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If your spouse cheated, would you stay with him/her?

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  • pallas
    replied
    Re: If your spouse cheated, would you stay with him/her?

    Seeing I was the one who had opened the topic and I did not answer my question. Should I ever get married and I would discover that my spouse cheated on me, it would be unlikely for me to stay with that person. Whether you stay or not the damage is already done. Personally, I am not that forgiving considering this and lets face it if I were the one that cheated would he have stayed with me.

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  • ceeri_sista
    replied
    Re: If your spouse cheated, would you stay with him/her?

    That would be unjust towards myself. Allah doesn't accept dhulm for his slaves. I would move on with my life, and never look back.
    May Allah protect us from those who lack hayaa and fear of Allah. Ameen.

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  • Mustafa Mahmud
    replied
    Re: If your spouse cheated, would you stay with him/her?

    Originally posted by Sabros View Post
    Is it not premarital sex that has the option or can be interpreted as 100 lashes and exile for a year.
    I think adultery is the one where stoning is considered. That means only one partner in the act needs to be married.

    So single man and single women = lashes
    Married man and single woman = adultery = both stoned despite one partner not married.
    The participant having been married is not lashed. The married participant is lashed. There is/are example(s) in Seerah.

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  • Mustafa Mahmud
    replied
    Re: If your spouse cheated, would you stay with him/her?

    Originally posted by pallas View Post
    Okay this might be a controversial subject, but something that seems to occur on a more frequent level ( compared to several decades ago). I have heard quite a few times, that if a husband cheats on his wife, that the woman should have sabr and try to save her marriage. But the opposite with men ( thus, he is not a real man if he stays with his wife). Quite a few people ( mostly women) tend to stay with their spouse.

    So my question to you is, if your spouse would cheat would you stay with him or her?
    For instance: Would your answer change if that person seems genuine about her/his regret or if that person admits it to you? Would your answer depend on the level of cheating? For instance, contact rather than intercourse. Once rather than on a longer time level. Would you answer depend on if you have children together.
    If she did the slightest thing haram with another man I would divorce her and dna test the kids to deny paternity of whichever of them are not mine. I have reasonable suspicions then. Those kids would not be my responsibility as a father, and not financially and not with inheritance either. I am entirely free of blame in this case. Those who disapprove of a man taking a right of Allah's(to deny paternity of kids that aren't his) should check themselves

    ذَٰلِكَ بِأَنَّهُمْ كَرِهُوا مَا أَنزَلَ اللَّهُ فَأَحْبَطَ أَعْمَالَهُمْ

    That is because they disliked what Allah revealed, so He rendered worthless their deeds.

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  • wifeseeker
    replied
    Re: If your spouse cheated, would you stay with him/her?

    ...
    Last edited by wifeseeker; 18-02-15, 12:57 AM. Reason: old

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  • orient3
    replied
    Re: If your spouse cheated, would you stay with him/her?

    Hmm.....I'd probably divorce.

    But I'd hope the person somehow absolves themselves of their sin and learns from their actions not to repeat it with someone else. That way they can be saved, and the next person they are with.

    Maybe that's be too lenient.
    Last edited by orient3; 16-01-15, 11:08 PM.

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  • Sahar.
    replied
    Re: If your spouse cheated, would you stay with him/her?

    Originally posted by علي بن عبد الله View Post
    Men and women are capable of cheating. And its not a 'rare' fact for either of the gender.

    The example you've cited is a conscious decision since the man knows he is married, he knows it is wrong yet he continued. Furthermore, this 'one off' has a long process involved which can never be classified a 'mistake'. Its similitude could be like, a man went on to rob a bank, I doubt its a mistake.
    This is why it is funny when people who cheat say it is a "mistake"

    Stupidity beyond belief.

    That's why you leave them and don't forgive.
    You don't make a mistake when you cheat. You know very well it is the worst thing to possibly do.

    Leave a comment:


  • drac16
    replied
    Re: If your spouse cheated, would you stay with him/her?

    Yeah, I'd stay with her. I'd just get a second wife, bring the second wife home to meet the first and watch the fireworks.

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  • Sahar.
    replied
    Re: If your spouse cheated, would you stay with him/her?

