, please only speak if you know what you are talking about. The brother has trust issues with inviting his spouse over and I gave him some advise. It may not be to your Hollywood standards of "love" and " Marriage" but what I suggested works for plenty of people I know perfectly fine.

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          • #50
            Re: Is it dangerous to marry overseas? How to spot a VISA Digger? Spotting a VISA Dig

            No, its not dangerous to marry overseas. It can be, but it can be equally dangerous to marry someone where you live currently at the moment.

            Originally posted by Alhamduillah View Post
            I expect the best from Allah, my Lord, and I know he will be hearing everything when I pray Salat Al Istikhara to him prior to the marriage.
            If you are true, then know that Allah will give you what you are looking for. Know that what Allah has destined for you who you are going to be married to - whether she is where you are currently living or overseas, so upon you is to do your own homework / striving and then at the end leave it upon Allah.

            The key to finding what you are looking for is filtering what you are really looking for, and then paying attention to those particular things in your search.

            My parents have many friends back-home, they know certain families from a long time, who are really good families.. They were particular interested in one particular family.. I personally liked their family a lot and liked their daughter as well.. So after some time, our family asked for their daughter, but they didn't want their daughter to be living abroad, far away from them, so they declined and what we wanted never happened in that particular case.

            I personally think the stories about gold diggers from the people living in the West are a bit too overblown when it comes to looking for a woman. I had the same fear, but that's not necessarily the case when you have filtered the type of girl you are looking for. I would tend to agree that it almost always seems to be the case with Men, Men are the ones who would very much like to get foreign nationality by any means possible, so its the sisters who really have to watch out for. For women back-home, its not their absolute choice but mostly the choice of their family as to who they want their daughter to be married to.

            I know your reasons for marrying overseas, and would say that if you are able to find the type of girl where you are living then all well and good, otherwise girls back-home in general are miles ahead in terms of knowing / performing their responsibilities and going the extra mile without having any second thoughts - that too when you've filtered the type of girl you're looking for.. You have to keep in mind, women overseas are not all on the same footing either, there would be those who would suit your criteria very well, and there would be those whom you would not be able to differentiate from those that are in the West in-terms of their thinking, character, dress, etc.. these are the type of women who once they get to the West loose their way.

            There is a lot of work that goes on in the background when you are looking for a wife. Keep in mind when you have filtered what you're looking for then you will be able to catch red flags along the way in your search. Have your family and yourself make Du'aa, perform Istikhaara, do your homework / strive and then leave it upon Allah.

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            • #51
              Re: Is it dangerous to marry overseas? How to spot a VISA Digger? Spotting a VISA Dig

              Originally posted by illuminated 1 View Post
              Sure and you know everything ya? Plenty of men do what I suggested, please only speak if you know what you are talking about. The brother has trust issues with inviting his spouse over and I gave him some advise. It may not be to your Hollywood standards of "love" and " Marriage" but what I suggested works for plenty of people I know perfectly fine.
              this brother may have trust issues but your advice isn't any better, it is bad advice at the end of the day and an impractical one at that

              of all the people in the situation you cited that i know of, the couples have been forced to live apart, there's nothing pleasant about it, not to mention the fact that if one thing works for someone, it need not work for others too
              sigpic

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              • #52
                Re: Is it dangerous to marry overseas? How to spot a VISA Digger? Spotting a VISA Dig

                just dont give them citizenship thats it

                aint no man getting a british passport from me *snaps fingers*

                لا تفكر كثيرا
                بل استغفر كثيرا

                -------------------------------------------------------
                The children need your prayers more than anyone else
                -------------------------------------------------------
                www.inheritorsofquran.wordpress.com

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                • #53
                  Re: Is it dangerous to marry overseas? How to spot a VISA Digger? Spotting a VISA Dig

                  What a load of ......

                  Comment


                  • #54
                    Re: Is it dangerous to marry overseas? How to spot a VISA Digger? Spotting a VISA Dig

                    Originally posted by F_R View Post
                    just dont give them citizenship thats it

                    aint no man getting a british passport from me *snaps fingers*
                    you shouldn't be stingy like that, no, you should care and share..for sharing is sadaqah

                    oh man, i just didn't say that lol..
                    sigpic

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Re: Is it dangerous to marry overseas? How to spot a VISA Digger? Spotting a VISA Dig

                      Originally posted by F_R View Post
                      just dont give them citizenship thats it

                      aint no man getting a british passport from me *snaps fingers*
                      That's good because that would be illegal.

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Re: Is it dangerous to marry overseas? How to spot a VISA Digger? Spotting a VISA Dig

                        Originally posted by Alhamduillah View Post
                        One of the reasons marrying overseas is so tempting is because generally the girls and their families are much less demanding than families of Muslimah's here in the USA.

