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Marrying a sister who's sibling married non-muslim? Help please.

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  • #16
    Re: Marrying a sister who's sibling married non-muslim? Help please.

    Originally posted by HopefulOne View Post
    Why are some people so obsessed with reputation? Do you realise people will talk regardless? They will even make up lies. Stop being so obsessed about reputation. You have to get to a point where you don't care about what people say or think about you unless they are an important part of your life.
    One of the reasons we are allowed to marry for is lineage - which is tied in with reputation.
    "People will talk regardless" - glib response. of course people will talk but nothing fuels the fire like an inconvenient truth.

    I think your opinions are admirable but idealistic. Unfortunately a person's reputation, who they associate with can have a huge effect on those close to them. If you hang out with drug dealers, don't be surprised if people start asking you for weed, and then laughing at your parents that they raised a druggie. Lol.

    The sad fact is that sister's of divorced women or daughters of divorced women struggle to get married. Families where one of the girls (and unfortunately the onus is unfairly nearly always on the girl) runs away or commits indecency - reputations are ruined and people don't marry from them easily.

    That is just the reality of the situation. When someone goes for the traditional marriage route and asks people if they know someone decent...how often do people turn around and say 'yeh we know a decent girl. one siblings a drug dealer, one married a kaffir, one has run away with some man. But alhamdulillah the girl and her parents are gems'

    In principle I agree with most of what you have said. her family's reputation and her sibling's action should not affect her. But it does and it will affect him and his family. Thus he should tell them now.

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    • #17
      Re: Marrying a sister who's sibling married non-muslim? Help please.

      Originally posted by Sabros View Post
      One of the reasons we are allowed to marry for is lineage - which is tied in with reputation.
      "People will talk regardless" - glib response. of course people will talk but nothing fuels the fire like an inconvenient truth.

      I think your opinions are admirable but idealistic. Unfortunately a person's reputation, who they associate with can have a huge effect on those close to them. If you hang out with drug dealers, don't be surprised if people start asking you for weed, and then laughing at your parents that they raised a druggie. Lol.

      The sad fact is that sister's of divorced women or daughters of divorced women struggle to get married. Families where one of the girls (and unfortunately the onus is unfairly nearly always on the girl) runs away or commits indecency - reputations are ruined and people don't marry from them easily.

      That is just the reality of the situation. When someone goes for the traditional marriage route and asks people if they know someone decent...how often do people turn around and say 'yeh we know a decent girl. one siblings a drug dealer, one married a kaffir, one has run away with some man. But alhamdulillah the girl and her parents are gems'

      In principle I agree with most of what you have said. her family's reputation and her sibling's action should not affect her. But it does and it will affect him and his family. Thus he should tell them now.
      Lineage and reputation are tied in but not the same thing. Lineage is about where you came from. Where you came from doesn't determine where you are now. I know families where most of the kids are 'wayward' but one isn't. I understand that most families will be put off now marrying into that family but why would you want to marry someone like that anyway? I am not my family. People shouldn't suffer because of the mistakes of their family members.

      I agree that there is no smoke without fire but what people do is between them and Allah. Plus, what matters most is what the person is like now. Everyone has a different journey in life and people are not defined by their pasts.

      Plus, people always look past the previous lifestyles of reverts but not born Muslims? Why is that? Just because someone received the message, it doesn't mean they followed it. S*** happens. People lose their way and then they get judged for it on judgement day.
      Last edited by HopefulOne; 19-01-15, 05:08 PM.
      [FONT=Century Gothic][COLOR="#0066ff"][SIZE=4] We're all a little broken in our own little way and the last time I checked, broken crayons still colour the same...[/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT]

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      • #18
        Re: Marrying a sister who's sibling married non-muslim? Help please.

        Originally posted by HopefulOne View Post
        Lineage and reputation are tied in but not the same thing. Lineage is about where you came from. Where you came from doesn't determine where you are now. I know families where most of the kids are 'wayward' but one isn't. I understand that most families will be put off now marrying into that family but why would you want to marry someone like that anyway? I am not my family. People shouldn't suffer because of the mistakes of their family members.

        I agree that there is no smoke without fire but what people do is between them and Allah. Plus, what matters most is what the person is like now. Everyone has a different journey in life and people are not defined by their pasts.
        As I said before - I agree with what you are saying. But unfortunately practically it doesn't matter. Actions and associations of our family affect us and they will do so in this case. Hence he should tell his parents. :)

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        • #19
          Re: Marrying a sister who's sibling married non-muslim? Help please.

          Originally posted by Sabros View Post
          As I said before - I agree with what you are saying. But unfortunately practically it doesn't matter. Actions and associations of our family affect us and they will do so in this case. Hence he should tell his parents. :)
          Agreed. I'm sorry for going off on a tangent. I just couldn't see how this was even an issue haha.
          [FONT=Century Gothic][COLOR="#0066ff"][SIZE=4] We're all a little broken in our own little way and the last time I checked, broken crayons still colour the same...[/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT]

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