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  • Secrets from Potential Spouse

    :salams:

    When meeting a potential, is it really worth hiding all of your secrets or acting a certain way to make them stay interested? If you're meant to be with them, does it really matter whether or not you hide those secrets? If you choose to hide some secrets, will it be considered a form of deception? What secrets should be hidden, and what shouldn't?

    :jkk:
    Last edited by starrynight11; 02-03-15, 01:39 AM.
    Life's actually pretty simple: you just have to enjoy it, pray, do good, refrain from bad, and respect others. Being Muslim is not a disadvantage or an advantage - it's a responsibility.
    "So patiently persevere: for verily the promise of Allah is true" (Qur'an, Surah Ar-Rum - 30:60)

  • #2
    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

    walaikum salaam

    Sins should be hidden and not disclosed

    But if the guy wants someone chaste then she should reject him and not deveive him. And the other way around also
    Ya Muqallib Al-Quloob Thabbit Qalbi Alaa Deenik
    ( O changer of hearts, keep my heart steadfast on your deen)

    www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

      You can bet i'm going full detective and checking her behaviour from the day she was conceived

      You can refuse to answer my questions, i will not marry you.
      Gender: Male

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

        Originally posted by Bindipper View Post
        You can bet i'm going full detective and checking her behaviour from the day she was conceived

        You can refuse to answer my questions, i will not marry you.
        Lol!


        That's crazy.


        No need to go all coocoo.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

          It's kind of a tricky situation, I mean if she was in a past relationship I wouldn't want her, so it would be better for her not to tell, but for me I would feel deceived.
          unconditional love for all of mankind.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

            Originally posted by UmmAbdulMalik View Post
            Lol!


            That's crazy.


            No need to go all coocoo.
            Obviously not from birth lol, but i'm asking eveything

            and everyone should, your family should have done a full background check if they can aswell. Even then you never know but you need to do your part atleast. For all you know you could be marrying an ex prostitute.
            Gender: Male

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

              if they're wearing a wig, i'd want to know.
              لآ اِلَهَ اِلّا اللّهُ مُحَمَّدٌ رَسُوُل اللّهِ

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

                Depends on what type of secrets you are talking about, minor ones that can never be found out (like... I shoplifted once or something like that) I guess is fine

                But something like committing zina before marriage cannot be hidden especially if he wants a chaste woman. I know a man can however hide it from his wife but its still better to be truthful to your spouse. Why keep something like that from each other? A marriage is supposed to be based on trust.

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                • #9
                  Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse


                  U never know who is hiding what.

                  So go Sherlock Holmes on them !!!



                  :jkk:
                  Every Saint has a Past ...

                  Every Sinner has a Future ...

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

                    :salams

                    Depends. If it's something he or she would find out from someone else than yes you would have to tell or should tell. If something that won't hurt the marriage and they won't find out than keep it to yourself.
                    Don't depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in the darkness

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

                      Wa alaikumu salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

                      I go straight out with my past and my flaws/shortcomings. Obviously I have things I keep to myself as I think they are not relevant or have no influence to the marriage.
                      But there is no point of sugarcoating things, it just creates problems in the future.

                      You wouldn't like your potential hiding skeletons from you, so why would you? Just tell the potential about your past, like at this point I was stupid and used to do this and that or this and that happened to me without my choice. If they are rejecting you based on that, then it's a good thing. You don't want a spouse like that.

                      I personally wouldn't mind if my spouse killed somebody, acted in adult entertainment, or what have you, IF I see that she is not that kind of person anymore. She is pious, god-concious, she loves akhira more than dunya and attaining Jannah is her only goal.

                      When I approached my hopefully wife-to-be, I went straight: "I was given your number and told you were looking for marriage. I am looking but there is a problem I have..."
                      And that problem was an issue with previous potentials, she was like, don't worry I would still want to get to know you. And there it went.

                      To be honest I think her "problem" is even much worse than mine. The company she had and things she did.... It would have put off most of the guys straight away.

                      But we managed to see something in each other that most people fail to see and appreciate - Piety, Honesty, sincerity, compromising, putting spouses happiness our own happiness.

