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Dark nights of the soul

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  • Dark nights of the soul

    Asalaamu alaikum all, I hope everyone is in the best of spirits and health.

    Well I'd like to start off by saying I've always perused various forums but never thought i'd ever join and post an actually thread. However here I am. Where do I begin? I'm 24 years old and alhamdullilah just graduated university. I began university a few years older for reasons I needn't get into however in my final year really found islam in my heart for myself and felt truly guided. Prior to my third year life was extremely depressing and unhappy as I felt like furniture with girls. What exasperated the depression was wondering why I had no problem befriending guys but it didn't translate towards the distaff side. Thus at 20, I made it my mission to "get this side of my life handled". Looking back the obvious problem was a lack of faith and contentment. Then again I wasn't practicing like I was in my final year. Long story short I went on a seductive crusade of women. Within a couple years I became very successful with women. To the level of having 2+ new dates a week. It wasn't until I finished third year that I came back to my family home in London and after ramadhan slipped into my old habits with the beckoning opportunities a big city like London can bring. To help ease the trial I have asked anyone who is anyone to help me get married. However, what I have noticed is whoever my family introduce to me are great on paper but the initial attraction isn't there. Just recently I gave up completely and returned to my old player days ways. I feel within my community I am the only one who wants to get married. friends and family treat marriage as if it's something they do not need right now. Subhannallah what sins must be happening. I have friends who are married and take their marriage for granted. Sometimes I ask myself, Allah swt is so mighty he could easily present me with someone half decent to marry. Despite this I feel like I am being made to suffer. I believe this is a trial but one in which I cannot bear much longer as the wolves are at the gates. I genuinely fear for my future as the shaytaan is convincing me to get my own place in London and I really do not want to go down that road. I sometimes think only a person who's faith is tested this severely can truly appreciate the value of marriage and largely Islam. I constantly see threads of people wanting to get married after swallowing too many disney romance myths, but how many truly want to get married out of fear of displeasing allah with the means at their disposal?

  • #2
    Dark nights of the soul

    Wa Alaykumu Salam, Be patient brother and put your trust in allah.

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    • #3
      Re: Dark nights of the soul

      Originally posted by Need4Guidance View Post
      Asalaamu alaikum all, I hope everyone is in the best of spirits and health.

      Well I'd like to start off by saying I've always perused various forums but never thought i'd ever join and post an actually thread. However here I am. Where do I begin? I'm 24 years old and alhamdullilah just graduated university. I began university a few years older for reasons I needn't get into however in my final year really found islam in my heart for myself and felt truly guided. Prior to my third year life was extremely depressing and unhappy as I felt like furniture with girls. What exasperated the depression was wondering why I had no problem befriending guys but it didn't translate towards the distaff side. Thus at 20, I made it my mission to "get this side of my life handled". Looking back the obvious problem was a lack of faith and contentment. Then again I wasn't practicing like I was in my final year. Long story short I went on a seductive crusade of women. Within a couple years I became very successful with women. To the level of having 2+ new dates a week. It wasn't until I finished third year that I came back to my family home in London and after ramadhan slipped into my old habits with the beckoning opportunities a big city like London can bring. To help ease the trial I have asked anyone who is anyone to help me get married. However, what I have noticed is whoever my family introduce to me are great on paper but the initial attraction isn't there. Just recently I gave up completely and returned to my old player days ways. I feel within my community I am the only one who wants to get married. friends and family treat marriage as if it's something they do not need right now. Subhannallah what sins must be happening. I have friends who are married and take their marriage for granted. Sometimes I ask myself, Allah swt is so mighty he could easily present me with someone half decent to marry. Despite this I feel like I am being made to suffer. I believe this is a trial but one in which I cannot bear much longer as the wolves are at the gates. I genuinely fear for my future as the shaytaan is convincing me to get my own place in London and I really do not want to go down that road. I sometimes think only a person who's faith is tested this severely can truly appreciate the value of marriage and largely Islam. I constantly see threads of people wanting to get married after swallowing too many disney romance myths, but how many truly want to get married out of fear of displeasing allah with the means at their disposal?
      Wa Alaykumussalam Brother
      It's good that you decided to join and post a thread, so that Insha ' Allah we can all try to advice/help you. My advice probably wont be of much use, but I'll write something anyway. Congratulations on graduating Masha ' Allah, and its really good that you found Islam again, like you mentioned. So it sounds like you've been through a lot, in the sense of your past I mean. But none of us are perfect, and we all sin knowingly or unknowingly. The question is, have you asked sincerely for forgiveness? When you were trying to change. Because sometimes we try to change ourselves, and this results in more like a superficial change, but not exactly from within. And I feel like sometimes If we don't ask for forgiveness properly, then it might be related to that, because if we do then Allah S.W.T if oft forgiving and merciful. Allah S.W.T alone knows our intention. So continually ask for forgiveness and guidance.

