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  • Conflict in marriage

    Salam aleikum!
    I am very confused and would really appreciate if anyone could help to understand the situation I'm currently in.
    I am recently married but my husband and I live separately in different countries at the moment due to some circumstances (he's studying abroad). He is for a very religious family and religious himself as well. But recently I noticed that he's using social network such as Instagram and following different girls there from different countries. Most of them have lots of naughty pictures of themselves. I never meant to check on him but accidentally noticed that. Since then I'm going insane. I've confronted him and asked why he was doing it and he'd replied that there was no reason and that half of them are from his uni. But the other half he was just following back. I know he looks at those pictures as his likes are always there. My jealousy is over the limit now and I started to lose my trust. He got very angry with me and doesn't talk for three days now.
    My question is if he's committing haram by looking at those pictures and following those women as he's a married man now, and how could tell him to stop those things and not to ruin our relationship?

  • #2
    Re: Conflict in marriage

    No one can help you with that, confront him and confront him with his family.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Conflict in marriage

      First off don't assume things. You don't know if he's starring at those pictures, are you with him? Do you see him clicking on their pics putting his feet up on the desk and admiring the pictures? Your only going hurt yourself as well as break his trust if you keep doubting him and in the end harming your relationship.

      Is he wrong? Yes, he shouldn't add them, as eventually it can lead to temptation and they can start regularly talking and one thing could lead to another.

      One question tho, how do you know he has Instagram? Did he tell you? Do you have it? Do you guys have each other added on it? Does he have other family members on this account?

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Conflict in marriage

        Originally posted by Ahmed2013 View Post
        No one can help you with that, confront him and confront him with his family.
        Disagree.

        dont bring family in straight away.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Conflict in marriage

          Originally posted by AaliyahSN View Post
          Salam aleikum!
          I am very confused and would really appreciate if anyone could help to understand the situation I'm currently in.
          I am recently married but my husband and I live separately in different countries at the moment due to some circumstances (he's studying abroad). He is for a very religious family and religious himself as well. But recently I noticed that he's using social network such as Instagram and following different girls there from different countries. Most of them have lots of naughty pictures of themselves. I never meant to check on him but accidentally noticed that. Since then I'm going insane. I've confronted him and asked why he was doing it and he'd replied that there was no reason and that half of them are from his uni. But the other half he was just following back. I know he looks at those pictures as his likes are always there. My jealousy is over the limit now and I started to lose my trust. He got very angry with me and doesn't talk for three days now.
          My question is if he's committing haram by looking at those pictures and following those women as he's a married man now, and how could tell him to stop those things and not to ruin our relationship?
          Salaam... Sister personally I would advice you to stop. Your husband has traveled to get an education..a better future for all of u and all ur worried about is pictures. Don't hassle him over petty arguments and throw accusations at him.. You don't have valid evidence his cheating and I doubt he is..so be a better wife and stop nagging on the man, let him study in peace...if he does not find comfort with you then for sure he will seek another so I advice you to pray and seek patience and stop letting the devil wisper crap.
          I love you, cherish you and worship you,
          Guide me on your path to your janna,
          Unite me beside you My King and all mighty,


          :love:Allah:love:

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Conflict in marriage

            Originally posted by AaliyahSN View Post
            Salam aleikum!
            I am very confused and would really appreciate if anyone could help to understand the situation I'm currently in.
            I am recently married but my husband and I live separately in different countries at the moment due to some circumstances (he's studying abroad). He is for a very religious family and religious himself as well. But recently I noticed that he's using social network such as Instagram and following different girls there from different countries. Most of them have lots of naughty pictures of themselves. I never meant to check on him but accidentally noticed that. Since then I'm going insane. I've confronted him and asked why he was doing it and he'd replied that there was no reason and that half of them are from his uni. But the other half he was just following back. I know he looks at those pictures as his likes are always there. My jealousy is over the limit now and I started to lose my trust. He got very angry with me and doesn't talk for three days now.
            My question is if he's committing haram by looking at those pictures and following those women as he's a married man now, and how could tell him to stop those things and not to ruin our relationship?
            Wa alaykumus salaam,

            yes he is of-course doing something haram following such people and looking at their pictures, doesn't matter if he is married or unmarried, whether he knew them before etc, it is still something reprehensible.

