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Secrets from Potential Spouse

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  • starrynight11
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    This is just a discussion, :insha:. Please assume nothing...

    Leave a comment:


  • .mirror.
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    Originally posted by Bindipper View Post
    Whether or not they repent and are forgiven is between them and Allah, ofcourse i hope they do too.

    But that doesn't mean i'm going to associate myself with them.
    It doesn't matter if you are going to associate with them or not. It's you shunning the brother above who is OK with overlooking the past of a sinner.

    If you don't want to marry someone like that, fine. But, no need to put others down if they are OK with a repentant person.

    And please don't look down upon others. It's a serious matter.

    Leave a comment:


  • Bindipper
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
    Umar ibn al_khttaab (RA) went out to kill the Prophet :saw:, the most beloved of Allah. He came to Islam, his sins were clean, but his actions did take place in the past, though.

    Would you deny marrying your daughter to someone like Umar ibn al-Khattab (RA)?

    Hind bint ‘Utbah (RA), who not only killed the uncle of the Prophet :saw: but mutilated his body. But, she became a Muslim. Does the fact that she killed Hamza (RA) disappear from the past? No. But, is she one of the Companions of the Prophet :saw: Definitely is.

    Anyways, the point is, many of the Sabahas (RA) had a past. But, that didn't stop them from making a positive impact in their future lives and become far better Muslim than anyone of us can ever be.

    An ex-pornstar who was repented and is a pious Muslimah can be more beloved to Allah than me and you combined. So, be careful and don't judge people on their past.
    Whether or not they repent and are forgiven is between them and Allah, ofcourse i hope they do too.

    But that doesn't mean i'm going to associate myself with them.

    Leave a comment:


  • .mirror.
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    Originally posted by Bindipper View Post
    no it's not, that's a one way ticket to being the laughing stock of men and a cuckold

    you lived a certain life, there are consequences for your actions. The past simply does not disappear because you decided it's time to change, this is also a terrible example to people who don't fall into such things. A person does what they want their whole life and ends up with an amazing spouse while someone living pious their entire life ends up with a druggy from pakistan if that's how you deal with it.

    I have no sympathy for any man who goes into a relationship denying clear red flags then it fires back on him.

    Even Atheists understand this.

    but hey enjoy making an ex pornstar the mother of your daughter if that's what you want.

    Leave a comment:


  • wifeseeker
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    ...
    Last edited by wifeseeker; 05-03-15, 03:25 PM. Reason: old

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  • firestar101
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    Originally posted by Bindipper View Post
    no it's not, that's a one way ticket to being the laughing stock of men and a cuckold

    you lived a certain life, there are consequences for your actions. The past simply does not disappear because you decided it's time to change, this is also a terrible example to people who don't fall into such things. A person does what they want their whole life and ends up with an amazing spouse while someone living pious their entire life ends up with a druggy from pakistan if that's how you deal with it.

    I have no sympathy for any man who goes into a relationship denying clear red flags then it fires back on him.

    Even Atheists understand this.

    but hey enjoy making an ex pornstar the mother of your daughter if that's what you want.
    I agree with you although you could have worded it better and in more appropriate way

    Even if a person repents its true that ALLAH will forgive them ameen. But that does not change the fact that actions have consequences.

    Leave a comment:


  • firestar101
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    Originally posted by LondonGal View Post
    If one has repented and Allah has concealed their sins then one should not disclose their secrets.

    Yes, most men don't want to marry a unchaste woman anymore than a woman wants to marry a man who masturbates or doesn't lower his gaze.

    But, past should be hidden, if Allah in His Mercy has covered it.

    If you're still sinning and pretending that you're not. Then that's, hypocrisy which is wrong.
    You are comparing being unchaste with the others. They are two different things. Being unchaste is far worse assuming she did zina. No guy wants to be with someone that was so close to another man like that

    You are right in that the past should be hidden but if a guy wants someone chaste then that is his right. Assuming he is chaste himself.

    Its true that a person has repented but that does not change the fact that the sin they commited can have an effect on the life of someone else. For example, a person has an STD. And then decides to keep it a secret although repents

    Leave a comment:


  • Bindipper
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    Originally posted by Figs View Post
    Bravo, that's how you do it, masha Allah. May Allah make it a source of happiness and contentment.
    no it's not, that's a one way ticket to being the laughing stock of men and a cuckold

    you lived a certain life, there are consequences for your actions. The past simply does not disappear because you decided it's time to change, this is also a terrible example to people who don't fall into such things. A person does what they want their whole life and ends up with an amazing spouse while someone living pious their entire life ends up with a druggy from pakistan if that's how you deal with it.