      Also remember that this life is a test, its not supposed to be easy brother. It's a prison the believers and a paradise for the disbelievers, as our beloved Prophet Muhammad S.A.W said. When you said depression not sure if you said that word lightly, or like you mean clinical depression, if the latter then visit the doctor aswell Insha ' Allah, lots of therapy for that. Also, like you said the crusade with females..lack of faith and contentment. If Allah S.W.T if truly in our lives, we shouldn't feel the need for peeps of the opposite gender. There is so much wisdom in that ruling being haram, including getting emotionally attached and heartbreak, commiting sins, etc.

      If the city is causing a big problem, I guess you can move. But you did say family home, and its not exactly easy to relocate. And yeah you said you want to get married, have the means, etc, and that ppl are looking for you, so Alhamdulillah that's great brother. Just try not to fall into any haram or sin in the meanwhile. Just socialise with your family, and friends of the same gender. Don't keep friends as females or talk to them unless its a case of necessity, sometimes there is a lot of temptation in the world around us, but just gotta stay strong and be patient. So keep making Du'aa for this, and actively practising this yourself.

      Yeah it's islamically good to get married when young, and these days I agree peeps just wanna settle down when their older, I don't know. But don't be influenced by those around you, keep searching via halal methods, it is the right decision. When you say the attraction isn't there...depends what you mean. If you mean physical attraction, so like appearance, even though beauty isn't the be and end all, fair enough, because naturally everyone needs to be married to someone that their attracted to in some way.

      if by attraction you mean personality etc, it depends. Because in Islam when you meet females, they need to be meeting you with their wali, so not just like the two of you alone. You may well be doing this, but its like we're not supposed to do the whole dating thing, getting to know everything about each other, kinda thing. You're probably thinking..well how do I know that I can get married and spend my life with the person.... So you can ofcourse see them, meet with the wali, to ask questions, ensure compatibility, etc. But lots of muslim females will be shy anyway and unwilling to talk openly with you before marriage, but that doesn't mean they don't have an attractive personality, or that their not funny, talkative, kind, etc. Just that their following their teachings when searching for a spouse.

      Don't feel like you're made to suffer. Because like I said life is a test. We cant be ungrateful brother or expect everything to be a certain way. We gotta be patient and have faith, so don't stop asking Allah S.W.T for what you want. And you have to actively and Islamically search yourself through family, friends, etc. So don't give up at all, because we are created in pairs. So also rest assured knowing that when the time is right, Insha ' Allah you will find your pair, and this is Allah S.W.T will, what is meant to be will come. We also gotta put in our own effort too.

      You said the wolves are at gate, hence the early marriage is good. Just stay away from haram, use your time wisely, and continue searching, pray so much for strength. And don't get your own place in London brother, because like you said you don't want to go down that road... So why choose to... Seriously, try not to move out till you're married Insha ' Allah, because you yourself fear what will happen. Exactly, It makes you value Islam more, and we all have so many tests, so be patient. And yeah like you said, you got good intentions, and means, so Du'aa, patience and strength brother. Also, stay away from haram okay Insha ' Allah. And if you ever feel tempted, either make a thread, so we can all try to help you, or If its something you feel uncomfortable discussing on this forum for certain reasons, just pm one of the brothers.

      Insha ' Allah it works out for you brother.
      And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
      [al-An’aam 6:59]

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      • #4
        Re: Dark nights of the soul

        :salams
        You have a past, you may have to lower your standards. Many women may simply reject you because they know that.
        All I can say is patience and keep asking for salvation. You will find someone.
        Pray. Fast. Zakat. Pilgrimage. Allah.

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