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Getting Married second time to a widow though happily married (Thread deleted)

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  • Getting Married second time to a widow though happily married (Thread deleted)

    Assalamualaikum,
    Some one in the thread posted that can a rich man who is happily married can marry a widow with kids to support her. Is the intention right?


    Salam
    Last edited by AbdulAziz2015; 30-12-14, 03:08 AM.

  • #2
    Re: Getting Married second time to a widow though happily married (Thread deleted)

    as muslims we should look after the welfare of orphans anyway

    so a rich man can do many things apart from marrying the mother of the orphans. He can give them money and resources.

    By marrying the mother he doesn't become their father and in case of daughters their mehram etc

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    • #3
      Re: Getting Married second time to a widow though happily married (Thread deleted)

      what about the desires of widow? Most people will not marry because she is a widow and also have kids...Any other suggestion

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      • #4
        Re: Getting Married second time to a widow though happily married (Thread deleted)

        Originally posted by AbdulAziz2015 View Post
        what about the desires of widow? Most people will not marry because she is a widow and also have kids...Any other suggestion

        Polygamy is completely valid as long as you can support both households and alhamdulillah I think it is praise worthy if the main aim is to support a woman and her children that society has neglected. However, it is not something to be rushed into lightly.

        The reality is that it is very difficult to enter into such arrangements especially in the west. One sad example: communities are not accepting - people will say the first wife was obviously deficient, the second wife is a man stealer and family destroyer, and the man is driven by desires and doesn't care about his children.

        The successful one's that I have seen work have the following characteristics: the wife, your families, and community is from a culture where this is acceptable and not uncommon, and is accepting of it (not necessary happy lol). The second wife is found properly with everything out in the open - so no secret nikah, or basically dating/flirting having a mistress that you want to legitimise, etc. The man is very rich - enough that both families needs are easily met, eg all children can go private schools, big houses, etc. Reason being because a man might be moderately wealthy, enough to support a second family in reasonable standards, but the first family will always think that there standard of living, education for children, prospects, etc. could have been better if the extra money went on them instead of a second family.

        Honestly it is very difficult thing to do and maintain for the rest of your life. It will affect your children: if the mothers dont get on for example. In addition, if they are from the west or communities where it is not common, they will always question why you did it - it will affect your relationship with them. Plus raising another man's children is praise worthy but a very difficult endeavour with a whole host if potential problems.

        I'm not trying to push you away from polygamy, but most the failed cases of polygamy i have seen have mostly been the man's fault because he was led by his libido or perceived status (in having more than one wife), didn't think things through and have the necessary support, and it led to misery for all.

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        • #5
          Re: Getting Married second time to a widow though happily married (Thread deleted)

          Originally posted by AbdulAziz2015 View Post
          Assalamualaikum,
          Some one in the thread posted that can a rich man who is happily married can marry a widow with kids to support her. Is the intention right?


          Salam
          wa alaykumus salaam,

          I remember listening to a talk, and the sheikh was saying someone asked the same thing to his teacher (cannot remember but think was sheikh uthaymeen) and his reply was why not pay for the expenses for a poor man to marry her so get twice the reward?

          The lesson he was trying to give was that though polygamy is allowed in our deen, we should not pretend it's some way of really being charitable, when there are easier and better ways of doing that.

          Edit. If I was to marry again (which I don't intend to) it would probably be to a widow or divorced woman, however charity would not be at the front of my mind, only a secondary consideration and we're not really being honest with ourselves or society if we pretend otherwise.
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          • #6
            Re: Getting Married second time to a widow though happily married (Thread deleted)

            Assalamualaikum Brother,
            I really appreciate your efforts in bringing the challenges in front of me & also the best practises. Let me pass this on to the person around me. If anyone has more suggestions, then it would be a favor for everyone around.

            Salam

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