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Question to sisters (from a brother)

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  • #46
    Re: Question to sisters (from a brother)

    ...
    Last edited by halfmydeen89; 20-08-15, 09:00 AM.
    God has created Angels with reason but having no desires; animals with desires but no reason and man with both reason and desires. Therefore, if one’s reason is stronger than his desires, he is like an Angel,
    while if his desires are stronger than his reason, he is like an animal.

    - Ibn Al-Qayyim


    وَاسْتَعِينُوا بِالصَّبْرِ وَالصَّلَاةِ

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    • #47
      Re: Question to sisters (from a brother)

      I would be fine with it if it was VERY short-term, but I mean... a few weeks, maybe a couple of months at the most. I can understand the sentiment behind it, but it's uncomfortable, especially if you grew up in the West. Personally, I didn't grow up somewhere where that's the norm, and my parents didn't live with each other's parents.

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      • #48
        Re: Question to sisters (from a brother)

        I lived with my in laws for a year after marriage.
        My sister lived with her in laws for a year after marriage.
        My husbands sister lived with her in laws for a year after marriage.
        My mother lived with her in laws for a year after marriage.
        My brothers wife is currently living with my parents (they've been married a few months).

        It was beneficial, as financially, it was worthwhile. The women got the chance to get to know their in laws. Yeah, there were some privacy issues, but what's one year in the grand sheme of things?
        https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

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        • #49
          Re: Question to sisters (from a brother)

          I do not want to be blunt but sometimes you have to be blunt to get your point across.

          Living with in-laws is very likely un-Islamic (please note that I am not a scholar and my opinion is not a scholarly opinion)

          Why?

          Suppose the husband or wife wants intimacy at a time during a weekend when it is not time for sleep for the whole house. Even if the couple wants, they will have to wait until the official bed time and this might affect the relationship.

          Suppose the husband want to see his wife wearing a particular dress but his wife might not be able to put on it because of the presence of other family members.

          May be the couple will want to go out for a dinner or a shopping but they might not be able to do so because the MIL not allowing it.

          May be the during weekend the couple will want to stay in the bed longer than the official get up time relaxing, but may be they will get up anyway. Otherwise the people might ask why the couple is locked up in their room at odd times.

          Also the husband may want time from his wife when his mom may call the DIL for some work in the kitchen. So the right of husband will be compromised.

          Living with in laws start with good intention but with Shaytaan fueling our ego 24/7, cracks are bound to appear sooner or later. And the system will fail.

          The best solution is to live very close to each other but in completely separate houses. Visit each other a lot. Umar (R) used to advise relatives to live closer but not in the same house. There is a wisdom in it.

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          • #50
            Re: Question to sisters (from a brother)

            I am sorry your reasons are not realistic, I am guessing you got your idea of living with inlaws from stories you have heard & not from real people who experienced it. See answer below

            Originally posted by Lost-Interest View Post

            Suppose the husband or wife wants intimacy at a time during a weekend when it is not time for sleep for the whole house. Even if the couple wants, they will have to wait until the official bed time and this might affect the relationship. You can't they just lock their bedroom door and do what they have to do any time of the day? No one is going to glue their ears to couples bedroom to find out what they are doing

            Suppose the husband want to see his wife wearing a particular dress but his wife might not be able to put on it because of the presence of other family members. again do what you have to do in your own bedroom. If a couple can't manage to be together because people are around, what will these couples do when they have kids??

            May be the couple will want to go out for a dinner or a shopping but they might not be able to do so because the MIL not allowing it. I don't know any MIL that won't allow their son to go out with his wife whenever he wants. Some mean MIL might prevent DIL to go out alone but will never say NO to their son taking her out

            May be the during weekend the couple will want to stay in the bed longer than the official get up time relaxing, but may be they will get up anyway. Otherwise the people might ask why the couple is locked up in their room at odd times. [Not feeling good, is a good enough excuse that most couples use.

            .

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            • #51
              Re: Question to sisters (from a brother)

              no
              It's because the first months / 1-2 year of marriage is when the couple need badly to have their own place away from others . unless the parents are sick or in great need .. like can't be left alone with for some serious reason , then I can understand .
              but to live with parents only to save money .. no

              I mean come on life is simple .It's we who complicate it
              he can rent a room , or just a tent lol I don't care really of the place as long as I'm happy with the companion
              Last edited by myeverything; 03-03-15, 12:27 AM.
              How merciful Allah on me by giving me respite,and I persist in my sins and Allah shields me :crying2:

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              • #52
                Re: Question to sisters (from a brother)

                wa alaykum al salaam...

                I think me personally I would love to, wouldn't mind, however if mistreated or disliked, I wouldn't know what to do...so might change my mind regarding the situation and the inlaws.
                I love you, cherish you and worship you,
                Guide me on your path to your janna,
                Unite me beside you My King and all mighty,


                :love:Allah:love:

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                • #53
                  Re: Question to sisters (from a brother)

                  When i got married i lived with my in-laws for over a year and had no problems and we saved a lot of money.

                  First year is not make or break as my marriage is over after 6 and half years

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                  • #54
                    Re: Question to sisters (from a brother)

                    Originally posted by Kya View Post
                    I am sorry your reasons are not realistic, I am guessing you got your idea of living with inlaws from stories you have heard & not from real people who experienced it. See answer below
                    Actually I agree with the brother.


                    I don't know which culture you are from but our parents are very formal around us (kids).

                    Never have I seen my mum wear anything other than modest or traditional.

                    Similarly, I will never want to be caught in anything other than modest even in front of my children (of an understanding age) in shaa Allah.

                    Some in-laws will look down upon the daughter-in-law if she's spending too much time in the bedroom but they will never for a second think, well, our son needs his wife or it might have been him wanting to spend time with her. But as women we are expected to keep an eye on 'things' and be mindful of our surrounding environment and as such, remind our husbands that 'its not the best time or that she's needed in the kitchen' etc etc.


                    I have never spoken to any married sister. I think people just get used to being formal.
                    Ramadan Ummah Project 2015 in shaa Allah
                    http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...h-Project-2015
                    Let's learn and live Islam together. Ameen.
                    ----------------------- :apple::watermelon::peach:------------------------
                    My Lord! bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood [17:24]

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                    • #55
                      Re: Question to sisters (from a brother)

                      Originally posted by halfmydeen89 View Post

                      Would you accept these conditions for the right guy? Oh and it wouldn't be a definite 1/2 years but would depend on how life panned out and the comfort of the wife, so could be alot quicker i.e. 6 months.

                      What are your thoughts akhawaat?
                      Here's a tip for you, 1/2 year = 6 months.

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                      • #56
                        Re: Question to sisters (from a brother)

                        Originally posted by Varna View Post
                        Here's a tip for you, 1/2 year = 6 months.
                        Max. 1/2 = 1 to 2 years.

                        Min. 6 months
                        Ramadan Ummah Project 2015 in shaa Allah
                        http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...h-Project-2015
                        Let's learn and live Islam together. Ameen.
                        ----------------------- :apple::watermelon::peach:------------------------
                        My Lord! bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood [17:24]

                        Comment

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