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Tough it out or find a way to move on?

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  • #16
    Re: Tough it out or find a way to move on?

    Asalam Alehkoum

    As a sister of yours, women can easily be ungrateful to men (women dont yell at me we all know this is true). She doesn't see how fortunate she is to not work and have a good supportive husband while many women suffer on their own, abusive relationships, cheating etc...your situation might be bad, but not that bad.

    If she doesn't like your mother, this is a common problem, figure out why and if it can be fixed. If you HAVE to take care of your mother with her living with you,it can make things easier on you as a couple, figure out why she doesn't like her, then talk of the benefits of your mother living with you.

    If she is so upset and being like this, I would actually ask her why she married you to begin with. Maybe she loves you but she is going through depression or little deen, or something causing her to be this way. Suggest counseling if not professional than with both families. Pregnancy is so hard on women, it makes everything so difficult so have extra, extra extra sabbur and keep doing a good job at being a husband.

    If you are talking and you don't see eye-to-eye then you need to compromise, one of you has to let the other win. What sort of relationship do you have? Do you guys love each other? Are you friends? Best friends? Were you close and then it got bad? If you guys were not that connected why did you marry exactly?!

    If she is acting in ways that are not of our deen then you need to remind her and in a good nice way fix the behavior.
    Maybe go on a small vacation, get away for awhile. Reconnect to each other romantically...maybe you two are just bored and frustrated. Maybe you need more alone time. Going on a travel can really see how you work together as a couple.

    Divorce is like the 100000 option because she is pregnant, what if you divorce and you DONT see your child? Do you really want to live that life?! I don't even think a sheikh would recommend a divorce (based off the details you told us). It may be hard, but you need to find more creative ways to fix this. Learn her more, ask how she is, do more romantic things, maybe her behavior isn't good now but try to build passion in your lives. When's the last time you went to nature? Go see earth, rocks, trees water...they say that seeing the ocean or hearing water move can fix sadness and depression...it can help you reconnect with Allah. Rebuild love if it was there, if it was not there build it...

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    • #17
      Re: Tough it out or find a way to move on?

      Tough it out for the sake of your child, is it really worth never seeing your kid? It will get better as the years go by, you are simply going through a rough patch right now. The easiest option is to just separate, in the long run it will be better if you stay with her. Give her space but stay with her.

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      • #18
        Re: Tough it out or find a way to move on?

        Originally posted by LimonPani View Post
        Assalamu Alaikum to All.

        Never had I imagined that I would look to write in the forums regarding this matter but I am in need of advice as I am looking to separate.

        I recently married roughly 6 months ago, second try as the first one ended about 6 years ago.

        The bottom line is, I am unhappy.

        Alhamdulillah I think the sister herself is good but we have our differences and the situations we are put are not in our favor.

        My situation, I have my mother I have to care for and of course work full time. Average class family but Alhamdulillah I do ok.

        My wife while educated has chosen not to work which is fair. Currently she is expecting, though we had planned not to have children initially but regardless are blessed.

        We are currently living separately from her mother in law, while this is not becoming manageable for me financially mainly, I have requested that we live together to make things more manageable especially with a child coming along.

        Rather than ramble, here is the case:

        Firstly, my spouse is not being honest to me, telling me that moving is fine but tell my mother no. Essentially in this case and others the bottom line for me is we are to support each other through thick and through thin, I feel 100% alone since the beginning.

        The time we have spent together I have realized that my spouse does not like me, I feel as if I am just a husband for title's sake.

        My spouse does not get along with my mother and will go out of her way to make good situations bad.

        I have tried talking out issues but it appears my spouse and I don't see eye to eye and that these are not issues for her.

        If we were to separate where she would return to her parents home, I am under the impression I will not get to see the child (hints from her), regardless the case how much maintenance should one expect to pay for the care of the child?

        Obviously I will owe other things but wasn't sure about the maintenance.
        Come on brother don't leave the marriage, every marriage have bad times. Spend more time with her :) Manage your time. If she doesn't hate you, or you dont hate her, DONT EVEN BRING DIVORCE OR DONT EVEN QUESTION UR MARRIAGE. Be more intimate :D :D

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        • #19
          Re: Tough it out or find a way to move on?

          I think you should seek consuling. Ask around your mosque, there is bound to be someone who is a qualified marriage counselor.

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