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Bed room sleeping time difficulty with wife

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  • faz99
    replied
    Re: Bed room sleeping time difficulty with wife

    Firstly it's not good to discuss your sex life in an open public forum lol it's better to seek private counselling from a marriage expert, it's a serious problem which can potentially ruin your marriage and I personally wouldn't act on people's opinions from these forums, it's just gonna confuse you further and in the worst case, it maybe the worst piece of advice given to you and destroy your marriage, so go seek an expert marriage counsellor, ask at your local mosque if such a service exists. Hope things work out for you.

    Leave a comment:


  • muzmuz
    replied
    Re: Bed room sleeping time difficulty with wife

    Originally posted by Outreach4Islam View Post
    wa alaykumus salaam,

    women need to feel close to someone before they want to get close to them, men feel close through that physical intimacy, so it could easily just be you need to get close to her emotionally outside the bed before snuggling up in the bed.
    Salaam
    Brother has given the best advice
    you have to close to her emotional before anything else

    Leave a comment:


  • sushi
    replied
    Re: Bed room sleeping time difficulty with wife

    Originally posted by TazZ- View Post
    Absolutely irrelevant.

    Sex is mandatory in marriage. Not to be used as a reward or weapon. This is what you sign up for. Don't like then don't marry . Simples.
    My post is absolutely relevant.

    As users suggested u in this thread before, if you've an issue then open another thread. You're almost spamming this thread with same content.

    Originally posted by UmmAbdulMalik View Post
    Wrong.
    Absolutely wrong.


    Wrong on so many levels I can't even begin to explain how wrong your statements are.
    There are women out there who would absolutely love to have a husband who is 'overly nice' 'clingy and loving' and does all the things OP mentioned.
    I know I would. Also because I'd love to feel loved and cherished, and in sha Allah I know I would appreciate it. In fact, one of my fears in marriage is that I'd get too attached and that he'd break my heart or take advantage of my soft nature.
    So men should never stop showing love to their woman! Ever! Unless there's a legimate reason. Women want to be loved and men want to be respected. It's as simple as that.
    It depends entirely on the women and her personal characteristics so don't exaggerate and imply that all women are unappreciative little sods towards their husbands kind behaviour.
    To be honest, this is primarily why I dislike the idea of my husband loving me lesser or being attached to me less than I am to him, simply because I know I'm a deeply attached kind of person.
    It depends on the woman's character, and also her level of deen. A wife should show respect to her husband regardless, because without common respect the marriage is fragile and breakable. You're still two human beings who have needs, emotions etc. You still have to rights upon one another so you have to be able to compromise and respect that. OPs wife has to recognize that and sacrifice her needs for personal space once in a while, saying your just not bothered is not a satisfactory reason.
    In fact I think it's quite demeaning to the man in the relationship.
    At the same time, OP should give her adequate time and space and be responsive to her needs outside of the bedroom.
    I know. Personally speaking, sometime I think I've spoilt my hubby & he takes everything for granted!

    Originally posted by UmmAbdulMalik View Post
    Btw -
    Do you have to wash, as in shower EVERY time you have intercourse with your husband, like right afterwards?

    That must be quite troublesome. Does that mean you can't pray or read Quran during that period of being impure as well?
    Hmm. I never knew this stuff.

    Isn't it sufficient to just make wudu and cleanse ur private area thoroughly?

    It'd be interesting if someone could clarify.
    If its not the time for prayer then you can delay the ghusl as shay5 mentioned. Suppose brother A may catch cold if he does ghusl at night & he has already prayed isha. Now he can do ghusl before fajr & not miss the prayer. Same rule goes with any other kind of impurity. Main thing is not to miss the prayer due to impurity.

    Originally posted by Abd al-Rahman View Post
    Exactly Idk where Brother TazZ is from but here there is a big stereotype that it is women who love cuddling and affection and men are the ones who reluctantly give it lol. Idk I feel bad for OP his wife should give him some love lol
    Yeah, he should sort his problem before advising others on the matter.
    Last edited by sushi; 12-02-15, 08:00 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • Abd al-Rahman
    replied
    Re: Bed room sleeping time difficulty with wife

    Originally posted by UmmAbdulMalik View Post
    Wrong.
    Absolutely wrong.


