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  • Ex Husband



    dear sisters and brothers.
    I am in need of some advice regarding my current situation. Last year my husband decided he wanted to divorce and we went through very low point whereas I moved my parents and did not get see him again. The decision to divorce was not something I wanted, the the time we separated things became heated as we never spoke face to face or had any elders involved. Both sides of the family unfortunately did not help and stopped talking to each other (they are still not talking even though we are related and live 5 minutes away from each other!!)

    We stayed in contact in the beginning because we had to sort our finances and other issues out, but a year on we are still talking. I try my best to leave him alone and he also has too. We been married for 6-7 years, and to be honest he was my best friend. He knows that I still love him and have feelings for him (i made this clear before the divorce) and I am not sure about him, he has never been one to express his feelings. I know he worries about me the same way i do for him.

    I need advice on what to do, I having been making lots of dua for Allah swt help, i have deleted his number on many occasions but somehow we end up talking again. I wish I was stronger to let go

  • #2
    Re: Ex Husband

    Waalikumussalam,

    Do you want to get back with him or leave him ?

    Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

    **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

    Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Ex Husband

      :love:

      Ukthi, if you are divorced then you are no longer halaal to each other. You just need to cut him out of your life and move on, its as simple as that.

      Im really sorry if what I say sounds harsh, but at the moment you are not doing yourself any favours. You are not moving on from your divorce, and ex husband and neither are you moving forward with your life.

      It'll be hard, but just keep yourself busy and focus on Allah swt and strengthening your bond with him.
      وَالْعَصْرِ

      إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

      إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ

      "If Allah (swt) only sent this Surah to us, for the guidance of Mankind, this will be enough for us” - Imam Shaafi'ee r.a.

      "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

      Khanqah Habibiyah

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Ex Husband

        Just to clarify - are you divorced per shariah?
        وَالْعَصْرِ

        إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

        إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ

        "If Allah (swt) only sent this Surah to us, for the guidance of Mankind, this will be enough for us” - Imam Shaafi'ee r.a.

        "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

        Khanqah Habibiyah

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Ex Husband

          I'm confused.

          He insisted on divorcing you despite you telling him you love him and want to stay together but now you are non-mahram he talks to you?
          O people who take pleasure in a life that will vanish, falling in love with a fading shadow is sheer stupidity~ Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziyya

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Ex Husband

            Yes he gave me one divorce, I dont know whether he was influenced by others, because the one thing it he has always said is that he was content with me. Which makes me wonder sometimes.
            But I know are you right, we shouldnt be talking and I should make more dua to help us both.
            Yes I do want him back. I will try my best to forget him

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Ex Husband

              Aww sis.

              Is there any way that you guys could reconcile?

              Im not sure exactly what the rulings on talaaq are, as its very complex, but if you love him, and you both care about each other, and are still talking perhaps you can have a look at avenues of reconcilation?
              وَالْعَصْرِ

              إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

              إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ

              "If Allah (swt) only sent this Surah to us, for the guidance of Mankind, this will be enough for us” - Imam Shaafi'ee r.a.

              "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

              Khanqah Habibiyah

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Ex Husband

                Originally posted by SunnyDays View Post
                Yes he gave me one divorce, I dont know whether he was influenced by others, because the one thing it he has always said is that he was content with me. Which makes me wonder sometimes.
                But I know are you right, we shouldnt be talking and I should make more dua to help us both.
                Yes I do want him back. I will try my best to forget him
                At the end of the day, whether influenced or not, he divorced you of his own free will. And is yet to ask for reconciliation a year later despite not cutting contact with you and knowing you still care for him.

                If he wants to talk to you, then he should marry you, otherwise he should fear Allah and go away. May Allah enable you to move on quickly if there is no room for reconciliation. Ameen.
                O people who take pleasure in a life that will vanish, falling in love with a fading shadow is sheer stupidity~ Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziyya

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Ex Husband

                  If he's only given you the one divorce then you can marry him again.
                  Last edited by *Sweety*; 24-06-15, 11:58 AM.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Ex Husband

                    Originally posted by Jenicca View Post
                    Aww sis.

                    Is there any way that you guys could reconcile?

                    Im not sure exactly what the rulings on talaaq are, as its very complex, but if you love him, and you both care about each other, and are still talking perhaps you can have a look at avenues of reconcilation?
                    Insha'Allah I will look into this, but as our families arent talking, i do not think the elders will help. At the time we were going through this, everyone just acted normal and carried with their lives.
                    I think I will make lots of dua and pray tuhajjad and iskithara before I think about anything else, and make the most of ramadan

                    Please can you keep us both in your dua's as we are both struggling in one way or another.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Ex Husband

                      Originally posted by SunnyDays View Post
                      Insha'Allah I will look into this, but as our families arent talking, i do not think the elders will help. At the time we were going through this, everyone just acted normal and carried with their lives.
                      I think I will make lots of dua and pray tuhajjad and iskithara before I think about anything else, and make the most of ramadan

                      Please can you keep us both in your dua's as we are both struggling in one way or another.
                      Insha'allah I will pray for you. You pray for me too.

