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Secrets from Potential Spouse

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  • Bindipper
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    Originally posted by toska View Post
    I am deas serious, what's wrong?
    But who was self respect

    Leave a comment:


  • toska
    replied
    Originally posted by Bindipper View Post

    mate...

    please tell me you aren't serious
    I am deas serious, what's wrong?

    Leave a comment:


  • Bindipper
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    Originally posted by toska View Post
    Wa alaikumu salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

    I go straight out with my past and my flaws/shortcomings. Obviously I have things I keep to myself as I think they are not relevant or have no influence to the marriage.
    But there is no point of sugarcoating things, it just creates problems in the future.

    You wouldn't like your potential hiding skeletons from you, so why would you? Just tell the potential about your past, like at this point I was stupid and used to do this and that or this and that happened to me without my choice. If they are rejecting you based on that, then it's a good thing. You don't want a spouse like that.

    I personally wouldn't mind if my spouse killed somebody, acted in adult entertainment, or what have you, IF I see that she is not that kind of person anymore. She is pious, god-concious, she loves akhira more than dunya and attaining Jannah is her only goal.

    When I approached my hopefully wife-to-be, I went straight: "I was given your number and told you were looking for marriage. I am looking but there is a problem I have..."
    And that problem was an issue with previous potentials, she was like, don't worry I would still want to get to know you. And there it went.

    To be honest I think her "problem" is even much worse than mine. The company she had and things she did.... It would have put off most of the guys straight away.

    But we managed to see something in each other that most people fail to see and appreciate - Piety, Honesty, sincerity, compromising, putting spouses happiness our own happiness.

    She is unbelievable anyway, we asked some questions to each other regarding compatibility and talked like 20 mins. Then it was just me asking questions and when I asked why are you not asking anything, she said she had made her decision. She wanted to marry me based on 20min talking.


    Just be honest, put yourself in his/her position and think, would you want to know about that problem. And if that person is not accepting that, then believe me, he/she is not going to make a good spouse anyway. You deserve someone who will accept, appreciate and love you as you are, with all the flaws and imperfections.

    edit: I mean don't go first thing on them saying I have commited zina, killed a person etc. Get to know each other a bit and then tell them. Just don't keep it a secret too long.
    mate...

    please tell me you aren't serious

    Leave a comment:


  • al-siddiq
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    Originally posted by starrynight11 View Post
    :salams:

    When meeting a potential, is it really worth hiding all of your secrets or acting a certain way to make them stay interested? If you're meant to be with them, does it really matter whether or not you hide those secrets? If you choose to hide some secrets, will it be considered a form of deception? What secrets should be hidden, and what shouldn't?

    :jkk:
    :wswrwb:

    I apologize, but I am going to be a little bit blunt ukhti. I am a little bit appalled at some of the replies saying that you should deceive someone you are considering for marriage.

    I mean is it any wonder why there are so many divorces? What human being on this earth wants to be deceived?

    Trust is a thing that you can only really form once, and if you break trust even once you will never be able to get it back to where it was before.

    Do not start off a relationship with anyone with a lie. Do not hide something that is important for the other person to know.

    "There are four characteristics, whoever has all of them is a true hypocrite, and whoever has one of them has one of the qualities of a hypocrite until he gives it up: when he is trusted, he betrays; when he speaks, he lies; when he makes a promise, he breaks it; and when he disputes, he resorts to slander." (Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim)

    Leave a comment:


  • toska
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    Wa alaikumu salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

    I go straight out with my past and my flaws/shortcomings. Obviously I have things I keep to myself as I think they are not relevant or have no influence to the marriage.
    But there is no point of sugarcoating things, it just creates problems in the future.

    You wouldn't like your potential hiding skeletons from you, so why would you? Just tell the potential about your past, like at this point I was stupid and used to do this and that or this and that happened to me without my choice. If they are rejecting you based on that, then it's a good thing. You don't want a spouse like that.