    Wrong on so many levels I can't even begin to explain how wrong your statements are.
    There are women out there who would absolutely love to have a husband who is 'overly nice' 'clingy and loving' and does all the things OP mentioned.
    I know I would. Also because I'd love to feel loved and cherished, and in sha Allah I know I would appreciate it. In fact, one of my fears in marriage is that I'd get too attached and that he'd break my heart or take advantage of my soft nature.
    So men should never stop showing love to their woman! Ever! Unless there's a legimate reason. Women want to be loved and men want to be respected. It's as simple as that.
    It depends entirely on the women and her personal characteristics so don't exaggerate and imply that all women are unappreciative little sods towards their husbands kind behaviour.
    To be honest, this is primarily why I dislike the idea of my husband loving me lesser or being attached to me less than I am to him, simply because I know I'm a deeply attached kind of person.
    It depends on the woman's character, and also her level of deen. A wife should show respect to her husband regardless, because without common respect the marriage is fragile and breakable. You're still two human beings who have needs, emotions etc. You still have to rights upon one another so you have to be able to compromise and respect that. OPs wife has to recognize that and sacrifice her needs for personal space once in a while, saying your just not bothered is not a satisfactory reason.
    In fact I think it's quite demeaning to the man in the relationship.
    At the same time, OP should give her adequate time and space and be responsive to her needs outside of the bedroom.
    Exactly Idk where Brother TazZ is from but here there is a big stereotype that it is women who love cuddling and affection and men are the ones who reluctantly give it lol. Idk I feel bad for OP his wife should give him some love lol

    Leave a comment:


  • UmmAbdulMalik
    replied
    Re: Bed room sleeping time difficulty with wife

    Originally posted by shay5 View Post
    Ukthi ..I hear angel not even visit your home due to impurity for long period of time and yes...you cannot pray...it is like when you have to perform ghusl aftter your period...you cant just have normal shower and pray after period...always ghusl..i am happy uou learn this through another man's misery thread..we all can learn something...

    As for the Hadith related by Sayyiduna Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said, “The angels do not enter a house in which there is a picture, a dog, or a person in a state of major ritual impurity” (Sunan Abi Dawud 229), it refers to an individual who unnecessarily remains in a state of major ritual impurity for a considerable length of time to the extent that the obligatory (fard) prayers are delayed. In such a case, one is sinful; otherwise it is permitted, without dislike, to go to sleep in a state of impurity, even though having a bath is superior.
    SubhanAllah really?!

    So after EVERY occasion you must shower and perform ghusl.

    What about if you have urges during the day or ur husband does? And we have prayers during the day too. What then?
    Must you go and get in the shower every time?

    No wonder some women putt off intercourse if that's a prerequisite after every occasion.

    Leave a comment:


  • shay5
    replied
    Re: Bed room sleeping time difficulty with wife

    Originally posted by UmmAbdulMalik View Post
    Btw -
    Do you have to wash, as in shower EVERY time you have intercourse with your husband, like right afterwards?

    That must be quite troublesome. Does that mean you can't pray or read Quran during that period of being impure as well?


    It'd be interesting if someone could clarify.
    Ukthi ..I hear angel not even visit your home due to impurity for long period of time and yes...you cannot pray...it is like when you have to perform ghusl aftter your period...you cant just have normal shower and pray after period...always ghusl..i am happy uou learn this through another man's misery thread..we all can learn something...

    As for the Hadith related by Sayyiduna Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said, “The angels do not enter a house in which there is a picture, a dog, or a person in a state of major ritual impurity” (Sunan Abi Dawud 229), it refers to an individual who unnecessarily remains in a state of major ritual impurity for a considerable length of time to the extent that the obligatory (fard) prayers are delayed. In such a case, one is sinful; otherwise it is permitted, without dislike, to go to sleep in a state of impurity, even though having a bath is superior.
    Last edited by shay5; 11-02-15, 11:15 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • UmmAbdulMalik
    replied
    Re: Bed room sleeping time difficulty with wife

    Btw -
    Do you have to wash, as in shower EVERY time you have intercourse with your husband, like right afterwards?

    That must be quite troublesome. Does that mean you can't pray or read Quran during that period of being impure as well?
    Hmm. I never knew this stuff.

    Isn't it sufficient to just make wudu and cleanse ur private area thoroughly?

    It'd be interesting if someone could clarify.

    Leave a comment:


  • UmmAbdulMalik
    replied
    Re: Bed room sleeping time difficulty with wife

    Originally posted by TazZ- View Post
    Most of the successful guys with women rarely spent much on them. It is quite amusing how women try to keep those guys happy.

    Seems like nice guys suffer often.
    Wrong.
    Absolutely wrong.


