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  • How do I tell my parents? interracial marriage

    Assalamu Alaykum brothers and sisters. I really have been deep into my thoughts and have been in a huge amount of stress, and I'm in desperate need for advice. For 2 years I have been sinning. Everyone sins, but I knew what I was doing is wrong, I just avoided it and let my feelings overpower and change me. I met a Muslim man at my sisters wedding when I was in the hallway on my way to the restroom.

    He asked me questions in hopes to know me better. We didn't have enough time to know eachother more.. And we exchanged numbers. We would text and he told me ASAP! I want to ask for your hand NOW. I wanted to tell him yes, but an issue has happened with my brother, and my mom is focused on getting him married. My mother forgets about me and doesn't really worry or think of my desires.

    I'm also a Senior in highschool and I know that my parents will not open the discussion for marriage until I finish my senior year and hit 18. I told him when I finish school I will tell them, and everyday is harder because I see how worried my mother is about my brother and little does she know is she should be worried that I'm taking marriage in my own hands and because of that, I'm doinf haram and sins. I just want to tell them and ts killing me. I would try to tell him we can speak when j finish school bur he would always end up speaking to me.. Because he misses me.

    I know in Islam it's not haram to love a person, and want to marry him. But it's haram what you do with that love. Him and I were sinninf for 2 years because of temptation. And we avoided the fact fhat we knew it was haram. Sometimes we would take a long break because we realized how we started to forget Allah, because we were so into eachother.

    Recently hes watched a video on how to fully repent and it opened his eyes and he told me we cannot speak anymore. He said when I'm ready to tell my parents he will ask for my hand in marriage right away. He wants to fully repent and be close to Allah, and he shared the video with me and Although I felt sad we will not speak anymore, I'm happy because I can focus on my Creator. i can impfove myself as a muslim.. Ask for forgiveness.. No distractions.. i want to be a better muslim. Alhamdulilah we both have decided on this and in sha Allah ya rabb.. In sha Allah we are forgiven.

    We still have intentions marrying eachother, but now I'm afraid of telling my parents about him. I feel confident because I know he does fit the descripton of a good muslim, The only thing thats made him weak is being with me, because it kept him away from Allah bas alhamdulilah hes changing that. In our relationship he gave me more knowledge on Islam, things I didnt know before, and I know that if we marry, we can benefit eachother islamically. He's very smart, and has a job and in college to he a pharmacist alhamdulilah. The one issue is that he's yemeni and I'm palestinian.

    My parents are very strict on our culture, and expects for me to marry a man from my country in my village. I know I have no right to judge what theyre doing if its haram or not because I've done things that are haram and I'm fully aware of it. But I now realize it thanks to that beautiful video, and I want to marry him the right way. I'm waiting 5 months until I graduate, and I plan on using my time focusing on Allah and my prayer and reading Quran and gain more knowledge in Islam.. And ask for forgiveness. But please, how can I adress my parents? It is haram for them to reject him just because he's of a different culture... His culture is similar to mine.. And the way of islam is how we live by. That's how we SHOULD think of it. Why limit ourselves when there can be a Muslim man that fits the description for marriage? Please help.
    Last edited by Paligirl240; 18-12-14, 03:38 PM.

  • #2
    Re: How do I tell my parents? interracial marriage

    Change your number. Throw away his number. He is taking you for a ride, stop trying to justify what ur doing. Its haram.
    Last edited by cdn_bro; 18-12-14, 02:58 PM.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: How do I tell my parents? interracial marriage

      I know for a fact that this isn't true, because from the beginning hes wanted to ask for my hand, and he would continue to ask. I say that we have sinned because of the fact that we have been COMMUNICATING is a sin. I would like it if you could actually read what I've taken the time to write out and consider what I wrote. You don't know this man, so you cannot assume things like that. He wants to marry me, but because I'm not able to tell my parents due to the situation we're in, we've decided to wait until I'm ready to tell them. We're not speaking anymore, but he wants my parents to call him when the time is right. You didn't even answer the main question of this post..

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: How do I tell my parents? interracial marriage

        Originally posted by Paligirl240 View Post
        I know for a fact that this isn't true, because from the beginning hes wanted to ask for my hand, and he would continue to ask. I say that we have sinned because of the fact that we have been COMMUNICATING is a sin. I would like it if you could actually read what I've taken the time to write out and consider what I wrote. You don't know this man, so you cannot assume things like that. He wants to marry me, but because I'm not able to tell my parents due to the situation we're in, we've decided to wait until I'm ready to tell them. We're not speaking anymore, but he wants my parents to call him when the time is right. You didn't even answer the main question of this post..
        Use paragraphs, you'll get more people reading your OP.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: How do I tell my parents? interracial marriage

          Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
          Use paragraphs, you'll get more people reading your OP.
          Thank you.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: How do I tell my parents? interracial marriage

            You are naive, if it's ok. Tell ur mom that ur talking to non mehram guy behind her back. If its not a sin. Tell ur dad that " you don't know him".

