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Married People-Valuable Advice?

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  • #16
    Re: Married People-Valuable Advice?

    :wswrwb:

    There's little that can't be solved with effective communication. Sometimes though if the husband is angry or bothered about something enough, it may cause him to not want to speak with anyone for (usually) a short period of time. It's best not to try and force him to talk about it until he is calmer and willing to do so. It may be against the instinct of a woman, since many women feel better after talking about it, but men are usually the exact opposite. They (usually) feel better after brooding silently over the matter, preferably alone.

    This is the general case. May Allah bless your marriage.
    والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

    "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

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    • #17
      Re: Married People-Valuable Advice?

      Don't show yourself to him too early. I mean don't be in a rush to share about yourself (ur likes, dislikes, your history, friends...etc). let him get to know you slowly. in time when he is ready. Before that you be a mystery

      Remember you deserve nothing and no one owes you anything, including your husband/wife/inlaws..etc. Keep that in mind & that will keep you humble

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      • #18
        Re: Married People-Valuable Advice?

        Good luck lol

        But pretty much communication, patience and understanding.

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        • #19
          Re: Married People-Valuable Advice?

          Asalaamu alaikum.

          Congrats/Mabrook. My advice would be to make your relationship with Allah SWT strong. Love the person but Love Allah more than anything.
          Why? Well apart from the obvious reasons, there will be times you might/will be very angry hurt or sad because of this person and you will need to deal justly with them..ie control your tongue even though you know you are in the right. And also in forgiving that person and moving on from hard times and having a lasting marriage.

          hope that helps insha Allah
          Wishing you a long and happy marriage.

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          • #20
            Re: Married People-Valuable Advice?

            :jkk: everyone for all of your advice.

            May Allah reward all of you with the best in this dunya and in the aakhira.

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            • #21
              Re: Married People-Valuable Advice?

              Originally posted by snow_flakes View Post
              Forgiveness and patience.
              this, tons of it

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              • #22
                Re: Married People-Valuable Advice?

                Originally posted by InTwoMinds View Post
                Assalamu alaikum

                I'm getting married in a few months InShaAllah and am feeling incredibly anxious.Are there any valuable pieces of advice you are able to give that may help me sustain the marriage? Any tips you wish you'd have heard or known? I'm also terrified of the notion of divorce so any advice regarding avoiding that would be great too.

                Other people may have some input if they have any advice to share too.

                Jazaakumullahu khayran
                Men and women are different in almost every way imaginable. The sooner you understand that men think differently, the sooner he realises the same, and he will, the better for the marriage.

                Nobody is perfect. Unless he is deficient in his duties to you do not complain. If he puts a roof over your head, food on the table and shows your love and affection do not complain because you do not have a right to complain, complaining is a ticket to hell.

                It was narrated that 'Abd-Allaah ibn 'Abbaas said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "I was shown Hell and I have never seen anything more terrifying than it. And I saw that the majority of its people are women." They said, "Why, O Messenger of Allaah?" He said, "Because of their ingratitude (kufr)." It was said, "Are they ungrateful to Allaah?" He said, "They are ungrateful to their companions (husbands) and ungrateful for good treatment. If you are kind to one of them for a lifetime then she sees one (undesirable) thing in you, she will say, 'I have never had anything good from you.'" (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1052)
                If he doesn't get on with your family, tough. Your family is your family and his family is his family. The majority of husbands out there couldn't really care less about your family especially your mothers. I am telling you from experience, even the kuffar know this. Why do you think there are so many mother in law jokes?

                Don't live with your in-laws either. It's a recipe for disaster and goes against the sunnah.

                Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Beware of entering upon the ladies." A man from the Ansar said, "Allah's Apostle! What about Al-Hamu the in-laws of the wife (the brothers of her husband or his nephews etc.)?" The Prophet (ﷺ) replied: The in-laws of the wife are death itself. Sahih al-Bukhari 5232. Book 67, Hadith 165

                Keep family out of the picture unless you run into problems.

                Don't get a mortgage, it's haram and you will suffer for it. Ideally if you're in the West you should make plans to leave. No good will come from living here.

                You've still got time so I would suggest a long talk about the matters I have raised. What he expects of you and what you expect of him.
                "We cast the truth against the falsehood, so that it breaks its head, and lo! it vanishes; and woe to you for what you describe." Qur'an 21:18

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                • #23
                  Re: Married People-Valuable Advice?

                  Originally posted by Nulbreaker View Post
                  Men and women are different in almost every way imaginable. The sooner you understand that men think differently, the sooner he realises the same, and he will, the better for the marriage.

                  Nobody is perfect. Unless he is deficient in his duties to you do not complain. If he puts a roof over your head, food on the table and shows your love and affection do not complain because you do not have a right to complain, complaining is a ticket to hell.



                  If he doesn't get on with your family, tough. Your family is your family and his family is his family. The majority of husbands out there couldn't really care less about your family especially your mothers. I am telling you from experience, even the kuffar know this. Why do you think there are so many mother in law jokes?

                  Don't live with your in-laws either. It's a recipe for disaster and goes against the sunnah.

                  Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Beware of entering upon the ladies." A man from the Ansar said, "Allah's Apostle! What about Al-Hamu the in-laws of the wife (the brothers of her husband or his nephews etc.)?" The Prophet (ﷺ) replied: The in-laws of the wife are death itself. Sahih al-Bukhari 5232. Book 67, Hadith 165

                  Keep family out of the picture unless you run into problems.

