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Secrets from Potential Spouse

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  • #31
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
    It doesn't matter if you are going to associate with them or not. It's you shunning the brother above who is OK with overlooking the past of a sinner.

    If you don't want to marry someone like that, fine. But, no need to put others down if they are OK with a repentant person.

    And please don't look down upon others. It's a serious matter.
    If they are ok with it fine. But they make it seem like those that reject those that repent are guilty or something

    We are allowed choices
    Ya Muqallib Al-Quloob Thabbit Qalbi Alaa Deenik
    ( O changer of hearts, keep my heart steadfast on your deen)

    www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

    Comment


    • #32
      Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

      Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
      It doesn't matter if you are going to associate with them or not. It's you shunning the brother above who is OK with overlooking the past of a sinner.

      If you don't want to marry someone like that, fine. But, no need to put others down if they are OK with a repentant person.

      And please don't look down upon others. It's a serious matter.
      Fine

      I apologise if i offended anyone in the process, i got wound up a bit.

      I'd still advise against it and have no sympathy for those who end up in a terrible position because of it though.
      Gender: Male

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      • #33
        Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

        I don't know how it works in other cultures, but a 'potential' in my view is someone who you may or may not marry
        why would you spill out everything to such a person? if it's something major that will affect the marriage then yes it shouldn't be hidden
        but some people seem to be after every little detail

        the past is irrelevant, unless some characteristics or traits from the past are still present. what matters is what the person is like now.
        (I'm not including things like zina here as this depends on other things)
        "O you who have believed, shall I guide you to a transaction that will save you from a painful punishment?
        (It is that) you believe in Allah and His Messenger and strive in the cause of Allah with your wealth and your lives. That is best for you, if you should know.
        He will forgive for you your sins and admit you to gardens beneath which rivers flow and pleasant dwellings in gardens of perpetual residence. That is the great attainment"
        .


        "And (you will obtain) another (favour) that you love - victory from Allah and an imminent conquest; and give good tidings to the believers"
        .

        Comment


        • #34
          Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

          Originally posted by firestar101 View Post
          You are comparing being unchaste with the others. They are two different things. Being unchaste is far worse assuming she did zina. No guy wants to be with someone that was so close to another man like that

          You are right in that the past should be hidden but if a guy wants someone chaste then that is his right. Assuming he is chaste himself.

          Its true that a person has repented but that does not change the fact that the sin they commited can have an effect on the life of someone else. For example, a person has an STD. And then decides to keep it a secret although repents
          I'm not comparing sins. Obviously, premarital sex is worse than being a pervert.

          The topic is about revealing secrets/sins etc

          And sins are sins. They could vary from adultery to masturbation or missing fajr.

          And regardless of whether the sin is major or minor. Islamically, we are told to conceal our sins.

          It doesn't matter if it's adultery or being a porn addict.

          Obviously. If the sin has a lingering affect ie child out of wedlock or bankruptcy/debt due to past gambling addiction then they should be revealed.
          https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

          Comment


          • #35
            Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

            Originally posted by LondonGal View Post
            I'm not comparing sins. Obviously, premarital sex is worse than being a pervert.

            The topic is about revealing secrets/sins etc

            And sins are sins. They could vary from adultery to masturbation or missing fajr.

            And regardless of whether the sin is major or minor. Islamically, we are told to conceal our sins.

            It doesn't matter if it's adultery or being a porn addict.

            Obviously. If the sin has a lingering affect ie child out of wedlock or bankruptcy/debt due to past gambling addiction then they should be revealed.
            Your logic and comparisons are hilarious . Lol.

            Comment


            • #36
              Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

              Originally posted by faatima18 View Post
              I don't know how it works in other cultures, but a 'potential' in my view is someone who you may or may not marry
              why would you spill out everything to such a person?
              Very good point.

              Also in general, the potential future is what matters if the past whatever is already dead. There's really no deception about it and most normal people do not ask someone directly for them to be put on the spot. You will gather what is known from their reputation, and that is enough to give a positive/negative impression.
              والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

              "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

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              • #37
                Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

                My secrets are mine but if he asks anything I won't lie
                I believe what matters most is who u r right now , not what u did like 10 years ago or smth
                anyways ,a girl with bad history still attracts some guys , believe it or not and they pious .
                not saying its ok or not but stating facts^^
                How merciful Allah on me by giving me respite,and I persist in my sins and Allah shields me :crying2:

                Comment


                • #38
                  Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

                  Originally posted by myeverything View Post
                  My secrets are mine but if he asks anything I won't lie
                  I believe what matters most is who u r right now , not what u did like 10 years ago or smth
                  anyways ,a girl with bad history still attracts some guys , believe it or not and they pious .
                  not saying its ok or not but stating facts^^
                  True, it happens a lot. Especially considering the times we live in and where we live a lot of people have a bad past unfortunately.

