Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Conflict in marriage

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #16
    Re: Conflict in marriage

    Does that mean in your opinion that in order not be selfish and adjust to our differences I have to be okay with my husband having random women as his friends in the internet and staring at their pictures? Is that what you call oneness of marriage as God intended? I don't think so:)

    Originally posted by bentyjohn View Post
    Hi AaliyahSN,Resolving conflict requires knowing, accepting, and adjusting to your differences.Two people beginning their marriage together and trying to go their own selfish, separate ways can never hope to experience the oneness of marriage as God intended. The prophet Isaiah portrayed the problem accurately more than 2,500 years ago when he described basic human selfishness like this: “All of us like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way” (Isaiah 53:6). We are all self-centered; we all instinctively look out for number one, and this leads directly to conflict.Hope you get satisfied with my post..Keep in touch with us..Thank you:(

    wedding photographer birmingham

    Comment


    • #17
      Re: Conflict in marriage

      Originally posted by AaliyahSN View Post
      Does that mean in your opinion that in order not be selfish and adjust to our differences I have to be okay with my husband having random women as his friends in the internet and staring at their pictures? Is that what you call oneness of marriage as God intended? I don't think so:)
      they guy is a hindu, hardly the best person to seek islamic advise from
      FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

      www.facebook.com/outreach4Islam - Outreach4Islam have been working together in Leicester, calling the not yet Muslims to Islam since 2006.

      Comment


      • #18
        Re: Conflict in marriage

        Originally posted by AaliyahSN View Post
        I have Instagram myself but I don't have even one picture of myself there, just random pictures. And all my friends there are old friends for years and no males. Yes we have each other added on and he has no relatives there.
        I am quite new Muslim. But trying to learn more and more every day. I converted to Islam before I met him so when I was looking for a husband I was hoping to meet someone so religious that could teach me even more with his example etc and he was like that. Or may be I created a perfect picture in my head.
        Sister there isn't really a way of sugar coating this but I'll come right out with it,

        When you are a NEW new muslim you may not yet understand the differences between practicing the deen sincerely and practicing it because of culture. So brothers and sisters can appear to be good but in reality they struggle to give up certain matters, because their fundamental bedrock of strong emaan and taqwa is not there.

        This is one of the reasons new Muslims are told not to rush into marriage, that when they do marry they need to make sure they have a reliable decent wali assigned to look after their interests and that they know who they are in Islam, because lets be honest there are many different viewpoints and as you grow as a new Muslim into Islam your views may well change and not be the same as the ones you held when you got married shortly after coming into the deen.

        So many times sisters go 'I want to marry an arab' and end up with some guy who thinks it's ok to oppress or even beat his wife, as his culture says so, who tells her to be modest but then sits at home watching arabic tv which is no better than western tv. Not saying all arabs are like this, just a sizable enough number of them that it is a problem for reverts and we need to be wary.

        Same with those who marry into asian families, or other ethnic groups within the ummah, being a muslim who prays 5x a day and has a beard is not practicing, that's barely starting to practice islam, there is so much to come after that.

        The problem is many cultural Muslims think this is the end of matters and stop there, they've become like the jews, thinking they are saved as born into the promised people and see little reason to go beyond the bare minimum in our deen.

        Other times however, these cultural practicing muslims can become much better, they can come out of that cultural shell and have an excellent foundation to move on further in studying and practicing islam because their families cultural upbringing already gave them the basics.

        The difference between the two is attitude. Do they have the zeal for the deen, the wanting to do more, to become more practicing or are they content to do just as they've always done as a family, more or less. I would guess given he hasn't changed when you've told him to fear Allaah over this matter he is more like the cultural practicing type who does not show much willingness to change.

        I could be wrong, but you need to find out, ask a few probing questions about islamic topics and issues, find out his views, if he is like this you need to decide whether you think you can change him and if you don't think you can, whether you wish to remain in such a marriage with a barely practicing muslim who will want to raise barely practicing cultural muslim kids also.

        If you do think he wants to change, he has a zeal for the deen, then you need to make a plan of action to do so, but men don't like to be manipulated or told what to do, so save the scoldings for when he does things really bad like these instagram images, the rest of the time just read islamic books, ask him for advise, that you sit and study together and then plan together to put such knowledge into action and over time Insha'Allaah he can change for the better this way.
        FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

        www.facebook.com/outreach4Islam - Outreach4Islam have been working together in Leicester, calling the not yet Muslims to Islam since 2006.