    I personally wouldn't mind if my spouse killed somebody, acted in adult entertainment, or what have you, IF I see that she is not that kind of person anymore. She is pious, god-concious, she loves akhira more than dunya and attaining Jannah is her only goal.

    When I approached my hopefully wife-to-be, I went straight: "I was given your number and told you were looking for marriage. I am looking but there is a problem I have..."
    And that problem was an issue with previous potentials, she was like, don't worry I would still want to get to know you. And there it went.

    To be honest I think her "problem" is even much worse than mine. The company she had and things she did.... It would have put off most of the guys straight away.

    But we managed to see something in each other that most people fail to see and appreciate - Piety, Honesty, sincerity, compromising, putting spouses happiness our own happiness.

    She is unbelievable anyway, we asked some questions to each other regarding compatibility and talked like 20 mins. Then it was just me asking questions and when I asked why are you not asking anything, she said she had made her decision. She wanted to marry me based on 20min talking.


    Just be honest, put yourself in his/her position and think, would you want to know about that problem. And if that person is not accepting that, then believe me, he/she is not going to make a good spouse anyway. You deserve someone who will accept, appreciate and love you as you are, with all the flaws and imperfections.

    edit: I mean don't go first thing on them saying I have commited zina, killed a person etc. Get to know each other a bit and then tell them. Just don't keep it a secret too long.
    Last edited by toska; 02-03-15, 02:43 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • Allah's_Servant
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    :salams

    Depends. If it's something he or she would find out from someone else than yes you would have to tell or should tell. If something that won't hurt the marriage and they won't find out than keep it to yourself.

    Leave a comment:


  • _Sinner_
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse


    U never know who is hiding what.

    So go Sherlock Holmes on them !!!



    :jkk:

    Leave a comment:


  • fumke
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    Depends on what type of secrets you are talking about, minor ones that can never be found out (like... I shoplifted once or something like that) I guess is fine

    But something like committing zina before marriage cannot be hidden especially if he wants a chaste woman. I know a man can however hide it from his wife but its still better to be truthful to your spouse. Why keep something like that from each other? A marriage is supposed to be based on trust.

    Leave a comment:


  • Aloo
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    if they're wearing a wig, i'd want to know.

    Leave a comment:


  • Bindipper
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    Originally posted by UmmAbdulMalik View Post
    Lol!


    That's crazy.


    No need to go all coocoo.
    Obviously not from birth lol, but i'm asking eveything

    and everyone should, your family should have done a full background check if they can aswell. Even then you never know but you need to do your part atleast. For all you know you could be marrying an ex prostitute.

    Leave a comment:


  • shann
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    It's kind of a tricky situation, I mean if she was in a past relationship I wouldn't want her, so it would be better for her not to tell, but for me I would feel deceived.

    Leave a comment:


  • UmmAbdulMalik
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    Originally posted by Bindipper View Post
    You can bet i'm going full detective and checking her behaviour from the day she was conceived

    You can refuse to answer my questions, i will not marry you.
    Lol!


    That's crazy.


    No need to go all coocoo.

    Leave a comment:


  • Bindipper
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    You can bet i'm going full detective and checking her behaviour from the day she was conceived

    You can refuse to answer my questions, i will not marry you.

    Leave a comment:


  • firestar101
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    walaikum salaam

    Sins should be hidden and not disclosed

    But if the guy wants someone chaste then she should reject him and not deveive him. And the other way around also

    Leave a comment:


  • starrynight11
    started a topic Secrets from Potential Spouse

    Secrets from Potential Spouse

    :salams:

    When meeting a potential, is it really worth hiding all of your secrets or acting a certain way to make them stay interested? If you're meant to be with them, does it really matter whether or not you hide those secrets? If you choose to hide some secrets, will it be considered a form of deception? What secrets should be hidden, and what shouldn't?

    :jkk:
    Last edited by starrynight11; 02-03-15, 01:39 AM.
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