                        For example I am a Muslim male aged 22 finishing school, and a lot (not all Alhamdulilah) but a lot of the families want you to be finished with school before you can marry their daughter.

                        They also want you to be earning a decent salary etc.

                        Even though I currently have an ok part time job salary, am able to support and provide for a wife, have my own car, and am able to rent my own apartment.

                        However, back in my home country there are beautiful young aged pure girls who do not care, as long as you can support them, they only wish to marry to get out of the oppressive household of their parents and older brothers.

                        Even if you tell them you flip burgers and drive a taxi in the USA, they will marry you knowing that life in the West is much better.

                        You will find girls who are more attractive than the Muslimah's here in USA, fully covered and ready for marriage with a low dowry cost and low wedding costs because of the strength of the US dollar conversion over to their currency.

                        The only issue with back home is you never know if she will ditch you once she gets that VISA.

                        It's very tempting considering the less difficulty versus the West, and beauty of the women, but it brings some very severe risks and I believe marrying in the West is much safer overall.

                        I have seen too many stories where poor men get married back home only for the wife to leave as soon as she gets the papers.
                        Assalamu 'alaikum

                        The only healthy and effective way of resolving this is by tackling it from its very root. The root cause of your worries is your overall mindset and way of thinking which you need to work on gradually overcoming--it is not easy!

                        A lasting marriage is not guaranteed for anyone--even if you married someone from the West, that doesn't guarantee that it will last.
                        Change your mentality entirely by thinking of marriage the same as any risk in life--even your taking your car out to drive somewhere carries a risk of an accident but we still do it because we live day-to-day, do what is expected of us (following traffic rules and practicing defensive driving in this case), and finally we trust in Allah swt, and hope for the best. If we face any adversity on the other hand, our mindset should be that it was written for us and there was a hidden benefit in it.

                        When you get married to anyone, it is the same circumstance. I don't think very many women would marry a man solely for a visa and plan on leaving him thereafter. If they exist, they are in a stark minority even in the "East" and there are things you can do to avoid them. To cut your risk down even further, choose a woman who has not had past prior relationships, has taqwa, and is from a good family upbringing. The reason why I mentioned past relationships is that a woman may be more likely to divorce if she already has a past of having relationship(s)--for a woman who has never been in a relationship or marriage, leaving you would most likely be the last thing on her mind even if the marriage took a sharp downhill turn--it has something to do with oxytocin. Studies have shown the more relationships a woman has had, the more she will be desensitized and even incapable of the same level of emotional attachment as before.

                        All in all, work on changing your attitude and mindset--not only will it help you emotionally, it will increase the likelihood of a lasting marriage which brings me to another key point: women do not like men who exhibit even the subtlest, slightest signs of desperation--they have natural radars that are extremely good at picking up on even the slightest of desperate behavioral signals and they suddenly lose respect and attraction for the person in question. You need to have a different attitude toward this, an attitude like "I am willing to play my part as a responsible, loving husband yet I am not dependent upon you for my emotional wellbeing and will stand up for myself if I feel the need. I am emotionally strong enough to handle any situation and am not a push-over. If you are ever not happy even after my many sincere efforts and attempts, you are free to move on and find happiness elsewhere and me as well." Don't actually say that but have that sort of attitude. Don't just pretend it, actually adopt it. To cut it short, care but also don't care. Remember, this advice -doesn't tell you to be mean or unfair, just to exhibit a strong emotional foundation and self-pride. You cannot pretend because as I said women are very good at picking up on someone hiding their desperation as well. Just change your mindset altogether so that it is all genuine. It's a careful balance you have to maintain. Not only will it shield you from getting hurt emotionally in case something does happen, it will also increase the chances of your spouse respecting and staying with you so it's a win-win.
                        Last edited by lena01; 27-09-15, 03:14 PM.

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                        • #57
                          Re: Is it dangerous to marry overseas? How to spot a VISA Digger? Spotting a VISA Dig

                          Originally posted by lena01 View Post

                          women do not like men who exhibit even the subtlest, slightest signs of desperation--they have natural radars that are extremely good at picking up on even the slightest of desperate behavioral signals and they suddenly lose respect and attraction for the person in question. You need to have a different attitude toward this, an attitude like "I am willing to play my part as a responsible, loving husband yet I am not dependent upon you for my emotional wellbeing and will stand up for myself if I feel the need. I am emotionally strong enough to handle any situation and am not a push-over. If you are ever not happy even after my many sincere efforts and attempts, you are free to move on and find happiness elsewhere and me as well." Don't actually say that but have that sort of attitude. Don't just pretend it, actually adopt it. To cut it short, care but also don't care. Remember, this advice -doesn't tell you to be mean or unfair, just to exhibit a strong emotional foundation and self-pride. You cannot pretend because as I said women are very good at picking up on someone hiding their desperation as well. Just change your mindset altogether so that it is all genuine. It's a careful balance you have to maintain. Not only will it shield you from getting hurt emotionally in case something does happen, it will also increase the chances of your spouse respecting and staying with you so it's a win-win.
                          Thank you for your input Lena. However, I disagree that you have to "break" into some new type of non-desperation mindset before seeking a spouse. This is only going to make a person look more desperate because well.....they are trying to not look desperate.