                  Still think it's easier for a guy to get away with a bad past in comparison to a woman though because of societal views.
                  Gender: Male

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

                    Originally posted by fumke View Post
                    Depends on what type of secrets you are talking about, minor ones that can never be found out (like... I shoplifted once or something like that) I guess is fine

                    But something like committing zina before marriage cannot be hidden especially if he wants a chaste woman. I know a man can however hide it from his wife but its still better to be truthful to your spouse. Why keep something like that from each other? A marriage is supposed to be based on trust.
                    Is this topic about us deciding what sins are ok and what sins are not?

                    Shoplifting is ok but zina is not??

                    Islamically, theft comes under the major sins in islam, and so does zina.
                    https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

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                    • #40
                      Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

                      I guess if it's something he has repented from/ a weakness he has 'conquered' to a certain extent I wouldn't want to know.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

                        Originally posted by LondonGal View Post
                        Is this topic about us deciding what sins are ok and what sins are not?

                        Shoplifting is ok but zina is not??

                        Islamically, theft comes under the major sins in islam, and so does zina.
                        Thats clearly not what I said...

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

                          Originally posted by LondonGal View Post
                          I'm not comparing sins. Obviously, premarital sex is worse than being a pervert.

                          The topic is about revealing secrets/sins etc

                          And sins are sins. They could vary from adultery to masturbation or missing fajr.

                          And regardless of whether the sin is major or minor. Islamically, we are told to conceal our sins.

                          It doesn't matter if it's adultery or being a porn addict.

                          Obviously. If the sin has a lingering affect ie child out of wedlock or bankruptcy/debt due to past gambling addiction then they should be revealed.
                          What you said makes no sense.your last point could also be considered a sin to that person and you say they have to tell that person they intend to marry. But you must conceal sins. And if the person thinks having a child out of wedlock is a sin then they do not need to state it

                          Same with rape and other things. Because that's also a sin. So the person does not have to reveal that either.

                          So some things must be said and others not according to you. But that is dependant on if the person sees it as a sin.
                          Ya Muqallib Al-Quloob Thabbit Qalbi Alaa Deenik
                          ( O changer of hearts, keep my heart steadfast on your deen)

                          www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

                            Originally posted by firestar101 View Post
                            What you said makes no sense.your last point could also be considered a sin to that person and you say they have to tell that person they intend to marry. But you must conceal sins. And if the person thinks having a child out of wedlock is a sin then they do not need to state it

                            Same with rape and other things. Because that's also a sin. So the person does not have to reveal that either.

                            So some things must be said and others not according to you. But that is dependent on if the person sees it as a sin.
                            >>........ it is not about whether the person views it as a sin but something that will affect the marriage...if you have a child out of wedlock and do not disclose...then the wife finds out after...because inevitability this will be revealed, this cause issues as does concealing the fact you have massive debt..when the wife wants to start making purchases and you inform after this can also cause huge problems..
                            Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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                            • #44
                              Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

                              Originally posted by shay5 View Post
                              >>........ it is not about whether the person views it as a sin but something that will affect the marriage...if you have a child out of wedlock and do not disclose...then the wife finds out after...because inevitability this will be revealed, this cause issues as does concealing the fact you have massive debt..when the wife wants to start making purchases and you inform after this can also cause huge problems..
                              But it's a sin according to others. No different from zina which apparently you must hide

                              I disagree. He can keep anything a secret. Even the worst things. Otherwise you are just picking and choosing
                              Ya Muqallib Al-Quloob Thabbit Qalbi Alaa Deenik
                              ( O changer of hearts, keep my heart steadfast on your deen)

                              www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

                                Yeah it's better not to keep secrets. Doesn't mean you disclose it in the first meeting but should do it sooner if you plan to disclose. Like before things become serious otherwise there may be complications.

                                What is people's experience with the incident of spouse finding out after marriage some secret. How does this affect the marriage. Also what in your opinion should be disclosed and what shouldn't.

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