                      She is unbelievable anyway, we asked some questions to each other regarding compatibility and talked like 20 mins. Then it was just me asking questions and when I asked why are you not asking anything, she said she had made her decision. She wanted to marry me based on 20min talking.


                      Just be honest, put yourself in his/her position and think, would you want to know about that problem. And if that person is not accepting that, then believe me, he/she is not going to make a good spouse anyway. You deserve someone who will accept, appreciate and love you as you are, with all the flaws and imperfections.

                      edit: I mean don't go first thing on them saying I have commited zina, killed a person etc. Get to know each other a bit and then tell them. Just don't keep it a secret too long.
                      Last edited by toska; 02-03-15, 02:43 PM.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

                        Originally posted by starrynight11 View Post
                        :salams:

                        When meeting a potential, is it really worth hiding all of your secrets or acting a certain way to make them stay interested? If you're meant to be with them, does it really matter whether or not you hide those secrets? If you choose to hide some secrets, will it be considered a form of deception? What secrets should be hidden, and what shouldn't?

                        :jkk:
                        :wswrwb:

                        I apologize, but I am going to be a little bit blunt ukhti. I am a little bit appalled at some of the replies saying that you should deceive someone you are considering for marriage.

                        I mean is it any wonder why there are so many divorces? What human being on this earth wants to be deceived?

                        Trust is a thing that you can only really form once, and if you break trust even once you will never be able to get it back to where it was before.

                        Do not start off a relationship with anyone with a lie. Do not hide something that is important for the other person to know.

                        "There are four characteristics, whoever has all of them is a true hypocrite, and whoever has one of them has one of the qualities of a hypocrite until he gives it up: when he is trusted, he betrays; when he speaks, he lies; when he makes a promise, he breaks it; and when he disputes, he resorts to slander." (Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim)
                        If you have any questions feel free to PM me!

                        Humililty, Sincerity, and the quest for Truth. There is no purpose in life but to seek the pleasure of Allah.
                        There is a possibility a female might use this account to read something!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

                          Originally posted by toska View Post
                          Wa alaikumu salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

                          I go straight out with my past and my flaws/shortcomings. Obviously I have things I keep to myself as I think they are not relevant or have no influence to the marriage.
                          But there is no point of sugarcoating things, it just creates problems in the future.

                          You wouldn't like your potential hiding skeletons from you, so why would you? Just tell the potential about your past, like at this point I was stupid and used to do this and that or this and that happened to me without my choice. If they are rejecting you based on that, then it's a good thing. You don't want a spouse like that.

                          I personally wouldn't mind if my spouse killed somebody, acted in adult entertainment, or what have you, IF I see that she is not that kind of person anymore. She is pious, god-concious, she loves akhira more than dunya and attaining Jannah is her only goal.

                          When I approached my hopefully wife-to-be, I went straight: "I was given your number and told you were looking for marriage. I am looking but there is a problem I have..."
                          And that problem was an issue with previous potentials, she was like, don't worry I would still want to get to know you. And there it went.

                          To be honest I think her "problem" is even much worse than mine. The company she had and things she did.... It would have put off most of the guys straight away.

                          But we managed to see something in each other that most people fail to see and appreciate - Piety, Honesty, sincerity, compromising, putting spouses happiness our own happiness.

                          She is unbelievable anyway, we asked some questions to each other regarding compatibility and talked like 20 mins. Then it was just me asking questions and when I asked why are you not asking anything, she said she had made her decision. She wanted to marry me based on 20min talking.


                          Just be honest, put yourself in his/her position and think, would you want to know about that problem. And if that person is not accepting that, then believe me, he/she is not going to make a good spouse anyway. You deserve someone who will accept, appreciate and love you as you are, with all the flaws and imperfections.

                          edit: I mean don't go first thing on them saying I have commited zina, killed a person etc. Get to know each other a bit and then tell them. Just don't keep it a secret too long.
                          mate...

                          please tell me you aren't serious
                          Gender: Male

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Bindipper View Post

                            mate...

                            please tell me you aren't serious
                            I am deas serious, what's wrong?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Secrets from Potential Spouse

                              Originally posted by toska View Post
                              I am deas serious, what's wrong?
                              But who was self respect
                              Gender: Male

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