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Meeting the girl's parents or brothers before the girl herself

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  • #16
    Re: Meeting the girl's parents or brothers before the girl herself

    My parents shared every detail of every proposal that came my way, even potential proposal that might come but didn't come yet, my mom would share it with me. To be honest, it stressed me out a lot. I started analyzing the guy before I had full picture & I felt depressed when a proposal that was suppose to come my way turned back around because they didn't like certain information from my biodata (family, height..etc). It was a big rollercoaster.

    I am grateful that my parents kept me in the loop & didn't shut good proposal out but it crossed over to the TOO MUCH INFORMATION IS NOT GOOD. I really wish they kept those non serious proposal away from me (the once that were assumptions & ended at biodata exchange phase only). I wish they screened and only passed the once they felt were serious for me to consider, that would cut my list short. On the other hand, my friend parents were exact opposite of mine. They would reject proposal without even mentioning it to her. She did feel like she was in the dark & had similar but opposite hopeless/depression feeling.

    There is no winning.


    • #17
      I think its quite uncommon even among "pious" families. In some cultures a sister is suppose to find someone on her own and then set up meeting with father.

      And so many fathers just ignore their responsibility to find someone for their daughters.

      My arabic class is full of single sisters who go there for more than just arabic. It's not just modernized muslims. There are also sisters with jilbabs and who have a strong deen. The family is just neglecting their responsibilties.

      Maybe brothers should try to approach sisters wali instead of sister directly.

      In my last case I was given a phone nr, i was expecting it to be wali, but it was a sister.


      • #18
        Re: Meeting the girl's parents or brothers before the girl herself

        I think it should be a 50/50 parents as well as the girl should look at the guy and then see if they want to proceed from there rather then just the parents after all its the girl that's going to be living with the guy, which parents do wish for the best, but at the end of the day its the girl decision and if she feels content with the proposal then that's what should matter. Inputs should be all welcomed.