                      Sis, Im divorced to, and when I was going through it all, if I be honest the a lot of my extended family ( especially the elders ), apart from a few, couldnt have really cared less about me and why I left my ex. Sadly thats what many family are like these days.

                      How they treat you deosnt matter. We must try to exemplify the sunnah in our adab with others

                      Are you close to your father/brother/uncle, who could potentially initially initiate talks with your ex husband?

                      Or perhaps speak to a local scholar who you are both close to?

                      Perhaps if things do go ahead, maybe you could consider moving away from both your families?

                      These are all things for you to consider....but at the moment, lots and lots of dua :)
                      وَالْعَصْرِ

                      إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

                      إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ

                      "If Allah (swt) only sent this Surah to us, for the guidance of Mankind, this will be enough for us” - Imam Shaafi'ee r.a.

                      "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

                      Khanqah Habibiyah

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Ex Husband

                        Originally posted by SunnyDays View Post


                        dear sisters and brothers.
                        I am in need of some advice regarding my current situation. Last year my husband decided he wanted to divorce and we went through very low point whereas I moved my parents and did not get see him again. The decision to divorce was not something I wanted, the the time we separated things became heated as we never spoke face to face or had any elders involved. Both sides of the family unfortunately did not help and stopped talking to each other (they are still not talking even though we are related and live 5 minutes away from each other!!)

                        We stayed in contact in the beginning because we had to sort our finances and other issues out, but a year on we are still talking. I try my best to leave him alone and he also has too. We been married for 6-7 years, and to be honest he was my best friend. He knows that I still love him and have feelings for him (i made this clear before the divorce) and I am not sure about him, he has never been one to express his feelings. I know he worries about me the same way i do for him.

                        I need advice on what to do, I having been making lots of dua for Allah swt help, i have deleted his number on many occasions but somehow we end up talking again. I wish I was stronger to let go
                        Forgive me for asking , but how can two people if they love each other, go to the level of not even talking to each other and not see other etc.. suddenly, was this a combination of events that led to the seperation, was this something that could have worked out if you two sat and spoken WITH each other rather than AT each other.
                        If ,you two are still having feelings ,then what prevents you from getting back with each other.

                        Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

                        **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

                        Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Ex Husband

                          Originally posted by Jenicca View Post
                          Insha'allah I will pray for you. You pray for me too.

                          Sis, Im divorced to, and when I was going through it all, if I be honest the a lot of my extended family ( especially the elders ), apart from a few, couldnt have really cared less about me and why I left my ex. Sadly thats what many family are like these days.

                          How they treat you deosnt matter. We must try to exemplify the sunnah in our adab with others

                          Are you close to your father/brother/uncle, who could potentially initially initiate talks with your ex husband?

                          Or perhaps speak to a local scholar who you are both close to?

                          Perhaps if things do go ahead, maybe you could consider moving away from both your families?

                          These are all things for you to consider....but at the moment, lots and lots of dua :)
                          Thank you sis, I will definitely keep you in my duas. I do think families are strange, the only time people contacted me from family was to a) find out the gossip or b) complain about him.

                          My family are of the opinion ' what done is, is done' and 'im not the first person to get divorced so get over it'.

                          I think I should concentrate on ramadan, he wants to help me and I want to help him - i think we were gave eachother a break it would help.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Ex Husband

                            assalaamu alaykum sister,

                            I am sorry to hear about your difficulties, may Allaah swt make matters easy for you and great you good after these difficulties and enable you to find the best way in terms of your deen out of this situation, ameen

                            first of all,

                            Allaah states in the Quran in Surah Baqarah,

                            keep them in kindness or release them in kindness

                            This means do not abuse your wives, keep them in a good way and if you cannot not then release them in a good way. It seems you are falling here because you not being released, in fact he is keeping you hanging on, keeping the contact going despite the fact he has given you one divorce. So either he lets you go completely and allows you to heal and then move on with your life or he remarries you, what he is doing now is an injustice.

                            So either you must be strong, cut things off, and have a male relative or imam speak to him to advise him never to contact you again, or else you need to get someone to sit down between you and decide if you can remarry, and the best of creation, Rasoolullaah (saw) divorced Hafsa (ra) and then remarried her and there is absolutely nothing wrong with remarrying after one or even two divorces if you both want to try again making it work.

                            However such discussions are not meant to be conducted privately, you are ghair mahram to each other right now, you need to both fear Allaah, it would be dangerous enough to talk like this if you've never been together before but as ex's this is a clear open gateway to zina if you are not careful and many pious people in the past fell into zina so don't think it can never happen to you.

                            If you are interested then talk to your family, if they refuse to speak to him then get a local imam or sheikh involved, if they are indifferent then get the husband of a pious friend to help you by speaking to him, telling him to either open discussions for remarriage, or to leave alone, it's not a fair way to treat a muslimah, keeping her hanging this way.
                            FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

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                            • #15
                              Re: Ex Husband

                              It was one talaq, so you're still in the clear to remarry him.
                              They say good things come to those who wait, so imma be at least an hour late

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