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Ex Husband

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  • #16
    Re: Ex Husband

    Originally posted by SunnyDays View Post
    Thank you sis, I will definitely keep you in my duas. I do think families are strange, the only time people contacted me from family was to a) find out the gossip or b) complain about him.

    My family are of the opinion ' what done is, is done' and 'im not the first person to get divorced so get over it'.

    I think I should concentrate on ramadan
    , he wants to help me and I want to help him - i think we were gave eachother a break it would help.
    Sounds like a good plan. Be selfish. Focus on you and Allah swt. Let the Quran heal your broken soul in the blessed month.

    Divorce is hard. Take all the time that you need, and do all that you need to do, but dont go running to man, to help you. Run to Allah swt.

    Clear your mind, and cry all you need to cry, and seek help and guidance from Allah swt.

    After Ramadhan, consider your options.

    إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

    إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ

    "If Allah (swt) only sent this Surah to us, for the guidance of Mankind, this will be enough for us” - Imam Shaafi'ee r.a.

    "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

    Khanqah Habibiyah


    • #17
      Re: Ex Husband

      Originally posted by Gingerbeardman View Post
      assalaamu alaykum sister,

      I am sorry to hear about your difficulties, may Allaah swt make matters easy for you and great you good after these difficulties and enable you to find the best way in terms of your deen out of this situation, ameen

      first of all,

      Allaah states in the Quran in Surah Baqarah,

      keep them in kindness or release them in kindness

      This means do not abuse your wives, keep them in a good way and if you cannot not then release them in a good way. It seems you are falling here because you not being released, in fact he is keeping you hanging on, keeping the contact going despite the fact he has given you one divorce. So either he lets you go completely and allows you to heal and then move on with your life or he remarries you, what he is doing now is an injustice.

      So either you must be strong, cut things off, and have a male relative or imam speak to him to advise him never to contact you again, or else you need to get someone to sit down between you and decide if you can remarry, and the best of creation, Rasoolullaah (saw) divorced Hafsa (ra) and then remarried her and there is absolutely nothing wrong with remarrying after one or even two divorces if you both want to try again making it work.

      However such discussions are not meant to be conducted privately, you are ghair mahram to each other right now, you need to both fear Allaah, it would be dangerous enough to talk like this if you've never been together before but as ex's this is a clear open gateway to zina if you are not careful and many pious people in the past fell into zina so don't think it can never happen to you.

      If you are interested then talk to your family, if they refuse to speak to him then get a local imam or sheikh involved, if they are indifferent then get the husband of a pious friend to help you by speaking to him, telling him to either open discussions for remarriage, or to leave alone, it's not a fair way to treat a muslimah, keeping her hanging this way.
      Thank you for your advise, I think its more a failing on my part, my Allah swt forgive, as i sometimes initiate the conversation. I have tried family and friends, but they didnt want to get involved.


      • #18
        Re: Ex Husband

        Forgive my extremely limited knowledge, but is it so that if a husband and wife don't live together for more than three months, the nikkah becomes invalid? I hope I'm not confusing that with anything else.

        Op, you've been married for 6,7 years you said, do you have any kids?
        Allah gave us two ears and one mouth, so we can listen more and talk less.


        • #19
          Re: Ex Husband

          The guy initiated the divorce, the chances of him having feelings are slim.....before you know it, he remarried while you daydream about getting back together!


          • #20
            Re: Ex Husband

            Originally posted by .Singaporean View Post
            The guy initiated the divorce, the chances of him having feelings are slim.....before you know it, he remarried while you daydream about getting back together!
            Thats probably more likely to be the truth