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Scared of finding a righteous Muslimah to get married to.

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  • #31
    Re: Scared of finding a righteous Muslimah to get married to.

    Originally posted by sims View Post
    If one requires their spouse to be pure, why not simply ask. If that is a deal breaker i don't see why you can't ask your potential..
    Yes you are right sister. but people specially families seem to get annoyed if asked directly.
    A Pessimistic Truth is better than an Optimistic lie.

    Sisters dont pm me

    Comment


    • #32
      Re: Scared of finding a righteous Muslimah to get married to.

      Originally posted by frjs200 View Post
      Very rightly said brother. I agree with you. It really takes a big heart to marry someone with a past and it would be a great deed. But only if someone is honest enough to tell it before marriage but no one does so and mostly people repent before marriage because they know that now they can satisfy their desires in a halal way. I am not just talking about women here, men tend to have more bad pasts than women but only women are criticised. As far as we dont have the right to judge anybody, i differ here too, i think before entering marriage relationships you do judge your spouse like the Prophet(PBUH) said that the most likable thing in your future spouse should be that she should be pious. How can we know if he/she is pious without judging them? for which we tend to carry out different tasks like asking their neighbors, close relatives about the character of a person and finally form our opinion on that.
      It does not require a big heart. That is nonsense

      It's a preference if you want a pure spouse. Just like you do on looks, or wealth or lineage etc
      Ya Muqallib Al-Quloob Thabbit Qalbi Alaa Deenik
      ( O changer of hearts, keep my heart steadfast on your deen)

      www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

      Comment


      • #33
        Re: Scared of finding a righteous Muslimah to get married to.

        Originally posted by mpb394 View Post
        *jumps up and down in excitement* THIS IS WHAT I WANTED TO READ TOO!!!! ALHAMDUILLAH!
        lol
        "I love the righteous, though I’m not one of them,
        Perhaps I will gain their mediation for me.
        And I hate those whose trade is sin,
        Though we may both have the same merchandise!" Imam Al Shafi'i

        Comment


        • #34
          Re: Scared of finding a righteous Muslimah to get married to.

          Originally posted by mpb394 View Post
          *jumps up and down in excitement* THIS IS WHAT I WANTED TO READ TOO!!!! ALHAMDUILLAH!
          I was pretty pleased to hear it too brother. would save us a lot of trouble if we simply asked it before marriage.
          A Pessimistic Truth is better than an Optimistic lie.

          Sisters dont pm me

          Comment


          • #35
            Re: Scared of finding a righteous Muslimah to get married to.

            Originally posted by firestar101 View Post
            It does not require a big heart. That is nonsense

            It's a preference if you want a pure spouse. Just like you do on looks, or wealth or lineage etc
            Well it makes my job a lot easier brother.
            A Pessimistic Truth is better than an Optimistic lie.

            Sisters dont pm me

            Comment


            • #36
              Re: Scared of finding a righteous Muslimah to get married to.

              Originally posted by frjs200 View Post
              Yes you are right sister. but people specially families seem to get annoyed if asked directly.
              I guess so. It is the person's right after all, so people shouldn't be so sensitive about it. It wouldn't be fair to either of them. Some expect virgins while others don't mind...Being clear about what each person is looking for will make things much easier. But oh well..
              "I love the righteous, though I’m not one of them,
              Perhaps I will gain their mediation for me.
              And I hate those whose trade is sin,
              Though we may both have the same merchandise!" Imam Al Shafi'i

              Comment


              • #37
                Re: Scared of finding a righteous Muslimah to get married to.

                Originally posted by frjs200 View Post
                Well it makes my job a lot easier brother.
                What do you mean
                Ya Muqallib Al-Quloob Thabbit Qalbi Alaa Deenik
                ( O changer of hearts, keep my heart steadfast on your deen)

                www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

                Comment


                • #38
                  Re: Scared of finding a righteous Muslimah to get married to.

                  Originally posted by frjs200 View Post
                  Very rightly said brother. I agree with you. It really takes a big heart to marry someone with a past and it would be a great deed. But only if someone is honest enough to tell it before marriage but no one does so and mostly people repent before marriage because they know that now they can satisfy their desires in a halal way. I am not just talking about women here, men tend to have more bad pasts than women but only women are criticised. As far as we dont have the right to judge anybody, i differ here too, i think before entering marriage relationships you do judge your spouse like the Prophet(PBUH) said that the most likable thing in your future spouse should be that she should be pious. How can we know if he/she is pious without judging them? for which we tend to carry out different tasks like asking their neighbors, close relatives about the character of a person and finally form our opinion on that.
                  "I love the righteous, though I’m not one of them,
                  Perhaps I will gain their mediation for me.
                  And I hate those whose trade is sin,
                  Though we may both have the same merchandise!" Imam Al Shafi'i

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Re: Scared of finding a righteous Muslimah to get married to.