            Why so scared if its halal? Deep down u know its not permitted in Islam. I told you. This man is not sutiable for you, no Islamic or self respecting guy will go behind back, and talk to girl.

            He probabaly has 10 different girls on phone. You are a fool if you don't take my advise. I can only take camel to water, can't make it drink. So ur at edge of water, my work is done.
            Last edited by cdn_bro; 18-12-14, 03:07 PM.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: How do I tell my parents? interracial marriage

              ...
              Last edited by liya1; 05-09-15, 01:39 AM.
              The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, "You must be gentle. Verily, gentleness is not in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it disgraces it."

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: How do I tell my parents? interracial marriage

                Drop this guy and run for your life.
                ما يفعلُ اللهُ بعذابكُمْ إن شكرتُمْ وآمنتُمْ وكان الله شاكرًا عليمًا

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: How do I tell my parents? interracial marriage

                  Originally posted by cdn_bro View Post
                  You are naive, if it's ok. Tell ur mom that ur talking to non mehram guy behind her back. If its not a sin. Tell ur dad that " you don't know him".

                  Why so scared if its halal? Deep down u know its not permitted in Islam. I told you. This man is not sutiable for you, no Islamic or selft respecrespecting guy will go behind back, and talk to girl.

                  He probabaly has 10 different girls on phone. You are a fool if you don't take my advise. I can only take camel to water, can't make it drink. So ur at edge of water, my work is done.
                  It's my mistake to ask for advice when there can be people like you who aren't open minded and insult people in your so called advice. No one in Islam is perfect, NO ONE. We love eachother, and when you love someone you must go straight to marriage to avoid the relationship turning into a haram one. What really matters is that right now we're concentrating on bettering OURSELVES! The fact that we know eachother is enough to want to marry. We don't have to continue on communicating, and we want to marry eachother the right way. i've watched sheikhs speak of this subject and it's said if you catch yourself jn the wrong, but you know that person is capable of benefiting you islamically and truly does LOVE you, stop communication and tell your parents when you're ready. I just wanted advice HOW to tell them, not for you to insult me and give advice while having a closed mind. He and I knew that communication let alone is HARAM. He WANTED to ask for my hand immediately to prevent us from talking behind our parents backs. You're not being understanding whatsoever. I know him enough and I know he feels guilty as do I. We aren't proud that we took the talk of marriage in our own hands.. And we have the chance to FIX that ALHAMDULILAH bevause Allah is the most merciful and most forgiving. I will tell my parents when they're not so focused on my older brother, and when I finish school IN SHA ALLAH.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: How do I tell my parents? interracial marriage

                    Originally posted by Paligirl240 View Post
                    Assalamu Alaykum brothers and sisters. I really have been deep into my thoughts and have been in a huge amount of stress, and I'm in desperate need for advice. For 2 years I have been sinning. Everyone sins, but I knew what I was doing is wrong, I just avoided it and let my feelings overpower and change me. I met a Muslim man at my sisters wedding when I was in the hallway on my way to the restroom.

                    He asked me questions in hopes to know me better. We didn't have enough time to know eachother more.. And we exchanged numbers. We would text and he told me ASAP! I want to ask for your hand NOW. I wanted to tell him yes, but an issue has happened with my brother, and my mom is focused on getting him married. My mother forgets about me and doesn't really worry or think of my desires.

                    I'm also a Senior in highschool and I know that my parents will not open the discussion for marriage until I finish my senior year and hit 18. I told him when I finish school I will tell them, and everyday is harder because I see how worried my mother is about my brother and little does she know is she should be worried that I'm taking marriage in my own hands and because of that, I'm doinf haram and sins. I just want to tell them and ts killing me. I would try to tell him we can speak when j finish school bur he would always end up speaking to me.. Because he misses me.

                    I know in Islam it's not haram to love a person, and want to marry him. But it's haram what you do with that love. Him and I were sinninf for 2 years because of temptation. And we avoided the fact fhat we knew it was haram. Sometimes we would take a long break because we realized how we started to forget Allah, because we were so into eachother.

