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Children or education? Which should come first?

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  • Children or education? Which should come first?

    I am a revert to Islam a couple years ago and recently married a muslim sister last year in June. I have graduated and have a decent job, not making the best of money but making a living still.

    My wife is still in school but has two years left to complete her degree.
    However she is asking to have a kid, and although I want to have one as well, im being told by everyone it's best for her to finish her education first otherwise it will be tough to take care of the child together and her study at the same time.

    I want to follow the way of the Prophet pbuh, however I also want to avoid any income issues in the future.

    What sort advice would you guys recommend?

    By income issue I meant I don't want to fall short on money, not income issue in a manner of what's mine and what's my wifes.
    Last edited by newtoislamforl; 18-03-15, 02:51 PM. Reason: Clarifying comment

  • #2
    Re: Children or education? Which should come first?

    Definitely agree, let her finish her education first. She will benefit from it greatly, people assume they can go back to education after having kids but hahahaha no that very, very rarely happens.... Its easier said than done to just leave your kid at home whilst you try and finish your education, trust me I know so many women who have tried and end up giving up.

    Its only 2 years, just wait patiently, this will give you time to save up for a child as well.

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    • #3
      Re: Children or education? Which should come first?

      I personally think Ya should wait until she achieves her degree and during that time Ya waiting..start saving money in a box somewhere.. Within 2 years Ya will be ready financially and wife will have a degree and more time to spare.
      Good things come to those who wait!
      I love you, cherish you and worship you,
      Guide me on your path to your janna,
      Unite me beside you My King and all mighty,


      :love:Allah:love:

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      • #4
        Re: Children or education? Which should come first?

        Having a child isn't easy, so if she wants to study then finish studying then have child so she can be there for them

        You shouldn't think if you can afford having a child as Allah said he will provide for them

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        • #5
          Re: Children or education? Which should come first?

          Originally posted by newtoislamforl View Post
          I am a revert to Islam a couple years ago and recently married a muslim sister last year in June. I have graduated and have a decent job, not making the best of money but making a living still.

          My wife is still in school but has two years left to complete her degree.
          However she is asking to have a kid, and although I want to have one as well, im being told by everyone it's best for her to finish her education first otherwise it will be tough to take care of the child together and her study at the same time.

          I want to follow the way of the Prophet pbuh, however I also want to avoid any income issues in the future.

          What sort advice would you guys recommend?
          You will get many forms of advice but the key is in your statement that you want to follow the way of the Prophet saw

          If so then let it be understood that financial responsibility is yours and yours alone. your wifes first and primary role will be to the child and its not like you are forcing a child upon her

          I don't get the income issues comment, as islamically what you earn belongs to you and your family, what she earns is hers alone and no judgement will be made on her if she doesn't work or doesn't spend. you will be accountable

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          • #6
            Re: Children or education? Which should come first?

            Assalaamu alaykum,

            It will be harder to have a child whilst your wife is studying. If she has the baby before finishing her studies you would have to have agreed on who will be looking after the baby when she has to attend classes etc. In that respect, it would be easier to complete your studies and then have a chid if Allah wills. However, ultimately the choice is up to you and your wife. I know plenty of sisters who were pregnant during their time at uni and alhamdulilah they managed - so it is definitely not impossible. I even know of a sister who came back to uni two weeks after having her baby! If your wife believes she is capable of balancing her studies as well as having a baby and you too are willing to put in the extra work that may come with it, then ultimately the choice is yours and there is nothing wrong with that. I would advise that you both pray istikhaara, in sha Allah.

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            • #7
              Re: Children or education? Which should come first?

