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Secrets from Potential Spouse

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  • #16
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    Originally posted by starrynight11 View Post
    :salams:

    When meeting a potential, is it really worth hiding all of your secrets or acting a certain way to make them stay interested? If you're meant to be with them, does it really matter whether or not you hide those secrets? If you choose to hide some secrets, will it be considered a form of deception? What secrets should be hidden, and what shouldn't?

    :jkk:
    If one has repented and Allah has concealed their sins then one should not disclose their secrets.

    Yes, most men don't want to marry a unchaste woman anymore than a woman wants to marry a man who masturbates or doesn't lower his gaze.

    But, past should be hidden, if Allah in His Mercy has covered it.

    If you're still sinning and pretending that you're not. Then that's, hypocrisy which is wrong.
    https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

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    • #17
      Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

      Waht scrent?
      Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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      • #18
        Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

        These questions never have a straight forward answer.
        Ramadan Ummah Project 2015 in shaa Allah
        http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...h-Project-2015
        Let's learn and live Islam together. Ameen.
        ----------------------- :apple::watermelon::peach:------------------------
        My Lord! bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood [17:24]

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        • #19
          Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

          You realise women can masturbate too don't you?
          Gender: Male

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          • #20
            Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

            Originally posted by Bindipper View Post
            Obviously not from birth lol, but i'm asking eveything

            and everyone should, your family should have done a full background check if they can aswell. Even then you never know but you need to do your part atleast. For all you know you could be marrying an ex prostitute.
            Would you answer all of her questions honestly too?? Its only fair

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            • #21
              Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

              Originally posted by Charmbracelet0 View Post
              Would you answer all of her questions honestly too?? Its only fair
              of course

              I don't want to be lied to that's all or i'll just tell her the things i deem unacceptable and if she has done them she should reject me without revealing anything so i'm not letting myself in for anything i wouldn't want to. If she lies then her head be on it, atleast i can say i tried.

              Truth over everything
              Last edited by Bindipper; 02-03-15, 11:06 PM.
              Gender: Male

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              • #22
                Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

                Originally posted by toska View Post
                Wa alaikumu salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

                I go straight out with my past and my flaws/shortcomings. Obviously I have things I keep to myself as I think they are not relevant or have no influence to the marriage.
                But there is no point of sugarcoating things, it just creates problems in the future.

                You wouldn't like your potential hiding skeletons from you, so why would you? Just tell the potential about your past, like at this point I was stupid and used to do this and that or this and that happened to me without my choice. If they are rejecting you based on that, then it's a good thing. You don't want a spouse like that.

                I personally wouldn't mind if my spouse killed somebody, acted in adult entertainment, or what have you, IF I see that she is not that kind of person anymore. She is pious, god-concious, she loves akhira more than dunya and attaining Jannah is her only goal.

                When I approached my hopefully wife-to-be, I went straight: "I was given your number and told you were looking for marriage. I am looking but there is a problem I have..."
                And that problem was an issue with previous potentials, she was like, don't worry I would still want to get to know you. And there it went.

                To be honest I think her "problem" is even much worse than mine. The company she had and things she did.... It would have put off most of the guys straight away.

                But we managed to see something in each other that most people fail to see and appreciate - Piety, Honesty, sincerity, compromising, putting spouses happiness our own happiness.

                She is unbelievable anyway, we asked some questions to each other regarding compatibility and talked like 20 mins. Then it was just me asking questions and when I asked why are you not asking anything, she said she had made her decision. She wanted to marry me based on 20min talking.


                Just be honest, put yourself in his/her position and think, would you want to know about that problem. And if that person is not accepting that, then believe me, he/she is not going to make a good spouse anyway. You deserve someone who will accept, appreciate and love you as you are, with all the flaws and imperfections.

                edit: I mean don't go first thing on them saying I have commited zina, killed a person etc. Get to know each other a bit and then tell them. Just don't keep it a secret too long.
                Bravo, that's how you do it, masha Allah. May Allah make it a source of happiness and contentment.
                Thee do we worship, and Thine aid we seek.

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                • #23
                  Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

                  Originally posted by Figs View Post
                  Bravo, that's how you do it, masha Allah. May Allah make it a source of happiness and contentment.
                  no it's not, that's a one way ticket to being the laughing stock of men and a cuckold

                  you lived a certain life, there are consequences for your actions. The past simply does not disappear because you decided it's time to change, this is also a terrible example to people who don't fall into such things. A person does what they want their whole life and ends up with an amazing spouse while someone living pious their entire life ends up with a druggy from pakistan if that's how you deal with it.

                  I have no sympathy for any man who goes into a relationship denying clear red flags then it fires back on him.