                    Recently hes watched a video on how to fully repent and it opened his eyes and he told me we cannot speak anymore. He said when I'm ready to tell my parents he will ask for my hand in marriage right away. He wants to fully repent and be close to Allah, and he shared the video with me and Although I felt sad we will not speak anymore, I'm happy because I can focus on my Creator. i can impfove myself as a muslim.. Ask for forgiveness.. No distractions.. i want to be a better muslim. Alhamdulilah we both have decided on this and in sha Allah ya rabb.. In sha Allah we are forgiven.

                    We still have intentions marrying eachother, but now I'm afraid of telling my parents about him. I feel confident because I know he does fit the descripton of a good muslim, The only thing thats made him weak is being with me, because it kept him away from Allah bas alhamdulilah hes changing that. In our relationship he gave me more knowledge on Islam, things I didnt know before, and I know that if we marry, we can benefit eachother islamically. He's very smart, and has a job and in college to he a pharmacist alhamdulilah. The one issue is that he's yemeni and I'm palestinian.

                    My parents are very strict on our culture, and expects for me to marry a man from my country in my village. I know I have no right to judge what theyre doing if its haram or not because I've done things that are haram and I'm fully aware of it. But I now realize it thanks to that beautiful video, and I want to marry him the right way. I'm waiting 5 months until I graduate, and I plan on using my time focusing on Allah and my prayer and reading Quran and gain more knowledge in Islam.. And ask for forgiveness. But please, how can I adress my parents? It is haram for them to reject him just because he's of a different culture... His culture is similar to mine.. And the way of islam is how we live by. That's how we SHOULD think of it. Why limit ourselves when there can be a Muslim man that fits the description for marriage? Please help.

                    After you repent hun do isthikhara when the time is right. Then tell your parents. And hope for the best in shaa Allah.
                    "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

                    "Nothing protects the rights of the minority like the tyranny of the majority"

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: How do I tell my parents? interracial marriage

                      Originally posted by liya1 View Post
                      Walaikumsalam sister,
                      You have sinned and repented and inshaAllah Allah will forgive you. Allah is most merciful. What you need to do is really cut off from this guy in regards to communicating privately because this is how shaytan traps us. We think we are doing things right and before you know it, you fall into the haram.
                      If you are both genuinely wanting to marry then you need to get him to ask your parents for your hand the right way. If your parents say that he is not from same background then tell them that culture does not play a role in islam and to give him a chance. Let your parents get to know him and inshaAllah once they realise this guy is serious about islam and you, they will be okay with it. Get someone as an intermediary between you and the guy who can speak to your parents and bring him to your family as a prospect.
                      Thank you so much for your advice.. And for being open minded and understanding... I want to tell my parents
                      Now, because its killing me inside holding it in any longer. He's told me many times that he wants to come and ask for my hand, personally at my door. I plan on telling my father because he understands me more, and is willing to hear me out.. And he can help explain it better to my mother. My mother is very stressed and focused on my Older brother because of an issue that occured with him, she wants to get him married and only thinks of him. I dont want to add anymore stress on her by telling her about the man I want to marry, but I know I NEED to. Do you think waiting until I graduate highschool I can tell them? I cut off all communication with him, we said our goodbyes a few days ago and plan on reuniting when I finish school.. Of course he will be speaking to my father on the phone. I hope my parents give him a chance INSHA ALLAH.. I will continue to pray and ask for forgiveness and in sha Allah everything will work out the right way. Thank you once again, you've calmed my heart.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: How do I tell my parents? interracial marriage

                        Originally posted by candyapple View Post
                        After you repent hun do isthikhara when the time is right. Then tell your parents. And hope for the best in shaa Allah.

                        I will, in sha Allah ya rabb, I already feel better for cutting off communication with him, because I know its the right thing to do. In sha Allah I will do as you advised me to do, thank you so much. In sha Allah khair. I plan on telling them in 5 months, when I feel like I've fully repented and the time is right.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: How do I tell my parents? interracial marriage

                          You both Arabs, no?

                          How is it interracial marriage? :/
                          O people who take pleasure in a life that will vanish, falling in love with a fading shadow is sheer stupidity~ Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziyya

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: How do I tell my parents? interracial marriage

                            Originally posted by *sheba* View Post
                            You both Arabs, no?

                            How is it interracial marriage? :/
                            Yes, we're both arabs, but I'm Palestinian and hes Yemeni
                            I used the wrong term in the title. Sorry.
                            Last edited by Paligirl240; 18-12-14, 03:56 PM.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: How do I tell my parents? interracial marriage

                              ...
                              Last edited by liya1; 05-09-15, 01:46 AM.
                              The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, "You must be gentle. Verily, gentleness is not in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it disgraces it."

                              Comment

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