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parents marrying their trouble making sons/daughters off to decent people

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  • pointless
    replied
    Re: parents marrying their trouble making sons/daughters off to decent people

    Originally posted by Anthanasia View Post
    My Allah I knew I would get slander, see this judgment is why converts have such a hard time in communities. I know a woman who has a two year old baby without being married, what should she be a spinster because of her life choices?! This isn't sunnah behavior, Muslims should be the most accepting and warm people. The fact we can come from such diverse backgrounds is whats beautiful about Muslims, I met a man who used to be in prison, converted after and he works for children in broken homes like the one he came from...these people are awesome,and amazing and I'm so damn proud of anyone who struggled in the dunya and overcame that to something so wondrous!

    Shame on those who are so judgmental! Of course everyone has standards if you don't want to marry someone with a drug past that is your right, but that doesn't make that person less human or worthless if people all carried on with these motives we'd have a vast society of people who can't because a discreet class system of "pure people" and impure would exist.

    In essence: Naturally everyone has the right to have specifications for marriage, but don't put down the people who may have made wrong choices because those people might be better than YOU someday. Misguidedness isn't something you are born with, rather it's a bad phase a human chooses or goes through and I hope to Allah that any soul gets the support they deserve.
    Reading this thread raised a question for me.

    Chaste for chaste. Is it as literal as we see it or deeper than that?

    Someone who has never committed zina or has been lucky enough to not be subjected to someone else's crime or sin.

    Someone who committed zina knowingly that it was wrong but repented in a beautiful way such that that sin has been wiped clean.

    Someone who committed zina without knowing it was wrong as the light of Islam had not touched him/her. After all, Islam came to guide. How can we then expect a non-Muslim to lead the same life as a Muslim. A lost child does not know his way and will follow the nafs. Once the sahada has been uttered, that person has all his/her past sins wipes out. Even a born Muslim will struggle to compete with that.

    Someone who was a victim to someone else's sin against his/her own choice or awareness, but has kept himself/herself chaste out of her own volition.
    Last edited by pointless; 06-03-15, 08:13 PM. Reason: quoted wrong post by mistake

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  • Don't forget
    replied
    Re: parents marrying their trouble making sons/daughters off to decent people

    Originally posted by Anthanasia View Post
    My Allah I knew I would get slander, see this judgment is why converts have such a hard time in communities. I know a woman who has a two year old baby without being married, what should she be a spinster because of her life choices?! This isn't sunnah behavior, Muslims should be the most accepting and warm people. The fact we can come from such diverse backgrounds is whats beautiful about Muslims, I met a man who used to be in prison, converted after and he works for children in broken homes like the one he came from...these people are awesome,and amazing and I'm so damn proud of anyone who struggled in the dunya and overcame that to something so wondrous!

    Shame on those who are so judgmental! Of course everyone has standards if you don't want to marry someone with a drug past that is your right, but that doesn't make that person less human or worthless if people all carried on with these motives we'd have a vast society of people who can't because a discreet class system of "pure people" and impure would exist.

    In essence: Naturally everyone has the right to have specifications for marriage, but don't put down the people who may have made wrong choices because those people might be better than YOU someday. Misguidedness isn't something you are born with, rather it's a bad phase a human chooses or goes through and I hope to Allah that any soul gets the support they deserve.
    just to make it clear were talking about present not past actions, but even past actions everyone has their own standards. your right in the fact that it doesnt make them less of a person or muslim obviously, but if someone doesnt want to marry someone whos been in relationships before its up to them and nothings wrong with it.

    Leave a comment:


  • Anthanasia
    replied
    Re: parents marrying their trouble making sons/daughters off to decent people

    Originally posted by Winter View Post
    I think your misunderstanding what she's trying to say.

    She's talking about parents who find out their son/daughter have a BF/GF or have committed zina, etc and think getting them married will solve this problem of theres, so they force them, etc like that, which isn't fair because what happens if that said guy/girl isn't over the other person? Then his/her spouse suffers.
    Your right I carried off perhaps a bit off the main subject.
    I generally disagree with parents marrying their children in general but that's because I come from a western minded culture and don't fully understand the concept of why a parent would do that or think they have the right in the first place.

    Marry early is something of our deen and people are pushing that later and later, some problems marriage definitely won't solve but if someone is doing zina, or very close to it I don't see why marriage to someone wouldn't be a solution...isn't there fatwas saying that exactly!? If that person isn't over another person then of course that's very wrong, but Allah knows why these things happen.

