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Should you get to know someone first or ask to see what they look like

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  • Should you get to know someone first or ask to see what they look like

    Aslaam Alaikum

    So say you get a marriage proposal from someone you have never seen or spoken to. should you speak to them first and get to know them and see their pic afterwards or see what they look like first and speak to them only if u are attracted to them

    i dont have a proposal but i was signed up to a matrimony site but i deleted it. I dont go purely for looks but attraction should be there.
    Okay :)

  • #2
    Re: Should you get to know someone first or ask to see what they look like

    I would personally go with picture first, if I'm content with what I see and so is she then I'll proceed forward. I've seen/heard plenty of stories were convo went good, but when it came to seeing pictures or face to face meetings, it got real awkward. Might as well not waste people time, but again picture don't always tell you the whole story, so its better to meet face to face that way you see each other and can have a convo.

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    • #3
      Re: Should you get to know someone first or ask to see what they look like

      Originally posted by Winter View Post
      I would personally go with picture first, if I'm content with what I see and so is she then I'll proceed forward. I've seen/heard plenty of stories were convo went good, but when it came to seeing pictures or face to face meetings, it got real awkward. Might as well not waste people time, but again picture don't always tell you the whole story, so its better to meet face to face that way you see each other and can have a convo.
      I know someone who was speaking to a guy she found on a muslim marriage site. she spoke to him everyday for about 6 months until they finally met face to face. they had not seen each others pictures before. when they had met, both confessed they were not attracted to each other, although they liked each others personality. i heard it was awkward for both of them. i have no idea why they spoke for so long before meeting each other... but they did get married in the end though

      Would it be better to see a pic first then face to face or just face to face
      Okay :)

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      • #4
        Should you get to know someone first or ask to see what they look like

        Wa alaykum salam, it will defo be better to see the pic before the meetings, imo most logical thing to do insha Allah
        إقراء القران فإنه يأتي يوم القيامة شفيعا لأصحابه

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        • #5
          Re: Should you get to know someone first or ask to see what they look like

          Originally posted by Ria View Post
          I know someone who was speaking to a guy she found on a muslim marriage site. she spoke to him everyday for about 6 months until they finally met face to face. they had not seen each others pictures before. when they had met, both confessed they were not attracted to each other, although they liked each others personality. i heard it was awkward for both of them. i have no idea why they spoke for so long before meeting each other... but they did get married in the end though

          Would it be better to see a pic first then face to face or just face to face
          In that type of situation pictures first.

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          • #6
            Re: Should you get to know someone first or ask to see what they look like

            I would get to know them first.

            Because asking for the photo first and then being 'eww you're ugly, bye bye' is just gonna make one look shallow and silly.

            :wswrwb:
            Last edited by DaughterOfAdam; 23-12-14, 10:56 AM.

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            • #7
              Re: Should you get to know someone first or ask to see what they look like

              Originally posted by DaughterOfAdam View Post
              I would get to know them first.

              Because asking for the photo first and then being 'eww you're ugly, bye bye' is just gonna make one look shallow and silly.

              :wswrwb:
              Or it could just save everyone time.

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              • #8
                Re: Should you get to know someone first or ask to see what they look like

                Definitely see pics first. Don't waste your time or his.

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                • #9
                  Re: Should you get to know someone first or ask to see what they look like

                  Speak to the person first/a few times- general basic chit chat and then see pic in sha Allah. As the old adage goes: don't judge a book by it's cover.
                  *~* Learn Patience from Aasiyah (RA); Loyalty from Khadhija (RA); Sincerity from Aisha (RA) and Steadfastness from Fatima (RA).*~*

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                  • #10
                    Re: Should you get to know someone first or ask to see what they look like

                    Originally posted by Ria View Post
                    I know someone who was speaking to a guy she found on a muslim marriage site. she spoke to him everyday for about 6 months until they finally met face to face. they had not seen each others pictures before. when they had met, both confessed they were not attracted to each other, although they liked each others personality. i heard it was awkward for both of them. i have no idea why they spoke for so long before meeting each other... but they did get married in the end though

                    Would it be better to see a pic first then face to face or just face to face
                    So they did get married!!

                    Happy??
                    Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Don’t ruin your happiness with worry, and don’t ruin your mind with pessimism. Don’t ruin your success with deception and don’t ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Don’t ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
                    __________________________________________________ _____________________________
                    If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesn’t prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

                    You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with dua’as being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so don’t ever underestimate any good deeds."



                    please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

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                    • #11
                      Re: Should you get to know someone first or ask to see what they look like

                      Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
                      So they did get married!!

                      Happy??
                      They have two sons now maa sha Allah. they got married two years after they first met. im sure i heard they stoped talking to each for a while after first meeting and prayed istikhara and decided to talk again. i dont know whether they found each other attractive in the end but they are happily married now.
                      Okay :)

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                      • #12
                        Re: Should you get to know someone first or ask to see what they look like

                        You should ask for a picture first imo although sometimes even that csn be misleading at times, it will give a fairly good idea of looks. I say that because you may as you said like the personality, but not be attracted to them ebough to marry.

                        So I would say find attraction first and then figure out whether you want to meet. I have however heard if cases where peoples personalities won out over their looks, but i'd say its the exception, not the rule. So if your not sure, maybe meet and see what happens.
                        I write novels for posts. Beware. :mujahida:

                        Ummah Forum seems pretty black and white. Was thinking of offering Skittles as Dawah to introduce a rainbow.

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                        • #13
                          Re: Should you get to know someone first or ask to see what they look like

                          Seeing what they look like should be a priority, its better than getting to know a person and then rejecting them once you saw how they look like.
                          unconditional love for all of mankind.

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                          • #14
                            Re: Should you get to know someone first or ask to see what they look like

                            Pictures first always.
                            "We cast the truth against the falsehood, so that it breaks its head, and lo! it vanishes; and woe to you for what you describe." Qur'an 21:18

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                            • #15
                              Re: Should you get to know someone first or ask to see what they look like

                              ...
                              Last edited by liya1; 05-09-15, 01:19 AM.
                              The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, "You must be gentle. Verily, gentleness is not in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it disgraces it."

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