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Would I be wrong to seek a wife who can help me absorb my emotional pressure?

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  • Would I be wrong to seek a wife who can help me absorb my emotional pressure?

    :salams

    As the eldest of my family I already have a lot of pressure to be successful, and on top of that my dad is extremely ill these days and I am myself very ambitious. All these things stress me a lot and sometimes I feel I need someone to calm me down and help me release my pressure. So, after long analysis, I have finally realized I need a wife who won't expect so much from me like my mom does, who will be more relaxed about life and can lend me help when I am going through serious emotional turmoil and pressure. Is it too wrong to seek a wife like that? Would this put a potential off if I mention I seek this sort of wife?

  • #2

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    • #3
      Re: Would I be wrong to seek a wife who can help me absorb my emotional pressure?

      :wswrwb:

      Isn't that the point of being married - you share each other's problems and stresses.

      What are you referring to when you say 'won't expect so much from me'?

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      • #4
        Re: Would I be wrong to seek a wife who can help me absorb my emotional pressure?

        :wswrwb:

        Depends what exactly you're getting at. If you expect her to be there for you 247 but in return you're going to expect her to just get on with her own problems and concerns then you're heading for trouble. What kind I of marriage is that where you dump all your emotional burden and baggage on her but she needs to be the strong one for you and shoulder it all? No doubt there are very very strong women out there who do that anyway but just be mindful that there is a limit to how much she can also take and how reciprocating you are in dealing with her needs and concerns too.
        *~* Learn Patience from Aasiyah (RA); Loyalty from Khadhija (RA); Sincerity from Aisha (RA) and Steadfastness from Fatima (RA).*~*

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        • #5
          Re: Would I be wrong to seek a wife who can help me absorb my emotional pressure?

          A girl shouldn't be scared to hear that a to-be husband wants mental comfort from his wife. If it's a happy marriage, it comes automatically, sharing each other's joys and sorrows, off loading the burden one carries on his/her shoulder with the better half. That's how it is. Both partners should know how to play their roles. When the husband is stressed, the wife should make the move to comfort him and share words of consolation to help him out of it, and when the wife is over burdened, the husband should look out for her and do what it takes to help her move on and away from the burden.

          Marriage is beautiful. Both in it need to realise that.
          Shukr to Allah in abundance...

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Would I be wrong to seek a wife who can help me absorb my emotional pressure?

            Are you meaning you don't want a materialistic woman?! The kind of Muslim woman who won't even think to marry you unless you have: a house, a good car, a stable job, a doctor/engineer, lots of money in the account, a big fat fancy wedding...etc etc...

            If you mean that,unfortunately it will be hard because SADLY a lot of women are becoming this way!!!!!!!!!! Obviously a woman has a right to a home but my Allah women are being so hard on men with their list of demands... maybe it will take a bit more time to find a wife because alot of women are like this but obviously not impossible.

            I think you should get married!!!!!!!!
            Find a wife who isn't going to ask so much from you materialistically, find a woman who is more interested to be your best friend and co-captain than a magazine flipping, drama series watching expensive woman. Start the search! It's clear you know the answer! Allah knows it's not wrong to ask that, my goodness why would it be?!

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            • #7
              Re: Would I be wrong to seek a wife who can help me absorb my emotional pressure?

              :wswrwb:

              Nothing wrong with getting married...but if all you're after is stress relief have you considered a stress ball?
              Last edited by zi-zizou; 03-03-15, 02:02 PM.

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              • #8
                Re: Would I be wrong to seek a wife who can help me absorb my emotional pressure?

                Don't we all seek a spouse like that, someone who can accept us for who we are?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Would I be wrong to seek a wife who can help me absorb my emotional pressure?

                  Go for it bro. Let your parents know of your intentions and do lots of istikhara

                  May Allah make it easy for you
                  Believe
                  there is
                  good in the world

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Would I be wrong to seek a wife who can help me absorb my emotional pressure?

                    Oh and by the way, aside from all the encouragement, I don't mean to burst your bubble, but has anyone ever told you that women are another stress bag as well?

                    Lol something you might like to consider before pursuing marriage solely for emotional relief.


                    Be sure that when you get married that your willing to handle ALL of married life.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Would I be wrong to seek a wife who can help me absorb my emotional pressure?

                      Originally posted by مسلمة View Post
                      :wswrwb:

                      Isn't that the point of being married - you share each other's problems and stresses.

                      What are you referring to when you say 'won't expect so much from me'?
                      Material expectations! Like money, wealth etc., my mom (she wants it because she wants her grandchildren to have a better life than I do, my mom isn't that materialistic to be fair) and I already expect more than enough about it from myself.
                      Last edited by SoulMuslim; 03-03-15, 03:58 PM.

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                      • #12
                        Re: Would I be wrong to seek a wife who can help me absorb my emotional pressure?

