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The rising cost of living and financial responsibility

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  • Re: The rising cost of living and financial responsibility

    Originally posted by LondonGal View Post
    It's an interesting one.

    The way I see it, if you want a more comfortable life.

    Wives need to be prepared to help out.

    If wives don't wish to help out, then they should settle for less.

    A close family friend of mine recently purchased their first home. Cash up front. Mortgage free. They did this because BOTH husband and wife have been earning and saving together since they started working.

    And they're only in their early 30's.

    My hsuabnd and I were able to go on our first hajj and umrah together, as I had savings from my earnings. I could have insisted that its my right to be provided for and that it was his responsibility to take me etc etc. however, had I done that, we wouldnt have been able to go until many, many years later (and if at all, as then kids came).

    In my parents case, my mum worked so that my dad could study. When he qualified he took care of her.
    I also worked so that my husband could study and further his career. I could have insisted that he take care of me, but then he would have missed out on an education which enabled him to get a job in the ME

    I have relatives who's wives income is soley to pay for children's private education.

    Whilst I agree that you can get by with just one income. But the question is, do you wish to just 'get by'

    That is my point - the society we are living in, only allows you to 'get by' on one income - and one income has been the way for years and years, centuries - where the man has been the bread winner and the women have been responsible for more aspects domestically.

    My point was society is forcing us to do things which are not best associated with Islamic principles - lets not get into the aspect of whether women should be able to work, but my point is men are the providers, and have been always - only until ,m aybe 70-80 years ago - and this normality is being changed - not due to 'want' but due to 'need' - as it is being forced upon us.

    I will always take the route of the women not working - because I stated this before - for me its the balance of life - society and the house runs better when there's one person working and another at home ---- money aside, it makes sooo much sense - yes I am sure there are women who can juggle there life's at home and at work - but its not accommodated for in the west and nor is it always viable.

    I have said before this responsibility is on the man - and he has his Islamic rights for a reason - he will be rewarded for this inshAllah - so a man should do what he can for as long as he wants - and not be forced by society to force/encourage/want his wife to work.

    Its not about getting by either - the wife can help by being content with whatever situation they as a couple are going through. The man has this on his mind always - the thought of providing, so he doesn't need a wife who adding to that stress - just be happy with what you have - Alhamdulillah - you probably are still living better than 60-70-80% of the world population.
    Last edited by QMU; 13-01-15, 02:34 PM.

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    • Originally posted by Ahmed2013 View Post
      Originally posted by Winter View Post
      60K is good money, people can live quite comfortable with that.
      That was maybe ten years ago. I was amazed at 60k at one point, now, not anymore. Not now. It's literally paycheque to paycheque. The cost of living has become too much... at least recently gas plumetted down like crazy back to 09 prices, but that in on itself is worrying. When gas started rising up, they used it as an excuse to increase price of everything, food, clothing, travel (plane tickets), etc... due to 'transport' fees. Yet despite the price drop in gas, none of the other things dropped back down.

      60k CAD is not 60k GBP lol
      Yeah it's hard mate. Hence why the idea of son & his wife living with his parents is attractive.

      Comment


      • Re: The rising cost of living and financial responsibility

        Yes cost of living is rising & so are opportunities. As sister LondonGal said, it depends on what the couple wants in life. There is a path for everyone.

        You can get by on one income & live fairly comfortably. You can have 2 income & move up in life. Or you can have combination of both to cover certain aspect of life. It really depends on the couple.

        I like this thread because the OP wants to bring to light reality. Many young brothers/sisters believe they can have luxury vacation & fancy house/car with one income. That might be the case for 1% of population but majority of the people can't have it all. So we have to make choose. Some people will choose one path (as brother QMU strongly feels) while others might choose different path. And they are all correct. No need to point finger at anyone because that is the reality, you have to choose & this is how it has always been. Not just today but during my grand parents generation the option existed

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        • Re: The rising cost of living and financial responsibility

          forever alone..............


          *****freedom***********

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          • Re: The rising cost of living and financial responsibility

            Originally posted by QMU View Post
            That is my point - the society we are living in, only allows you to 'get by' on one income - and one income has been the way for years and years, centuries - where the man has been the bread winner and the women have been responsible for more aspects domestically.

            My point was society is forcing us to do things which are not best associated with Islamic principles - lets not get into the aspect of whether women should be able to work, but my point is men are the providers, and have been always - only until ,m aybe 70-80 years ago - and this normality is being changed - not due to 'want' but due to 'need' - as it is being forced upon us.

            I will always take the route of the women not working - because I stated this before - for me its the balance of life - society and the house runs better when there's one person working and another at home ---- money aside, it makes sooo much sense - yes I am sure there are women who can juggle there life's at home and at work - but its not accommodated for in the west and nor is it always viable.