    Wrong on so many levels I can't even begin to explain how wrong your statements are.
    There are women out there who would absolutely love to have a husband who is 'overly nice' 'clingy and loving' and does all the things OP mentioned.
    I know I would. Also because I'd love to feel loved and cherished, and in sha Allah I know I would appreciate it. In fact, one of my fears in marriage is that I'd get too attached and that he'd break my heart or take advantage of my soft nature.
    So men should never stop showing love to their woman! Ever! Unless there's a legimate reason. Women want to be loved and men want to be respected. It's as simple as that.
    It depends entirely on the women and her personal characteristics so don't exaggerate and imply that all women are unappreciative little sods towards their husbands kind behaviour.
    To be honest, this is primarily why I dislike the idea of my husband loving me lesser or being attached to me less than I am to him, simply because I know I'm a deeply attached kind of person.
    It depends on the woman's character, and also her level of deen. A wife should show respect to her husband regardless, because without common respect the marriage is fragile and breakable. You're still two human beings who have needs, emotions etc. You still have to rights upon one another so you have to be able to compromise and respect that. OPs wife has to recognize that and sacrifice her needs for personal space once in a while, saying your just not bothered is not a satisfactory reason.
    In fact I think it's quite demeaning to the man in the relationship.
    At the same time, OP should give her adequate time and space and be responsive to her needs outside of the bedroom.

    Leave a comment:


  • Abd al-Rahman
    replied
    Re: Bed room sleeping time difficulty with wife

    Originally posted by MrWiseGuy View Post
    Assalamu'Alakum brothers and sisters,

    i am posting here because I just want some advice on an issue which I find embarrassing asking others about- so please I hope everyone understands and responds maturely.

    I've been married for just over a year and during the day I don't feel like a married man because we don't sleep close together, we sleep On the same bed but each on the far sides, and on top of that every time I want to hold or touch her she slaps my hand away. And the coming of winter has made things worse.. She wraps her self in a separate duvet first and then our normal duvet that we both share. Alhamdulillah I've managed to improve things a little... As we first used to sleep with singe duvets in the beginning. The problem is I've always wanted to sleep close to my wife when I'm married but seems like this will never happen :(

    Anyone experiencing any similar difficulty? Any suggestions or tips how I could persuade my wife to remove that barrier... It's really annoying me.

    Jazakallah for reading my post. Hope to hear your suggestions, tips.
    Somebody else said something very true. Brother when you spoke with her I hope you didn't plead with her to be more affectionate. A man should not have to beg his wife for cuddling and affection. She won't respect you and she will think it's very easy to manipulate you...

    Leave a comment:


  • Abd al-Rahman
    replied
    Re: Bed room sleeping time difficulty with wife

    Originally posted by *sheba* View Post
    Is it sinful to not want to cuddle?

    Maybe she's one of those who don't like to be touched while they sleep. I can't see her being sinful if that's the case.
    Men like love and affection...It really isn't that much to ask, and a wife should prove that to her husband.

    Leave a comment:


  • Sky Lark
    replied
    Re: Bed room sleeping time difficulty with wife

    Agree with the above. ^ Sabro's post.

    Leave a comment:


  • shay5
    replied
    Re: Bed room sleeping time difficulty with wife

    Originally posted by Sabros View Post
    Time to stop being so nice and show her the cold shoulder a little.
    Rather than spending all your time around her being too nice, go out with friends, do whatever your hobbies are, etc. Try it for 2 weeks and see what her reaction is. Avoid all cuddles. Shouldn't have to beg this stuff from your wife and when you do I'm sure she loses respect for you.
    yes..he is meeting all her ,material needs..maybe if he end this...she might change..

    Leave a comment:


  • Sabros
    replied
    Re: Bed room sleeping time difficulty with wife

    Time to stop being so nice and show her the cold shoulder a little.
    Rather than spending all your time around her being too nice, go out with friends, do whatever your hobbies are, etc. Try it for 2 weeks and see what her reaction is. Avoid all cuddles. Shouldn't have to beg this stuff from your wife and when you do I'm sure she loses respect for you.

    Leave a comment:


  • TazZ-
    replied
    Re: Bed room sleeping time difficulty with wife

    Originally posted by sushi View Post
    No matter what happens brother, don't threaten her with 2nd marriage. This doesn't work and most probably will create more and more space between you guys. So, talk to her (about the hadith I mentioned above) in a firm yet respectful manner. .......& as I said, don't let the snuggle lead to intimacy always. That may make her feel you get close just to get more intimate and not to 'love' her you know. Our definition of 'love' is much different than yours.

    Besides, I have heard many ''weird'' (even muslim) ladies don't let their husbands get intimate with them for months and years!!! They always have headache and so many excuses. I read it online and I was shocked really. So, you should be happy/content that your wife lets you few times a week,no? :insha: something to think about.

    Also, make loads of duas and I heard reciting/playing surah bakarah at home brings barakah to your home. So, do try that :insha:. May Allah reconcile between you guys soon! Ameen.
    Absolutely irrelevant.

    Sex is mandatory in marriage. Not to be used as a reward or weapon. This is what you sign up for. Don't like then don't marry . Simples.

    Leave a comment:


  • Kiro
    replied
    Re: Bed room sleeping time difficulty with wife

    How does it work...? You fire a missile into planetary nebula?or like a Black hole?

    Leave a comment:

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