                        how do you plan on identifying a women like that. Your need is vague, yes you are looking for emotional support but what does that really mean. If you break that down and come up with obvious observation then you can identify the girl. But the way you stated it, it will be impossible to know before marriage which girl can handle it and who can't.

                        Are you looking for someone who is eldest herself so knows what it means?
                        Are you looking for someone who has the means to take care of her needs & hence won't look to you to fulfill materialistic needs the down side is sometimes you might feel unwanted
                        Are you looking for someone who is not materialist and will not be looking at you to fulfill them
                        Are you looking for someone who has a career so she can add to your ambition of gaining wealth & hence keep your parents claim because between the 2 of you, you got it covered
                        Are you looking for a wife you can come home to & relax while she takes care of all your needs
                        Are you looking for someone who is wise and can guide you in right direction
                        Are you looking for someone who is street smart & has high emotional IQ so she can deal with your parents so you get a break from them

                        There are lot of different ways of fulfilling needs. What you want is fine but how will you identify it?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Would I be wrong to seek a wife who can help me absorb my emotional pressure?

                          Originally posted by Dhurrah View Post
                          A girl shouldn't be scared to hear that a to-be husband wants mental comfort from his wife. If it's a happy marriage, it comes automatically, sharing each other's joys and sorrows, off loading the burden one carries on his/her shoulder with the better half. That's how it is. Both partners should know how to play their roles. When the husband is stressed, the wife should make the move to comfort him and share words of consolation to help him out of it, and when the wife is over burdened, the husband should look out for her and do what it takes to help her move on and away from the burden.

                          Marriage is beautiful. Both in it need to realise that.
                          Originally posted by Zesty View Post
                          :wswrwb:

                          Depends what exactly you're getting at. If you expect her to be there for you 247 but in return you're going to expect her to just get on with her own problems and concerns then you're heading for trouble. What kind I of marriage is that where you dump all your emotional burden and baggage on her but she needs to be the strong one for you and shoulder it all? No doubt there are very very strong women out there who do that anyway but just be mindful that there is a limit to how much she can also take and how reciprocating you are in dealing with her needs and concerns too.
                          Originally posted by UmmAbdulMalik View Post
                          Oh and by the way, aside from all the encouragement, I don't mean to burst your bubble, but has anyone ever told you that women are another stress bag as well?

                          Lol something you might like to consider before pursuing marriage solely for emotional relief.


                          Be sure that when you get married that your willing to handle ALL of married life.
                          Of course, I am prepared to be her comforter when she requires me to be too, I know it can get tough but I can't always expect my wife to have a comfortable life. She will have her stressful moments and I have be beside her at the time. So, yes I don't have one-eyed expectations.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Would I be wrong to seek a wife who can help me absorb my emotional pressure?

                            Originally posted by Kya View Post
                            how do you plan on identifying a women like that. Your need is vague, yes you are looking for emotional support but what does that really mean. If you break that down and come up with obvious observation then you can identify the girl. But the way you stated it, it will be impossible to know before marriage which girl can handle it and who can't.

                            Are you looking for someone who is eldest herself so knows what it means?
                            Are you looking for someone who has the means to take care of her needs & hence won't look to you to fulfill materialistic needs the down side is sometimes you might feel unwanted
                            Are you looking for someone who is not materialist and will not be looking at you to fulfill them
                            Are you looking for someone who has a career so she can add to your ambition of gaining wealth & hence keep your parents claim because between the 2 of you, you got it covered
                            Are you looking for a wife you can come home to & relax while she takes care of all your needs
                            Are you looking for someone who is wise and can guide you in right direction
                            Are you looking for someone who is street smart & has high emotional IQ so she can deal with your parents so you get a break from them

                            There are lot of different ways of fulfilling needs. What you want is fine but how will you identify it?
                            No idea lol! But may be I should look for a girl who is known by my close friends or the relatives of my friends. They may know the characteristics of the potential. Now I'm looking for a sister through the sisters of one of my closest friends. I think she already knows some details about me (like pics and some info), if she likes me then I might get the chance to meet her. It will take time though.

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                            • #15
                              Re: Would I be wrong to seek a wife who can help me absorb my emotional pressure?

                              There are women who are very ambitious and expect the same things of their spouse, and there are women who just sit at home all day but expect their spouse to be ambitious, successful, and someone focused on achieving high status. But there are also women who are not fussed about these things but have other expectations, regarding deen, charity, emotional support,etc. Everyone will have expectations of you from your mother to your wife to your children, but it shouldn't matter because you should hold high but reasonable expectations of yourself and have decent long term goals you wish to achieve.

                              Reality is bro that if you base your happiness or future happiness on someone else 1. it's a lot of pressure for someone to be responsible for your emotional well being 2. it's unrealistic and you'll never be happy.
                              You are responsible for your own happiness. I don't think you want to get in a position where you are too dependent on another person because it's a lot pressure for them and the few times they don't measure up you'll be hurt and disappointed. Be independent, have low expectations, so when she is nice and caring, it will be brilliant, but when she isn't it won't bother you as much.

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