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Why do all most men want a fair skinned wife?

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  • Why do all most men want a fair skinned wife?

    Assalamu alaikum,

    I am not fair skinned, have a wheatish to dark complexion. Apart from this I have no major flaws Alhamdulillah.... and yes I feel having a dark complexion is a flaw for women in the Indian Subcontinent.
    My parents and I have been looking for a suitable match since the past 5 years... our experience has been really bad. Everyone want a fair skinned wife... deen, family status, education are secondary to this requirement. Getting married for me has become an impossible task. Everyone has been telling us to compromise on out standards of finding a groom and we have done that as well... we are ok if the person is not financially well off but we cannot compromise on education and behavior of the boy and his family.
    Why is it that all compromises are made by the bride and her family.. people from the groom's family seem to have absolutely no consideration of the difficulties the other party might have to face and keep ordering the bride's family members and making all sort of difficult demands even if their 'boy' is not well settled or civilised. Even if the boy is a school passout , he should get a CAR on his wedding.
    I am just so fed up of the hypocrisy in our society, i just want to give up on marriage and invest my effort in getting a better job and managing my own life.
    Why is that a woman cannot live in this society if she is not married? Why does everyone go around telling her to just get married to anyone???

  • #2
    Re: Why do all most men want a fair skinned wife?

    its a problem with areas that were colonized for centuries.
    "They are Shuhadaa (witnesses) to the fact that this Deen is greater than life, that values are more important than blood and that principles are more precious than souls" - Sheikh 'Abdullah Azzam

    Lost in Islamic History :inlove:

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    • #3
      Re: Why do all most men want a fair skinned wife?

      no one likes the beautiful olive tone? :(

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Why do all most men want a fair skinned wife?

        Originally posted by samin62 View Post
        its a problem with areas that were colonized for centuries.
        > Also, not all men want a fair skinned wife.

        > it's cultural

        > OP is entirely incorrect

        > thread derails into racism and why Arabs are racist

        > talk on polygamy

        > It's ok for women to show their hair during the wedding meeting

        > no it's not

        > yes it is

        > thread closed by none other than Samin.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Why do all most men want a fair skinned wife?

          Originally posted by Abdalla94' View Post
          > Also, not all men want a fair skinned wife.

          > it's cultural

          > OP is entirely incorrect

          > thread derails into racism and why Arabs are racist

          > talk on polygamy

          > It's ok for women to show their hair during the wedding meeting

          > no it's not

          > yes it is

          > thread closed by none other than Samin.
          "They are Shuhadaa (witnesses) to the fact that this Deen is greater than life, that values are more important than blood and that principles are more precious than souls" - Sheikh 'Abdullah Azzam

          Lost in Islamic History :inlove:

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Why do all most men want a fair skinned wife?

            Originally posted by sistra View Post
            Assalamu alaikum,

            I am not fair skinned, have a wheatish to dark complexion. Apart from this I have no major flaws Alhamdulillah.... and yes I feel having a dark complexion is a flaw for women in the Indian Subcontinent.
            My parents and I have been looking for a suitable match since the past 5 years... our experience has been really bad. Everyone want a fair skinned wife... deen, family status, education are secondary to this requirement. Getting married for me has become an impossible task. Everyone has been telling us to compromise on out standards of finding a groom and we have done that as well... we are ok if the person is not financially well off but we cannot compromise on education and behavior of the boy and his family.
            Why is it that all compromises are made by the bride and her family.. people from the groom's family seem to have absolutely no consideration of the difficulties the other party might have to face and keep ordering the bride's family members and making all sort of difficult demands even if their 'boy' is not well settled or civilised. Even if the boy is a school passout , he should get a CAR on his wedding.
            I am just so fed up of the hypocrisy in our society, i just want to give up on marriage and invest my effort in getting a better job and managing my own life.
            Why is that a woman cannot live in this society if she is not married? Why does everyone go around telling her to just get married to anyone???
            Its not neccesarily true. I think its more of an issue with extremely cultural desis who still have the mentality that lighter skin is an indication of upper caste. I advise you avoid these kinds of nonsence cultural families anyway.

            Personally I do not mind about skin colour, can be light or dark. The majority of white reverts I have seen have wives darker than them. I know an Americcan bro with 3 somali wives.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Why do all most men want a fair skinned wife?