        Comment


        • #19
          Re: Conflict in marriage

          Another fruit from free mixing...
          Sorry I dont carry a conversation nor an argument with a sister. I just put my point of view in general for everybody and it is up to you to take it or leave it.

          Comment


          • #20
            Re: Conflict in marriage

            ...
            Last edited by AaliyahSN; 15-01-15, 03:37 PM.

            Comment


            • #21
              Re: Conflict in marriage

              I can see the differences between practicing Muslims and just the cultural Muslims. I reverted far before I met my husband by my own choice and not because of somebody.
              I know what you mean when saying so many sisters want to get married to an Arab guy and then get so disappointed in Islam etc when they meet someone who was just a born Muslim but has no idea of the real meaning and purpose of our religion.
              I was looking for a good practicing really believing Muslim man when I decided I need to get married. And when I met my husband he was like that. And he is now alhamdullah. He is a practicing Muslim, doing lots of charity, praying, fasting, amazing with his family, respects everyone, doesn't say a bad word about anybody. He taught me a lot and I changed in a good way following his example. And now this evil jealousy came across and threatening to kill all the trust just because of social network.
              I talked to him and he apologized but was very stubborn, it felt like I forced him. I reminded him that it was haram what he was doing he was the one who told me that people have to lower their gaze and not to look around. He was very defensive and sarcastic telling me that I was overreacting. May be I was. I don't know. Here I got different opinions. Some people said that I should stop whining about that and leave him alone, men don't like to be manipulated. But it's not like I'm whining about his socks thrown around or that he didn't answer the call straight away, I am above that.
              Living in different countries already doesn't make this marriage easy and with the jealousy and lack of trust it could become a disaster.
              I keep wondering if these rules and obligations (lowering the gaze etc) apply to both male and female then would men who doing this in the internet would be okay if they knew their wives were doing the same? I really doubt. So why then we women have to tolerate something like?

              Originally posted by Outreach4Islam View Post
              Sister there isn't really a way of sugar coating this but I'll come right out with it,

              When you are a NEW new muslim you may not yet understand the differences between practicing the deen sincerely and practicing it because of culture. So brothers and sisters can appear to be good but in reality they struggle to give up certain matters, because their fundamental bedrock of strong emaan and taqwa is not there.

              This is one of the reasons new Muslims are told not to rush into marriage, that when they do marry they need to make sure they have a reliable decent wali assigned to look after their interests and that they know who they are in Islam, because lets be honest there are many different viewpoints and as you grow as a new Muslim into Islam your views may well change and not be the same as the ones you held when you got married shortly after coming into the deen.

              So many times sisters go 'I want to marry an arab' and end up with some guy who thinks it's ok to oppress or even beat his wife, as his culture says so, who tells her to be modest but then sits at home watching arabic tv which is no better than western tv. Not saying all arabs are like this, just a sizable enough number of them that it is a problem for reverts and we need to be wary.

              Same with those who marry into asian families, or other ethnic groups within the ummah, being a muslim who prays 5x a day and has a beard is not practicing, that's barely starting to practice islam, there is so much to come after that.

              The problem is many cultural Muslims think this is the end of matters and stop there, they've become like the jews, thinking they are saved as born into the promised people and see little reason to go beyond the bare minimum in our deen.

              Other times however, these cultural practicing muslims can become much better, they can come out of that cultural shell and have an excellent foundation to move on further in studying and practicing islam because their families cultural upbringing already gave them the basics.

              The difference between the two is attitude. Do they have the zeal for the deen, the wanting to do more, to become more practicing or are they content to do just as they've always done as a family, more or less. I would guess given he hasn't changed when you've told him to fear Allaah over this matter he is more like the cultural practicing type who does not show much willingness to change.

              I could be wrong, but you need to find out, ask a few probing questions about islamic topics and issues, find out his views, if he is like this you need to decide whether you think you can change him and if you don't think you can, whether you wish to remain in such a marriage with a barely practicing muslim who will want to raise barely practicing cultural muslim kids also.

              If you do think he wants to change, he has a zeal for the deen, then you need to make a plan of action to do so, but men don't like to be manipulated or told what to do, so save the scoldings for when he does things really bad like these instagram images, the rest of the time just read islamic books, ask him for advise, that you sit and study together and then plan together to put such knowledge into action and over time Insha'Allaah he can change for the better this way.
              Last edited by AaliyahSN; 15-01-15, 03:39 PM.

              Comment

              Working...
              X