    I have no sympathy for any man who goes into a relationship denying clear red flags then it fires back on him.

    Even Atheists understand this.

    but hey enjoy making an ex pornstar the mother of your daughter if that's what you want.

    Leave a comment:


  • Figs
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    Originally posted by toska View Post
    Wa alaikumu salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

    I go straight out with my past and my flaws/shortcomings. Obviously I have things I keep to myself as I think they are not relevant or have no influence to the marriage.
    But there is no point of sugarcoating things, it just creates problems in the future.

    You wouldn't like your potential hiding skeletons from you, so why would you? Just tell the potential about your past, like at this point I was stupid and used to do this and that or this and that happened to me without my choice. If they are rejecting you based on that, then it's a good thing. You don't want a spouse like that.

    I personally wouldn't mind if my spouse killed somebody, acted in adult entertainment, or what have you, IF I see that she is not that kind of person anymore. She is pious, god-concious, she loves akhira more than dunya and attaining Jannah is her only goal.

    When I approached my hopefully wife-to-be, I went straight: "I was given your number and told you were looking for marriage. I am looking but there is a problem I have..."
    And that problem was an issue with previous potentials, she was like, don't worry I would still want to get to know you. And there it went.

    To be honest I think her "problem" is even much worse than mine. The company she had and things she did.... It would have put off most of the guys straight away.

    But we managed to see something in each other that most people fail to see and appreciate - Piety, Honesty, sincerity, compromising, putting spouses happiness our own happiness.

    She is unbelievable anyway, we asked some questions to each other regarding compatibility and talked like 20 mins. Then it was just me asking questions and when I asked why are you not asking anything, she said she had made her decision. She wanted to marry me based on 20min talking.


    Just be honest, put yourself in his/her position and think, would you want to know about that problem. And if that person is not accepting that, then believe me, he/she is not going to make a good spouse anyway. You deserve someone who will accept, appreciate and love you as you are, with all the flaws and imperfections.

    edit: I mean don't go first thing on them saying I have commited zina, killed a person etc. Get to know each other a bit and then tell them. Just don't keep it a secret too long.
    Bravo, that's how you do it, masha Allah. May Allah make it a source of happiness and contentment.

    Leave a comment:


  • Bindipper
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    Originally posted by Charmbracelet0 View Post
    Would you answer all of her questions honestly too?? Its only fair
    of course

    I don't want to be lied to that's all or i'll just tell her the things i deem unacceptable and if she has done them she should reject me without revealing anything so i'm not letting myself in for anything i wouldn't want to. If she lies then her head be on it, atleast i can say i tried.

    Truth over everything
    Last edited by Bindipper; 02-03-15, 11:06 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • Charmbracelet0
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    Originally posted by Bindipper View Post
    Obviously not from birth lol, but i'm asking eveything

    and everyone should, your family should have done a full background check if they can aswell. Even then you never know but you need to do your part atleast. For all you know you could be marrying an ex prostitute.
    Would you answer all of her questions honestly too?? Its only fair

    Leave a comment:


  • Bindipper
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    You realise women can masturbate too don't you?

    Leave a comment:


  • pointless
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    These questions never have a straight forward answer.

    Leave a comment:


  • shay5
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    Waht scrent?

    Leave a comment:


  • LondonGal
    replied
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    Originally posted by starrynight11 View Post
    :salams:

    When meeting a potential, is it really worth hiding all of your secrets or acting a certain way to make them stay interested? If you're meant to be with them, does it really matter whether or not you hide those secrets? If you choose to hide some secrets, will it be considered a form of deception? What secrets should be hidden, and what shouldn't?

    :jkk:
    If one has repented and Allah has concealed their sins then one should not disclose their secrets.

    Yes, most men don't want to marry a unchaste woman anymore than a woman wants to marry a man who masturbates or doesn't lower his gaze.

    But, past should be hidden, if Allah in His Mercy has covered it.

    If you're still sinning and pretending that you're not. Then that's, hypocrisy which is wrong.

    Leave a comment:

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