              Originally posted by bintmydad View Post
              Assalaamu alaykum,

              It will be harder to have a child whilst your wife is studying. If she has the baby before finishing her studies you would have to have agreed on who will be looking after the baby when she has to attend classes etc. In that respect, it would be easier to complete your studies and then have a chid if Allah wills. However, ultimately the choice is up to you and your wife. I know plenty of sisters who were pregnant during their time at uni and alhamdulilah they managed - so it is definitely not impossible. I even know of a sister who came back to uni two weeks after having her baby! If your wife believes she is capable of balancing her studies as well as having a baby and you too are willing to put in the extra work that may come with it, then ultimately the choice is yours and there is nothing wrong with that. I would advise that you both pray istikhaara, in sha Allah.
              Personally i think that is wrong, a baby needs it's mother and to leave it to someone else to look after is wrong, what's the point in having children if you can't be there for them?

              My friend went back to work after a few months with her first child and she regrets it because she wasn't around much to see him grow, babies grow so fast, i treasure everyday i have with my son, i don't want to miss anything.
              I remember everyday i would notice how much my son has changed, nobody else could see the change as it's only been a day but i could.

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              • #8
                Re: Children or education? Which should come first?

                Your wife wants children, so do you...khalas. Why bother about what anybody else says?

                Allah is the Best of Planners & Providers..He knows what is best for you and also when it is best for you to have it, so, let things be as they are.

                Btw, what degree is your wife studying for ? Is it something useful that will benefit the Muslim Ummah at large, like medicine or teaching?

                Since it's a husband's responsibility to financially support his family, he shouldn't unnecessarily force or even prefer his wife to study/work in a mixed environment.

                A woman's primary role is to take care of her home & children, anyways. It's pretty sad how messed up our priorities have become these days.

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                • #9
                  Re: Children or education? Which should come first?

                  Originally posted by *Sweety* View Post
                  Personally i think that is wrong, a baby needs it's mother and to leave it to someone else to look after is wrong, what's the point in having children if you can't be there for them?

                  My friend went back to work after a few months with her first child and she regrets it because she wasn't around much to see him grow, babies grow so fast, i treasure everyday i have with my son, i don't want to miss anything.
                  I remember everyday i would notice how much my son has changed, nobody else could see the change as it's only been a day but i could.
                  I see what you mean. I personally would not be able to stay away from my baby so early on and would rather not have any other commitments so that I can dedicate all my time to them. However, in some cases such as the sister I mentioned - you may not have another choice. Her husband looked after their baby whilst she was in her final year and came to complete exams and tests etc. Alhamdulilah it worked out for them.

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                  • #10
                    Re: Children or education? Which should come first?

                    Originally posted by ~TwinklingStar~ View Post
                    Your wife wants children, so do you...khalas. Why bother about what anybody else says?

                    Allah is the Best of Planners & Providers..He knows what is best for you and also when it is best for you to have it, so, let things be as they are.

                    Btw, what degree is your wife studying for ? Is it something useful that will benefit the Muslim Ummah at large, like medicine or teaching?

                    Since it's a husband's responsibility to financially support his family, he shouldn't unnecessarily force or even prefer his wife to study/work in a mixed environment.

                    A woman's primary role is to take care of her home & children, anyways. It's pretty sad how messed up our priorities have become these days.
                    If im already half way in my study , I wouldn't quit it or delay it for having a child .If I really want that while studying I will find a babysitter . Having children is part of life but not all life .we shouldn't forget ourselves , dreams, hobbies in the process .we should balance or get some help if needed . Personally I think studying and having child is very difficult .although my sis did it while studying but she has help and great support from her hubby and our side her family .she left her home long months to study and keep her child with mom . So It depends how much the hubby is helpful and understanding .
                    So I would say education then having children
                    How merciful Allah on me by giving me respite,and I persist in my sins and Allah shields me :crying2:

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                    • #11
                      Re: Children or education? Which should come first?

                      Just giving you a personal point of view, obviously Allah is the best of planners and whatever He wills, that will happen. But I said that as well, that I will finish my education after the birth of my first many years ago. Now, 8 years and 4 kids later, my degree still isn't complete and is hanging by a thread. If I could have done it over, I would have finished my degree first.
                      Allah gave us two ears and one mouth, so we can listen more and talk less.

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