            I think it best if you say he is religious to explain to him it is haram for him to do this, the prohibition of zina of the eye, and lowering the gaze doesn't means avoiding sinful places on the net and social media also, not just going there, having one sneaky first glance then looking away.

            Explain how much this is destroying your trust in him, and in the marriage because of that, that you thought him a pious person but these actions are against that.

            If he still doesn't accept then get his parents on the case, yes he will feel hurt you went to them, but better that and save your marriage than continue to see that trust deteriorate until you end up leaving him or never trusting him again and having a dysfunctional married life.
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            • #7
              Re: Conflict in marriage

              Walaikum Assalam sister, yes this is true that social media is playing negative role more than positive role, as you said he belongs to very religious family and religious himself as well so he should not keep engage with those things which is not allow in Islam, indeed friendship with opposite gender is not allow in Islam. May Allah guide him. Ameen.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Conflict in marriage

                No married person should have social media.
                [FONT=Century Gothic][COLOR="#0066ff"][SIZE=4] We're all a little broken in our own little way and the last time I checked, broken crayons still colour the same...[/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT]

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                • #9
                  Re: Conflict in marriage

                  Yes sister its haram for him to do that. And now especially when he is married. He already has a wife to look at. You are right to feel the way you feel and you should ask him to stop doing that.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Conflict in marriage

                    ...
                    Last edited by AaliyahSN; 13-01-15, 07:31 PM.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Conflict in marriage

                      Originally posted by HopefulOne View Post
                      No married person should have social media.
                      :scratch:

                      Oh well....
                      Bandon say dil naa lagao sirf Allah say lagao.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Conflict in marriage

                        I have Instagram myself but I don't have even one picture of myself there, just random pictures. And all my friends there are old friends for years and no males. Yes we have each other added on and he has no relatives there.
                        I am quite new Muslim. But trying to learn more and more every day. I converted to Islam before I met him so when I was looking for a husband I was hoping to meet someone so religious that could teach me even more with his example etc and he was like that. Or may be I created a perfect picture in my head.


                        Originally posted by Winter View Post
                        First off don't assume things. You don't know if he's starring at those pictures, are you with him? Do you see him clicking on their pics putting his feet up on the desk and admiring the pictures? Your only going hurt yourself as well as break his trust if you keep doubting him and in the end harming your relationship.

                        Is he wrong? Yes, he shouldn't add them, as eventually it can lead to temptation and they can start regularly talking and one thing could lead to another.

                        One question tho, how do you know he has Instagram? Did he tell you? Do you have it? Do you guys have each other added on it? Does he have other family members on this account?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Conflict in marriage

                          Talk to him in a calm and mature Manner. Try to use phrases like "i feel" instead of "you always do..." when people feel accused they will automatically get defensive and arguments begin. Tell him how you feel hurt by those things and advise him in the most gentle manner possible. Don't forget to show love and affection just because you are hurting. May Allah give you ease my sister. Ameen.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Conflict in marriage

                            Originally posted by Ajya View Post
                            Talk to him in a calm and mature Manner. Try to use phrases like "i feel" instead of "you always do..." when people feel accused they will automatically get defensive and arguments begin. Tell him how you feel hurt by those things and advise him in the most gentle manner possible. Don't forget to show love and affection just because you are hurting. May Allah give you ease my sister. Ameen.
                            This.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Conflict in marriage

                              Hi AaliyahSN,Resolving conflict requires knowing, accepting, and adjusting to your differences.Two people beginning their marriage together and trying to go their own selfish, separate ways can never hope to experience the oneness of marriage as God intended. The prophet Isaiah portrayed the problem accurately more than 2,500 years ago when he described basic human selfishness like this: “All of us like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way” (Isaiah 53:6). We are all self-centered; we all instinctively look out for number one, and this leads directly to conflict.Hope you get satisfied with my post..Keep in touch with us..Thank you:(

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