    Leave a comment:


  • Bindipper
    replied
    Re: parents marrying their trouble making sons/daughters off to decent people

    Originally posted by firestar101 View Post
    True. I agree

    Not all of us were practicing when we were younger but we still knew right from wrong and it's so easy to know that

    We all have standards.
    Zina to an atheist isn't wrong, that wasn't my point if you know what i mean.

    we have things we look at things that we deem unacceptable etc on a personal level, i know many non Muslims that although they don't see fornication as wrong, they would never get into a serious relationship with a woman who had been with more than 10 people

    I can understand that people don't follow the Muslim standards if they aren't Muslim but even then there are certainly things i will deem unacceptable when looking at an ex non Muslim. That's kind of my right.

    Leave a comment:


  • Anthanasia
    replied
    Re: parents marrying their trouble making sons/daughters off to decent people

    Originally posted by Don't forget View Post
    lol people are judgmental because they dont want their ddaughters marrying a drug addicted womanizer?
    My Allah I knew I would get slander, see this judgment is why converts have such a hard time in communities. I know a woman who has a two year old baby without being married, what should she be a spinster because of her life choices?! This isn't sunnah behavior, Muslims should be the most accepting and warm people. The fact we can come from such diverse backgrounds is whats beautiful about Muslims, I met a man who used to be in prison, converted after and he works for children in broken homes like the one he came from...these people are awesome,and amazing and I'm so damn proud of anyone who struggled in the dunya and overcame that to something so wondrous!

    Shame on those who are so judgmental! Of course everyone has standards if you don't want to marry someone with a drug past that is your right, but that doesn't make that person less human or worthless if people all carried on with these motives we'd have a vast society of people who can't because a discreet class system of "pure people" and impure would exist.

    In essence: Naturally everyone has the right to have specifications for marriage, but don't put down the people who may have made wrong choices because those people might be better than YOU someday. Misguidedness isn't something you are born with, rather it's a bad phase a human chooses or goes through and I hope to Allah that any soul gets the support they deserve.

    Leave a comment:


  • firestar101
    replied
    Re: parents marrying their trouble making sons/daughters off to decent people

    Originally posted by Bindipper View Post
    I don't care if you were an atheist

    i will still look at how you behaved even as a non Muslim, we all have standards we require, nothing wrong with that.
    True. I agree

    Not all of us were practicing when we were younger but we still knew right from wrong and it's so easy to know that

    We all have standards.

    Leave a comment:


  • Winter
    replied
    Re: parents marrying their trouble making sons/daughters off to decent people

    Originally posted by Anthanasia View Post
    This grinds my gears.

    Having come from an atheistic lifestyle and being brutally honest when I was single I had to essentially hide half my life because it would be "shameful" "not good enough" for Muslim men or their families!!!!!! Even though most of my bad years were as an atheist I am still judged on it and no matter what those years and times of my life are mine, they are a part of my history. Muslims say that you are renewed when you convert but many of them sure do still judge you despite. I had a troubled past, and beginning as a Muslim and I'm so thankful I have an open-minded spouse who accepts me who I am and who I was...but Allah knows his family can't know or they would soon lock their doors and nearly disown me.

    I can't stand this, we live at the end of dunya time and people are so harsh and judgemental. I don't even near defend a Muslim who knowingly commits sins but if they repented and I mean REALLY repented then they are as equal to me as any other. Peoples wrongdoings shouldn't be written so deeply in their history, a good Muslim is one who knows when to stay out of business that's not there's and not to be judgmental in the first place.

    Aside I know many "pure" muslims who lived a more innocent life only to live a life of drama and ruin of their marriage now. Go ahead do a proper background check, you have the right to not marry a murderer and a rapist, but I'm telling you if you take a broken soul whose circumstances they didn't choose knowingly I swear by what I know of Allah your jennah will be so much grander than you know.

    Redemption of the soul is probably the most noble act a human can do for Allah's sake. Keep that in mind while you look for your perfect spouses.
    I think your misunderstanding what she's trying to say.

    She's talking about parents who find out their son/daughter have a BF/GF or have committed zina, etc and think getting them married will solve this problem of theres, so they force them, etc like that, which isn't fair because what happens if that said guy/girl isn't over the other person? Then his/her spouse suffers.

    Leave a comment:


  • Don't forget
    replied
    Re: parents marrying their trouble making sons/daughters off to decent people

    Originally posted by Anthanasia View Post
    This grinds my gears.

    Having come from an atheistic lifestyle and being brutally honest when I was single I had to essentially hide half my life because it would be "shameful" "not good enough" for Muslim men or their families!!!!!! Even though most of my bad years were as an atheist I am still judged on it and no matter what those years and times of my life are mine, they are a part of my history. Muslims say that you are renewed when you convert but many of them sure do still judge you despite. I had a troubled past, and beginning as a Muslim and I'm so thankful I have an open-minded spouse who accepts me who I am and who I was...but Allah knows his family can't know or they would soon lock their doors and nearly disown me.