    Originally posted by chameleon View Post
    Yes. I agree with this. A lot of singletons are unaware of the other things in life that bind married couples to each other; kids, financial security, reliance on each other, and believe it or not.....love for each other. Don't get me wrong. Cheating is bang out of order and the cheater deserves the worst. But if the cheater repents, asks forgiveness from their spouse and doesn't do it again then shouldn't they be given another chance? Wouldn't that be the Islamic thing to do?
    The Islamic thing to do is to ask Allah for their forgiveness. I don't have to, and won't forgive them.
    Otherwise, there is no way I am going to EVER get back with a person who cheats on me.
    Soon as I know a person has cheated on me whether emotionally or physically, I am out. Forget love, kids or finances. Forget if he even repents. That is between him and Allah. I know my worth in that I may have sinned before marriage but in the most sacred of bonds such that of marriage, I would never betray my spouse and therefore deserve a faithful and pious Muslim.


    My best advice to you is this, if your spouse fears Allah and loves you, he/she wouldn't go near it.
    it is the lowest of any sin, IMO.
    I would file for divorce faster than I could say bismillah
    So No, Leave soon as you are cheated on.

    Leave a comment:


  • Sahar.
    replied
    Re: If your spouse cheated, would you stay with him/her?

    Originally posted by UmmAbdulMalik View Post
    May Allah protect us all from such scenarios.
    Tbh, a cheating spouse despite being regarded as the lowelist most reprehensible behaviour that can be commited in a relationship, personally it wouldn't be the most heartbreaking thing for me. I wouldn't wish to blame myself but rather it would indicate the despicable character of the man I'd married. I'd only blame myself for not having made the right choice prior to the marriage.
    But needless to say, honestly any form of would trust would be killed and I'd hate having to share a bed with an adulterer so I would like to think Id seek khula.....eventually. If the situation requires that I hold myself together and brush it off for a while till I can then I would brace it for that time but no matter what , it sickens me to think Id be sharing my intimate feelings with a man who has no regard for himself and has khashya (fear) of Allah the Almighty. The marriage would be devoid of barakah.

    Id personally leave but also be cautious enough to study the dynamics of the situation first I.e lack of housing etc.

    Excellent answer.

    Exactly how I would word my answer.

    Leave a comment:


  • *Glam*
    replied
    Re: If your spouse cheated, would you stay with him/her?

    i would never stay with a cheating spouse
    no matter the condition of our marriage

    Leave a comment:


  • TSLEoCaF
    replied
    Re: If your spouse cheated, would you stay with him/her?

    probs not

    cheating is evul

    Leave a comment:


  • liya1
    replied
    Re: If your spouse cheated, would you stay with him/her?

    Originally posted by Sabros View Post
    People keep saying it is a mistake....but Islam has sensible strict rules regarding gender interaction, so a lot of 'mistakes' must have been made before a muslim man or woman jumps in bed with someone.
    Yes, exactly.

    Originally posted by Rebel101 View Post
    Can I just put it out there in an land ruled by shariah its the death penalty for such people. So not a "mistake" and I doubt I'll ever stay. Cheaters are disgusting and tbh it blows my mind how casual some people tend to take this issue. "Oh it was a mistake, forgive and stay together" when according to Allah's law he/she should be dead.
    Yes, exactly.

    Originally posted by *Sweety* View Post
    My now EX had an emotional affair with another women earlier this year, they would talk/text all the time, he wanted to leave me then for her, then realised that she was a liar etc wont go into too much details. He said he wanted to give our marriage another go because we have a son together I had to think of him, plus I couldn't think of being with another man or being alone so I took him back, now i wish i never because guess what he did it again! This time he has divorced me and I'm pregnant.
    I do wish i never took him back, it would have saved a whole lot of hurt.
    So sorry to read this sister. May Allah ease your pain. Aameen

    Leave a comment:


  • *sheba*
    replied
    Re: If your spouse cheated, would you stay with him/her?

    To the left to the left.
    Mmmm, to the left to the left everything you own in the box to the left. In the closet that's my stuff, yes if I bought it, baby pls don't touch.and keep talking that mess thats fine. Could you walk and talk at the same time? *sorry but this song just came to mind* :/

    Leave a comment:


  • HopefulOne
    replied
    Re: If your spouse cheated, would you stay with him/her?

    Originally posted by *Sweety* View Post
    My now EX had an emotional affair with another women earlier this year, they would talk/text all the time, he wanted to leave me then for her, then realised that she was a liar etc wont go into too much details. He said he wanted to give our marriage another go because we have a son together I had to think of him, plus I couldn't think of being with another man or being alone so I took him back, now i wish i never because guess what he did it again! This time he has divorced me and i'm pregnant.
    I do wish i never took him back, it would have saved a whole lot of hurt.
    Awwww he sounds like a scumbag from what you're saying. Just don't ever bad mouth him in front of the kids and stay strong inshaallah.

    Leave a comment:

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