                  Even Atheists understand this.

                  but hey enjoy making an ex pornstar the mother of your daughter if that's what you want.
                  Gender: Male

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                  • #24
                    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

                    Originally posted by LondonGal View Post
                    If one has repented and Allah has concealed their sins then one should not disclose their secrets.

                    Yes, most men don't want to marry a unchaste woman anymore than a woman wants to marry a man who masturbates or doesn't lower his gaze.

                    But, past should be hidden, if Allah in His Mercy has covered it.

                    If you're still sinning and pretending that you're not. Then that's, hypocrisy which is wrong.
                    You are comparing being unchaste with the others. They are two different things. Being unchaste is far worse assuming she did zina. No guy wants to be with someone that was so close to another man like that

                    You are right in that the past should be hidden but if a guy wants someone chaste then that is his right. Assuming he is chaste himself.

                    Its true that a person has repented but that does not change the fact that the sin they commited can have an effect on the life of someone else. For example, a person has an STD. And then decides to keep it a secret although repents
                    Ya Muqallib Al-Quloob Thabbit Qalbi Alaa Deenik
                    ( O changer of hearts, keep my heart steadfast on your deen)

                    www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

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                    • #25
                      Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

                      Originally posted by Bindipper View Post
                      no it's not, that's a one way ticket to being the laughing stock of men and a cuckold

                      you lived a certain life, there are consequences for your actions. The past simply does not disappear because you decided it's time to change, this is also a terrible example to people who don't fall into such things. A person does what they want their whole life and ends up with an amazing spouse while someone living pious their entire life ends up with a druggy from pakistan if that's how you deal with it.

                      I have no sympathy for any man who goes into a relationship denying clear red flags then it fires back on him.

                      Even Atheists understand this.

                      but hey enjoy making an ex pornstar the mother of your daughter if that's what you want.
                      I agree with you although you could have worded it better and in more appropriate way

                      Even if a person repents its true that ALLAH will forgive them ameen. But that does not change the fact that actions have consequences.
                      Ya Muqallib Al-Quloob Thabbit Qalbi Alaa Deenik
                      ( O changer of hearts, keep my heart steadfast on your deen)

                      www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

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                      • #26
                        Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

                        ...
                        Last edited by wifeseeker; 05-03-15, 03:25 PM. Reason: old

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                        • #27
                          Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

                          Originally posted by Bindipper View Post
                          no it's not, that's a one way ticket to being the laughing stock of men and a cuckold

                          you lived a certain life, there are consequences for your actions. The past simply does not disappear because you decided it's time to change, this is also a terrible example to people who don't fall into such things. A person does what they want their whole life and ends up with an amazing spouse while someone living pious their entire life ends up with a druggy from pakistan if that's how you deal with it.

                          I have no sympathy for any man who goes into a relationship denying clear red flags then it fires back on him.

                          Even Atheists understand this.

                          but hey enjoy making an ex pornstar the mother of your daughter if that's what you want.
                          Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                          "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                          - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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                          • #28
                            Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

                            Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                            Umar ibn al_khttaab (RA) went out to kill the Prophet :saw:, the most beloved of Allah. He came to Islam, his sins were clean, but his actions did take place in the past, though.

                            Would you deny marrying your daughter to someone like Umar ibn al-Khattab (RA)?

                            Hind bint ‘Utbah (RA), who not only killed the uncle of the Prophet :saw: but mutilated his body. But, she became a Muslim. Does the fact that she killed Hamza (RA) disappear from the past? No. But, is she one of the Companions of the Prophet :saw: Definitely is.

                            Anyways, the point is, many of the Sabahas (RA) had a past. But, that didn't stop them from making a positive impact in their future lives and become far better Muslim than anyone of us can ever be.

                            An ex-pornstar who was repented and is a pious Muslimah can be more beloved to Allah than me and you combined. So, be careful and don't judge people on their past.
                            Whether or not they repent and are forgiven is between them and Allah, ofcourse i hope they do too.

                            But that doesn't mean i'm going to associate myself with them.
                            Gender: Male

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                            • #29
                              Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

                              Originally posted by Bindipper View Post
                              Whether or not they repent and are forgiven is between them and Allah, ofcourse i hope they do too.

                              But that doesn't mean i'm going to associate myself with them.
                              It doesn't matter if you are going to associate with them or not. It's you shunning the brother above who is OK with overlooking the past of a sinner.

                              If you don't want to marry someone like that, fine. But, no need to put others down if they are OK with a repentant person.

                              And please don't look down upon others. It's a serious matter.
                              Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                              "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                              - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

                                This is just a discussion, :insha:. Please assume nothing...
                                Life's actually pretty simple: you just have to enjoy it, pray, do good, refrain from bad, and respect others. Being Muslim is not a disadvantage or an advantage - it's a responsibility.
                                "So patiently persevere: for verily the promise of Allah is true" (Qur'an, Surah Ar-Rum - 30:60)

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