    I can't stand this, we live at the end of dunya time and people are so harsh and judgemental. I don't even near defend a Muslim who knowingly commits sins but if they repented and I mean REALLY repented then they are as equal to me as any other. Peoples wrongdoings shouldn't be written so deeply in their history, a good Muslim is one who knows when to stay out of business that's not there's and not to be judgmental in the first place.

    Aside I know many "pure" muslims who lived a more innocent life only to live a life of drama and ruin of their marriage now. Go ahead do a proper background check, you have the right to not marry a murderer and a rapist, but I'm telling you if you take a broken soul whose circumstances they didn't choose knowingly I swear by what I know of Allah your jennah will be so much grander than you know.

    Redemption of the soul is probably the most noble act a human can do for Allah's sake. Keep that in mind while you look for your perfect spouses.
    lol people are judgmental because they dont want their ddaughters marrying a drug addicted womanizer?

    Leave a comment:


  • Bindipper
    replied
    Re: parents marrying their trouble making sons/daughters off to decent people

    I don't care if you were an atheist

    i will still look at how you behaved even as a non Muslim, we all have standards we require, nothing wrong with that.

    Leave a comment:


  • Anthanasia
    replied
    Re: parents marrying their trouble making sons/daughters off to decent people

    This grinds my gears.

    Having come from an atheistic lifestyle and being brutally honest when I was single I had to essentially hide half my life because it would be "shameful" "not good enough" for Muslim men or their families!!!!!! Even though most of my bad years were as an atheist I am still judged on it and no matter what those years and times of my life are mine, they are a part of my history. Muslims say that you are renewed when you convert but many of them sure do still judge you despite. I had a troubled past, and beginning as a Muslim and I'm so thankful I have an open-minded spouse who accepts me who I am and who I was...but Allah knows his family can't know or they would soon lock their doors and nearly disown me.

    I can't stand this, we live at the end of dunya time and people are so harsh and judgemental. I don't even near defend a Muslim who knowingly commits sins but if they repented and I mean REALLY repented then they are as equal to me as any other. Peoples wrongdoings shouldn't be written so deeply in their history, a good Muslim is one who knows when to stay out of business that's not there's and not to be judgmental in the first place.

    Aside I know many "pure" muslims who lived a more innocent life only to live a life of drama and ruin of their marriage now. Go ahead do a proper background check, you have the right to not marry a murderer and a rapist, but I'm telling you if you take a broken soul whose circumstances they didn't choose knowingly I swear by what I know of Allah your jennah will be so much grander than you know.

    Redemption of the soul is probably the most noble act a human can do for Allah's sake. Keep that in mind while you look for your perfect spouses.

    Leave a comment:


  • Kya
    replied
    Re: parents marrying their trouble making sons/daughters off to decent people

    My friend just went back home to get married. She is semi-trouble kid but not too much (depends on your definition of trouble).

    I hope it works out for her. But they still haven't found anyone & their time is running out.

    Leave a comment:


  • Rezgar
    replied
    Re: parents marrying their trouble making sons/daughters off to decent people

    Marriage has become so complex that everyone avoids it and fornication has become the better option. May Allah save us from the evil of that which He has created.

    Leave a comment:


  • Saif-Uddin
    replied
    Re: parents marrying their trouble making sons/daughters off to decent people

    Originally posted by Rezgar View Post
    I think the bigger problem is when someone is about to get married, he becomes someone who does all his prayers, even the voluntary, he starts growing a beard and acts very humble. He speaks good words and treats everyone nice. And then when he's married, none of that is actually visable on him. And the parents know this, they even encouraged it. They tell you "Wallahi, my son is the best. He's a very pious man.". When in reality they're mini-devils hunting for muslimah.
    thats why it's Important to do a proper back ground check,

    :jkk:

    Leave a comment:


  • Rezgar
    replied
    Re: parents marrying their trouble making sons/daughters off to decent people

    I think the bigger problem is when someone is about to get married, he becomes someone who does all his prayers, even the voluntary, he starts growing a beard and acts very humble. He speaks good words and treats everyone nice. And then when he's married, none of that is actually visable on him. And the parents know this, they even encouraged it. They tell you "Wallahi, my son is the best. He's a very pious man.". When in reality they're mini-devils hunting for muslimah.

    Leave a comment:


  • Saif-Uddin
    replied
    Re: parents marrying their trouble making sons/daughters off to decent people

    Originally posted by ceeri_sista View Post
    Most often it's the woman that are tricked into marrying a zaani, faasiq, or drug addict who isn't even trying to get his life together.
    If the potential you are considering isn't from your country make sure you do the necessary research. Some people will try to blindside you into marrying some really messed up individuals.
    and sisters Don't Marry Potentials (in the hope that you will be successful in changing their entire lifestyle)!

    Don't play with Fire!

    :jkk:

    Leave a comment:

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