              Wa Alaykumussalam
              this is true sometimes, but sometimes its not. I don't get why people are so fixated on skin colour as well, because for a fact, a lot of people are. At the same time, there are good Muslim males, who are not like this. All I'd say is keep making Du'aa, and don't give up, be patient sis. Patience is hard, I know, but there's no rush. You can get a better job sis and invest in your life, and have your family etc look for a spouse at the same time. I don't think you should put everything on hold to look for a spouse. Remember that Allah S.W.T created us in pairs, so we will be with who we're meant to be with.

              The families that judged you on skin colour, would you wanna be part of that family... Insha ' Allah your time will come. People can be silly in demands and expectations, and they aren't worth your time. We're the most beautiful of creation, and no one has the right to look down on anyone else. The standards you want are fair enough ofcourse, marriage is a life thing, I don't get how people can rush into it with anyone.. Don't worry, try not to. Get on with your life, make Du'aa and keep on actively searching via halal means. Society is pretty marriage obsessed I agree, but then again islamically its good, don't feel pressure sis, but if u wanna get married, its all good, aslong as y'all are making effort and Du'aa, Insha ' Allah he will come along when the time is right.
              And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
              [al-An’aam 6:59]

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              • #8
                Re: Why do all most men want a fair skinned wife?

                It's called "preference".

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Why do all most men want a fair skinned wife?

                  It is not true that all men go for fair skinned brides. Having said that I think being fair skinned has a bit of an advantage because some men find fair skinned women innocent and they want fair skinned children. It has a lot to do with colonisation and social influence. We are influenced by what others think. I sometimes feel I don't fit into any category . It's best not fit into any category because people are never satisfied especially men.
                  "Try to distance yourself from everything that causes you worry and sadness, so that you may always live with peace of mind and an open and tranquil heart, seeking Allah and His worship and working on your worldly and otherworldly matters, for if you try this, you will find rest.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Why do all most men want a fair skinned wife?

                    wa alaykum salam
                    sometimes its the mothers taht make those demands, but in fact the guys dont mind too much
                    Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Don’t ruin your happiness with worry, and don’t ruin your mind with pessimism. Don’t ruin your success with deception and don’t ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Don’t ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
                    __________________________________________________ _____________________________
                    If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesn’t prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

                    You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with dua’as being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so don’t ever underestimate any good deeds."



                    please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

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                    • #11
                      Re: Why do all most men want a fair skinned wife?

                      Originally posted by Green786 View Post
                      It is not true that all men go for fair skinned brides. Having said that I think being fair skinned has a bit of an advantage because some men find fair skinned women innocent and they want fair skinned children. It has a lot to do with colonisation and social influence. We are influenced by what others think. I sometimes feel I don't fit into any category . It's best not fit into any category because people are never satisfied especially men.
                      so strange

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Why do all most men want a fair skinned wife?

                        fair skin is more beutiful' that why; Allah says in Quran that their will be fair skin hourines in Jannah; you know why?; 'cause fair skin is the most beutifullest! [i.e, 'fair' here meaning light brown]

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Why do all most men want a fair skinned wife?

                          Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
                          wa alaykum salam
                          sometimes its the mothers taht make those demands, but in fact the guys dont mind too much
                          so now its not preference?

                          :applouse:



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                          • #14
                            Re: Why do all most men want a fair skinned wife?

                            What you singletons on about?!? We all know you'll grab whatever gets put on your plate.

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                            • #15
                              Re: Why do all most men want a fair skinned wife?

                              Originally posted by Slave of Rehman View Post
                              fair skin is more beutiful' that why; Allah says in Quran that their will be fair skin hourines in Jannah; you know why?; 'cause fair skin is the most beutifullest! [i.e, 'fair' here meaning light brown]
                              Well people have preferences, don't they? Some men prefer black women others Asian. When it comes to beauty for the most part, everything is subjective. I think the word 'fair' as used in the Qur'an has a different meaning to what we understand.

                              The Prophet (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم) said: “A houri is a most beautiful young woman with a transparent body. The marrow of her bones is visible like the interior lines of pearls and rubies. She looks like red wine in a white glass...." [At-Tirmizi, volume 2, pg 35-40]
                              Has the time not come for those who have believed that their hearts should become humbly submissive at the remembrance of Allah and what has come down of the truth? And let them not be like those who were given the Scripture before, and a long period passed over them, so their hearts hardened; and many of them are defiantly disobedient. (57:16)

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