                    Originally posted by sims View Post
                    I guess so. It is the person's right after all, so people shouldn't be so sensitive about it. It wouldn't be fair to either of them. Some expect virgins while others don't mind...Being clear about what each person is looking for will make things much easier. But oh well..
                    ALHAMDULILLAH sister u r right. Infact i dont know why people would get annoyed if asked directly if they are on the right path? I find mostly these r the same parents who turn a blind eye on their kids initially and than get annoyed if people ask them on their character for marriage.
                    A Pessimistic Truth is better than an Optimistic lie.

                    Sisters dont pm me

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Re: Scared of finding a righteous Muslimah to get married to.

                      Originally posted by firestar101 View Post
                      What do you mean
                      I mean it would be easier than to find a good spouse.
                      A Pessimistic Truth is better than an Optimistic lie.

                      Sisters dont pm me

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Re: Scared of finding a righteous Muslimah to get married to.

                        Been there man

                        Stay strong insha Allah. If you are strong in your belief, you wont be disappointed in Allah's decisions

                        There are some things that only time helps you understand
                        Believe
                        there is
                        good in the world

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                        • #42
                          Re: Scared of finding a righteous Muslimah to get married to.

                          Some expect virgins? That is interesting... Well, I suppose that comes down to preference too... But let's all be perfectly honest and refer back to the Prophet (PBUH) - He had wives that others wouldn't marry. Sure.. he could've had his pick if he wanted to - but didn't.

                          The Prophet is closer to the believers than their selves, and his wives are (as) their mothers - Quran 33:6 - So we should respect them, obviously.

                          3 different wives of different circumstances: Khadijah - Older. Aisha - Younger. Zaynab - Divorced... All women who most people of today would class as "what?"... But that's the beauty of it - he obviously didn't have a "type".

                          The Prophet (PBUH) was an exceptional case and an equally exceptional human being - after all, it is unusual to be the messenger of God, isn't it? :)

                          Therefore i don't think we should solely concentrate on types and strive to be as open minded as he was (within limits - with re to open mindedness - as long as permissible in Islam)... However, I'd withhold Aisha from 'type' for 1 reason - she was revealed through revelation - so I think that this was an exceptional case in itself for him which shouldn't be used as an example or a green light for today's man... but hey, that's just my own feelings/point of view.

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Re: Scared of finding a righteous Muslimah to get married to.

                            Originally posted by Saif-Uddin View Post
                            Just ask before hand if your in doubt,

                            also make sure proper background checks are done via Wali etc

                            :jkk:

                            Bismillah. What would he ask? It is between her and Allah. If it isn't known to him already, how would he find out?
                            He shouldn't try and find out from her family, if they know she has changed, and it is in her past. Then what right do they have to tell him?

                            The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "My entire nation is safe, except al-Mujahirin (those who boast of their sins). Among the Mujaharah is that a man commits an (evil) act, and wakes up in the morning while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret, he says: "O so- and-so! Last night I did this and that." He goes to sleep while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret but he wakes up in the morning and uncovers what Allah has kept a secret!" [Saheeh al-Bukhari]

                            I feel people are being unfair towards those that have made tawbah. As if it didn't count. He should not ask inappropriate questions about her past. What matters is the present.
                            Unless she makes it obvious she is indulged in haram activities, then why would a man suddenly ask about such things?

                            Abdullah Ibn Masoud (May allah be pleased with him) related, A man came to the Prophet and said: O Messenger of Allah! I have mingled with a woman in the far side of al-Medina, and I fulfilled my desire short of actually having sexual intercourse with her. So, here am I, judge me according to what you decide. Umar Ibn al-Khattab (May allah be pleased with him) then said: `Allah had kept your secret, why did not you keep your secret ?' [Sharh Muslim]

                            Similarly, if one becomes aware of somebody elses sin, he should keep it a secret. Allahs Messenger (peace be upon him) said: "He, who relieves a hardship of this Dunya (world) for a believer, Allah will relieve (from him) a hardship of the Day of Resurrection; he who makes easy an indebted person, Allah will make it easy for him in the Dunya and the Hereafter; he who covers a Muslim (meaning his mistakes and shortcomings) , Allah will cover him in the Dunya and the Hereafter " [Sahih Muslim]
                            Bismillah ir rahman ir rahim. (O Allah! You are my Lord! None has the right to be worshipped but You. You created me and I am Your slave, and I am faithful to my covenant and my promise as much as I can. I seek refuge with You from all the evil I have done. I acknowledge before You all the blessings You have bestowed upon me, and I confess to You all my sins. So I entreat You to forgive my sins, for nobody can forgive sins except You.)

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                            • #44
                              Re: Scared of finding a righteous Muslimah to get married to.

                              The road is hard till you get there brother, but u will get into it in shaa allah =]
                              My cooking Youtube channel:
                              https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvc...UgRZfc4r8YJ0iQ

                              Don't abuse your body just to feel good, use your body right and you'll feel better - Sparty

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                              • #45
                                Re: Scared of finding a righteous Muslimah to get married to.

                                we been through this, it is permissible to ask beforehand any question that can affect a persons marriage, Previous relationships etc

                                there was a verdict cited which supported this, way back.

                                in any case ask and If they don't answer you know what to do.

                                :jkk:
                                http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                                "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                                – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

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