                  Don't get a mortgage, it's haram and you will suffer for it. Ideally if you're in the West you should make plans to leave. No good will come from living here.

                  You've still got time so I would suggest a long talk about the matters I have raised. What he expects of you and what you expect of him.
                  As strange as it sounds to most , since we all know your not very popular on this forum. But I actually value your advice.




                  You speak on practical terms, although they may be quite biased at times, you speak from life experience and many of the time solid knowledge. I respect that. Oh and welcome back akhi! We haven't seen you around for long!

                  In shaa Allah you stay long.

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                  • #24
                    Married People-Valuable Advice?

                    I'm wondering about your username and the topic you started.
                    Marriage is about give and take
                    You do the giving and he takes LOL

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                    • #25
                      Re: Married People-Valuable Advice?

                      Originally posted by UmmAbdulMalik View Post
                      As strange as it sounds to most , since we all know your not very popular on this forum. But I actually value your advice.




                      You speak on practical terms, although they may be quite biased at times, you speak from life experience and many of the time solid knowledge. I respect that. Oh and welcome back akhi! We haven't seen you around for long!

                      In shaa Allah you stay long.
                      جزاك اللهُ خيراً

                      I have been busy preparing for and getting a teaching qualification. I taught asylum seekers and refuges at University and was in constant contact with girls, Muslim and non Muslim alike. I also taught alongside three Muslim girls only one of them had good character. The one with the worst attitude, especially in her treatment and jealousy towards men, was an elderly hijabee sister.

                      I've began to understand why and how non Muslim women revert for marriage purposes in the UK. I've seen and experienced with my own eyes the warmth non Muslim women give to men. I'm sure I could have got the phone numbers of half a dozen girls had I asked. Muslim women in this country do not value men until they have their degrees and careers which they or their families believe entitles them to a spouse of a certain status. Non Muslim women get treated like crap by their men so are drawn to Muslim men (the good ones) who conversely aren't given the time of day by Muslim women. It's funny how things work.

                      That's why I'm posting (that and killing time before leaving the country) - new experiences. I was praised by my tutors for my perception and ability to think on my feet so while a lot of what I post may seem like utter nonsense it isn't!
                      "We cast the truth against the falsehood, so that it breaks its head, and lo! it vanishes; and woe to you for what you describe." Qur'an 21:18

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                      • #26
                        Re: Married People-Valuable Advice?

                        Originally posted by Nulbreaker View Post
                        Men and women are different in almost every way imaginable. The sooner you understand that men think differently, the sooner he realises the same, and he will, the better for the marriage.

                        Nobody is perfect. Unless he is deficient in his duties to you do not complain. If he puts a roof over your head, food on the table and shows your love and affection do not complain because you do not have a right to complain, complaining is a ticket to hell.



                        If he doesn't get on with your family, tough. Your family is your family and his family is his family. The majority of husbands out there couldn't really care less about your family especially your mothers. I am telling you from experience, even the kuffar know this. Why do you think there are so many mother in law jokes?

                        Don't live with your in-laws either. It's a recipe for disaster and goes against the sunnah.

                        Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Beware of entering upon the ladies." A man from the Ansar said, "Allah's Apostle! What about Al-Hamu the in-laws of the wife (the brothers of her husband or his nephews etc.)?" The Prophet (ﷺ) replied: The in-laws of the wife are death itself. Sahih al-Bukhari 5232. Book 67, Hadith 165

                        Keep family out of the picture unless you run into problems.

                        Don't get a mortgage, it's haram and you will suffer for it. Ideally if you're in the West you should make plans to leave. No good will come from living here.

                        You've still got time so I would suggest a long talk about the matters I have raised. What he expects of you and what you expect of him.
                        :jkk: for the great advice.

                        Originally posted by Twoncounting View Post
                        I'm wondering about your username and the topic you started.
                        Marriage is about give and take
                        You do the giving and he takes LOL
                        ...I'm not quite sure I follow. :scratch:

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Re: Married People-Valuable Advice?

                          Originally posted by InTwoMinds View Post
                          :jkk: for the great advice.
                          I sincerely hope he showers you and your future children with love and affection and gives you an awesome life. It's what we're supposed to do.

                          Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Qur'an 4:34
                          "We cast the truth against the falsehood, so that it breaks its head, and lo! it vanishes; and woe to you for what you describe." Qur'an 21:18

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Re: Married People-Valuable Advice?

                            Originally posted by Nulbreaker View Post
                            I sincerely hope he showers you and your future children with love and affection and gives you an awesome life. It's what we're supposed to do.
                            Some South Asian don't leave their family. We have come across so many and every time we ask about living arrangements they take it as insult. I think it's important to know this beforehand.

                            I certainly don't want the in-law drama, and the only way to avoid it is not to live with them. But unfortunately that's not possible. The funny thing is they (the men) say they need to look after their parents, but they don't. What they mean is they want you (the wife) to look after the whole family instead while they are at work earning a living and don't have a clue about the drama taking place in the house with the in-laws.

                            Hai reh kismath

                            Also, no one as telling you to abandon your parents. I am the one who will be leaving my parents and I'll have to ask you for your permission to see the people that raised me for goodness sake, I also have a responsibility to look after them as their child. So what do you have to say for yourself now? Every child has an obligation to look after their parents, it doesn't matter if you are a boy or a girl, These hindu traditions have to stop one day.

                            I'm not saying send your parents to home care, no muslim child should carry out such disgraceful act. All I'm saying is give me my own space if you want a bit of peace, because no matter what, living with in laws is no easy journey, it's a complicated one.
                            'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                            So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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