                          The ultimate solution to not being desperate is to have complete Tawakkul and reliance on Allah, that he will bring the best spouse to you if you rely on him, and that even if a potential does not accept, then it is just as good news because Allah has answered your dua by keeping the said spouse away from you.

                          The tawaakul on Allah is the anti-dote for not looking desperate, because you are actually not sad and you know Allah has already worked everything out for you.

                          I do not agree on the "self help" book type of method of breaking into some new type of confident personality by believing in yourself etc. These are all based on books of psychology by the Kuffar. We do not believe in ourselves, and we do not feel confidence in ourselves, we believe in Allah and we are confident in Allah.

                          The advice has been given to us by the Quran and the Sunnah:

                          “How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for his affairs are all good, and this applies to no one but the believer. If something good happens to him, he is thankful for it and that is good for him. If something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience and that is good for him.” (Narrated by Muslim, 2999).

                          " For Believers are those who, when Allah is mentioned, feel a tremor in their hearts and when His verses are recited to them, they [the verses] increase their faith and they put their trust in their Rabb, Alone" (Qur'an 8:2)


                          This is the ultimate solution.
                          Last edited by Alhamduillah; 28-09-15, 08:31 AM.

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                          • #58
                            Re: Is it dangerous to marry overseas? How to spot a VISA Digger? Spotting a VISA Dig

                            Originally posted by Alhamduillah View Post
                            Hi,

                            I am an Arab-American male 22 years old.

                            I am not sure what Allah has planned for me, who knows where my spouse will come from, but I am leaning towards marrying overseas for many reasons I do not wish to state on here, but I have

                            pretty much made up my mind that I will either marry a girl from my home country, or from another Arabic speaking country, if Allah Wills it.

                            I am leaning towards going back to my home country and getting married, however, one of the biggest fears I have is getting used for my American passport only to be left by the woman.

                            I thought this could be solved by quickly having kids with the woman, forcing her to stay with you, is this true? Or would a VISA digger leave you whether or not she had kids with you?

                            I also thought that a girl from overseas could never use me for a visa, because I am her only support and she would probably speak no English and rely very much on me, could not survive on her own etc.

                            Am I correct or wrong on this matter?

                            As I said, I have pretty much made up my mind that I will marry from back home most likely, but how can I spot the VISA diggers? What are some things I should know before going into this? Are there a lot of successful back home marriages?

                            It would be really heartbreaking to marry a Muslimah from back home, have several children with me, only to have her leave me when she gets a green card, take my children, and make me pay child support (I pray Allah never allows this to happen to me)

                            I am only posting this to "tie the camel" essentially and get helpful tips, experiences, warnings from people. I expect the best from Allah, my Lord, and I know he will be hearing everything when I pray Salat Al Istikhara to him prior to the marriage.
                            Are you kidding me? Any man who thinks about using force should never get married. You are 22, I'd suggest you do a bit of growing up first.

                            For those who are older and wiser than this chap as long as you don't marry someone completely out of your league and treat them well - I don't see why they would leave you once the green card is in. This usually happens when an old fat man marries a 14 year old who plans an escape route as soon as she is in USA or the UK. And rightly so.

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                            • #59
                              Re: Is it dangerous to marry overseas? How to spot a VISA Digger? Spotting a VISA Dig

                              theres nothing wrong with men marrying girls from overseas. A lot of people in our community do it, the only people who have problems are those who marry from lower class and less religious families. I don't mean to belittle people and class isn't the same as having money. But if you marry a well mannered girl from a good family and she's fairly religious you'll have less issues with her. Make sure you ask about the people you're marrying from and they have a good reputation. Honestly it's more likely you'll have more issues with her missing her family and wanting to visit a lot than with her trying to leave you after getting a citizenship.

                              Also the best option ever is marrying someone with a citizenship who lives in the country you're originally from. That's actually more common than you think we found a girl like that for my brother and it's perfect she has papers she doesn't need you for them and also her family will really want a man who also has a citizenship so they know they're daughter isn't being married to someone who will take advantage of her because of her citizenship. You're fairly young and if you're not in a rush to get married you'll have time to look and ask around for a girl like that.

                              You could always try testing someone by telling her you're considering moving overseas and not returning to the U.S. And see her opinion on that. If she wants to be with you because of yourself then she won't be strongly opposed

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