            I have said before this responsibility is on the man - and he has his Islamic rights for a reason - he will be rewarded for this inshAllah - so a man should do what he can for as long as he wants - and not be forced by society to force/encourage/want his wife to work.

            Its not about getting by either - the wife can help by being content with whatever situation they as a couple are going through. The man has this on his mind always - the thought of providing, so he doesn't need a wife who adding to that stress - just be happy with what you have - Alhamdulillah - you probably are still living better than 60-70-80% of the world population.
            But that's the prob.

            I want/need more.

            I wanted to go hajj with my husband. I want to go umrah every other year.
            I want my children to get the best education.
            I want to fly home every year to so my children can see their grandparents.
            I want my parents/husbands parents to fly over every year so they can escape the harsh winter and spend time with their grandchildren.
            I want a big home (mortgage free) in the future that can accommodate my children and our parents IA.

            And if it means working to help the husband, I don't mind. But no, I rather not do without.
            https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

            Comment


            • Re: The rising cost of living and financial responsibility

              Originally posted by LondonGal View Post
              But that's the prob.

              I want/need more.

              I wanted to go hajj with my husband. I want to go umrah every other year.
              I want my children to get the best education.
              I want to fly home every year to so my children can see their grandparents.
              I want my parents/husbands parents to fly over every year so they can escape the harsh winter and spend time with their grandchildren.
              I want a big home (mortgage free) in the future that can accommodate my children and our parents IA.

              And if it means working to help the husband, I don't mind. But no, I rather not do without.
              That is where it lies then - the difference - its A want - it is not a need.

              Everyone wants to hajj/umrah every year - and do what you mentioned - but they are all wants - the only one you really need is a house that is mortgage free house - a big house is a want.

              that person is not helping your husband, they are helping themselves to get what they want(sounds harsh but dont mean it harsly) - if your husband was the sole provider - would you be able to get a house that was mortgage free(what this thread was about)

              People and women can have their own opinion - but just say( may Allah never make this happen) that as a result of you working - you were neglecting your child/children - when would you SEE that neglect? - when its too late maybe? - because you want all those things- then who will open your eyes for you?

              What I am trying to say is, women have never been encouraged to work - and the women on this forum say they only work when its needed - but in your situation is it really needed?

              I ask this , because why are 70% of muslim women not working - those who probably need it more than you?


              Should imams be getting on their minbar's and start telling all the brothers to get their women into the workforce now?-

              Do not take this directly, more as a discussion - I wanted to remove the you's - but I have quoted you,.
              Last edited by QMU; 13-01-15, 08:11 PM.

              Comment


              • Re: The rising cost of living and financial responsibility

                I don't care about all the fluff...I just want to pay off my riba filled student loan and for that I can't have hubby relying on my income :/
                :sub: wabihamdihi:sub:hiladheem

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                • Re: The rising cost of living and financial responsibility

                  Originally posted by HComet
                  but... but... men don't want their wives to work
                  "some men"

                  Dont generalize...
                  Bandon say dil naa lagao sirf Allah say lagao.

                  Comment


                  • Re: The rising cost of living and financial responsibility

                    Originally posted by rainbow*~ View Post
                    I don't care about all the fluff...I just want to pay off my riba filled student loan and for that I can't have hubby relying on my income :/
                    How bad is it lol, could ask for it to be ur mehr.

                    I don't know about UK or US but in Canada there are repayment assistance programs.

                    Comment


                    • Re: The rising cost of living and financial responsibility

                      Originally posted by Ahmed2013 View Post
                      How bad is it lol, could ask for it to be ur mehr.

                      I don't know about UK or US but in Canada there are repayment assistance programs.
                      Was planning on doing that, but the brother would have to be loaded to afford that amount

                      Yeh even for us, if you earn over a certain amount that's the only time you have to repay the loan...but I want to pay it all off at once so I don't have to live with the guilt :/
                      :sub: wabihamdihi:sub:hiladheem

                      Comment


                      • Re: The rising cost of living and financial responsibility

                        Originally posted by QMU View Post
                        That is where it lies then - the difference - its A want - it is not a need.

                        ,.
                        But that is the difference. Everything in life is want. You WANTING women to stay home is a WANT not a need. Very few things in life is NEED. But our want is what differenciates us from eachother & it is what drives people to work hard in DIFFERENT THINGS. otherwise we will all be doing the same thing & world will be very uniform.

                        Where you view a working mother as neglecting child, others will view it differently. They might think it is more valuable to get kids in good school district, outside of the hood, than a stay home mom. You & I & everyone else knows PLENTY plenty of kids who have gone bad even with a stay home mom & we all know equal amount of kids who have turn out great with working mothers.

                        Its not a straight connection & never has been. It is about what you value most. Is it more important to you that your kids visit their relatives often & know them (which means lot of plane tickets) in exchange for not seeing their mom few hours a day. Is it worth while for a father to have 2 jobs and not see his kids ever while his wife stays home or for them to both be working 1 job and kids see both parents. These are decisions different people will make differently & there is no right answer. Also kids are not always the main focus. Newly weds don't have kids, after age 6 kids are in school most of the day & then madrasha....etc.

                        Comment


                        • Re: The rising cost of living and financial responsibility

                          Originally posted by QMU View Post
                          That is where it lies then - the difference - its A want - it is not a need.

                          Everyone wants to hajj/umrah every year - and do what you mentioned - but they are all wants - the only one you really need is a house that is mortgage free house - a big house is a want.

                          that person is not helping your husband, they are helping themselves to get what they want(sounds harsh but dont mean it harsly) - if your husband was the sole provider - would you be able to get a house that was mortgage free(what this thread was about)

                          People and women can have their own opinion - but just say( may Allah never make this happen) that as a result of you working - you were neglecting your child/children - when would you SEE that neglect? - when its too late maybe? - because you want all those things( 3-5 of them are materialistic) - then who will open your eyes for you?

                          What I am trying to say is, women have never been encouraged to work - and the women on this forum say they only work when its needed - but in your situation is it really needed?

                          I ask this , because why are 70% of muslim women not working - those who probably need it more than you?


                          Should imams be getting on their minbar's and start telling all the brothers to get their women into the workforce now?-

                          Do not take this directly, more as a discussion - I wanted to remove the you's - but I have quoted you,.

                          Comment


                          • The rising cost of living and financial responsibility

                            May Allah ease your affairs akhi.
                            www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

                            Comment


                            • Re: The rising cost of living and financial responsibility

                              Originally posted by Kya View Post
                              But that is the difference. Everything in life is want. You WANTING women to stay home is a WANT not a need. Very few things in life is NEED. But our want is what differenciates us from eachother & it is what drives people to work hard in DIFFERENT THINGS. otherwise we will all be doing the same thing & world will be very uniform.

                              Where you view a working mother as neglecting child, others will view it differently. They might think it is more valuable to get kids in good school district, outside of the hood, than a stay home mom. You & I & everyone else knows PLENTY plenty of kids who have gone bad even with a stay home mom & we all know equal amount of kids who have turn out great with working mothers.

                              Its not a straight connection & never has been. It is about what you value most. Is it more important to you that your kids visit their relatives often & know them (which means lot of plane tickets) in exchange for not seeing their mom few hours a day. Is it worth while for a father to have 2 jobs and not see his kids ever while his wife stays home or for them to both be working 1 job and kids see both parents. These are decisions different people will make differently & there is no right answer. Also kids are not always the main focus. Newly weds don't have kids, after age 6 kids are in school most of the day & then madrasha....etc.
                              You put it better.

                              Yes, it's not a need. It's a want. One I do not apologise for.

                              I have no qualms with forking out on air tickets yearly. We also pay for my husbands parents to visit us, as they can't afford it.

                              The grandparents don't NEED to see their grandkids. But we WANT them to.

                              Same with the children's issue, if an extra income means that the kids can got to the best schools, learn Arabic from the best schools etc then that's great.

                              And no, the kids don't NEED to learn fusha, but we WANT them to.

                              Eventually I hope our extra income can get us out of renting. And again, we don't NEED a mortgage free home, but I WANT to stop throwing away money in rent for the next 40years.,

                              When I got married, I saw our relationship as a team. We're not restricted by your rights/my rights. We've achieved a lot by working together, and IA I hope we continue to do so.
                              Last edited by LondonGal; 13-01-15, 09:08 PM.
                              https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

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                              • Re: The rising cost of living and financial responsibility

                                Originally posted by LondonGal View Post
                                You put it better.

                                Yes, it's not a need. It's a want. One I do not apologise for.

                                I have no qualms with forking out on air tickets yearly. We also pay for my husbands parents to visit us, as they can't afford it.

                                The grandparents don't NEED to see their grandkids. But we WANT them to.

                                Same with the children's issue, if an extra income means that the kids can got to the best schools, learn Arabic from the best schools etc then that's great.

                                And no, the kids don't NEED to learn fusha, but we WANT them to.

                                Eventually I hope our extra income can get us out of renting. And again, we don't NEED a mortgage free home, but I WANT to stop throwing away money in rent for the next 40years.,

                                When I got married, I saw our relationship as a team. We're not restricted by your rights/my rights. We've achieved a lot by working together, and IA I hope we continue to do so.
                                Respect +1

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